The waterproof dome over the CBD and surrounds has persisted, and the rainfalls have been mercifully light around Ivanhoe way, particularly compared to other areas around. As a result, the course is still in a not too bad condition. A couple of spots were a bit squishy under-foot, and the general thinking is that the course is now at the stage where not much more than a spit will result in it becoming a bit on the boggy and quaggie side. The greens were sanded during the week, which gave a few people excuses for missed putts. And don’t forget the dew on the grass. And don’t dare mention the lack of talent. A bit of softness meant that there were quite a few craters left, and we would like to think that we were doing our bit to leave the greens in better condition than how we found them. Of the sixteen members who turned out, only one owned up to having had a draughtie although Ken and Andrew were flirting with the ladies a couple of times. It is assumed that they were referring to the red markers rather than to members of the opposite gender.

Now, what sort of handicap should a person who can complete a round just two over par be on? Certainly not six. But that is exactly what Ryan did today as he blazed his way to 40 points to take out the top placing for the day. A couple of double bogies were more than offset by four birdies, and that helped the rest of us along to tally thirteen of the little beggars for the day. All of this was while doing battle with Stef in their quarter-final match for the Matchplay Championship. There was only one stroke in the handicap difference, and so it was virtually an off-the-stick affair. Stef managed to win the first two holes, but, in the face of Porks’ blistering pace, the wins soon dried up. There was a suggestion that the turning point came when Porks was almost (but not quite) crapped on by a kookaburra on the 3rd hole. By the sixth, the match was back to square, and Porks marched out to be five up after the 12th. A squared result on the 13th made the match dormie five, meaning that Stef had to keep winning to stay in the game. He did manage to do that for the next two holes, and the match stood at dormie 3 after the 15th. Porks scored one of his birdies on the 16th to beat Stef’s par and to take out the match 4 and 2.

CJ has really struck a patch of form in recent weeks, and he has decided that the Seniors Championship is not such a tough gig after all, and he reckons he is now on the hunt for Craig’s scalp at the top of the table. This new, straight-shooting, Priems started out playing like a man possessed to finish the first half just three over that card, and with 22 points in credit. The shine went off just a bit after the turn, and a total of 38 was all that he could muster. Matt, on the other hand, was content to play to his handicap over the front, but he then put the pedal to the metal after the turn, and he was also able to return with 38 points to share the second spot with CJ.

The second quarter-final match was played today between Harry and Michael. Harry was reaching for his crucifix as Michael turned out in his ‘lucky’ matchplay beanie. With fifteen strokes to give away, Michael was keen to know on which holes he had H on equal terms. It didn’t matter on the first, where a par from each started the match off square. As the round progressed, a couple of uncharacteristic putts by Michael let Harry sneak out to be two up. The lack of a stroke on the 9th and a slightly astray second shot on the 10th brought the match back to square after the 10th. From then on, each time Harry won a hole, Michael clawed it back on the next, and after the 18th, the match was all square. They proceeded to a chip-off, and Michael produced, by far, his best chip of the day to about 400mm from the hole. Harry’s effort, while valiant, was no match for the simple tap in that Michael had to win the match. Through all of this, they both managed to score 36 points to share third spot,

Anthony was absolutely smashing his drives all day. Unfortunately, particularly on the front nine, his short game let him down more than somewhat. The tide did turn as he rounded the turn, and the last ten holes netted him twenty-two points, and he was able to finish in fourth place with his 35 points. The Beast was right up there beside Anthony, although his scoring was rather more balanced. One highlight was a four pointer when he managed to score a birdie on the 10th hole. As we watched Rob from the first tee, he was seen to do a ‘sprint’ to the far side of the 9th fairway and then back onto the first, where he appeared to drop a ball. Now that was taking ‘preferred lie’ a bit too far we thought. It was a wild goose chase, we were told. Later on there was a ‘wild duck chase’ when, on the 12th, Rob took objection to one of the ducks on the pond ‘laughing’ at him. Rob then proceeded to put his drive into the pond, nearly taking out one of the offending ducks, and scoring one of his ‘usuals’ in the process. Despite all this, he did manage to score 34 points to get the last points on offer for the day.

CJ threw the cat among the pigeons today when he opted to use a different BallPin marker for the 4th hole – just for a change! Now, it is a bit unclear exactly how close Matt’s ball really was, as the distance kept changing with every telling of the tale. The upshot was that he didn’t put his name on it because he didn’t think it was ours, and, so, Ryan was the one to collect the ball on offer. The BallPin on the 18th saw the pin on the top deck, and Geoff held the honour for a while with his spot on the lower deck. Ryan came along to collect another ball, but exactly how much closer he got was not determined. The ProPin on the 12th was a Double Jackpot, and Ryan had hopes of getting his name on all three NTP cards. Despite appearances, the tape measure did not lie, and his ball was just a couple of centimetres further out than Harry’s 4.86m.

Geoff was feeling pretty pleased with himself after he had made a birdie (one of the highlights of his back nine) on the 15th. So pumped up was he that he missed the ball entirely on the 16th tee, but then proceeded to almost (but not quite) chip in for an ‘unlikely’ par. Now, we mentioned that the Beast had scored a birdie on the 10th. It seems that his drive had finished in the vicinity of the pond on the 13th. He attempted a fading shot into the green, but barrelled it into the depths of one of the trees, and after passing through about fifty branches, it dropped onto the green about a metre from the pin. Brendon was seen on his hands and knees in the bushes on the 17th as the attempted to craft some sort of a shot from an impossible lie. B wasn’t the only one to have his work cut out for him, as SOS reckons he would never have found his if Michael had not marked it with his ‘lucky’ beanie. Blighty was disappointed that he did not make the glorious come-back from his break that he had envisaged, so he consoled himself with that well known Brunswick beverage, a soy latte.

Results for Saturday, 18 June 2022
1st Ryan Porker (40) 2nd Matt Hunt (38) 2nd Chris Priems (38) 3rd Harry Boughen (36) 3rd Michael Gourlay (36) 4th Anthony Browne (35) 4th Bill Eastoe (35) 5th Robert Priems (34)

Seniors Results: 1st Chris Priems (38) 2nd Harry Boughen (36) 2nd Michael Gourlay (36) 3rd Bill Eastoe (35)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Harry Boughen BallPin No 1 – 4th Ryan Porker BallPin No 2 – 18th Ryan Porker

The icy air keeps coming up from the south, and the Antarctic icebergs drift closer and closer to shore. Fortunately, the rain has not been as persistent as the forecasts would have had it, and it turned out to be another rather nice day for golf after all. A few late starters added to the registration list, and we ended up with fourteen members lining up to do battle to see who could beat par. Once again we had preferred lies and the greens had been cleared. A certain amount of softness thereupon meant that there were a few pitch-marks in need of repair, and we would like to think that our members did their bit to leave nothing on the green except footprints. Or the occasional NTP marker! Speaking of which, the Jackpot ProPin on the 12th went begging once again, which means that the pot is building up nicely for some lucky duck to slot into the old skyrocket. Maybe this will entice a few more out of the wood-work to brave the cool that nothing more than a couple of extra layers will fix.

Michael turned up today, looking more like a green tinged Northcote refugee than usual, wearing what was voted to be his grandmother’s tea cosy rather than the secret matchplay weapon that Michael claimed it was. Whether it was a secret weapon or not, anybody who thought that Michael’s game would be ‘off’ given his rather sparse attendance so far this year would have been in for something of a shock. Other than an unexplained ‘blow-up’ on the 4th hole, the card was a fine example of the game of golf, and he finished the round effectively two over the card and a par score of +3 to take out the top spot for the day. He was so intent on playing the game that he took no less than four clubs up onto the tee at the 15th. He played a nice enough shot to set himself up for a par, and then walked off the tee carrying one club, leaving the other three behind. Now that is concentration – not!

Whitey got a bit of a spurt on early on the front nine with a series of three consecutive plus signs on the card. The early promise faded a bit, and he finished square at the turn. It looked as if the turn in fortune would continue on the back until the bite returned to his game on the 12th, and he finished with a burst to finish the round 2 up. This slotted him into second place after having held the Clubhouse lead for a short while. Geoff has taken a few games to hit his stride since joining us. Today looked like the day that he was about to show his true potential. As they walked from the 15th to the 16th tee, Michael asked him how he was going, to be told that he was four up. Some might say it was a ‘choke’, some might say it was protecting handicap, and others might say that Michael was trying to jinx him. Whatever. Gashes on the next three holes gave a final score of one up and a spot in third place. After his fine back nine last week to snare the Medal (and the Unleash voucher), CJ started out in a similar style to take the turn two ahead of the pace. The back nine was not quite as flash as last week, and he was only able to hold the line to finish +1 and to share the spot with Geoff.

SOS continues his recovery from recent surgery, and showed that it hasn’t really affected his golf. It hasn’t affected his warped sense of humour either, but it seems that Pepsi didn’t really appreciate having his ‘balls’ interfered with. All jokes aside, SOS finished square to the card, and didn’t do his handicap any harm while gathering a couple of points for his fourth place. Harry managed to square twelve of the eighteen holes, as the ‘par’ putts failed to materialise once again. It must be said that a couple of ‘long’ ones were needed for some of the squares. ChrisJ was not nearly so much of a ‘square’, but he also managed to finish with a final tally of -2 to share the final points with Harry.

Michael’s claim that he was wearing his ‘lucky’ matchplay beanie was due to the fact that he was playing his match against ChrisJ as the final match in Round 2 of the Championship. Given that Michael was in the process of shooting the lights out, you could have been forgiven for thinking that it was a mere walk in the park for him. And so it would have seemed as they reached the turn with Michael five holes to the good. However, Chris was not done with yet, and by the 14th he had brought the advantage back to only two holes. Despite Michael’s forgetfulness on the 15th, he was able to win that one, which made the match dormie 3. On the 16th, Chris was on the green for two, with a good chance of winning the hole to keep the match alive. Michael was 127m out and playing his second, and tossing up which club to use for the shot. In the end, he picked his four iron, and put the ball to 600mm for the easiest of birdies to square the hole to Chris’s par. Thus finished the match with Michael victorious 3 and 2. As an aside, that birdie was one of the 9 that we managed to make for the day.

The first BallPin was on the 4th, and Matt, rather carelessly, let his ball roll a few centimetres past and to the side of the hole. His Captain’s Call to declare the 4th the ProPin was unsuccessful, and, in revenge, the golf gods caused him to miss the putt, and deny the team making double figures for the day. The BallPin on the 18th saw a bit more of a contest, and SOS was able to oust Harry, by a good margin according to SOS.

Harry, a bit uncharacteristically for recent times, topped his drive from the 2nd, and the ball only made it into the shrubbery in front, clearly putting it into the draughtie category. Matt was attempting a chip shot to the green on the 2nd, and, according to all reports, the club missed the ball by a number of millimetres. Ben was back on deck today after a break for some delicate (and personal) surgery. According to reports, he is getting a lot more sleep as a consequence. You could be forgiven for thinking otherwise when he managed to completely ‘top’ the ball on five consecutive shots at one stage. One man who did not get much sleep last night was Pepsi, who admitted that he only ‘woke up’ after about five holes. Who knows what his score might have been if he had stayed asleep much longer.

Ryan left his drive on the 13th on the slope down from the road and was faced with the ball well above his feet (he is a lefty). His effort to reach the green did not quite come off, and breaths were held as the ball headed ever so slowly towards the rather expansive (and expensive) windows that line the fairway. Fortunately, the ball did finish well short of disaster. CJ was wondering how he was going to keep warm with C away in Sydney on a girl’s weekend. Ben offered him a hand warmer, and soon he had four, which he proceeded to stuff down the front of his jocks. Things started to get a bit steamy when the chemicals involved reached critical mass, and he was forced to remove them in something of a hurry. He was a bit concerned that one was missing – handwarmer, that is.

Results for Saturday, 11 June 2022
1st Michael Gourlay (+3) 2nd Rodney White (+2) 3rd Geoff Lyall (+1) 3rd Chris Priems (+1) 4th Stephen O’Sullivan (□) 5th Harry Boughen (-2) 5th Chris James (-2)

Seniors Results: 1st Michael Gourlay (+3) 2nd Rodney White (+2) 3rd Chris Priems (+1) 3rd Geoff Lyall (+1)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Jackpot BallPin No 1 – 4th Matt Hunt BallPin No 2 – 18th Stephen O’Sullivan

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Somebody during the week suggested that the medal might be awarded to the winner of the 50m freestyle. This, and other comments, suggested that there was more than a little faith being placed in the accuracy of the rainfall predictions from the BOM. Such pessimism might very well have contributed to the fact that a rather meagre collection of ten members turned out for their chance to score a medal for the poolroom. As it turned out, the temperature wasn’t all that bad, the wind didn’t spring up until later in the morning and the rain stayed away entirely. The course was in good condition and the greens had been cleared of dew and debris, and the management declared that preferred lies were the order of the day. With such a combination of conditions, it is no wonder that the scoring was hot – not!

The question was asked, in the aftermath of the round, had CJ been abducted by aliens and had been replaced by an avatar that was capable of hitting a golf ball straight. The evidence for this ‘accuracy’ was just a bit conspicuous by its absence on the front nine, with eleven of his twelve strokes behind him. However, the back nine was a bit more of a thing and just four over the card was the order of the day for a net result three outside his handicap (or 71 net for the mathematically challenged). Whitey was playing in the same group and actually marked CJ’s card. His round was rather more balanced, matching CJ’s tally on the front, but he left a few out there on the back to come in with the same net score. CJ’s stellar performance on the back nine meant that the count back was almost a no contest and the medal was knocked down to CJ. This caused the question to be asked whether this was one of the highest scores to win a medal. Well, to find a matching score, you only have to go back to the April medal of this year, when Porks collected that one. For the all-time record (as far back as detailed records are available) you have to go back to 2000 when Laurie Mannix took the prize with a net 76.

H played some good shots today, but he lost count of the putts from just outside gimme range that failed to hit the hole sufficiently to fall in. As a result, double bogies were rather prevalent and the best he could do was a net score of 75. This turned out to be sufficient to win second placing for the day. However, this little glory was not to be his alone, as he was joined on the podium by Gordo, who had started out a little shakily, but who settled down to put in a moderately respectable back nine. Adam was only one stroke behind for his spot on the podium for third place. A ball that could not be found within a few metres of the 9th green was probably the difference between this and second place.

True to form, Rob was on the buy once again after the round. It seems that he really smashed his drive on one hole, and it had travelled at least 150m past the red markers. There the ball found a tree and, with a dead centre contact, it came back a full 160m to finish on his side of the reds. The trees seem to have been particularly resilient today, because Brent also whacked one on the second, and not only did it come back beyond the reds, it came back and finished behind the whites as well. To rub salt into the wounds, the ball was lost and Brent plodded his first double figure score for the day. Yes, there were more! Despite this little tribulation, and a niner on the 15th due to a couple of shots OOB, Rob was able to claim fourth place with his 78. SOS was absolutely desperate to produce a par for the day. As hard as he tried, he did not manage it until the 16th. The result obviously went to his head as he followed up with a nine on the 17th. However, there were no more pars to be had as he scored a birdie on the 18th after knocking off Harry for the BallPin. This was just one of the four birdies that we scored for the day.

For some reason, the first BallPin on Medal day was nominated for the 7th hole. There were confident predictions in the Clubhouse that it would be a Jackpot. However, Brent put paid to that idea when he put his ball on, and he remained unchallenged. The ProPin was on the 12th, and quite a few people managed to get onto the green, but none were close enough to get their name on the card to give us a Jackpot for next week.

Steve struggled with his shots from the tee today, and a few other places as well. At one stage, he was heard to be threatening to give the game away. That is, until he scored a birdie on the 17th, when all of a sudden he started talking about next week. Despite all this, he just missed out on a point, taking 6th place with his 84 net. Even though he shared the top honours, Whitey was shanking them severely from the tee, which did not help the cause at all. And, while on the topic of shanks, SOS was chipping to the green on the 4th from a relatively short distance. He managed a shank that travelled at 45 degrees to the intended line, travelled about 3m and missed the green entirely. Maybe he can blame the fact that he was in hospital a week ago, getting a knee job. The Birthday Birdie was a bit remiss last week when he failed to visit Dave to help celebrate his happy occasion. He is sure that Dave smashed it though.

Results for Saturday, 04 June 2022
Winner Chris Priems (71 c/b t9) 1st Rodney White (71) 2nd Harry Boughen (75) 2nd Gordon Hill (75) 3rd Adam King (76) 4th Robert Priems (78) 5th Stephen O’Sullivan (79)

Seniors Results: 1st Chris Priems (71) 1st Rodney White (71) 2nd Gordon Hill (75) 2nd Harry Boughen (75) 3rd Steven Gervasoni (84)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Jackpot BallPin No 1 – 7th Brent Rowley BallPin No 2 – 18th Stephen O’Sullivan

This was the last round before the BOM declares the start of winter, even if the solstice does not. The temperature at tee time was a relatively mild 7C, and it promised not to warm up too much before the day was out. Some layers and neck-warmers did come off after the halfway mark, and the promise of no rain did prove to be correct. All in all, a pleasant enough day for the thirteen members who ventured out to vie for some points before the real winter gets here. Numbers might have been a bit better if it had not been for ‘significant’ birthdays and frog hunting expeditions that kept a number of our members otherwise occupied. The first group was a little surprised to find a leprechaun seated cross-legged beside the 17th tee, but, on closer inspection, it turned out to be JQ, who is back from his recent travels and who decided to get some fresh air while kibitzing on members form as they tried their luck from the tee. There would appear to be little truth in the story that Pepsi and Brendon both went exploring in the shrubbery after being told they would find a pot of gold there.

If, perchance, the scrub bashing on Brendon’s part was due to an errant drive, it could very well have saved him from even greater damage to his handicap, because it certainly wasn’t enough to stop him from putting in the best score for the day. A string of five fours in a row from the first got him off to an excellent start, and he rounded the turn with twenty points on the card. A few less than stellar holes on the back were offset to some degree by a birdie and four points on the 13th. A grand total of thirty-eight, took the top spot for the day, but Brendon chose a low-key celebration by settling for butter for the scones rather than jam and cream.

Stef stuttered a few times during the round, but he was still able to put together two nines, each two over the card, that garnered him a tally of 37 points and second place on the podium. In the process, he managed to pull off what would have to just about count as the shot of the century. His drive from the 11th was one of his usual monsters, and the ball found its way into the penalty area beside the green. The ball was found, both under water and barely visible. Undaunted, Stef opted to play as it lay, and, amid a shower of mud and water, launched the ball out of the hazard and onto the green where a couple of putts made for the ‘easiest’ of pars.

Harry started off well with some fine chipping giving him a chance to make some scores. None less than on the 4th, where the ball headed unerringly for the hole and dropped in for the birdie and a four pointer. This effort helped our total of birdies to eight for the day. Things slowed down a bit after the 5th, and at the turn, things were not looking too promising. A bit of a second wind on the back nine helped immeasurably to bring the final total to 36. Pepsi also produced a four pointer in his round when he rattled one in for an eagle on the 14th. So, after a bit of a scare last week, the old bird’s worst fears were realised, and she once again finds herself with only a single egg in the nest. Pepsi matched Harry’s scores on both nines and in the final tally to share third place.

Now, most people would be pretty happy to have a four pointer on their card. Steve turned out today for his first round of formal competition. He started the back nine with a par, and four points. He finished the back nine with a birdie and five points. In between, he racked up enough scores to finish with twenty-four points for the nine holes. This intel resulted in some nervous glances between the clubhouse leaders as they wondered what the grand total would be. Unfortunately, Steve had taken the first nine holes to warm up, and he could only manage a total of 35 for the round. It had been predicted that it would not be long before he appeared on the podium. And he probably won’t be on a handicap of 29 for long either! Geoff maybe didn’t check his handicap, and sold himself one short, so he moved up a notch to 33 points and a share of fifth place. If he hadn’t taken several holes to get going, the total and the resultant points could easily have been much greater. Ryan put together a pair of 38’s off the stick on his way to 33 points as well. An errant tee shot on the 14th finished OOB, while his provisional finished just on the green directly below the hole. The putt was only just off centre, and hit the pin with just enough speed to flick out of the hole and come to rest, teetering on the brink. So close to an unlikely par!

There was a BallPin on the 4th today, and Ryan was the only one to get his name on the card after he put it close in the first group out. The second BallPin on the 18th was much more keenly contested, with three names on the card and others in with a chance. In the end, it was Steve who won the day. The ProPin was on the 12th, and Stef was able to hold off some challengers with his shot to 4.7m. However, the marker pin should be placed accurately at the ball finishing position to obviate the possibility of misunderstanding as to whether the distance has been accurately recorded.

There were some matches contested today as part of the second round of the championship. Pepsi took on Keith with the rather daunting prospect of having to give away twenty-two strokes. Pepsi got off to a good start and won the first three holes before Keith got his motor warmed up and started to stem the flow Pepsi’s way. Unfortunately, his finger wasn’t big enough to block the hole in the dyke, and, eventually, it gave way and Peps won another four on the trot to take out the match with a fairly convincing margin of 8 and 6. Ryan had to hand Gordon ten strokes in their match. For a while this looked to be too tough a call as Gordon made his way out to a three hole lead. Gordo’s touch seemed to abandon him after the ninth, and, slowly but surely, the lead was whittled away until, at last, the battle was lost at the 17th with Porks victorious, 2 and 1. The third match was what you might call a Claytons. Stef did battle with Mehm to see whether Stef really did deserve to go through to the third round. Mehm played pretty well on the front nine and had gathered 19 points in the main competition. Unfortunately, Stef did better when it counted, and, at the turn, Mehm was three holes down. A gallant defence ensued, but victories proved elusive and eventually Stef took the match at the 14th with the scoreline at 5 and 4. Thus, Stef does get to keep his spot in the third round. Only two more matches to go in Round 2. You know who you are, so get on with it.

The last group had some interested spectators as they finished off on the 18th. Michael and Steve both had good tee shots onto the green and sank their putts for birdies. Targe was just off the green from the tee. His chip went very close to going in, and he made his par with ease. Geoff made it to the edge of the top deck with his second. His putt trickled over the edge and finished centimetres from the hole. The tap-in didn’t quite work, and he had to settle for a five to finish the round. Earlier, Brendon was seen pfaffing around with measuring tapes and NTP markers as he made sure he got his name where it counted most. Keith was buying drinks after the round following a draughtie from the 3rd tee. The ball also finished up behind a tree, prompting Pepsi to comment that Keith was not going to like where it finished, and he owed him a beer. One of the contributing factors to Steve’s ‘warm-up’ on the front nine was not just one, but two freshies. Not a very common occurrence, or at least, not one that people own up to.

Results for Saturday, 28 May 2022
1st Brendon Mitchell (38) 2nd Stefan Belevski (37) 3rd Harry Boughen (36) 3rd Andrew Petricola (36) 4th Steven Gervasoni (35) 5th Geoff Lyall (33) 5th Ryan Porker (33)

Seniors Results: 1st Harry Boughen (36) 2nd Steven Gervasoni (35) 3rd Geoff Lyall (33)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Stefan Belevski BallPin No 1 – 4th Ryan Porker BallPin No 2 – 18th Steven Gervasoni

Eagle’s Nest Results: Eagle – 14th Andrew Petricola