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Builders and Blinders for the Ford Final on 27 June 2020

The terrible twins
Which twin has the silly hat?

It is hard to say that it was a good news week. Nobody dropped a bomb somewhere, contaminating atmosphere and blackening the sky. But, the infection rate around town has picked up and restrictions on gathering size have been rolled back. This means that we will have to watch our step with our gatherings after the game and split into appropriately sized groups and observe social distancing. Not only for our own benefit but for public perception and out of regard for the course management who are ultimately responsible for management of gatherings in the area that they allow us to use.

The weather was fine if a little chilly down on the flats and the persistent showery weather has kept the course a bit on the soggy side and plugging balls continues to be a potential problem in some areas. Pepsi almost had to dig in up to his wrist to retrieve one at the base of the hill on the 9th and it didn’t even belong to anybody in the group. But, the urge to play golf is still very strong and we had a fine gathering of 25 members and Mark Minney along to battle it out and/or fill the field for the final round of the David Ford Autumn Cup. The field was inflated by the return of some of the Priems clan after their anti-climactic family challenge last week-end which ended in a draw. Mark now has his handicap and is eligible for competition. If history is any guide, expect to see Mark on the podium in the near future.

Soggy patches and plugged balls proved to be no problem for Bob the Builder (and he had the beanie to prove who he was – stolen from the grand-kids in all probability) who put in the round of the day with a very nice +3. This was enough to move him up in the rankings by a fair margin but it was not enough to catch the first round leader. Gordon was only a point behind Bob on the day and so took out the David Ford by a blinding five point margin. He went very close to joining that elite group who have won both days and win a major. Perhaps, if he hadn’t chunked his second shot into the pond on the 17th he would have done it. Indicative of his game all day was the fact that his recovery shot after the penalty finished about 10m from the hole and he calmly sank the putt for a square.

The man that everybody thought might have Gordo reaching for the Butter Menthols started the day well with a birdie on the first. This was just one of the eight that we scored for the day but there are those that say that a birdie on the first presages a less than stellar round. One up at the turn was not so bad in the scheme of things but a run of gashes in the middle of the back (no, it wasn’t Gordon with a stiletto) let Porks down and he could only limp in with a -2 result for the day and an overall tally of +1. One of the low lights of Ryan’s round was on the 12th where he made the green with a good chance for another birdie. Nobody is quite sure how, but he managed to putt off the green and finally settled for a bogie and a scratch.

Bob’s beanie must have helped him keep his head down as well as warm and bogies on the holes with two strokes kept to plus signs flowing, particularly on the front nine. With fewer double strokes on the back, this translated into rather more squares and the daily tally of +3 propelled Bob into third place from his first week 7th spot. Whitey, Matty and Harry devised various means to gather themselves together to share in the reflected glory and championship points afforded those on the 4th step of the podium.

MattA squared the card this week with a pretty flash back nine (just 7 over the card) perfectly off-setting a fairly ordinary front nine. Pepsi, on the other hand, played the reverse turning last week’s square into a -4 this week. There was a certain amount of bad luck involved when a short putt on the 9th went into the hole, the ball hit the plastic insert and popped out an agonising couple of centimetres . The expletives do not bear repeating. Pepsi did take home a bit of comfort later in the round when he put his drive on the 17th (taking a Tiger line as Rachel put it) to about a couple of metres and sank the putt for the eagle and a raid on the Eagles Nest for three balls.

The first BallPin today was on the 12th and the only name on the card was Prez. And, the ball was not all that far from the hole. It is a bit unbelievable but Rob managed to rack up a gash with yet another four putt effort. Chrispy reckons that should be disqualification from winning the ball. The Beast was the only one to get his name on the card for the second BallPin on the 18th. The ProPin was back on the 15th and, despite some valiant efforts from the front tee block, nobody was able to get close enough and there will be a Jackpot to next week. While there were no ‘close up’ witnesses, the consensus is that Daniel probably slam-dunked the hole, the ball bounced and finished off the green and a gash resulted. Even without the plastic ring, the chances are…..

There were no draughties that anybody was prepared to report today although Damo did give his playing group a little heart flutter on a couple of occasions with less than characteristic ‘fluff’ shots on the 15th and 17th. After consultation with the Rules of Golf, there does not appear to be any limit specified on the amount of time that you can spend searching. Searching for a lost club, that is. This consideration arose as Noodles poked around in the trees to the left of the 4th tee after a rather vigourous helicopter shot.

Results for Saturday, 27 June 2020
1st Gordon Hill(+4, +2, +6) 2nd Ryan Porker(+3, -2, +1) 3rd Bob McDonald(-4, +3, -1) 4th Rodney White(-3, □, -3) 4th Matt Hunt(□, -3, -3) 4th Harry Boughen(-2, -1, -3) 5th Matthew Aforozis(-4, □, -4) 5th Andrew Petricola(□, -4, -4)

Seniors Results: 1st Gordon Hill (+4,2,6) 2nd Bob McDonald (+3,-4,-1) 3rd Harry Boughen (-1,-2,-3)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin15th Jackpot BallPin No 1 12th Robert Priems BallPin No 2 18th Bill Eastoe

Eagle’s nest Results: Eagle 17th Andrew Petricola

Walks in the park and walkovers on 20 June 2020.

Ranga Gordon
I do love this iso haircut!

There was all sorts of doom and gloom during the week as the forecasts consistently predicted a rain event for today. Some part of the city did get some reasonable falls which caused some concern for some of our far flung members. But, good old Ivanhoe managed to keep itself in some sort of a rain shadow and there was probably only a couple of millimetres recorded on the course. The preferred lies were certainly welcome and the occasional ball did not get much run but most managed to climb out of their plug marks even if not by very much. Despite the absence of the Priems family, who are slugging it out in their annual grudge match this weekend, we managed to pull in twenty five members. Mark Minney joined us again to put in his second card giving a total field of 26. Trevor is back with us after having his cataract surgery and his vision is now so good that he can actually see the ball on the tee and act as a spotter for the rest of his playing group.

Gordon has obviously been taking the social distancing seriously over the last few months and his distinguished greying locks are beginning to look a bit on the wild and wooly side. He opted out of playing on Thursday with the excuse that he was playing nurse-maid but you would have to think that he might have been out getting in some sneaky practice. His recent form hasn’t been what you would call scintillating and he didn’t quite do a ‘Blighty’ but +4 is a fair turn around but not what you would call an unassailable lead in the event.

Because, right on his tail, with a plus three, thanks largely to a lost ball on the 18th, was Ryan, who is just dying to get the bonus points to overtake Noodles in the Championship points table. Porks reckoned he needed an incentive to keep his game going so he challenged Damo to a match over the back nine for ten bucks. Damo handed the money over after the 14th.

The next group have a bit of work to do or need a bit of a ‘butter menthol’ performance from the two leaders. MattH, Pepsi and Si all managed to square their card. Matt was going gang-busters for the first third of the round but then he lost his mojo. Pepsi matched par on the front but couldn’t snare the elusive plus on the back. And Simon was just pleased to be hitting the ball the way he reckons he should be.

Despite having lost out to Porks on the back nine, Damo was quite happy with his result although he was still smarting over his defeat in the Matchplay last week.. Particularly when the giant killer came in with no less than twelve fewer points this week. Blighty did try to blame his new Mizumo clubs for his less than stellar result today. The last on the list of hopefuls today was filled by Harry, Noodles and Craig.

The GOATee marshal was contemplating putting the ProPin on the 12th and Harry said, why not give the 4th a go and so the first BallPin went onto the 12th. Wouldn’t you know it. Harry put his shot on the 12th to 1.5m to knock off Whitey. Unfortunately, that wasn’t good enough even to win the ball as Noodles managed to reach about 1.2m. Noodles didn’t get the birdie but Harry did and helped us to the grand total of 16 for the day. The second BallPin on the 18th went to Whitey, uncontested. There was a need for some consultation about the ProPin on the 4th as there were no distances recorded. But, the consensus was that the ball was about 3m from the hole and certainly within the 5m limit and so the cash went to Peter despite the fact that he took four putts to complete the hole.

We had one match played today and the term ‘match’ is used in its broadest possible sense. Brendon came up against Dave and he could be forgiven for thinking that he must have walked on a chinaman’s grave. If there was a tree anywhere within cooee, it seemed to reach out and stop the ball dead in its tracks. He lost the first to Dave’s double bogey and from then on all he was able to do was to fabricate the occasional square. The match finished on the 11th, 8 and 7. The tension was obviously telling as pretty much immediately, Dave’s game fell apart and, relatively speaking, Brendon’s came good.

Mostyn caused a fair bit of excitement today. On the 11th, he was striding about ‘not’ looking for his ball and managed to toe it about three metres from where it lay. There is no truth in the rumour that Melbourne Victory are planning to sign him as a striker. On the 14th, he carefully described how he was going to hit a high draw to land softly on the green only to pull off a perfectly executed air swing. This he followed with similarly perfect pull shot, shank and pick-up. He wasn’t alone in his efforts at not making it to the red markers. Other culprits included, MattA, Targe and Ken.

Peter was walking back to his buggy on the 10th tee when it suddenly took off down the hill. It made it part of the way before capsizing and spilling its contents, including about a dozen golf balls far and wide. And he reckons he had the brake on! Porks, as well as bewailing his luck at losing a ball on the 18th, also couldn’t believe his eyes when a putt, heading straight for the hole, hit a pitch mark or something, took to the air and jumped right across the hole. Brendon’s chip on the 10th took one bounce and almost disappeared into the hole. Alas, it was just a bit too fast and didn’t stay in. Gordon apparently asked Noodles if he should change his grip. Then he asked him about his golf. Maybe that is why he managed to miss a 200mm putt. And maybe that is why Noodles was noted giving a bit of equipment abuse on or about the 10th hole.

Final round of the David Ford Autumn Cup next week. Although the groups will go out pretty much in reverse Leaderboard order, you should still register online so that we know numbers. We will not be having the barbeque afterwards but there are plans to try to arrange some sort of catering and we need to know numbers for that was well as for keeping the reserved tee times.

Results for Saturday, 20 June 2020
Leaderboard Round 1: 1st Gordon Hill(+4) 2nd Ryan Porker(+3) 3rd Matt Hunt(□) 3rd Andrew Petricola(□) 3rd Simon Powell(□) 4th Damien Lee(-1) 5th Harry Boughen(-2) 5th Stephen Butterfield(-2) 5th Craig Cameron(-2)

Seniors Leaderboard: 1st Gordon Hill (+4) 2nd Simon Powell (□) 3rd Craig Cameron (-2) 3rd Harry Boughen (-2)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin4th Peter Damou BallPin No 1 12th Stephen Butterfield BallPin No 2 18th Rodney White

Will there be honour among thieves on 13 June 2020

Honestly, I’ve barely parred a hole all year!

The extended cold snap seems to be behind us for the time being and the promised rain event looks like being held up at the SA border until the border re-opens in July. That has given the course a chance to get less wet and most of the slop is slop no more. There was even a hint of some run if you managed to keep the launch angle down to reasonable levels. When the sun got up to some sort of degree and you could see past the end of the tee-box the first of our twenty three members and one guest set out to do battle with the first Par event since the return to play. Just a warm-up for the next two weeks of the David Ford Autumn Cup.

Blighty has been known to do a bit of yoga before a round but the ground was a bit damp and he had already done a session at home so his pre-game warm up today consisted of a cup of coffee and some vigourous back slapping (his own, of course). Whether it was the coffee or the back-slapping, something seems to have worked wonders as the pars and the points kept rolling in. Now, any claims that holes had not been parred all year have to be taken with a grain of salt because very little improvement showed up in the Eclectic calculation. This might just have been a ploy to put Damo off as they were deeply involved in their third round match. Damo did have to give away fifteen strokes and the only time he held an advantage was after the first. A three point deficit after thirteen saw him calling for the handicapping system to be reviewed but all attempts at a come-back failed and the match finished at the 16th, 4 and 2. It is tough when your opponent cards a +6 in the main event.

Simon says that he is having trouble keeping his hands occupied as he persists with his efforts at giving up the coffin nails while trying not to gum up the works with too much chewie. The chewie obviously worked and his hands were kept suitably occupied as he plied his way to a very respectable tally of +4. Ryan was accused of telling porkies when asked how he was going during the round. Ryan’s defence was that he said he was just warming up. And he warmed up enough to match Si on plus 4.

Damien also had a pretty respectable day despite having drawn the short straw in the matchplay. An even par total on the back nine brought him home with a total of 73 off the beater and a point score of +2. Craig started off the round looking as if he was going to be right up there with Blighty with a run of six consecutive pars and a front nine total just three over the par. On the back nine, the bogies flowed as freely as the pars on the front and the final tally was +1 for the day. Gordon also faltered on the back with a run of four scratches bringing him back to the pace and a tie with Craig.

Matt played a well balanced round with his one up on the front countered by the one down on the back. Enzo, on the other hand kept his pluses and minuses perfectly in balance on both nines and the card overall. Chrispy, on the other hand looked to be having a dog of it on the front but a bevy of five pluses on the back also brought him home with a square card for his share of fifth place.

In some ways, it was just not Chrispy’s day. He got his name on the chit for the BallPin on the 12th only to be knocked off by Simon for the ball. Simon was pleased to report that he did get the birdie which was just one of the (more respectable) 16 that we scored as a group for the day. Chrispy also got his name on the chit for the triple Jackpot ProPin on the 15th with a shot that was reported to have landed near the hole but spun right to finish 4.38m away. It couldn’t have spun left from Chris’s club! Matt’s ball also landed near the pin and kept on to finish 4.08m past the hole. So, the big bag of loot was passed on to Matt. But, was it possible that Matt and Daniel had agreed with Peter and Stan to split the pool and were heard plotting a two way split and a visit to a strip joint. If so, there definitely is no honour among thieves. The BallPin on the 18th was also taken today and Gordo was the one casting nervous glances back at the green as the field came home.

S: That game wasn’t half bad. D: Nope, it was all bad!

Peter had to leave early and it might be that it was to avoid having to buy a round for his half metre drive on the second tee. Dennis tried for a hole in one on the 18th, the only problem being that he was teeing off from the 17th tee. Pepsi was a bit miffed when his putt on the 4th hit the ‘keeper’ ring in the hole and popped out again. The first case that has been reported. Enzo had to restrain himself today to keep from hugging people. Brendon likened his playing companions (Simon and Dennis) to a couple of grumpy old muppets. The Captain’s Choice for the pink ball challenge today was Keith. A big welcome to Pepsi’s guest, Michael Alderman. Michael is planning to join us and he put in his first card towards his handicap today.

Results for Saturday, 13 June 2020
1st Andrew Blight(+6) 2nd Ryan Porker(+4) 2nd Simon Powell(+4) 3rd Damien Lee(+2) 4th Craig Cameron(+1) 4th Gordon Hill(+1) 5th Matthew Aforozis(□) 5th Enzo Cirone(□) 5th Chris Priems(□)

Seniors Results: 1st Andrew Blight (+6) 2nd Simon Powell (+4) 3rd Craig Cameron (+1) 3rd Gordon Hill (+1)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin15th Matthew Aforozis BallPin No 1 12th Simon Powell BallPin No 2 18th Gordon Hill

Nobody ran out of Puff on 06 June 2020.

Simon on the square
This Puff is dragon no more…..(hopefully)

In the week leading up to the weekend set aside to celebrate Liz Windsor’s non-birthday, it looked as if the membership was taking the celebration to heart and staying away in droves. But, after a rousting up by the GOAT marshal, there was a late rush of registrations and we ended up with 21 members and a guest of Whitey, Mark Minney. Mark seems not to have been too put off by the company he found himself in and plans to join us in competition just as soon as he gets two more cards in for his handicap. The score he carded was not too shabby so he might be well placed to add some competition to the Club. A big welcome to Mark and hopefully, not too far down the track, we will be able to do more than bump elbows in greeting.

The weather has stayed fine, if a bit on the cool side and only the soggiest parts of the course are still soggy. Soggy enough for the ball to plug quite deeply and virtually disappear from sight as a number of people found out in the course of the round. Simon has been back for a while from his ill-fated excursion to the west and has been staying away from crowds as a precautionary measure. For some reason, on Thursday, he suddenly changed his mind and nominated to play today. Perhaps the surgery to remove the rather nasty looking lump from his cheek also re-aligned his vision because he was right on song today and brought home the bacon (and the Monthly Medal) with a net score of 67.

It’s not difficult to tell when Peter thinks he is in with a chance of a NTP on the 18th as he hangs around on the bank behind, casting nervous glances in the direction of the green as every new group comes through. There does not seem to be a similar idiosyncrasy that indicates that he has a chance in the main comp. That was certainly the case today and a few strokes left out there could have made all the difference to his net of 68. MattH managed to come in third with a 69 despite having taken a 7 on the seventh. That is bad enough but, apparently, his drive was only about 5m off the green. Does that look like five putts or did he put his second out of bounds?

Enzo was in a chirpy ‘Italian’ mood and seemed to be intent on being a one man cheer-squad for Harry at various stages of the round when their paths crossed. He also got carried away and hugged Moz after the round instead of an elbow bump. Maybe it was because Mostyn had come in with the same net score. Ryan was in a different group and so missed out on a hug, despite joining them on the fourth place podium. Last, but by no means least, was the trusty President, Rob who snared himself fifth spot, probably because of his tee shot on the 8th nearly taking Harry’s head off and finishing in the garden bed behind the protective fence.

Brendon duffed it!
The loneliness of the short distance golfer!

And it was a pretty draughtie day despite there being no wind. Rob was not the only one to have problems on the tee at the 8th. Brendon’s tee shot was uncharacteristically short and he was faced with the prospect of buying a round for the rest of his playing group. He made a reasonable fist of the hole, despite the setback, and scored a bogie. Fortunately for Brendon, both Bob and Ken had had draughties on the 3rd and it was agreed that things cancelled out all round and, so, Brendon did not have to extract one of his origami banknotes to shout for the boys. Except that they are not taking banknotes at the moment but you wouldn’t want to spoil a good story. There was some contention among the protagonists but it is reported that Targe managed to have at least two and possibly three of the frothy buying shots today. To finish off the sad tally, Whitey stepped up to the mark on the 15th to join the parade.

The first BallPin was on the 12th and Harry cracked one that looked as if it was in with a chance. Unfortunately the marker was on the green just a little bit closer to the hole and H wished that whoever it was had missed the birdie. The whoever was Brendon and Harry got his wish as he had missed the birdie. Harry did as well so neither contributed on that hole to the rather paltry total of 5 for the day. The second BallPin on the 18th, and as presaged earlier, went to Peter with the pin on the, generally agreed, difficult top deck. Despite everybody’s best efforts and intentions, nobody was able to get close enough (from the tee as far back as it could possibly be) to take out the money and so there will be a triple jackpot next week and the pool could be pushing towards the $100 mark depending on numbers. A good reason to get in and register early (but not often).

Dennis was heard to say that he had had the best nine that he has had for a long time. So, why, you may ask, did he not appear on the podium list. It turns out, that ‘best nine’ was on the first hole. Dennis only flirted with double figures, there were a number who actually had to enter the dreaded double digits onto the card. Which brings us to the , newly instituted, Captain’s Balls Up Award. Club Captain, MattH, is going to award a pink ball, that must be used on the first hole of the next round played, to the player presenting the NARGA card for the day. And, talk about rooster to feather duster, the inaugural award went to the other Matt and Stuart Clarke memorial winner, MattA. Chin up Matt, only eighteen more rounds to the next ‘great’ one and twenty to the next ‘shocker’. Hopefully! Or not, as the case may be.

Results for Saturday, 06 June 2020
1st Simon Powell(67) 2nd Peter Damou(68) 3rd Matt Hunt(69) 4th Enzo Cirone(70) 4th Mostyn Gregg(70) 4th Ryan Porker(70) 5th Robert Priems(71)

Seniors Results: 1st Simon Powell (67) 2nd Enzo Cirone (70) 3rd Bob McDonald (74) 3rd Craig Cameron (74)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin15th Jackpot BallPin No 1 12th Brendon Mitchell BallPin No 2 18th Peter Damou