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Golfocracy Porkers made the day on 21 May 2022

Not the David Ford
What you might call a Clayton’s…

The Autumn Cup certainly lived up to its name, as fourteen members and one guest shivered in the pre-dawn light in anticipation of a battle royal to determine the winner of the David Ford Trophy. There were still a few hardy types sporting their usual shorts and short sleeves, but some were much more heavily rugged up. So much so that Craig was almost mistaken for Poppa Smurf at one point. Harry was accused of shivering like a cat passing razor-blades, and he was giving a good impression of a half open pocket-knife at one stage. The trade in packets of hand warmers was brisk, although one that Matty had seemed to have passed its use-by date, and it refused to warm up despite numerous efforts to bring it to life. The chef brigade led the field out, and they set a cracking pace, probably in an effort to get back to the bar-be-que to warm up. And warm up they did to produce a veritable feast of snags and burgers that were greatly appreciated by all. A big thanks to SOS who took on the task of sourcing ‘gourmette’ goodies and all of the necessary accompaniments to feed the hungry golfer.

Better than democracy
You won’t get these at the polling booth!

A few cancellations and no-shows required more than a few re-jiggings of the tee sheet, and Porks was promoted from the leaders group to further down the field. Whether this took the pressure off him or not is a bit unclear, but he did manage to play like a man possessed. Hardly a shot went wrong on the front nine, and a little miss of a putt for a square on the 9th prevented him from matching par and finishing four up at the halfway mark. It looked like there could have been a wobble on the 11th when the drive finished left and short of the green. After two chips, the ball was still not on the green. The third chip looked a bit thin, and could have finished on the 12th tee except that it hit the pin, stopped dead and dropped into the hole for the par and a square result. At the end of the round, the stroke count was two over par and the points tally ended up at plus five. The grand total of plus seven was more than enough to take out the trophy and a big points boost to join Craig at the top of the Championship table.

Brent scored a couple of birdies today and, according to reports, one of them was due to a missed eagle putt. The big bird was quite happy about that, as she is very proud of the clutch of eggs that she is accumulating in her nest. There were six other birdies today to give us a total of eight for the day. His effort to produce a square card today, combined with plus three last week, scored him second place in the main event. SOS put in a blistering run on the front nine to take the turn at plus three, but he slowed down just a fraction on the back to finish with the same score. This was the second-best round for the day, and, with last week’s score, gave a square card for a share of third. ChrisJ and Matty, both produced minus one cards today, and finished, overall, on square to join SOS on the podium. Matt was pretty steady all day, but Chris, after blistering the first half with a plus three, faded on the home straight where the plus results proved very elusive.

After starting out quietly confident that he could maintain last week’s form, things started to go wrong for Targe, and he finished the front on minus two. A couple of plus scores early on the back looked like heralding a revival of fortune for the little fellah, but losses on six of the seven remaining holes put paid to that idea. Minus two overall scored him fourth place. Harry had his fair share of troubles today with balls disappearing in tree canopies and penalty areas, but, despite this, he still managed to come home only minus three for the day and in total to fill the fifth spot. CJ, rather unkindly, suggested that there were three sure things, death, taxes and Rob buying a beer. Rob’s drive on the 2nd was reported to have travelled only about 50 to 100mm. Despite that little set-back, he was able to redress the balance somewhat with a plus on each of the next two holes. The other little set-back was the fact that he had scored points correctly on the card that he had marked, but had not cross-checked the points recorded by his marker. As a result, he dropped back to share fifth place with Harry.

The first BallPin was on the 7th, which was a tough call with the tee a fair way back. A couple of people did manage to finish on the green, but the only one who got to put his name on the card was Adam. The regular BallPin on the 18th also had the tee well back and the pin on the bottom deck. Whitey got there early on, but CJ pipped him in the home straight and collected the ball on offer. The Jackpot (not quadruple) ProPin on the 15th looked to be in danger of going begging until Matt came along and put his ball to 4.62m. When handed the cash, Matt’s view was that it paid for his next five or so rounds with the Club.

El Prez was not the only one to present with a draughty today. Dale’s shot on the 6th produced a similar result of 50 to 100mm. Brother Chris, who is sporting a new set of clubs, was trying one out on the 15th and succeeded in popping it into the bushes about halfway to the red markers. Although the new clubs are generally working well, there are a few wrinkles still to be ironed out. The biggest problem today, though, was with the flat stick that just refused to put the ball in the hole. Dale didn’t make much of his tee shot from the 17th, and his second went close to taking out Porks on the 18th tee before skittering under the fence, across the path and down the river bank, probably never to be seen again. Rob also didn’t do too well off the tee on the 17th, and, despite a diligent search, the ball could not be found. That is, until they were coming up the 18th and there was the ball in plain sight.

Horses for courses
Always look on the bright side…

Jake played as a guest today and submitted his third card. As a result, he has a nice new handicap, and, if previous history is any guide, it probably won’t be long before he features on the podium. Gordon had his birthday today after having survived yet another half-marathon down on the Great Ocean Road or somewhere. The Birthday Birdie has a couple of jobs this week to deliver a big shout-out to Targe and Stan who both have reason to celebrate this week. The other significant event that managed to sneak under our guard this week was the occasion of Rob’s 300th game with the Club. And in other news, Whitey was very proudly showing off his first piece of silverware resulting from his venture into the exciting/expensive field of racehorse ownership. If progress so far is any guide, then this could be the one that actually pays off. And, if recollections are correct, the next big outing is the Caulfield Cup, and favourable odds might be had if you are that way inclined.

Results for Saturday, 21 May 2022
1st Ryan Porker(+2, +5, +7) 2nd Brent Rowley(+3, □, +3) 3rd Stephen O’Sullivan(-3, +3, □) 3rd Chris James(+1, -1, □) 3rd Matt Hunt(+1, -1, □) 4th Targe Mifsud(+4, -6, -2) 5th Harry Boughen(□, -3, -3) 5th Robert Priems(+4, -7, -3)

Seniors Results: 1st Targe Mifsud (+4, -6, -2) 2nd Harry Boughen (□, -3, -3) 3rd Chris Priems (-2, -4, -6)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 15th Matt Hunt BallPin No 1 – 7th Adam King BallPin No 2 – 18th Chris Priems