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Results for 21 December 2013 – Stuart Clarke Champion of Champions

happy eddie
Wot? No penalty?

What a turn-out.  Could it have been the Champion of Champions event?  Could it have been the Trophy presentations?  Could it have been the AGM?  Or, last but not least, could it have been the prospect of a free Christmas lunch?  No, actually it was the prospect of a great day’s golf with a whole bunch of great mates on one of the nicest little courses for miles around – wasn’t it?

And how did our bevy of budding champions perform?  Without putting too fine a point on it, from the sublime to the ridiculous would sum it up but I’m not going to indicate which end of the scoring one or the other description applies to.

It seems that Eddie couldn’t miss from on and around the green and despite all the complaints about being hard done by the handicapper after his last outing he managed to beat his new handicap by a good margin.  The handicappers only regret is that he wasn’t able to give him another whacking this week.  Despite all that a great round by Ed with 72 off the stick for a nett 61 and a worthy addition to the Stuart Clarke Champion of Champions Trophy.

The only others to have had any chance of challenging were Stefan with nett 63 and AndrewB with nett 65.  Then there was a fair stretch of daylight to the rest of the field.

The rest of the field competed for little other than that Clayton’s Trophy that has become known as Chump of Chumps.  It is still unclear as to whether this should be judged from the front of the field or from the tail but as the President announced from the front perhaps that is the way it should be.

So, the Best of the Rest was a tie between Mostyn and Bill and for the sake of having a declared Chump, Mostyn won that honour in a count back of their 64 nett result.  Don’t worry Bill, there is almost a whole year’s worth of silver-ware out there untouched.  Second Best of the Rest on his Pat Malone was that erstwhile cricketer (who seems to be taking lessons from Warnie if his attention to texting is any guide) Noodles.  Five would-be-if-they-could-bes played to their handicap and wouldn’t have moved even if the event was handicapped and included Chrispy, SOS, Mehm, Trevor and Harry.

There were nearest the pin events but your feckless correspondent didn’t write them down and now can’t remember for the life of him who they were.  If somebody lets me know, the situation can be corrected.  Regardless, there must have been a few birdies as there were complaints about the fact that this round will not count in the eclectic.  There was even a complaint because somebody had a par on the 13th.

Whether it was the Christmas spirit or not, there were a heap of stories around the tees and some of them were real beauties.

SOS off the road
Can you breathe into this tube please, Sir?

Speaking of Christmas spirit, one would have to wonder whether SOS had been imbibing/smoking something to get into this predicament.  It seems he was somehow distracted and pressed the wrong button on his fancy buggy control and swerved it off the track and capsized – obviously didn’t steer into the skid.

Speaking of distractions, there was obviously some sort of emergency at FES as Gordon was seen taking several calls and even trying to putt while continuing a conversation with Targe holding (and dropping) the phone for him.  Needless to say, he missed the putt.

Someone who didn’t miss was MalF on the 18th who, after over-cooking his third from above the green and ending on the lower level, slammed it back up the hill to rattle it in for a fairly respectable four.  Always gets his second putts our Mal!

Our other Mal (A), decided it would be a good day to try out some new runners instead of golf shoes.  One result was that, with the effects of over-night watering still on the grass at the second tee, Mal went close to emulating SOS’s cart and going A over T.  The new shoes seem to have helped his distance control around the green immeasurably as chip and putt finished agonisingly close to the hole but the RDF didn’t kick in till the 18th when he sank a monster to finish the day on a high note.  At the other end of the putting scale, Tony owned up to the dreaded four with the flat stick.

Zimmer was reported to have expressed his disapproval about something or other on or about the 13th.  Whether it was because of that (and this report is unverified), a Happy Gilmour shot on the 14th reputedly carried well past the green.  One shot that did carry past the green on the 14th happened while Harry was taking his putt (which he sank by the way) but could the long hitters please be a bit more circumspect when there is a chance that they can reach the group in front.  Shouting ‘Fore’ is all very well, but it is not always obvious who is the potential recipient of unwelcome attention.

Whilst on the subject of long drives, Oliver was being very pleased with his Titleist ProV and hitting it a country mile.  Then it seems that some jokester got to it and adorned it with a less than delicate logo that snapped his concentration entirely for some little time.  Another one whose concentration was lacking, possibly because of an exceptionally long drive was David, who managed to walk half the distance to his ball before realising that he was carrying only his driver and his bag and buggy were still back at the tee.

Craig might also have been thinking of other things when his first on the 14th went OOB and the replacement ball finished on the 16th green.  Rather uncharacteristically, his club went flying.  Tsk, tsk.  Maybe it had something to do with the Sweet Baby gift bag that was under his table at lunch time.

In the odd shot department, Chrispy was unsure what score to take but ended up only taking the two for a double hit but it seems that the ball bounced several times along the shaft of the club.  If it hadn’t been Chris telling it, I would never have believed it.

It was good to see Bob on deck for the lunch after his recent replumbing job.  It will still be some time before we see him back on the course but he was looking in fine fettle so soon after the event.  It is yet to be seen whether the golf-swing transplant that they did at the same time will be rejected or not but the surgeon is apparently quietly confident that improvement will be in store.

Ken Grist reckons that he has to come back and play at Ivanhoe from time to time to stay sane.  Which reminds me of another statement heard recently – If it wasn’t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.

If you want to know who all the trophy winners for last year were go to the Hall of Fame and check the list out.  There are a few other Trophies that deserve a mention – entirely unofficial but interesting none-the-less.

Clubman – for most rounds played – Oliver(44)

Trooper – for grinning and bearing it – Trevor

Biggest Mover – most strokes lost (6.8) (and per round) – Eddie

Biggest Loser – most strokes gained per round – Mehm

Biggest Turnaround – consecutive rounds worse – Dennis

Biggest Turnaround – consecutive rounds better – MalF

Well, that’s it, that’s your lot for this week.

Have a Happy Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year.  See you bright eyed and bushy tailed on January 4th (if not before).