Seventy percent chance of rain, less than 1mm. So said Brendon’s forecast during the week. Interestingly, it probably proved about right. There was rain as we teed off, and it probably amounted to less than one millimetre. The only problem was the 5mm or more that came down during the night, which just sat on top of the already saturated parts of the course in nice little mini-oceans a few millimetres deep, There was soft ground to swallow a ball, and longish grass to hide it from prying eyes. Despite this, there were few reports of lost balls, although some searches possibly lasted longer than the regulation three minutes. Trees were reported to have sprung up and interfered with the trajectory of balls that were deemed to have cleared said tree by the proverbial country mile. But, then again, perspective can be deceptive. Everybody should be familiar with the shot that looks to be almost in the hole from fifty metres out, when, in reality, it is several metres away. Despite some early concerns about having numbers for a competition, in the end, we had a quorum and a half, with nine players battling it out for the points on offer. And, at the end of the day, nobody was disappointed, as there were just enough points available for everybody to score at least one. It’s probably been a while since that has happened. With that thought firmly at front of mind, some enquiries were made, and it was determined that such an event has happened four times in the last ten years. The most recent was almost exactly five years ago on 16th September 2017, from a field of eight. Records show that it has happened with fields of up to fourteen.

The man who didn’t really have to Hunt for his ball today was none other than Captain Matt. Although, he was wishing for a bit of luck on the 10th when the ball headed for the tree line on the right. A bit of a miss-hit or a stray ball did not prove to be a problem, as the approach game was exemplary. It was easy to lose count of the times that approach shots finished close to gimme distance from the hole. Matt reached the turn with one point on the credit side of the ledger, and then he really decided to play. He managed to complete the back half of the course with just 32 strokes (one under par) to amass five more points to bring his total to six for the round. This was more than enough to take out the top spot on a day when conditions for play were not all that great. The handicapper’s axe needed just a little more than a hone to do justice to the execution.

Geoff hit the ground running and was putting the lie to his rather generous handicap to be two strokes over the card after five holes. A bit of a bumpy patch around the turn took the shine off things just a bit, and the tally was all square after the 12th. At this stage, a show of form returned, and the double points paid dividends, so that he was able to finish the round in second place with a score of +3. The handicap is now slightly more realistic. There was some surprise expressed when Craig announced that his score was -1, as he had been ‘hitting them up the centre all day’. As they say, Old reliable can be deceptive like that! There were plenty of squares to be had on his card, but the plus putts just would not drop in. There were no reports on how up the centre SOS was, but he did manage to produce the same pair of nine hole tallies to match Craig and to share third place. However, there were reports on his sense of fashion.

Harry was pretty happy with his front nine as he took on the water soaked greens and sank putts from just about any range. The happy knack was rather short-lived, and the back was punctuated by numerous putts missed from short range, much to his chagrin. So, it was a pleasant surprise to be in at fourth place with his score of -5. Brendon was in a forgetful mood, as he arrived at the course without his trusty putter once again, and had to suffice with a borrow from the ProShop. Which club he blamed in large part for him also scoring -5 for a share of the spot with Harry. He was also spotted searching frantically in the pockets of his bag for his banana. There is no evidence available that he found it, and it can only be assumed that he left that at home with his putter as well. With only three members of the field left unaccounted for, it was up to Michael, Gordon and JQ to present with cards of -6 to fill the last placing available and to use up all of the players available as well.

Geoff was the only one left at the table before tee time, so he was asked to nominate the first BallPin. On the basis of having gone close to making a hole-in-one there last week, he nominated the 7th. With the tees placed well back, it looked as if there was a fair chance that it would go begging. No such luck. Michael did the deed, and put his name on the chit to collect yet another ball and save the Club a fortune with his predilection for cheapies. On the 18th, Matt managed to get his ball onto the green, and he almost seemed reluctant to put his name on the card. His reluctance might have been well-founded, because Geoff did manage to get closer to collect the ball. There was a suggestion that there was another contender who missed out on beating Geoff by a shoe length. Then there was the quadruple Jackpot ProPin on the 12th hole. The first group tried valiantly, but couldn’t quite get a name on the card after Brendon’s shot was accurate enough, but finished just a bit too long, and actually off the back of the green. The second group was a little more successful, and Craig managed to sneak inside the required distance, Then, along came Team Gourlay. As Michael’s shot was arcing assuredly towards the pin, frantic negotiations began about the possibility of sharing the pot. Actually, it had been decided beforehand that a split was in order, but that’s not nearly so good a story. Discussions within Brendon’s group for a similar deal had earlier proved fruitless, and demonstrated once again that he is, proudly, tight as a kiwi’s cloaca. Anyway, the shot to 2m was plenty good enough to score the money for the team. Michael did not make the birdie there, but he did manage one for the round to contribute to the field total of five.

Results for Saturday, 10 Sep 2022
1st Matt Hunt (+6) 2nd Geoff Lyall (+3) 3rd Craig Cameron (-1) 3rd Stephen O’Sullivan (-1) 4th Harry Boughen (-5) 4th Brendon Mitchell (-5) 5th Michael Gourlay (-6) 5th Gordon Hill (-6) 5th John Quinlan (-6)

Seniors Results: 1st Geoff Lyall (+3) 2nd Craig Cameron (-1) 3rd Harry Boughen (-5)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Michael Gourlay BallPin No 1 – 7th Michael Gourlay BallPin No 2 – 18th Geoff Lyall

Pretty much as expected, the course was a bit on the wet and slushy side as the rain clouds persist in dropping their load right over Ivanhoe. The rough is getting rougher and the fairways are getting shaggier as the ground staff were prevented from getting out with the mowers, again. It was therefore possible to spend an amount of time searching for balls that would otherwise have been easily found. The lack of run also contributed to some searching being carried out well in front of the final resting place of the ball. There was a bit of a mist falling right at tee time, and a couple of umbrellas were unfurled by the less hardy of the fourteen members who rolled up to take their chances with the vagaries of the weather and the course.

Brent is a bit cheesed off for a number of reasons. Firstly, he was all lined up to play Michael in the Matchplay final. Unfortunately, Michael had to bale for family reasons, but Brent pressed on regardless. And, he reckons that he played well enough to beat Michael on the day, specially with Michael having to give him nine strokes. Second, he had managed to avoid coming down with COVID despite visits to the footy, pubs, clubs etc. That is, until one of the littlies went to kindie and brought the bug home, and it spread progressively through the whole household, and prevented him from playing during the last month. As a result, he did not pass the qualification to win the Monthly Medal on offer. Third, as he had the best net score of 70, he copped the ‘winners’ penalty, which reduces the strokes that Michael has to concede when they do eventually meet in their match. Plus, it seems unlikely that he would get in enough games to claw the loss back in time. Harry, on the other hand, was less than enamoured with the way that his game went, with a fair number of cases of hitting the big ball before he hit the little one. Plus, there were any number of putts that were of a perfect length, but just a couple of centimetres to the side of the hole. Others were more optimistic that a net of 72 would be a good score for the round, and so it was that Harry slotted into second place, and collected the medal as well.

ChrisJ has bought himself a new driving iron, and his use of it from the first was the cause of a fair bit of comment from the peanut gallery watching on. Chris’s general opinion was that he will have to get himself to the driving range to learn how to use the thing. Things can’t have been too bad though, as he had a pretty reasonable round apart from a bit of a shocker on the 13th. As a result, he could only manage a net score of 73 to take out third place. Gordon came in looking a bit grumpy. Or, as he put it, he was ‘spewing’. The ProShop sent out a random group of four onto the back nine between our groups, who, variously, tried to ‘steal’ balls, removed the NTP marker from the 15th and tossed it into the rough (fortunately it was found), and, to rub salt into the wounds, played slowly. He might also have been a bit grumpy about some of his scores in general. However, his net 74 scored him fourth place and a couple of points to his total. Pepsi’s marker marked his net score incorrectly, and so, after a round that included some pretty ordinary scores by his standards, he didn’t end up with fifth place by himself as was reported at the presentations. Our pal, CJ, who admitted to some of his worst drives since he got his new set of clubs was moved into a share of that exalted position with his net score of 76, so the points tally does still keep ticking over, as they say.

Now we get to the controversy. It’s been all over the news of late about the shortage of skilled labour around the country. And, it seems, that shortage has spread to our little Club as well. There was great anticipation about the Triple Jackpot for the ProPin on the 12th. Despite having discussed the matter on the tee and having rued the fact that no one had got on, not one member of the first group remembered to put out the kit for the use of following groups. As a result, the ProPin today was declared No Contest and the pool will carry over to next week as an effective Quadruple Jackpot. This could also have contributed to Gordo’s grumpiness, as he did get onto the green, reportedly within the required distance. The first BallPin was on the 15th, and BrentR had put his marker out at a measured distance (with the ProPin tape – which marker he also put out) of 3.73m. Without the BallPin marker on the green, thanks to the interlopers, SOS ‘paced’ his distance as 4.1m, and, so, the ball was awarded to Brent. On the 18th, the pin was on the top deck, but the green evaded all comers, except Pepsi, who left his ball on the bottom deck. Even after his putt, the ball was still on the bottom deck, so there was no birdie there. Or anywhere, for that matter, and we ended up with a big fat zero for the birdie count today. This would just about have to be a first!

BrentL was with us today for the first time in a while, and he reckoned that the time away from the game really showed. He could still hit the ball a country mile, though, as he demonstrated on the 14th. His first tee shot headed sharply left, and finished out of bounds towards the 15th tee. His second headed the completely opposite direction, and went close to being out of bounds beyond the 16th fairway and about 200m out. Pepsi might have done better on the scoring front if he hadn’t lost a ball up a tree on the 11th. Given the reported ‘hairy’ state of the course, you could be forgiven for suggesting that it just was hidden in the herbage. Not likely, say the searchers, as the ground around the area is pretty bare. Bob has been having trouble with his hands, and his scoring today was not great. He managed a draughtie on the 12th, but it is suggested that it was not his lack of grip strength that caused the club to go flying backwards and whizzing within inches of Geoff’s head. And, while on the topic of Geoff, he got around all day with the zip of his jeans wide open. Whether this was a strategy to put off his playing partners or just shoddy manufacture was not clear.

After a fair sort of a break, the Birthday Birdie has to get his wings back into action to deliver some best wishes to Matt and Blighty. Have a great day, guys, whatever you might get up to, to celebrate.

Results for Saturday, 03 Sep 2022
1st Brent Rowley (70) 2nd Harry Boughen (72) 3rd Chris James (73) 4th Gordon Hill (74) 5th Andrew Petricola (76) 5th Chris Priems (76)

Seniors Results: 1st Harry Boughen (72) 2nd Gordon Hill (74) 3rd Chris Priems (76)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th No Contest BallPin No 1 – 15th Brent Rowley BallPin No 2 – 18th Andrew Petricola

You could be foggiven if you mist seeing the flight of your ball from the first today. The main reason being that the cloud base was at about sea level this morning. Not strictly true, as once the suspended water droplets dispersed, the sun came out to show a clear blue sky, although a few cotton balls did show up a little later on. The regular showers and rain periods during the week helped to keep the slushy spots slushy, and the boggy spots boggy. The maintenance crew don’t seem to have been able to get out as a result, and the grass was getting a bit shaggy in places. The actual total of lost balls, either due to straight out plugging or to just vanishing in the grass, was not available, but, anecdotally, the number was reasonably substantial. We ended up with eleven members on the tee, and a rough guess would put the total at about a ball per member. Brendon went close to ‘losing’ one on the 4th when his drive caught the tree and dropped without being spotted. A ball in the middle of the fairway was dismissed when described as being Titleist with purple dots. When it was picked up as a ‘gimme’ and cleaned, the initials BM appeared, and the dots were identified as actually being black, much to the relief of Brendon who went on to finish the hole with a double bogie. Maybe he should have played on with his provisional.

Michael trudged in after the round, looking despondent, and bemoaning the fact that he had three putted more greens than he liked to remember on the back nine. So, was he playing the field in the hope of not getting his handicap cut, or was he genuinely happy that he would be able to give Brent another stroke when they eventually meet in the Matchplay final, as he later claimed. The latter hardly rings true when he speculated that, if he plays next week and Brent doesn’t, then he would get the lost stroke back by being let out. This assumes, of course, that he doesn’t win or break his handicap again. All calculations aside, 37 points under fairly trying conditions was a good effort, and more than enough to take out the points for the day. The qualified leaders in the Vardon Trophy are certainly hoping that Michael’s involvement with the Greens and the upcoming state election will prevent him from reaching the qualifying number of rounds for this event. Or, if he does, that he doesn’t score any more points than he already has.

Brendon produced a bit of a mixed bag today as far as shot making went. There were drives that were creamed and those that were ‘not quite’ duffed. The chipping was either deadly with the ball hitting the pin and rimming the cup or finishing variously short or long. The putting, however, was consistently deadly, and he was able to come home with 35 points to claim the second level on the podium. Harry had quite a few chances to snare a par, but he had to wait until the 15th to catch one unawares. His hope for a full nine holes of two pointers on the front was spoiled by a ‘vanishing’ ball on the 8th with the possibility that it had deflected OOB requiring that a penalty be incurred. His 34 points won him the third place in the field.

Thirty-two points was a popular total today, with three members fronting up for fourth place with that score. First cab off the rank was Craig, who struggled a bit, mainly with the guy who was marking his card. But, it was all sorted out in the end and the totals agreed, even if the individual hole scores and points did not. Just as an aside, it does pay to check the individual holes scores and points, rather than just the totals, and actually add them up rather than recording what the other guy says. Gordon was looking a bit on the grumpy side after the first two holes, when things did not go too well. The demeanour change for the better on the third when his chip to the green took one bounce and plopped into the hole for a birdie and four points. This was not the end of his travails, but a repeat performance with a chip in for a par on the 10th helped him into his share of 4th place. SOS played pretty handily for the first eight holes, before a minor lapse for a couple of holes knocked a bit of a hole in his chances. But, he did recover pretty well and joined in on 4th place. Bob’s hand is giving him a bit of grief, and the compression glove he is wearing affects his feel for the club. Despite this, he was able to sneak into fifth place with his score of 31 points. Whitey can’t blame the condition of his hands, but he was seriously questioning, early in the round, whether the course should even have been open today. Whether scoring a point has changed his view was not clear at the end of the day.

One of the hot topics today was whether the ProPin on the 12th was a double or a triple Jackpot. The ‘official’ word is that the first week is a Pot, second week is a Jackpot, third week is a Double Jackpot, which makes next week a Triple Jackpot because, once again, nobody was able to get within the required 5m. For once, there were no sob-stories from Michael about being millimetres outside the limit. The BallPin on the 7th was a Jackpot and, with the teeing area well back, the early tipping was that it would go Double. That is, until along came Geoff. He ran his ball over the edge of the hole, probably missing a hole in one etc by the narrowest of margins, and left the ball a few hundred millimetres past the hole. He whacked in the putt for a birdie and, in the process, he put Gordo’s four pointer into the back seat to his five points. This also brought our tally of birdies to seven for the day. Now, we all know that Geoff is never far removed from his mobile as he accumulates ever more data for his game analysis software. Perhaps a little ‘excited’ after his recent near thing, he gathered his data after a shot on the 8th and then played his next shot. After this, he claimed that he must have left his phone somewhere else, only to be reminded that he had it in his hand moments before. A hurried search of his person proved that it had not been left behind.

On the 18th tee, there had been a bit of a discussion about how far distant people had been to win the nearest the pin, and a figure of 11.4m was mentioned. Brendon did manage to put his ball onto the green, and, when it was measured, the distance turned out to be 11.4m, and Brendon confidently predicted that it could be a winner. Unfortunately, Michael came along and put his closer to take out the BallPin in our competition and to ease Brendon out of the money for the inside competition. Whether Michael’s is good enough to win that one remains to be seen, but the actual distance was not revealed. It certainly wasn’t close enough to score the birdie.

Targe was another one complaining about the condition of the course as he reckons he was getting bogged, the mud was so deep. You just need longer legs, Targe! Rob, however, was credited with the recoveries of the round when he scored fours from ‘impossible’ situations. Not on par four holes, it must be added, but on par threes. On the 12th, a shank put him behind and almost in the penalty area, and the hand-span relief was all that he needed to be able to muscle the shot over the clumps of vegetation and onto the green to finish it off with a couple of putts. On the 18th, he barely avoided the almost compulsory draughtie, finishing a bare 15m from the tee. After another shot and still a way to go, he lobbed it to within a metre and sank the putt. Just goes to prove that you never give up, eh, Prez.

Results for Saturday, 27 Aug 2022
1st Michael Gourlay (37) 2nd Brendon Mitchell (35) 3rd Harry Boughen (34) 4th Craig Cameron (32) 4th Gordon Hill (32) 4th Stephen O’Sullivan (32) 5th Bob McDonald (31) 5th Rodney White (31)

Seniors Results: 1st Michael Gourlay (37) 2nd Harry Boughen (34) 3rd Craig Cameron (32) 3rd Gordon Hill (32)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Jackpot BallPin No 1 – 7th Geoff Lyall BallPin No 2 – 18th Michael Gourlay

Well, it wasn’t exactly bucketing down, but there was quite heavy rain about as ten intrepid souls trudged out to the tee to see just what sort of a prospect the course held for them. The radar suggested that it was going to persist for at least a few holes, so umbrellas and wet weather gear were unfurled from the get-go. Progress was a little slow to start with, as ball finding and ball cleaning interfered with the smooth running of the game. The consistent rain did only last for a few, but occasional showers persisted for about eight. At that stage there was enough blue for a sailor’s suit, and the sun did make a couple of appearances. Blighty made a bold prediction early on that a score of -3 would win the day, and he persisted with that prediction right to the bitter end. Being in the first group, and in charge of the NTP markers, he was tempted to declare the 4th hole as the ProPin after he placed his drive to within about 200mm of the hole. He resisted the urge, and placed all of the markers in the correct place. Because of this, the golf gods smiled upon him, and he was able to slot the putt for a birdie, one of only four that were carded for the day.

For quite a while, it looked as if Andrew was out in his prediction of the winning score. That is, until CJ slapped his card down on the table, proudly displaying the total of -3 to take the day and to make the forecast come to pass. CJ did have a bit of a whinge about the fact that he was going to be cut for winning, and claimed that it was unfair to be cut for missing your handicap by so much. The computer says No! Chief soothsayer Blight was next to step up onto the podium with his card sporting a total of -4 points, helped along just a little by his performance on the 4th. He was joined by Steve, who might be a force to be reckoned with if he can get his short game going. He was playing without a glove because of the rain and the grip on a club was so slippery that, on his approach to the first, the club slipped out of his hand, travelled further than the ball and went close to scoring a birdie – with the club.

Michael was bewailing the fact of a series of missed putts on the last couple of holes that ‘robbed’ him of a higher placing, if not a win. Perhaps a better question would have been, what about the run of minus scores at the start of the nine. It obviously upset him so much that he walked off to his car after the presentations and left behind his golf ball and lunch box (empty). ChrisJ had his moments on the course today, some of which included some fine shots. A nice little draw on the 11th put him in a good spot to make the par, but a similarly shaped shot on the 13th saw the ball finish well into the private property on the left. Despite the ups and downs, a final score of -5 was good enough to win a share of third place. Brendon’s day did not start out too well. He arrived at the first green, only to discover that he had left his putter in the car. So he putted that green with his wedge, then did a sprint back to retrieve his trusty putter. Trouble is, it wasn’t in the car, either. Undaunted, a quick visit to the ProShop scored him a loaner, and he was back in business. Some of the putts came off so well that he was thinking of actually paying the $5 to buy it. This wasn’t enough to offset some other poor shot-making, and Brendon was only able to manage a -5 as well.

After turning at only one hole down, Gordon had visions of hoisting the trophy at the end of the day. The first few holes of the back did little to tarnish that vision. Unfortunately, the Hillman Minx developed a rather nasty rattle in the big end, and the vision disappeared in a puff of blue smoke and a rash of gashes. So, Gordo just had to satisfy himself with a -6 and a spot in 4th place. His chip in birdie on the 9th brightened his day just a little, and it helped his Eclectic score just that little bit, as did the handicap relief that he got. JQ could not quite believe that he was going to score a point with his tally of -7, but he did.

CJ might have to invest in some new head-wear as his climb up the Championship tables continues. He’s probably beginning to think that the Seniors is not such a tough gig after all. He reckons he made the earth move today when he came down after a slip on the side of the 15th tee. Brendon went close to suffering the same fate. As an aside, there are signs advising use of the provided paths/stairs.

The first BallPin was set on the 7th today, and the tee was set a fair way back, which might go some way to explaining why nobody was able to hit the green, giving us a Jackpot on the hole for next week. The ProPin (Jackpot) on the 12th was similarly elusive, so there will be a Double jackpot on offer next week. Depending on the numbers attending, it could be almost worth winning. The BallPin on the 18th was contested after Adam was able to get onto the green, even if only just. However, a fine shot by Michael to just under 3m spoiled Adam’s day more than it already had been.

The Birth Day Birdie has been a bit remiss as it seems that Ryan is now the proud father of a fine bouncing baby boy. Congratulations to all concerned. It will probably not be long before he is being enrolled in Junior Tigers and pestering Dad to be allowed to join our merry band.

Results for Saturday, 20 Aug 2022
1st Chris Priems (-3) 2nd Andrew Blight (-4) 2nd Steven Gervasoni (-4) 3rd Michael Gourlay (-5) 3rd Chris James (-5) 3rd Brendon Mitchell (-5) 4th Gordon Hill (-6) 5th John Quinlan (-7)

Seniors Results: 1st Chris Priems (-3) 2nd Andrew Blight (-4) 2nd Steven Gervasoni (-4) 3rd Michael Gourlay (-5)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Jackpot BallPin No 1 – 7th Jackpot BallPin No 2 – 18th Michael Gourlay

---