Club News

When the rain tumbles down in July – Monthly Medal.

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Peter putter!
Who said a new putter wouldn’t help!

There are weather forecasts and there is reality. And, just sometimes, the two coincide. Fortunately, the predicted 10mm of rain came and went well before tee time but the evidence was very clear on the course. The ground staff had very carefully placed the pin on the first in the most water-logged part of the green. With the hole full to the brim with water, at least you had a nice clean ball to play with from the second tee. The rain has obviously done wonders for the vigour of the plantings around the course as Bob was amazed at how the shrubbery just ‘popped’ up in front of him on the second tee. Or maybe he just didn’t get much elevation on his tee shot. No suggestion that it was a draughtie though so it can’t have been too bad.

Attendance today was a bit of a mixed bag. There were more ins and outs than wedding tackle on a honeymoon. In the end, we managed to get twenty-three members out into the swamp-lands but only twenty-two managed to finish. Nobody drowned. It was just that Enzo took a bit of a slip on the hill down from the 10th and wrenched his knee and elected to call it a day. Better not be too serious as everybody is looking forward to taste testing the salami. Seriously though, get better old matey and we’ll see you back soon.

So what if the course is a bit boggy and you rack up an eight on the second hole. Splash on regardless and line up those putts and, as they say in the classics, the scores will come. Now, it must be said, that, in the process of making that double par, Peter was making good use of the 6th fairway and one shot was made so close to a tree that he managed to take the head off his favourite fairway wood. So, the fact that he was a bit behind the ‘eight’ ball and one club down makes it all the more remarkable that he was able to come home with a total of 85 for a net result of 67. Maybe the new putter really did work wonders.

Noodles left a putt agonisingly short of the hole on the 18th green and he reckoned that that could have cost him the Medal. Unfortunately, he would have needed more than that as Pete would have matched him off the stick and beaten him easily in a countback. He’d have needed a one putt green rather than a three. Daniel was also a bit hard done by on the 18th when several ‘fluffed’ shots brought him back to the pace and a share of second only. Dennis didn’t have an ‘if only’ moment, just a series of ‘not quite’ pars.

Adam left his double par until later in the round on the 13th. A more respectable result there and he could easily have challenged for the top spot. Pepsi reckoned he couldn’t buy a putt today so maybe the Birthday Birdie can cheer him up with a best wishes for tomorrow. There were a fair swag of members gathered together for the fourth place just one stroke behind. Craig struggled a bit with the second, as did a lot of others. Gordo was considerably lighter on his feet today after submitting his curling (and greying) locks to the attentions a barber. Damo was spotted taking professional advice in the carpark before tee time. It is not clear whether the advice helped either the score or the pain in his knee.

Last points for the day went to another gaggle of players. Porks managed to hit a shot into a tree on the 10th and, apparently, it didn’t come down and cost him some strokes. JQ kept very schtum about his game and the card does not have too many tales to tell either. Brent was all fired up to be beaten easily in his match against the Beast. But, as it turned out, he played well enough to feature in the final group. As for the match, after eighteen holes it was all square. And so the protagonists repaired to the practice green for the chip-off to determine the winner. Reports have it that both players seemed determined to put the ball nowhere near the hole and in the end it took four rounds of fierce competition to determine that Bill was the victor.

The first BallPin was on the 12th today and there was a fairly fierce competition. However the shot of the day went to Daniel who finished only a few centimetres past the hole. He rattled the putt in for his birdie and added to the tally of ten that were carded for the day. This is more than can be said for one group who all scored pars on the 11th and then all three-putted for bogies on the 12th. The second BallPin was on the 18th. Only one person got their name on the sheet after the Beast, in the first group, put it to a metre or so on the top tier. Bill also took the ball on the 18th last week and this week was even closer to the hole. If he keeps improving at this rate, we can look forward to a hole-in-one some time soon. The ProPin on the 15th went begging again and will be a double jackpot next week. Peter was hopeful but the consensus estimate was that it was at least 5.2m. There was no official report on the actual distance.

Chrispy didn’t have much of a day and this was typified by him hitting a ball from the 15th tee that would have counted for seven. Damo was really looking forward to Chris putting for a snowman but Chris did find his second ball and managed to get down for a seven. Porks and Damo were at it on match terms on the back nine again. Not sure how it ended overall but on the 13th, Ryan nearly went OOB, shanked it down the track and then chipped it in for birdie. Not at all fazed, Damo putted it from off the green and matched the birdie result to halve the hole. And, speaking about the real matchplay, Bill’s hopes were up on the 14th when Brent’s drive headed for the carpark. Imagine his dismay when Brent matched his five to square the hole. Daniel managed a shin shot on the 8th tee. As he walked onto the tee he idly swung his club around, somehow fumbled it and gave himself a good whack on the shins. And, boy, did it hurt!

Results for Saturday, 04 July 2020
1st Peter Damou(67) 2nd Stephen Butterfield(68) 2nd Daniel O’Rourke(68) 2nd Dennis Ward(68) 3rd Adam King(70) 3rd Andrew Petricola(70) 4th Craig Cameron(71) 4th Gordon Hill(71) 4th Damien Lee(71) 5th Ryan Porker(72) 5th John Quinlan(72) 5th Brent Rowley(72)

Seniors Results: 1st Dennis Ward (68) 2nd Craig Cameron (71) 2nd Gordon Hill (71) 3rd Bill Eastoe (74) 3rd Bob McDonald (74)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin15th Jackpot BallPin No 1 12th Daniel O’Rourke BallPin No 2 18th Bill Eastoe


Builders and Blinders for the Ford Final on 27 June 2020

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The terrible twins
Which twin has the silly hat?

It is hard to say that it was a good news week. Nobody dropped a bomb somewhere, contaminating atmosphere and blackening the sky. But, the infection rate around town has picked up and restrictions on gathering size have been rolled back. This means that we will have to watch our step with our gatherings after the game and split into appropriately sized groups and observe social distancing. Not only for our own benefit but for public perception and out of regard for the course management who are ultimately responsible for management of gatherings in the area that they allow us to use.

The weather was fine if a little chilly down on the flats and the persistent showery weather has kept the course a bit on the soggy side and plugging balls continues to be a potential problem in some areas. Pepsi almost had to dig in up to his wrist to retrieve one at the base of the hill on the 9th and it didn’t even belong to anybody in the group. But, the urge to play golf is still very strong and we had a fine gathering of 25 members and Mark Minney along to battle it out and/or fill the field for the final round of the David Ford Autumn Cup. The field was inflated by the return of some of the Priems clan after their anti-climactic family challenge last week-end which ended in a draw. Mark now has his handicap and is eligible for competition. If history is any guide, expect to see Mark on the podium in the near future.

Soggy patches and plugged balls proved to be no problem for Bob the Builder (and he had the beanie to prove who he was – stolen from the grand-kids in all probability) who put in the round of the day with a very nice +3. This was enough to move him up in the rankings by a fair margin but it was not enough to catch the first round leader. Gordon was only a point behind Bob on the day and so took out the David Ford by a blinding five point margin. He went very close to joining that elite group who have won both days and win a major. Perhaps, if he hadn’t chunked his second shot into the pond on the 17th he would have done it. Indicative of his game all day was the fact that his recovery shot after the penalty finished about 10m from the hole and he calmly sank the putt for a square.

The man that everybody thought might have Gordo reaching for the Butter Menthols started the day well with a birdie on the first. This was just one of the eight that we scored for the day but there are those that say that a birdie on the first presages a less than stellar round. One up at the turn was not so bad in the scheme of things but a run of gashes in the middle of the back (no, it wasn’t Gordon with a stiletto) let Porks down and he could only limp in with a -2 result for the day and an overall tally of +1. One of the low lights of Ryan’s round was on the 12th where he made the green with a good chance for another birdie. Nobody is quite sure how, but he managed to putt off the green and finally settled for a bogie and a scratch.

Bob’s beanie must have helped him keep his head down as well as warm and bogies on the holes with two strokes kept to plus signs flowing, particularly on the front nine. With fewer double strokes on the back, this translated into rather more squares and the daily tally of +3 propelled Bob into third place from his first week 7th spot. Whitey, Matty and Harry devised various means to gather themselves together to share in the reflected glory and championship points afforded those on the 4th step of the podium.

MattA squared the card this week with a pretty flash back nine (just 7 over the card) perfectly off-setting a fairly ordinary front nine. Pepsi, on the other hand, played the reverse turning last week’s square into a -4 this week. There was a certain amount of bad luck involved when a short putt on the 9th went into the hole, the ball hit the plastic insert and popped out an agonising couple of centimetres . The expletives do not bear repeating. Pepsi did take home a bit of comfort later in the round when he put his drive on the 17th (taking a Tiger line as Rachel put it) to about a couple of metres and sank the putt for the eagle and a raid on the Eagles Nest for three balls.

The first BallPin today was on the 12th and the only name on the card was Prez. And, the ball was not all that far from the hole. It is a bit unbelievable but Rob managed to rack up a gash with yet another four putt effort. Chrispy reckons that should be disqualification from winning the ball. The Beast was the only one to get his name on the card for the second BallPin on the 18th. The ProPin was back on the 15th and, despite some valiant efforts from the front tee block, nobody was able to get close enough and there will be a Jackpot to next week. While there were no ‘close up’ witnesses, the consensus is that Daniel probably slam-dunked the hole, the ball bounced and finished off the green and a gash resulted. Even without the plastic ring, the chances are…..

There were no draughties that anybody was prepared to report today although Damo did give his playing group a little heart flutter on a couple of occasions with less than characteristic ‘fluff’ shots on the 15th and 17th. After consultation with the Rules of Golf, there does not appear to be any limit specified on the amount of time that you can spend searching. Searching for a lost club, that is. This consideration arose as Noodles poked around in the trees to the left of the 4th tee after a rather vigourous helicopter shot.

Results for Saturday, 27 June 2020
1st Gordon Hill(+4, +2, +6) 2nd Ryan Porker(+3, -2, +1) 3rd Bob McDonald(-4, +3, -1) 4th Rodney White(-3, □, -3) 4th Matt Hunt(□, -3, -3) 4th Harry Boughen(-2, -1, -3) 5th Matthew Aforozis(-4, □, -4) 5th Andrew Petricola(□, -4, -4)

Seniors Results: 1st Gordon Hill (+4,2,6) 2nd Bob McDonald (+3,-4,-1) 3rd Harry Boughen (-1,-2,-3)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin15th Jackpot BallPin No 1 12th Robert Priems BallPin No 2 18th Bill Eastoe

Eagle’s nest Results: Eagle 17th Andrew Petricola

Walks in the park and walkovers on 20 June 2020.

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Ranga Gordon
I do love this iso haircut!

There was all sorts of doom and gloom during the week as the forecasts consistently predicted a rain event for today. Some part of the city did get some reasonable falls which caused some concern for some of our far flung members. But, good old Ivanhoe managed to keep itself in some sort of a rain shadow and there was probably only a couple of millimetres recorded on the course. The preferred lies were certainly welcome and the occasional ball did not get much run but most managed to climb out of their plug marks even if not by very much. Despite the absence of the Priems family, who are slugging it out in their annual grudge match this weekend, we managed to pull in twenty five members. Mark Minney joined us again to put in his second card giving a total field of 26. Trevor is back with us after having his cataract surgery and his vision is now so good that he can actually see the ball on the tee and act as a spotter for the rest of his playing group.

Gordon has obviously been taking the social distancing seriously over the last few months and his distinguished greying locks are beginning to look a bit on the wild and wooly side. He opted out of playing on Thursday with the excuse that he was playing nurse-maid but you would have to think that he might have been out getting in some sneaky practice. His recent form hasn’t been what you would call scintillating and he didn’t quite do a ‘Blighty’ but +4 is a fair turn around but not what you would call an unassailable lead in the event.

Because, right on his tail, with a plus three, thanks largely to a lost ball on the 18th, was Ryan, who is just dying to get the bonus points to overtake Noodles in the Championship points table. Porks reckoned he needed an incentive to keep his game going so he challenged Damo to a match over the back nine for ten bucks. Damo handed the money over after the 14th.

The next group have a bit of work to do or need a bit of a ‘butter menthol’ performance from the two leaders. MattH, Pepsi and Si all managed to square their card. Matt was going gang-busters for the first third of the round but then he lost his mojo. Pepsi matched par on the front but couldn’t snare the elusive plus on the back. And Simon was just pleased to be hitting the ball the way he reckons he should be.

Despite having lost out to Porks on the back nine, Damo was quite happy with his result although he was still smarting over his defeat in the Matchplay last week.. Particularly when the giant killer came in with no less than twelve fewer points this week. Blighty did try to blame his new Mizumo clubs for his less than stellar result today. The last on the list of hopefuls today was filled by Harry, Noodles and Craig.

The GOATee marshal was contemplating putting the ProPin on the 12th and Harry said, why not give the 4th a go and so the first BallPin went onto the 12th. Wouldn’t you know it. Harry put his shot on the 12th to 1.5m to knock off Whitey. Unfortunately, that wasn’t good enough even to win the ball as Noodles managed to reach about 1.2m. Noodles didn’t get the birdie but Harry did and helped us to the grand total of 16 for the day. The second BallPin on the 18th went to Whitey, uncontested. There was a need for some consultation about the ProPin on the 4th as there were no distances recorded. But, the consensus was that the ball was about 3m from the hole and certainly within the 5m limit and so the cash went to Peter despite the fact that he took four putts to complete the hole.

We had one match played today and the term ‘match’ is used in its broadest possible sense. Brendon came up against Dave and he could be forgiven for thinking that he must have walked on a chinaman’s grave. If there was a tree anywhere within cooee, it seemed to reach out and stop the ball dead in its tracks. He lost the first to Dave’s double bogey and from then on all he was able to do was to fabricate the occasional square. The match finished on the 11th, 8 and 7. The tension was obviously telling as pretty much immediately, Dave’s game fell apart and, relatively speaking, Brendon’s came good.

Mostyn caused a fair bit of excitement today. On the 11th, he was striding about ‘not’ looking for his ball and managed to toe it about three metres from where it lay. There is no truth in the rumour that Melbourne Victory are planning to sign him as a striker. On the 14th, he carefully described how he was going to hit a high draw to land softly on the green only to pull off a perfectly executed air swing. This he followed with similarly perfect pull shot, shank and pick-up. He wasn’t alone in his efforts at not making it to the red markers. Other culprits included, MattA, Targe and Ken.

Peter was walking back to his buggy on the 10th tee when it suddenly took off down the hill. It made it part of the way before capsizing and spilling its contents, including about a dozen golf balls far and wide. And he reckons he had the brake on! Porks, as well as bewailing his luck at losing a ball on the 18th, also couldn’t believe his eyes when a putt, heading straight for the hole, hit a pitch mark or something, took to the air and jumped right across the hole. Brendon’s chip on the 10th took one bounce and almost disappeared into the hole. Alas, it was just a bit too fast and didn’t stay in. Gordon apparently asked Noodles if he should change his grip. Then he asked him about his golf. Maybe that is why he managed to miss a 200mm putt. And maybe that is why Noodles was noted giving a bit of equipment abuse on or about the 10th hole.

Final round of the David Ford Autumn Cup next week. Although the groups will go out pretty much in reverse Leaderboard order, you should still register online so that we know numbers. We will not be having the barbeque afterwards but there are plans to try to arrange some sort of catering and we need to know numbers for that was well as for keeping the reserved tee times.

Results for Saturday, 20 June 2020
Leaderboard Round 1: 1st Gordon Hill(+4) 2nd Ryan Porker(+3) 3rd Matt Hunt(□) 3rd Andrew Petricola(□) 3rd Simon Powell(□) 4th Damien Lee(-1) 5th Harry Boughen(-2) 5th Stephen Butterfield(-2) 5th Craig Cameron(-2)

Seniors Leaderboard: 1st Gordon Hill (+4) 2nd Simon Powell (□) 3rd Craig Cameron (-2) 3rd Harry Boughen (-2)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin4th Peter Damou BallPin No 1 12th Stephen Butterfield BallPin No 2 18th Rodney White

Will there be honour among thieves on 13 June 2020

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Honestly, I’ve barely parred a hole all year!

The extended cold snap seems to be behind us for the time being and the promised rain event looks like being held up at the SA border until the border re-opens in July. That has given the course a chance to get less wet and most of the slop is slop no more. There was even a hint of some run if you managed to keep the launch angle down to reasonable levels. When the sun got up to some sort of degree and you could see past the end of the tee-box the first of our twenty three members and one guest set out to do battle with the first Par event since the return to play. Just a warm-up for the next two weeks of the David Ford Autumn Cup.

Blighty has been known to do a bit of yoga before a round but the ground was a bit damp and he had already done a session at home so his pre-game warm up today consisted of a cup of coffee and some vigourous back slapping (his own, of course). Whether it was the coffee or the back-slapping, something seems to have worked wonders as the pars and the points kept rolling in. Now, any claims that holes had not been parred all year have to be taken with a grain of salt because very little improvement showed up in the Eclectic calculation. This might just have been a ploy to put Damo off as they were deeply involved in their third round match. Damo did have to give away fifteen strokes and the only time he held an advantage was after the first. A three point deficit after thirteen saw him calling for the handicapping system to be reviewed but all attempts at a come-back failed and the match finished at the 16th, 4 and 2. It is tough when your opponent cards a +6 in the main event.

Simon says that he is having trouble keeping his hands occupied as he persists with his efforts at giving up the coffin nails while trying not to gum up the works with too much chewie. The chewie obviously worked and his hands were kept suitably occupied as he plied his way to a very respectable tally of +4. Ryan was accused of telling porkies when asked how he was going during the round. Ryan’s defence was that he said he was just warming up. And he warmed up enough to match Si on plus 4.

Damien also had a pretty respectable day despite having drawn the short straw in the matchplay. An even par total on the back nine brought him home with a total of 73 off the beater and a point score of +2. Craig started off the round looking as if he was going to be right up there with Blighty with a run of six consecutive pars and a front nine total just three over the par. On the back nine, the bogies flowed as freely as the pars on the front and the final tally was +1 for the day. Gordon also faltered on the back with a run of four scratches bringing him back to the pace and a tie with Craig.

Matt played a well balanced round with his one up on the front countered by the one down on the back. Enzo, on the other hand kept his pluses and minuses perfectly in balance on both nines and the card overall. Chrispy, on the other hand looked to be having a dog of it on the front but a bevy of five pluses on the back also brought him home with a square card for his share of fifth place.

In some ways, it was just not Chrispy’s day. He got his name on the chit for the BallPin on the 12th only to be knocked off by Simon for the ball. Simon was pleased to report that he did get the birdie which was just one of the (more respectable) 16 that we scored as a group for the day. Chrispy also got his name on the chit for the triple Jackpot ProPin on the 15th with a shot that was reported to have landed near the hole but spun right to finish 4.38m away. It couldn’t have spun left from Chris’s club! Matt’s ball also landed near the pin and kept on to finish 4.08m past the hole. So, the big bag of loot was passed on to Matt. But, was it possible that Matt and Daniel had agreed with Peter and Stan to split the pool and were heard plotting a two way split and a visit to a strip joint. If so, there definitely is no honour among thieves. The BallPin on the 18th was also taken today and Gordo was the one casting nervous glances back at the green as the field came home.

S: That game wasn’t half bad. D: Nope, it was all bad!

Peter had to leave early and it might be that it was to avoid having to buy a round for his half metre drive on the second tee. Dennis tried for a hole in one on the 18th, the only problem being that he was teeing off from the 17th tee. Pepsi was a bit miffed when his putt on the 4th hit the ‘keeper’ ring in the hole and popped out again. The first case that has been reported. Enzo had to restrain himself today to keep from hugging people. Brendon likened his playing companions (Simon and Dennis) to a couple of grumpy old muppets. The Captain’s Choice for the pink ball challenge today was Keith. A big welcome to Pepsi’s guest, Michael Alderman. Michael is planning to join us and he put in his first card towards his handicap today.

Results for Saturday, 13 June 2020
1st Andrew Blight(+6) 2nd Ryan Porker(+4) 2nd Simon Powell(+4) 3rd Damien Lee(+2) 4th Craig Cameron(+1) 4th Gordon Hill(+1) 5th Matthew Aforozis(□) 5th Enzo Cirone(□) 5th Chris Priems(□)

Seniors Results: 1st Andrew Blight (+6) 2nd Simon Powell (+4) 3rd Craig Cameron (+1) 3rd Gordon Hill (+1)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin15th Matthew Aforozis BallPin No 1 12th Simon Powell BallPin No 2 18th Gordon Hill