And well might you ask what the other eleven clubs are for.  From looking at the scores turned in, the only thing that was really obvious was the dearth of birdies that were scored.  A paltry two from a field of eighteen, probably one of the lowest strike rates for quite some time if not in all time.  But, in all but a few cases, the actual scoring wasn’t too much different from normal and maybe a couple of those less than stellar performances could have been down to club choice.  Whitey, of course played about seventy of his total shots with the putter and Ryan was torn between blaming the handicapper after last week’s mauling and poor club selection.  A brief survey suggested that a wise choice was a low loft hybrid or fairway wood, and eight or nine iron and the putter.  Bob for one gave the putter a miss and had his moments on the green using a hybrid instead of the flat stick though it did call up a few expletives but, then again, so does the flat stick.

So, fresh back from his lay-off, the Beast was the one that handled the conditions and the restricted equipment list the best to take out the event by playing exactly to his handicap so the only damage to the handicap was to the extent of the winners penalty.  Bill did manage to quantify the benefit of the other eleven clubs having taken only two more strokes than last week when he had a full set.  And he didn’t get any birdies.  But he did get the top Seniors points as well so not a bad day all round.

Damo could easily have won the day if he hadn’t started reaching for the Strepsils pack on the home straight with single pointers on three of the last four holes.  He was pretty pleased with his club selection but apparently it was leaving himself with the ‘in-between’ shots that required a bit more control on the grip down/part swing front that brought him undone.  Still, 35 points is nothing to be sneezed at.

Blighty was another one that could have been right up there except for the three gashes and three singletons that marred an otherwise excellent card.  One shot on the 8th was worthy of note as he played from a difficult lie with interference from a tree on both back swing and follow through.  The ball headed for the billabong but rather fortuitously found the boundary post and ricocheted nicely back into the middle of the fairway.  A chip and a couple of putts still made the two points for the hole.  For his trouble and the 31 points Andrew collected the second Seniors points as well as the third in the main table.  He was joined on the dais by ChrisV who started in fine style but faded a bit on the back but maybe this was just in sympathy with Ryan who was marking his card.

Then came the most popular score of the day.  Thirty points and there were four of them there to share the glory.  A couple of Seniors in Gordon and Harry collected points in both tables while a couple of juniors only scored points in the main table.  Stef was able to peg back a few points on Ryan and Mehmet still continues to be the highest placed in the table without a win.

The Seniors were well represented today and the last points for the day went to a couple more of them with Targe and Allan rocking up with 28 points.  Maybe both should be making an appointment with an optometrist as Targe struggled to read the cards while making the announcements and Allan obviously had trouble reading the handicap sheet

Bobbie scored the ball for the Nearest the Pin on the 18th with a shot that was just past the hole by 30 or 40 cms.  There was some question as to whether he deserved to collect after taking three more to put the ball away though, to be fair, he was using his hybrid as a putter.  There was one highlight in Ryan’s round when he put it to 1.9m on the 12th which was more than enough to collect the cash for the ProPin.

Well, the final five is decided.  The Minor Premiership is decided.  The next and final round of the Home and Away season will be decided week after next to set the order of the other four teams in the five.  So the Hawks are the Minor Premiers with an unassailable lead in the table after they (Andrew and Gordon 61) defeated the Blues (ChrisV and Rod 58).  The Tigers are still one game clear in second place despite going down (Stef and Stef 60) to the Magpies (Bill and Targe 65) but they play the third placed Blues next round so a tie for second place is a possibility if the Blues manage to get up.  The IGL Commission will have to give some thought on how to break a tie in the event that one does occur.  The Magpies and the Bulldogs are tied for fourth place after the Bulldogs (Damo and Mehm 65) defeated the Saints (Harry and SOS 55) which relegated the Saints permanently to the Wooden Spoon.  As the Bulldogs are drawn to play the Magpies next round, this tie should be broken (unless of course there happens to be a tie in the match).  The Finals series will follow using the McIntyre Final Five system and it will be interesting to see how it all pans out particularly if it is possible to arrange for opposing team members to be playing in the same group.

The Birthday Birdie was a little disappointed that JohnQ wasn’t there today but he was probably out celebrating with his family.  This week sees Zimmer getting a little older if not a little wiser.

Good to see Michael back with a chipper and putter in his hand and his shoulder slowly coming good.  Seems he might have to get a wall at home repainted as he marks his progress to raise his arms higher up a wall day by day.  The almost putt of the day was down to Harry on the 12th from 28m out across the slope to leave it about 20mm out on the top side of the hole.

Mehm showed off his Jedi skills today by deflecting a ball that was in great danger of damaging his manhood.  He did it with the shaft of the putter that he was holding with one deft movement definitely worthy of a Jedi master.  Something out on the course must have gotten to Chrispy as he came back into the Clubhouse banging his head against veranda posts, walls and anything else hard to be had.  He wouldn’t elaborate but most likely because the cause was within earshot.  Somebody asked Blighty if he had worms as he chowed into a sandwich during the round and yet another asked if he was eating wedding cake after the round.  Interesting dietary combination worms and wedding cake even if they are both highly nutritious.

The Annual Challenge is fast approaching and Gordon will send out a final missive by email during the week.  As announced, we will be playing off our official daily handicaps for Numurkah and a list will be distributed once any who played inside today have been entered by the Club management.

Anybody who is planning to play at Ivanhoe next week please let us know by email or on the registration page so that we can confirm the tee times that we have booked.  Anybody who plays can organise their own comp and/or play in the inside comp and you will be credited with a social round for attendance purposes (as will all who attend the Annual Challenge).  The following week will be a normal club event, as many clubs as you like up to 14, and it will be a Stableford Competition

Results for Saturday, 15 August 2015
1st Bill Eastoe(36) 2nd Damien Lee(35) 3rd Andrew Blight(31) 3rd Chris Vinecombe(31) 4th Mehmet Akdag(30) 4th Stefan Belevski(30) 4th Harry Boughen(30) 4th Gordon Hill(30) 5th Allan Davies(29) 5th Targe Mifsud(29)

What a difference a week makes.  Another series of fronts, another series of rain-bands and wellies were almost the order of the day.  But, on the plus side, the long promised high was just about upon us and there was none of the dreaded wet stuff falling to take away from our enjoyment.  If it wasn’t for the wet stuff under-foot some people could have had a really good day.  And some people did have a pretty good day so it would seem that those that blame the condition of the course for their lack of form had perhaps find another excuse.  But that’s the second best part of golf – coming up with excuses.

So, from last week, having been within stabbing distance of Stef’s back, Ryan has now stepped into the lead in the Championship Table and will have to start watching his own back as others (and Stef) try to put in their run up the straight towards the end of the year.  There’s still a bit of life left in the competition yet.  And, what did Ryan have to do to gather the laurels today?  Well not quite as much as he did and there was some sort of a suggestion that he took a bit of a lie down on the back nine to bring in a square card on that half so his total tally of +5 was all down to a pretty stellar front nine.  And if you want to get a bit of an idea of why Ryan is where he is, just have a look at the graphs on his statistics page.  Of course that doesn’t show his exact current position but you get the idea.

A couple of points back and perhaps even a little pleased about missing out on the winners penalty (if not the extra few points) were a tidy little trio of Harry, SOS and the Beast.  There’s a rumour about that VicPol are going to introduce a new sobriety test in the near future where people are asked to read their current handicap from the printed handicap sheet.  There are doubts though as to whether SOS will be allowed to administer this type of test.  The Beast is making up for lost time on the Eclectic front and made up a goodly amount of ground with three birdies and he is getting close to his target of having a birdie on every hole on the course.  And the birdies were out and about generally with 13 coming in over-all.  Harry and Bill shared the top Seniors points today and Harry is now close to tapping Gordo on the shoulder.

Brendon managed to see off at least two players today with Ed and Trev coming under the starter’s gun carrying injuries and unfortunately they were unable to complete.  Graham was also carrying an old tennis injury that he thought had come good enough to play and he too had to retire after struggling manfully on for a while.  But, Brendon did finish and with a good enough score to fill the third spot on his lonesome after the promotion of SOS into second spot.  Just to keep his spot at the top of the Seniors, Gordon just tottered in under his handicap to collect fourth in the main event and second in the second.  ChrisV and Noodles finished off the list of point-getters for today.  Except of course for Blighty who was third cab off the rank for the Seniors.

The Nearest the Pin for a ball today was on the 12th and the man to bring home the polka-dot marker was Pepsi who put in a pretty good shot to squeeze out Simon who on another day could easily have shut out the rest of the field with his shot.  The ProPin was on the 15th and the Beast was so inspired that his ball hit the pin and finished only 39cm from the hole.  And he had the temerity to suggest that the previous group probably hadn’t put the pin back in properly otherwise it would have dropped in.  Tell’im he’s dreamin’!

Of course the big event of the day was the Battle of the Giants (well one giant and one not so giant) for the Matchplay Championship between Snags (G1) and JohnQ (G2).  And it was a match that involved, according to one correspondent, some puckering of certain parts of the anatomy that won’t be mentioned here as well as a serious need for the odd pack of Strepsils.  After fighting it out for six holes, John got a bit of a jump going and managed to get out to a three hole lead before Craig made a gallant fightback to get back within one hole at the 15th.  But, G1 ran out of puff and G2 skipped away again to finish the match off 3 and 1.

So, a worthy finish for our new Champion and Runner-up.  Apparently, though, the 13th proved to be one of the highlights (or lowlights depending on your point of view).  Craig’s tee shot finished in the pond on the right,  John’s finished OOB on the left.  Craig’s penalty shot finished in the pond on the left.  John’s was OK.  From there on it gets a bit murky but the eventual result on the hole was that John won it with 7 to beat Craig’s eight.  Just goes to show, the show ain’t over till the fat lady sings.

Chrispy had some run-ins with trees during the round and he is well known for the, often, favourable out-comes that he gets.  That didn’t seem to be the case as he was seen plodding disconsolately down the 8th while playing the 7th after a couple of goes at the poplars.  In a later effort, just as his ball hit another tree there was a metallic clang which seemed to have originated from the ball/tree contact.  Seems if it was just Snags taking things out on his club with a near-by sign (or vice versa).

The IPGC management are doing their best to improve the standard of the course and to protect the well-being of the players to the extent that, as well as installing a concrete path up the face of the 15th tee, they have also installed steps alongside to provide an alternative that might be less slippery in wet conditions.  Rob made a good fist of skating down the concrete today, much to the amusement of SOS and, fortunately, it was just something that you could have a bit of a laugh about but it is not hard to imagine something more serious being the outcome.  So, just a warning, if it is wet, consider using the steps provided.

Brendon was apparently chipping like a demon today putting it within almost gimme distance on every hole.  He probably wished we did pay ‘gimmes’ as it seems he couldn’t sink a putt to save himself.  Blighty, who played with Brendon, had to rush off as soon as the second group came in as he had something important to do, like go to a Collingwood match.  Though apparently they are playing Carlton.

Some very interesting results in the IGL today.  The Hawks, thanks to Gordo and Pepsi put together -1 to topple their arch-rivals the Tigers (Brendon and CraigC) who weren’t that far off the mark with -2.  ChrisV and Rob did it for the Blues by managing -2 and defeated the Bulldogs (Damo and Mehmet) on -4.  The Match of the Day, and a high-scoring affair, was between the Saints and the Magpies. The Saints, represented by Harry and SOS on +6 could be forgiven for feeling that they had been hard done by when they went down the the low ranking Magpies (Bill and Ryan) who tallied up with +8.  With only two rounds in the Home and Away to go, three teams are assured of appearing in the Finals and the Saints are now in a must-win position next week if they don’t want to be confirmed with the Wooden Spoon.

SOS was in a cantankerous mood today apparently and couldn’t/wouldn’t agree with anything that was said.  Good shot, no it was meant to go there.  Bad luck, what do you mean.  Black, White.  After Gordon found the best lie on the course last week, Noodles wasn’t going to be out-done and reckons he landed his ball on the softest spot on the course.  No, it wasn’t some muddy, water-logged spot, it was Snag’s guts.  The ball didn’t ‘plug’ but it sure didn’t ricochet according to Noods.  Mehm doesn’t want to be mentioned in the blog this week and so everybody should ignore this sentence but the fact that he tried to hand in a blank card probably should rate a mention but this isn’t it.

The Birthday Birdie almost suffered a Senior Moment and forgot to included the list of celebrations for this week.  So, better late than never here it is.  Brendon, the lad from the Shaky Isles,  ChrisV and the new(ish) bride will celebrate together and JohnQ gave himself a present of some silver-ware for his trophy cabinet.  Hippo Birdy lads!

Results for Saturday, 08 August 2015
1st Ryan Porker(+5) 2nd Harry Boughen(+3) 2nd Bill Eastoe(+3) 2nd Stephen O’Sullivan(+3) 3rd Brendon Mitchell(+2) 4th Gordon Hill(+1) 5th Stephen Butterfield(□) 5th Chris Vinecombe(□)

If you are wondering why Pepsi looks so much younger, it’s because he was when this photo was taken.  And to think there was a camera and a dozen mobiles there today.  Oh well, maybe next time the brain will be in gear instead of in neutral.  Without giving too much away about who won the day, it must be said that the Gods have been smiling down on us over the last few weeks.  With the radar this morning looking like a flock of blue-rinses heading for the sales in David Jones, there were some who thought that, if we did happen to get a quorum we would probably get wet in the process.  But, a total of seventeen turned up (eventually), and, by the end of the third, the light showers that were happening came to a stop and other than a couple of desultory efforts a little later they managed to stay away for the rest of the round and then some.  The management seem to have managed to get the mowers out on the course and, possibly because of the wind, you would have to say that the course was remarkably playable with the greens in as good a condition as they have been for some time.  Well some could claim to say that.

So, you might ask, exactly how well did Pepsi go?  Well enough to be suspected of playing for handicap on the 17th with a less than usual result from his tee shot but, true to form, he plonked it over the pond from about pin high with the 18th and settled for a simple par.  Probably just layed up so he had a full shot to the green.  All in all, he came in with two over off the stick and a nett score of 65 to take the medal quite comfortably.  His round included three birdies which was a fair percentage (50% to be exact) of the total plodded for the day.  Some of the pin placings were a little challenging to say the least and there were a couple of 4 putt greens to be had.

One of these was down to Stef who bombed one onto the green from the tee on the 14th only to find the hole located on one of the steepest sloping sections of the green and as a result he struggled to put it down.  Allan had similar troubles on the 15th with the flat blade but you would be hard pressed to blame the slope of the green for that though it did take someone to remind him that it was a stroke round and that he actually had to finish it off.

Whether it was the rain or the effect of some sort of celebration last night but Ryan took a few holes to warm up and really didn’t make much of a fist of the front nine.  The back was another matter entirely and he came home with a wet sail to come in just a smidgen under his handicap with a nett 67.  When asked if there were any highlights from his group, he just replied that he was ‘awesome’.  So there!

CraigC was in charge of the tail end charlies and, despite having to extricate Allan and his electric scooter from the bog a couple of times, he kept his act together (as well as the TECs) and came in in third place in the main competition with a 71 leaving a gap of four strokes from the second place.  But he was also the first of the Seniors and he is now right up there sniffing at Gordon’s tail (in the Seniors Table, that is).

That four stroke gap could have been enough to tip the next two out of the points but it was not to be and Stef managed to get some points today though Ryan’s better placing today has put him within dagger distance of Stef’s back.  And speaking about back, the Beast is back and he didn’t muck about bringing in a 72 to finish alongside Stef and in second place in the Seniors.  Despite all the speculation as to why we hadn’t seen Bill for a while it seems the true story is he injured his fingers while trying somebody’s advice that you should be able to hit a golf shot with your eyes closed.  Well, perhaps you should, but it pays not to hit the ground six inches behind the ball in the process.  A couple of (most likely) broken finger joints was the result and though obviously healed there is a certain wonkiness to them.  You have been warned!

Brendon and Mehmet were on tenterhooks as the cards kept coming in and they slipped further and further down the podium but they were saved by the gap (between Ryan and Craig) and hung in there to collect the single point for fifth.

The Nearest the Pin for a ball was on the 4th and despite the confusion still happening with the new ‘ball’ marker it was pretty much a no contest after Bill put it on in the first group.  So, even better pickings for Bill on his first day back.  The ProPin was on the 18th and a couple of people got their name on the card but the one on the bottom of the list at the end of the day was JohnQ who was close enough to win the money but obviously not close enough to get the birdie.  Some unkind souls put his win down to the fact that he had removed his rather vivid fluoro rain jacket.  Not a colour that is normally associated with the TeleTubbies despite some assertions otherwise.

The Birthday Birdie is going to be a bit busy this week with our erstwhile member Ben lining up for some Turkish cake and he will be joined by Harry who probably won’t be lining up for cake of any sort.

In the Ivanhoe Golf League, the results today were fairly clear-cut.  The Tigers defeated the Saints 143-151, the Hawks defeated the Bulldogs 140-156 and the Blues defeated the Magpies 139-154.  This leaves the Hawks and the Tigers fairly firmly at the top of the Ladder but they do play each other next week and, depending on the result, the minor premiership could be almost decided (or not).  The Saints desperately need to win over the Magpies if they want to keep their Finals hopes alive and they would be really hoping for the Blues to beat the Bulldogs in their Round 18 clash.

Harry ended literally behind the eight ball on the 15th after two tee shots finished in effectively identical positions OOB.  Makes it a bit tough to score from 5 off the tee.  To add insult to injury, neither of the two balls found belonged but at least somebody else must have had equally bad shots if not in succession.  Gordon played his second on the 17th from what was probably the best lie on the course, possibly because nobody has ever played a shot from the bottom of the path behind the coaching shed before.  According to reports, Taner was also out and about exploring some of the hidden corners of the course.

The Annual Challenge Weekend is coming up and the plan is that those attending will pay their money to Gordon before-hand and he will settle the total bill (excluding drinks and other extras).  Seems he wants to rack up some more frequent user points on his credit card.  So if you can front up with $150 to Gordon over the next couple of weeks you’ll hardly need to spend a penny over the week-end.

Next week will absolutely and for certain see the finalisation of the Matchplay Championship.  JohnQ will fight it out with Snags and Zimmer is scheduled to match up with David. Bring it on!

Results for Saturday, 01 August 2015
1st Andrew Petricola(65) 2nd Ryan Porker(67) 3rd Craig Cameron(71) 4th Stefan Belevski(72) 4th Bill Eastoe(72) 5th Mehmet Akdag(74) 5th Brendon Mitchell(74)

What a difference a week makes!  Or did it?  The weather was still pretty inclement with rain fronts to the left and rain fronts to the right.  The course was pretty soggy, even water-logged in places and the enthusiasm of , at least some of, the Club members had not waned in the quest to take home the Fred Howe Cup.  At least they would have been able to take it home if last year’s winner had brought it along to be presented to the new winner.  No names but he has a golf ball named after him and it is long and soft.

Nothing soft about the man who seems to revel in the soft conditions about the course at the moment having broken his old handicap two weeks in a row to leapfrog from second spot to the top with 37 points this week on top of his 40 points last week making an aggregate of 77 points and an easy victory in the end for Rob.  He was obviously a man on a mission to pick up his Dad’s trophy and the old fella would have been pretty proud to see him get his name on the ‘auld cup’.  And last week’s prediction that he shouldn’t have a 2 in the front of his handicap has also come to pass.  Have to keep your head down now Rob.

Now, the big question is, did he leave his Strepsils at home?  That’s Mehm, of course.  There were some saying he just had to turn up to hoist the trophy but it was not to be and the cause certainly wasn’t helped by a pretty average performance on the front nine.  The final margin (77 to 73) might have been a bit closer as well if it hadn’t been for a four putt effort on the 14th though it must be said that that particular green is one of the trickiest on the course.

Blighty looked a bit taken aback when he was Club House leader for a while but he obviously had hopes as he went around because he trudged manfully back to the tee on the 17th hole when his tee shot could not be found.  Surely somebody must have seen it land and plug into the mud?  And so, consistency from week to week paid off once again and a nice little batch of points for his aggregate of 70 points.  Pepsi was up and in with a chance from last week and in an attempt to distract Mehm he is reported to have made a bet with said Mehm that he would catch him by the end of the day.  Pepsi is seriously out of pocket if the the ante really was a bottle of Chivas.  Pepsi did make up some ground but did fall a little short of his target with an aggregate of 69 points.

Five places, five place-getters, that is something that doesn’t happen all that often.  But that was the case today and the final spot was grabbed by a man who was a bit off the pace after week one but put together the second best round of the day to give CraigC fifth spot with an all up score of 67.  This result gave Craig second spot in the Seniors after Blighty and now that he has been credited with his entitlements in the Seniors Championship he is well up there with a fair chance that there could be a bit of a competition coming into the end of the year.  In the main Championship Table, the gap is closing on Stef with Mehmet less than a win behind and still without a win against his name.  Let’s hope todays result doesn’t cost him dearly at the end of the year.

As for the rest, there were some pretty ordinary scores put in on both weeks and if you really want to find out who is feeling miserable tonight just have a look at the Leaderboard menu tab.  Still, despite all the doom and gloom on the scoring front, we carded 16 birdies today so obviously birdies don’t translate into good scoring.  CraigC got one on the 7th after putting his ball inside 1.5m to collect the Nearest the Pin.  And despite the tee being well back, the event was well contested with three names on the card.  The Jackpot ProPin on the 18th on the other hand belonged to just one man and that was Brendon who made it to 1.9m but unfortunately he was not able to convert it into a birdie.  SOS put his ball onto the 17th again this week and only took two putts to put it away this time.  Still, the eagles nest isn’t worth raiding just yet.  Not sure whether the nest is going to be filled with ProV1s or the Callaway equivalent.  On the subject of birdies and eagles, Pepsi now has a three stroke break on the Eclectic so we need a lot more of the bird varieties to give him a run for his money.

The other Birdie that flutters around from time to time whispers that there will be a celebration in the US of A this week as Oliver racks up another milestone of the birthday variety.  Hippy Birdie Oliver!

In the IGL, the ladder leaders both had victories and so the positions at the top of the table remain unchanged.  The Tigers accounted for the Bulldogs 68 to 62 and the Hawks rolled the Magpies 67 to 59.  By a similar margin, the Blues defeated the Saints by 70 to 63.  With four rounds of the Home and Away season to run, the top three are looking pretty secure.  The big question will be who of the others will make it into the five?

Stef monstered one of his tee shots again on the 8th and finished on the front of the 9th tee with the big tree between him and the green.  Ryan reckoned he couldn’t get it over the tree from there – but he did – putting it just onto the green.  Went close to snagging the birdie.  So there, Ryan!  There are all sorts of records in the Club, not all of which are recorded in the annals or the Hall of Shame (if we had one) but there was one that rates mentioning today.  Four players teed off on the par 3 12th and four players finished the hole but only after they had accumulated a total of 19 shots between them.  And they were all evenly distributed between the four.  Maybe they were planning for their MasterChef experience.

Trevor was back on deck for the first time in a while and while he was his normal cheerful self, his recent ups and downs took their toll and he didn’t quite finish the round.  Maybe next week Trev.  Noodles was also back – back to spending most of his attention to his mobile possibly to the detriment of his game.  Seems he was arranging a social outing for tonight, whatever that might mean.  Our winner had a bit of luck on his side when his ball looked to be going out of bounds on the 14th and it just managed to trickle back into play.  But, in the scheme of things, it probably wouldn’t have made any difference to the result as he only made one point on the hole anyway.

As usual, after the round, we had out bar-b-q lunch and players rolled up expectantly to the bar-b-q that had been located in its usual spot for the MasterChef group to do the honours.  But, no smells of burgers cooking or sound of sausages sizzling.  It seems that somebody didn’t do their homework and the gas bottle was empty.  Presumably, IPGC management will cop it sweet for that one.  After the snags and bread had disappeared (literally) down the assembled cake-holes, Pepsi made the presentations (well the announcements anyway – thanks Noodles) and spoke a few words about Fred and his involvement in and dedication to the Club over many years.  He particularly remembered his powerful handshake, his enjoyment of life and the game and his encouragement of having fun with your mates.  Then followed a small ceremony with Chris and Rob spreading a small part of Fred on the 17th tee so that he will forever be out there on the course that he loved.  Despite a fair northerly wind blowing, somebody observed that Fred did not make it past the ladies tee and it was therefore his shout.  Fred would have liked that.

Results for Saturday, 25 July 2015
1st Robert Priems(40, 37, 77) 2nd Mehmet Akdag(42, 31, 73) 3rd Andrew Blight(36, 34, 70) 4th Andrew Petricola(36, 33, 69) 5th Craig Cameron(31, 36, 67)