Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail shall keep the golfers from their appointed rounds. Ostensibly coined by Herodotus about 2500 years ago, it was never more true today. Ten plucky members set off with hope in their hearts, and a belief that there was a chance that the weather front would either miss, or, at least, pass not close enough to be a problem. Their hopes held good for a couple of holes, but, then, the rain arrived, accompanied by the occasional gust of wind. Fortunately, the snow, sleet, and hail did not eventuate. However, the wind proved to be sufficient to catch Brent’s umbrella and overturn his buggy. The umbrella ended rather the worse for wear, but Brent was heartened by the fact that it was only a $20 job. Dan’s buggy did not capsize, but his umbrella did a good impression of a fruit-bat when it turned inside-out and separated most of the struts from their hinges. There was a view expressed that it would not be a great day for scoring, and the casual water on the greens made for some interesting short game experiences.

Needless to say, there were a couple of members who had other ideas about the effect of the weather on the ability to make a score. The prime example of which was none other than CJ, who set about moving further into the future the day that he gives up the game. Despite his card sporting three singletons, he was able to counter that to some degree with a birdie on the 3rd which bought him a very nice four points. Another four holes that scored three, and the rest sporting 2 points, made for a total, at the end of the day, of 39 points. Yet another top spot in both the Club and the Seniors Championship. Michael’s marker complained about the lack of excitement as he had to record par after par on the card. He had to do this sixteen times before there occurred, what Michael styled, an ‘unfortunate’ bogey on the 17th. A par on the last meant that he was just one shy of playing the course in regulation in conditions that were somewhat less than ‘regulation’. Thirty-eight points was more than good enough to get second place, putting even more daylight between Michael and the rest of the field in both Championship tables. It also extends his reign at the top of the Order of Merit.

SOS seemed to have a bit of a thing about the second hole on each nine, as he managed to score a gash on both of them, which were just about the only blotches on his card. The miss on the 11th came about in a bit of an unusual way. His drive drifted left into the tree line, and was heard to make some sort of contact. The ball obviously came straight back and finished hard against the base of the pine tree between the roots on the green side. With no preferred lie, the ball was unplayable, and penalty relief was the only option. Despite the set-backs, and having to deal with getting relief from casual water on the greens, SOS still produced a very creditable 34 points to fill third place. Harry’s hands really gave him curry today, and SOS was a bit concerned about what was going on as he fumbled around in his trouser pocket for tees, ball markers, etc. The lack of a reliable grip did impact a few shots, but the main ‘problem’ was the number of putts that caught the edge of the hole, but didn’t drop. As a result, the final total was a mere 31 points, but that was enough for a spot in fourth place for the day. Old Reliable was not quite so reliable today, but reliable enough to make fifth place with his card of 28 points. He’ll take the point, regardless!

Michael does like to brag about what a good shot he is on the par threes. The ProPin was on the 4th, and, although he was just outside the limit, he just had to put his name and distance on the card. However, it was just one of those Danny days, and Dan easily took the money with his shot to 4.56m. Not to be outdone, Dan also got the closest on both of the BallPins on the 12th and the 18th. Wouldn’t you know it, he didn’t make the birdie on any of them, so young Dan did not contribute to the four that were scored for the day.

Gordo made his comeback today, and he owned up to having had a few putts, but this was his first swing of a longer club. He was necessarily a bit circumspect about the length of his swing, and, when all is said and done, the signs are looking promising as he only just missed out on scoring himself a point on the first outing. Craig’s group had pretty much called him a hole-in-one on the 15th. The only problem was that he had over-clubbed it a bit, and the ball hit the pin hard enough to bounce off far enough that Dan was able to get closer for the BallPin (apologies, Dan beat Craig on 18 for the BallPin). Bob had more battery problems today. Only, this time, it wasn’t his buggy that gave up the ghost, it was his hearing aid. CJ thought that he might have to play Dad today when little brother, Rob, lost it a couple of times. There might have even been one case of a UAP when a favourite implement headed for the trees. After a group hug on the 17th tee, they all headed down the steps to the buggies. Except Rob, who took the grassy route, and left an exquisite set of skid-marks down the slope, if not down his y-fronts. A salutary lesson for all, the steps are there for a reason – use them!

Results for Saturday, 14 Sep 2024
1st Chris Priems (39) 2nd Michael Gourlay (38) 3rd Stephen O’Sullivan (34) 4th Harry Boughen (31) 5th Craig Cameron (28)

Seniors Results: 1st Chris Priems (39) 2nd Michael Gourlay (38) 3rd Harry Boughen (31)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 4th Dan Marie BallPin No 1 – 12th Dan Marie BallPin No 2 – 18th Dan Marie

Dogs were safely on their chains today, although CJ was ‘bragging’ about hitting his 3 wood 325m at the Frog yesterday. Seems the dogs were running loose there, but not so much at the ‘G later in the day. The ‘dome’ had kept the rain away from the ‘Hoe, and the course was looking in fine fettle as the grass and herbage responds to the warmer weather in recent days. Management still granted the option of preferred lie, although there was little cause to call upon it unless there was a need to clear a tree trunk or something. The recent sand application hasn’t quite worked its way in yet, and the greens were a smidgen rough in places, although that cannot take all of the blame for some of the missed putts. Thirteen members made it to the starting blocks, and that included Doctor Dan, who was down on R&R from his stint in Shep. Blighty did have hopes of celebrating his birthday in style, but he will probably be hoping not to have many happy returns of his scorecard. It must be said that he was being very sanguine about the situation.

Dan denies that he has been taking lessons and practising (golf) while hiding away in Shep, although he did admit being tempted by a membership special up there that includes a set of five lessons. If he does take up that offer, then watch out next time he is down to play, because he put in the best round of the day to fill the first spot with his net score of 68. Unfortunately, Dan was not qualified to take out the Medal, and, so, that honour had to be reserved for somebody else. The next best scores were down to Michael and Matt, who presented to the judges with a net score of 71. So, who would be victorious in the case of a count-back? On the face of it, Matt with 37 off the stick on the back with a handicap of 8, would shoo it in over Michael with his 36 and a handicap of 2. Unfortunately, Matt’s erratic attendance meant that, he, too, was not qualified for the Medal, and the honour of the silverware fell into the unlikely hands of Michael. He happily took the points for second place that he shared with Matt.

At one stage, Old Reliable was heard to complain that his drive was going too straight. And, on several occasions, that his putting was not up to putty. However, that did not stop him from producing the third best result for the day with a bottom line of 72. This was helped just a little by a fortuitous gust of wind that helped his putt on the 18th make the extra quarter turn required to drop into the hole. Harry had a couple of shockers early on, one of which was not helped by being hard against the base of the substantial tree, right and short of the second green. After that, things didn’t go too badly, and he was able to scrape home into third place with a net 76. CJ was pretty pleased to manage a par on the first, but, he, too, came a bit unstuck on the second, and managed a ‘fat lady’. Things were going along quite nicely after that until the 17th, where the opera singer put in another appearance. This left him with a fourth place score of 76 as well.

Stan put in a late request for the first group as he had to get away. He certainly kept the whip cracking, because they finished a good two holes clear of the rest of the field. His playing companions were probably not game to loiter, after the events by the first green. While they were on the green, a raven was spotted raiding Stan’s bag, and it took off with one of his favourite muesli bars. With the only weapon to hand being his putter, Stan would have done Jim Bowie proud as he flung the putter, Bowie knife like, and took the raven out of the air, to recover his snack. He ended the round on 78, and sprinted off before finding out that he had garnered fifth place for his trouble. Josh hasn’t played with us for a while, but, mostly, he was not too rusty. He’d probably be ruing the 12 that he carded for the 17th (details are not available) which probably robbed him of a much better placing that the fifth that he also scored for his 78.

There were three balls on offer for the Double Jackpot BallPin on the 7th. With the tee set well back, it was always going to be an ask, but Porks was able to get both the distance and the accuracy to claim the cluster on offer. On the 18th, Craig was almost too embarrassed to put his name on the card with his shot to about 17m from the pin. However, he was saved from the embarrassment of actually winning by Josh, who managed to get one closer. Harry hit a cracker on the 15th for the ProPin and the ball came to a stop 1.16m from the hole and just a smidgen past pin high. After the shot, Craig said, “We are going quarters, aren’t we?”, which was a bit strange, as there were only three in the group. Matt was a bit disappointed when his ball finished about 1.26m from the hole. He managed to sink the putt for birdie, as did Harry, which accounted for two of the four that the team could produce for the day.

Of course, Matt was also embroiled in a fight to the death with Brendon in the (slightly delayed) Matchplay final. With only one handicap stroke separating them, the contest was very much an ‘off-the-stick’ affair. For the first four holes, the pair traded wins, and the early betting was for a close run thing. Then, Matt found a purple patch, while Brendon’s patch turned a nasty shade of brown. This gave five holes to Matt on the trot, and Brendon was going to have to pull some rabbits out of the hat to restore the balance. Unfortunately, the wins proved elusive until the 13th, which gave just the faintest glimmer of hope. On the 14th, Matt sprayed one way right, potentially into all sorts of trouble. With everything to play for, Brendon did exactly the same thing, only worse, and had to abandon his first ball as lost/oob. Matt played a great shot through the trees onto the green, and regulation putted to make par, while Brendon’s five from his provisional resulted in a loss, and Matt waltzed in victorious, 5 and 4. With Raj out of commission for the foreseeable future, the play-off match was declared in Targe’s favour, and the Matchplay Championship for 2024 was finalised.

After leaving a potential birdie putt a little short on the 17th, Harry walked up to ‘tap’ it in and finish the hole with a par. It missed, and Harry abused himself for not taking due time. Only to repeat the performance on the ‘tap’ back. After a break to get the heart rate back down, he put it in for yet another double bogie. Porks was through the green and in a bit of long grass. He made a nice little chip out of the rough, except that it was not his ball. Oh dear! CJ got into trouble for talking too much (as hard as that might be to believe) when it caused a putt to be missed (one of his own!). Josh could be vying for the title of the New Priems if he keeps up his use of trees to keep his ball on the fairway. His first shot on the 8th needed a tree to keep it on the straight and narrow. The second was heading for the pond, only to be saved again by a well placed tree. Inspired by this, Brendon shanked his tee shot on the 9th, and was saved from the Yarra by a convenient tree. He then took out his 2 iron, and fairly smashed one to finish just short of the green. Blighty has been gifted, by a workmate, with a supply of second-hand balls, that he is busily trading for whatever is on offer, while cunningly disguising what is going on by packing them in egg cartons.

Results for Saturday, 07 Sep 2024
1st Dan Marie (68) 2nd Michael Gourlay (71) 2nd Matt Hunt (71) 3rd Craig Cameron (72) 4th Harry Boughen (76) 4th Chris Priems (76) 5th Stan Blackshaw (78) 5th Josh Hunt (78)

Seniors Results: 1st Matt Hunt (71) 1st Michael Gourlay (71) 2nd Craig Cameron (72) 3rd Chris Priems (76) 3rd Harry Boughen (76)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 15th Harry Boughen BallPin No 1 – 7th Ryan Porker BallPin No 2 – 18th Josh Hunt

The weather over the past week was a hot topic of conversation, with tales of mountains of windfall and future ‘burn-offs’ among them. CJ’s neighbour thought that his recent yucca removals were the result of the wind, rather than the rather expensive arborist that was the reality. And, would there be cause to go ‘nuts’ about the greens once again? Alas, the gum nuts were in relatively short supply, but the recently applied sand was there aplenty, which could have served as an excuse if one was needed. The temperature was reasonably mild, but the wind chill was enough to require some degree of rugging up, although there were still a couple of stand-outs in shirt sleeves and shorts. Twelve members put on a brave face and headed out to do battle with the wind that was not violent, but was a bit swirly at times. The rain gods made a few vain attempts to put on the dampeners, but the use of umbrellas was hardly required, and could be hazardous in the gusty conditions. A view was expressed early on, that a square card would likely win the day.

One person had other ideas about that little prediction. Having sharpened his skills out at Windy Hollow (aka The Frog), CJ could be almost heard saying – What wind? With a square on the first, he stepped up to the tee on the second by the back blocks, and smashed his way to a par (the only one to do so on the day), the first of a total of five pluses on the front nine. A couple of losses limited the score to plus three at the turn. Another three wins (and a couple of losses) rounded out the final score line to +4 from 76 off the stick, which was easily the best points performance for the day, a three-way tie for best off the stick, and well deserving the eight points that came with it. CJ had been bemoaning the fact that his handicap had been drifting out more than he liked, and it was getting too close to Rob’s for comfort. He can take great comfort with the new wider margin, but it was probably not the best result for the upcoming Annual Challenge. Oh well, win some, lose some.

Harry started out with a par for plus on the first, and was going well on the second until a well struck nine iron headed the ball for the green only to intercept an intervening tree branch and drop vertically to the ground, which spoiled any chance of a square. From there, if the hole wasn’t squared, then a plus was followed fairly closely by a minus. Fortunately, on the back nine, the plus tally managed to exceed the minus tally and the final reckoning was plus one, which resulted in second place in both the main competition and the Seniors. Steve was getting ‘high’ on the contents of JQ’s tube of liniment at the registration table, and was reminiscing about his days on the Rugby field. Whether it was the liniment or the effects of too many concussions, he seemed to think that today’s event was GrandPar, and he took two pluses for his par on the 10th. Or, was it his marker ($%#** angry Michael) who led him astray? Anyway, that brought his score line back to minus one, rather than the square that was announced. Brendon also just missed out on playing to his handicap, and also presented with minus one to make a tie with Steve for third place.

Old Reliable expressed the view that he didn’t deserve to get a point for his announced fifth place with a score of minus three. It will be interesting to see his view on getting two points by dint of having been promoted to fourth place. Craig was reasonably happy with his front nine, which ended up square, but he expressed some disappointment about how things went on the back. It will be interesting to see the reaction of the trio that will now get a point for their efforts by bringing home scorecards showing minus five. Michael might very well blame getting hit by a stray ball from the 15th tee while waiting on the 16th. The lack of a warning call, and the fact that the perpetrator was from a four that had been in front, but stopped for coffee, and butted in between our groups, got Mike’s dander up more than somewhat. SOS was reported to be quivering behind his buggy, mumbling, “You can get two years for hitting a copper”, as words were exchanged. Pepsi and JQ, on the other hand, can console one another with the fact that they both missed plenty of ‘gettable’ putts on the way to their scores.

There was a pair of balls on offer for the BallPin on the 7th. There were some that went close, but none finished on the dance floor. As a result, there will be a trio of balls on offer for the Double Jackpot there next week. The ProPin was set for the 12th, and a few got on, and a few felt hard done by when their shots propped, stopped and trickled back down the hill. However, none managed to outdo Brendon, who made a shot to 3.65m to take home the cash on offer. There was a claim that a split had been agreed, but everybody knows that is like urinating into the wind where Brendon is concerned. The second BallPin on the 18th was taken out by CJ to boost his ball count even more. In the process, he seems to have outed $%#** angry Michael. The fact that it was about 11m from the pin cheesed off Pepsi, who was much closer, but just off the back of the green, more than somewhat. Brendon did get his birdie on the 12th, and that brought our tally for the day to eight.

The Birthday Birdie has a call to make this week, and that is to wish Matt one of the best. Also, if Blighty fronts up next week, be sure to wish him all the best as well. Rob was ‘bending them like Beckham’ at times today, causing people to wonder how on earth does he do that. But then again, perhaps the ‘power fade’ just runs in the family. Prez also copped a bit of stick over the state of his golf shoes, which are looking just a little the worse for wear. But, at least, the soles are still attached to the uppers, so what’s the problem? During the week, Pepsi spotted Brendon walking the dog in a disused cemetery near home, and gave him a call to attract his attention. Brendon’s response was to look quizzically around at the tombstones, possibly in the expectation that one of the occupants was trying to make contact. After another call, he looked further afield, and realised it was a call from this world rather than the nether.

Results for Saturday, 31 Aug 2024
1st Chris Priems (+4) 2nd Harry Boughen (+1) 3rd Steven Gervasoni (-1) 3rd Brendon Mitchell (-1) 4th Craig Cameron (-3) 5th Michael Gourlay (-5) 5th Andrew Petricola (-5) 5th John Quinlan (-5)

Seniors Results: 1st Chris Priems (+4) 2nd Harry Boughen (+1) 3rd Steven Gervasoni (-1)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Brendon Mitchell BallPin No 1 – 7th Jackpot BallPin No 2 – 18th Chris Priems

Last night’s thunder and lightning had everyone wondering whether the course would be wet, but the records suggested that any associated downpour had missed Ivanhoe, with only about 4mm making it into the gauge. The Magpie supporters wondered whether the 35 minute delay last night had robbed them of the chance to score fifty more points (while holding the opposition to none) to get their percentage up to an eight making level. As it turned out, there were but a few squishy spots here and there in the usual low spots and the main effects of the stormy weather were a couple of greens well littered with gum nuts, and, in a perverse turn of events, ground staff were out after we had passed by with the leaf blowers and clearing the greens. Perhaps this is the reason that the winning scores did not reach the giddy heights of last week. And maybe we should protest the fairness of the inside comp. A random guy, out ‘practising’ on the 10th and 11th, caused a modicum of consternation until he eventually did a bunk after his third telling off from the passing parade made up of the ten members who made it to the tee this morning.

Adam expressed a little disappointment that he was unable to continue the sequence of scores that the put together on the first four holes. This would have required him to ‘ace’ the 5th for five points after making birdie (one of three that the field produced on the day) for four points on the 4th that rounded out his 1, 2, and 3 points on the first three holes. Still, he made the turn at 19 points, but there is little evidence to support the suggestion that he pulled on the handbrake on the back, where a very respectable 17 more points brought him home right on his (old) handicap with 36 points. A fairly appropriate way to mark his 99th game with the club, and to take home a couple of nice new pills to use for his 100th next time.

CJ managed to tear himself away from the Frog again after having the dog blown off the chain up there yesterday. JQ was so gutted by the experience that he couldn’t make it to the ‘Hoe today. Now, CJ is on record that he will retire from the game if brother Rob ever gets to have a lower handicap than he does. Perhaps it was the prospect of this happening sooner rather than later that he forgot that he now has a stroke available on the 9th, and he picked up when he could still have scored a point. His 33 points for the round was enough to pick up second place for the day, and top spot in the Seniors. In the process, he relegated three other seniors to second place in that side of the comp. Blighty, Harry and Steve all presented with 32 points to share third place in the main comp and second place in the Seniors. Stan seems to have got his wires crossed early on in the front nine, and crossed over his own and Blighty’s scores, leading to the extensive, though largely ineffective use of an eraser to finalise the card. Steve only managed to score on half of the first six holes, but then found his mojo, and scored relatively prolifically for the rest of the round. Harry was rather frustrated after losing a ball in the slightly long grass on the right of the 5th, and then proceeded to make a hash of the 6th as well.

Brendon also lost a ball on the 5th where it went right and hit a tree hard to be deflected to who knew where, while the putting throughout the front nine left a little to be desired, and he made the turn with just 13 points on the card. The back nine was a completely different story, and he stormed home to complete the nine just two strokes over the card, and a total for the round of 31 points. The two points for fourth place was made even sweeter when he was presented with his ‘lost’ ball from the 5th, which was found on the far side of the 7th green. SOS might take a while to adjust to his new handicap from last week, but he was seen to give a little smirk when it was announced that his 30 points had scored him the last point on offer for 5th place.

The first BallPin was set for the 7th, and, despite everyone’s best efforts, not one ball was able to find its way onto the green, and, so, there will be a Jackpot there next week. The second BallPin on the 18th caused a bit of consternation when the marker box was ‘nowhere’ to be seen. There was a frantic checking of the registration table and the Tee Marshall bag by the first group, to no avail. The second group came in and assured that it had been put out, by no less than Prez himself – so ‘somebody’ must have nicked it. Third group came in and asked – who put the container on top of the post by the sand dump? None so blind as he who will not see! Anyway, it was confirmed that Steve had, indeed, been on the green, and he was awarded the ball on offer. The ProPin was on the 15th, and Harry’s shot looked very promising, and the paces confirmed that it was worth a measure. The distance was 5.005m past the hole. Hit it too hard, again! In any case, CJ was able to claim the shrapnel with his shot to 4.85m.

There was a draughtie paid out today after Prez smashed one from the 11th tee that hit a tree and came straight back to finish just short of the red markers from the blue marker perspective. The distance was only a ‘hand span’, but taking relief would have been closer to the green, so not an option to get out of jail. On the 16th, Adam put his third well through the green and into the bushes on the bank behind. Having played a provisional, he disappeared from sight into the shrubbery and managed to find the ball. Next minute, there is a crack like a gun shot as the ball hit the pin dead centre, stopped dead and fell into the hole for the unlikeliest of pars.

And, while on the subject of provisionals, there was a question about playing a provisional in relation to a penalty area. This is the rule – 18.3  Provisional Ball

a. When Provisional Ball Is Allowed

If your ball might be lost outside a penalty area or be out of bounds, to save time you may play another ball provisionally under penalty of stroke and distance.

But if you are aware that the only possible place your original ball could be lost is in a penalty area, a provisional ball is not allowed, and a ball played from where the previous stroke was made becomes your ball in play under penalty of stroke and distance.

However, the situation would appear to be slightly fluid, as indicated by this ‘clarification’: “To be clear, you can hit a provisional if it’s not known or virtually certain that the previous shot came to rest in a penalty area. In those cases, announce a provisional, swing away, and then go to the area where you think your original ball might be. You’ve got three minutes to find it. If you don’t find it, play the provisional, adding a penalty shot to your score. Now here is where it can be a bit confusing, and where Hall got into trouble. If you do find your ball in the penalty area, then your provisional ball has to be abandoned, and you have to proceed with playing the original or taking relief under the options in Rule 17. This includes the possibility of going back to the spot where you played the previous shot, which seems counter-intuitive when you’re trying not to slow down play (you’d already hit a provisional from that spot). However, according to the R&A and USGA, this is because if the ball is in the penalty area, you have multiple relief options to choose from. And if you’ve hit a provisional, you’ve been able to preview one of those options (re-hitting from the previous spot), which might shade which relief option you take.”

So, maybe there should have been a three-way tie for second, unless CJ can genuinely claim that it was not known, or not virtually certain, that his ball came to rest in the penalty area on the 13th. His ‘provisional’ certainly did, but he was able to find the first and took the appropriate penalty. The wedge over the ‘rubbish’ landed the ball on the path, and it bounced down to finish almost in the hole, and he managed to score a point. Targe was bewailing the fact that he used to be a good putter, as putt after putt refused to go in the hole. Some from as close as a couple of hundred millimetres, but occasionally finishing several hundred further away. There were no reports of major rave parties in Shepparton a couple of days ago when Dan celebrated his birthday, so the Birthday Birdie hopes it was a good one, and you are back with us soon. Raj reports that his recovery is progressing as well as can be expected, and he has ambitions to be back before the 2024 season wraps up. Gordo is also working on getting his shoulder back into operation, and suggestions are that another month should see him back on deck.

Results for Saturday, 24 Aug 2024
1st Adam King (36) 2nd Chris Priems (33) 3rd Andrew Blight (32) 3rd Harry Boughen (32) 3rd Steven Gervasoni (32) 4th Brendon Mitchell (31) 5th Stephen O’Sullivan (30)

Seniors Results: 1st Chris Priems (33) 2nd Andrew Blight (32) 2nd Harry Boughen (32) 2nd Steven Gervasoni (32) 3rd Stan Blackshaw (29)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 15th Chris Priems BallPin No 1 – 7th Jackpot BallPin No 2 – 18th Steven Gervasoni