It was a pulled Pork slider sort of day on 15 June 2019

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Who needs the greens to be swept?

Where the bloody hell were you? Yes, there had been a bit of rain. Yes, it was a bit on the cool side. Yes, it was a Par event. But, was that any reason for only 14 players to turn up to front the tee marshalls and try their hand at taming the beast that is Ivanhoe Public Golf Course in winter. The rain has significantly softened most of the course and in some places more than others. The course management have seen fit to declare that preferred lies are the order of the day and, although the greens were not swept clean, they were soft enough to attack, provided that you had a bit of elevation going for you. So, all in all, no reason not to score well.

Despite most things being in favour of making a good score, it was left to one person to, literally, take the course apart. And, while he was at it, he did a good job of it, carding a 71 off the stick for a personal best on the course. The round included two birdies, which was a major proportion of those scored on the day with only one other for a fairly ordinary total of three of the little feathery buggers. While in the process of putting together his tally of +8, Porks also managed an absolute demolition of JQ in the semi-final of the matchplay. John, didn’t play all that badly, but in the face of the all-conquering Ryan, he stood little chance before succumbing 8 and 7 in a no strokes (or quarter) given match. Ironically, after it was all over, JQ actually won a couple of holes.

Whitey was pretty happy with his front nine which he finished one up. The next nine started well enough but he had heard that Porks was doing well and perhaps this preyed on his mind and a mini slump in results ensued. Undeterred, the scoring rate picked up again and, by the end of the round the card was all square which was enough to score second place for the day. At one stage, to play a ‘safe’ shot, Whitey pulled out his trusty putter and managed to get the ball high enough to flirt with the tree canopy and to carry about 100m. Can’t get much ‘safer’ than that.

Dennis, of recent hole-in-one fame, reckons he almost did it again today. The green in question was the 16th. Now, before you get all excited, the tee shot was from the 14th. Still, that didn’t stop Dennis from coming home just the one point below the square line to gather the points for third place. Targe thought he should have been up there with Dennis. However, Targe didn’t manage to print off the Handicap Sheet this week and so he didn’t notice that his handicap was actually 25 and not 26. As a result, Targe had to share 4th place with Gordon, who is back from hob-nobbing with the Pros over in the US of A. Lastly, but not leastly, Noodles rounded out the rather small tally of point scorers in fifth place.

The Nearest the Pin competition today started on the 7th for the first of the BallPin events. It was quite a day to select this particular hole (SOS) because the tee markers were about as far back as they could be without being in the penalty area behind. Anyhow, Chrispy managed to keep one straight enough (or got a good enough ricochet off a tree) to get it onto the green, unchallenged, for a ball. The ProPin was on the 12th and it was up to Noodles to collect that one with a shot to 4.02m. There was a bit more of a contest for the ball on the 18th and, proving that the hole is a bit of a favourite of his, Dennis managed to squeeze one close enough to collect the ball, if not another HIO.

Brendon had a few moments today and was keen to know which holes were the BallPin so that he could win back some of the balls that he lost. After the drive drifted OOB on the 14th, Bren spent an inordinate amount of time searching and managed to turn up a ball that was deemed to be a bocce kitty and not a golf ball. His drive on the 9th found the autumn leaf piles under the tree on the left and, despite removal of loose impediments and preferred lie, the leaves still impacted the second shot which hit the nearby mesh drain guard and the ball finished barely advanced from whence it started.

While on the subject of preferred lie, Targe reckons he is at a disadvantage because of his smaller hands. Perhaps he should be mindful of what else they reckon you can tell about a bloke from the size of his hands! Chrispy has been known to go looking for good trees to help his game. Well, after today he is apparently going to be looking for good roots as well. Simon was not too pleased with his result today but, gentleman that he is, he always returns the crockery to the kitchen after he has supped his cup of tea. However, today, he didn’t quite make it to the kitchen when his good intentions ended in disaster and there was a serious crockery smash on the club-house floor. The ladies in the kitchen will surely forgive you, Si!

Results for Saturday, 15 June 2019
1st Ryan Porker(+8) 2nd Rodney White(□) 3rd Dennis Ward(-1) 4th Gordon Hill(-2) 4th Targe Mifsud(-2) 5th Stephen Butterfield(-3)

Seniors Results: 1st Dennis Ward (-1) 2nd Gordon Hill (-2) 2nd Targe Mifsud (-2) 3rd Harry Boughen (-4)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin12th Stephen Butterfield BallPin No 1 7th Chris Priems BallPin No 2 18th Dennis Ward