Talk about the farm gate needing a touch of grease. You could pretty much hear the creaking and groaning above the noise of the rapids in the Yarra flowing by the course. There was a certain amount of muttering about how teed off you would be if you were playing a blinder and had to finish after nine. But, at the end of the day, all twelve members who made it to the tees were happy to be out and about and able to swing a club once more. There were a few who registered and decided that they didn’t want to take on the weather gods, but their fears were unfounded, and the weather was pretty much fine, with only a bit of a mist setting in just as the last groups wended their way along the ninth.

So, just how rusty were the farm gates? You could have been forgiven for thinking that a couple of members hadn’t had a single day off. Anthony must have been soaking up all of the YouTube coaching sessions that he has been watching because he started off well, and never really faltered. Nothing under 2 points on any hole, and a four for his birdie (the only one for the day) on the 4th went a long way to putting him at the head of the pack with 20 points as the tally. The handicapper is looking closely at the system to see if something can be done about it (just joking!). Well done, Anthony.

CJ was also very consistent, although he did produce a couple of singletons on his way to a total of 17 of the best. Not sure whether it was Damo’s lessons from way back, but he managed to stay on the straight and narrow and was ‘putting like a demon’ according to one reliable source. Even CJ agreed that from 3m or less he could not miss. Keep that thought in mind for when we get back to ‘real’ golf, Chrispy.

Now we enter the realms of the not-so-bad. There were a swag of people who came in with 16 points. JQ was pretty pleased with his hand, and he was even more pleased when it was announced that he had taken out the ProPin on the 4th. Bob fronted up after the ninth pushing a cart and carrying a golf bag. Not far behind was Porks, pushing Bob’s electric machine which had appeared to give up the ghost coming up the last hill. After a certain amount of poking and prodding, the beast suddenly came to life again and the gathering scattered for fear of the consequences. Despite these vicissitudes, Bob also managed to score 16 points. Bob denies that the breakdown was a plot to wear Ryan out so that he could be beaten on the last hole, for Ryan also scored 16 points. Porks was claiming to have parred the first six holes before falling into a bit of a hole, but in actual fact, he only parred five of the first six. But let’s not let the facts get in the way of a good story!

Another group came in with 15 points to share what would have been fourth place. ChrisJ, Michael and Pepsi were the ones to share the honour. Michael seems to be quite convinced that he is destined to come in fourth in perpetuity. The last of the ‘placings’ was filled by Harry and Craig, who both had their moments (and failures) to scramble to 11 points.

Blighty was heard proclaiming that he had gotten a birdie on his first round out, but he had to wait until the 4th. Which seemed a bit odd, as he was playing the second at the time. However, he wasn’t being prescient, he had actually played a round yesterday. Today’s problems were caused by his wedge play. The 54 degree was putting the ball to the back of the green, while the 56 was catching in the grass and leaving it way short. Maybe the sand iron would have been a better choice. Whitey, on the other hand, just claimed that he could do nothing right all day as he took a drop off the path behind the 8th green.

Adam did not make it to the course today, but that might be because he was celebrating a milestone that elicited a call from the Birthday Birdie.

Unless, there is a sudden change to the Health Advice, next week will be another nine hole social round with ProPin and BallRun. Because of the uncertainties about potential ruling changes and heavy advance bookings, it is now quite unlikely that we will be able to negotiate tee times on the back nine, and so it will be front nine again. The course management hold out hopes that the rules will be relaxed sooner rather than later. With the end of the competition year looming fast, if restrictions do carry on, the Fred Kitson will be postponed, possibly until 13 and 20 November, but hopefully the dust will settle, and it can be played as scheduled on 16 and 23 October.

Results for Saturday, 02 October 2021

1st Anthony Browne (20) 2nd Chris Priems (17) 3rd John Quinlan (16) 3rd Bob McDonald (16) 3rd Ryan Porker (16) 4th Chris James (15) 4th Michael Gourlay (15) 4th Andrew Petricola (15) 5th Harry Boughen (11) 5th Craig Cameron (11)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 4th John Quinlan

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous COVID,
Or to bare arms against a sea of troubles.....

If the numbers come up, we remain ever hopeful that there will be golf to be played on Saturday. Admittedly, there will be a few caveats. Our precious time-slot is assured with the first tee-off at 0656 (or earlier if the fairway is clear). Play will be in pairs, masks have to be worn, and you must reside within the 15km radius. And, no, the blob at the left is not another coronavirus illustration, but an indication of the limits of the 15k circle based on the course (couldn’t get rid of the stupid pins). We have the tee until 0800 and management expects to get our pairs away at five minute intervals (or less). So, for goodness’ sake, watch your playing partner’s shot (as you always do, don’t you?) so that there are no hold-ups searching for losties. If you do have to search, strictly no more than the allowable three minutes, and, preferably, less. Take the hit on the scorecard, not on the back of the head. No gatherings allowed, so the ‘presentations’ will be done virtually, via the website. Obviously, there will be no inside comp, but if you want your card to be entered to GolfLink, fill out the extra card and keep your Stableford points!!!

The Birthday Birdie has a few wishes to pass around today. Although he got a mention in last week’s list, another special mention to the Beast, because today is the actual day. Others lining up to mark the continuing march of Old Father Time are Michael, Trevor and Adam. Be good, and maybe Uncle Dan will let you travel a bit further as time goes by.

Go the DeDogs!!

Results for Saturday, 25 September 2021
No Competition due to COVID

Could it be that we can now get on with it? Despite some confusion in the ranks, it seems most likely that golf will not be allowed this coming Saturday, so the best we can do is plan for the following week. As coincidence would have it, that will be the October Monthly Medal. After the extended lay-off, anything is likely to happen, from shockers to blinders. Not sure if there will be any requirements for proof of vaccination, however we have probably all done the right thing and rolled up our sleeves for the good of the game, if not for the community at large and for your extended families, friends and loved ones.

A couple of small parties (or picnics in the park) this week for the Beast and Dale, who will undoubtedly do their best to comply by drinking their beer through a straw. The Birthday Birdie wishes you both all the best for this and many more.

This last weekend was supposed to have been the Priems Cup that everybody has been sitting on the edge of their seats for. Well, the seat edges will just have to be kept warm until next year, when we will try again to get the event to the starting gates.

Keep dreaming of those great shots, and let’s hope that all of that dream-time practice pays dividends when we get back out onto the course.

There are probably not a lot of you would be familiar with a popular song that was a favourite of mine as a child. So much so that I still remember the lyrics pretty much word for word. One in there with a bit of a chance is Alan, who can expect a visit from the Birthday Birdie during the week.

Unfortunately, there were still no birdies to be had this week as the contact tracers struggle to keep up with the spread. Chrispy has decided that his skills at herding cats (aka tee marshalling) will not be made available to lend a helping hand. Fortunately, no buildings fell down.

The promise not to vote for the other Guy has apparently fallen on deaf ears, and the seemingly ill-fated Priems Cup has bitten the dust once again. Let’s hope that somebody is keeping the dust off it in readiness for next year. By that time the honeymoon should have started, and, hopefully, it won’t already be over. But, who can tell in these times of quickie divorce.

Chin up. We will be back, so get out there and double vax. As my Mum used to say – it’s like piddling in the ocean, every wee bit counts!

Results for Saturday, 11 September 2021
No Competition due to COVID

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