There was a lot of angst about today as sixteen members and one visitor milled about before tee time discussing the pros and cons of the clubs that they chose to leave in their bag for the duration.  Some were deciding by the end of the first hole that maybe they had made the wrong choice.  Should have taken less loft to keep the ball below the wind.  Should have taken more loft to get the ball to stay on the green.  Should have, should have!  And the wind was there and the rain held off almost to the very end.  And, in the end, there wasn’t a lot of rain before everybody finished (or at all for that matter).  So, you could say that a good day was had by all.  Except that Mal had to dash off for an urgent call of nature that we all hope was something simple and not a portent of something more serious.  Our visitor was none other that that long lost member of the Maltese Mafia, Tony, slightly taller, brother of Targe.

Now, it very often happens that people play in the three club challenge and go out and break their handicap.  Which , surely, must prove something.  Maybe it was the blustery conditions but it was not to be the case today.  The best that we could manage has a still very commendable 35 points gathered together by Dale.  And there is a very good chance that Dale could have had a break as he was noticed buying a round after the game.  It transpires that, on the third, Dale’s drive hit the tombstone and bounced back over his head to be well and truly behind the red markers.  However, his saving grace was apparently a putter ‘loaned’ to him by a mate that was sinking putts from all over.  The mate is going to have a hard time getting it back if that is the case.

Just a point behind Dale with 34 was  one of the Priems boys, Rob by name.  After a bit of a shaky start, Rob put together a bit of a run of pars which probably got his hopes up a bit before the golf gods struck him down on the 8th.  He must have made the correct sacrifices to them because he was rewarded with a birdie on the 11th for a massive four points.  That birdie was one of just four that were returned for the day.

SOS wasn’t too happy about his choice of clubs on the first or the second or the third.  However, he seems to have found his mojo after that and began racking up points at a good steady rate to finish the day with 32 and a spot on the 3rd podium level.  He was supposed to share the spot with Chrispy but, yet another scorecard malfunction served to relegate Chris to fourth spot which he then had to share with Bob.  Bob thinks that he might leave his driver at home from now on after putting in just as good a performance off the tee as he does with the heavier artillery.

And for a point, and they are not ashamed to take it, with 28 points were Porks and JQ.  JQ had to dash off, probably to a footy match or the races or somesuch.  Ryan hung around for a bit longer to hear his name mentioned in despatches before he, too, had to dash off for a very important luncheon date.

The BallPin today was on the 15th and the only thing on the card was a Mifsud which created a bit of confusion about which one until somebody realised that Tony was really Anthony and the name was A Mifsud.  There were Jackpots to be had on the ProPins today and there were some offers of sharing any spoils.  On the 12th, Jason managed to get his ball to 2.73m but there is no news on whether the pot was shared or not.  On the 18th, the pin was, once again, on the ‘difficult’ top deck and with the gale force winds blowing across the fairway it seemed like there was a good chance that the pot might go begging again.  However, Damo managed to finish his at 2.5m from the hole, having missed hitting the pin, and he seemed happy enough to be sharing the pot with his partners.  For some reason though, Chrispy kept trying to give his share back.

Joe did manage to get a few good shots away, particularly off the tee, but the short game seemed to be a bit prone to the ‘shanks’.  At one stage, Harry moved forward to his ball to have one of said shanks head very much in his direction.  One of Joe’s lesser tee shots was off the 13th.  Harry was so used to being shortest off the tee that he lined up and hit the first ball that he came to, only to be appraised of the fact that it was the wrong ball when Joe realised that he was looking at Harry’s, distinctively marked, ball rather than his own.

Yes, the wind was pretty much gale force.  Yes, it did start to rain.  Did the wind deter Jason from getting out his umbrella?  In a word, no!  And so you see the result of one very dead umbrella looking very much like some exotic bird with a broken wing fluttering around on the ground.  Maybe Santa will bring a new one for Christmas.

And, while we are thinking of presents, the Birthday Birdie thinks he might know why SOS was left baby-sitting today.  The family are probably off organising his birthday party for tomorrow.  Have a good one , mate.

Not only was the wind so strong that it nearly blew Targe off his feet, it also blew his tee shot from the 14th way off course as well.  That’s Targe’s story and he is sticking to it.  But he did inspect three balls further down the 16th fairway before admitting to the fact that his was the ‘closest to the (16th) green’.

Ed wasn’t too happy with his game but he reckoned he would have made a bigger mess of it if he had more clubs to chose from and so he was happy – that it was the three club challenge, that is.

We all know that Bob played a bit of cricket so he might be expected to be able to recognise a cricketer when he sees one.  But, to ask an expatriate from the USA (a well known cricketing nation) if he had played the game was perhaps stretching the friendship just a bit.  Though it must be admitted that Joe does have a short backswing and a big follow through.

Results for Saturday, 14 April 2018
1st Dale Webb(35) 2nd Robert Priems(34) 3rd Stephen O’Sullivan(32) 4th Bob McDonald(31) 4th Chris Priems(31) 5th Ryan Porker(28) 5th John Quinlan(28)

Seniors Results: 1st Bob McDonald (31) 2nd Harry Boughen (27) 3rd Ed Kloprogge (23)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 12th Jason Hopkins ProPin No 2 18th Damien Lee BallPin 15th Tony Mifsud

With a Monthly Medal up for grabs and a beautiful autumn day in the offing, you could have been forgiven for expecting a record roll up.  It wasn’t quite that but nineteen members did make it and those of you who didn’t missed out on almost ideal conditions.  The greens had been trimmed to within an inch of their lives and, as a result, there was a strong opinion about that they were running very fast.  There wasn’t a Stimpmeter available to check but maybe that speed could go some way to explaining the lack of really good scores that might have been expected given the conditions.

So, at the end of the day, there was only one person to break their handicap and that was by a single stroke when Damo handed in a card with a nett 67 as the score-line.  To do that, Damien had to par the back nine and, in the process, put the lie to DennisT’s comment after a double bogie on the first to the effect of ‘there goes your medal’.  Three birdies along the way helped to redress the balance and accounted for almost half of the grand total of 7 birdies for the day.  One of Damo’s birdies was on the 17th after he put his drive to about a metre and a half from the pin and probably within reach of an Eagle and the (relatively small at this stage) Eagle’s Nest.  SOS pitched onto the green from some distance out and his ball collided with Damo’s.  The big question is, did his ball get put back into the correct spot?  And if it wasn’t, would he have made the putt if it had been?

Pepsi has been known to let off some steam when a shot is not quite to his liking.  He let off more than a little steam today when his shot from the 18th tee went close to slam-dunking the hole, hit the pin and skittered back across the green and off down the slope at the front.  Unlike the infamous green at Augusta, there was no water waiting.  When the chip did not make it up to the top level and rolled back down towards the edge of the green, the steam (among other things) was really flying. The resulting bogie gave Andrew a 68 and he sat alongside Gordo on the podium is second place.

Ryan is very cunningly playing to, or round about his handicap and racking up points to keep his lead in the Championship Table without hurting his handicap too much.  A card without worse than a bogie is definitely well worth having.  Simon was also pretty pleased with himself as he went very close to playing to his recently acquired lower handicap.  And he reckons he wants to get it lower.  That’s the spirit we like to see.

Chrispy reckoned that he was playing very consistently, taking par and bogie alternately and that it was an improvement on recent form where he alternated par and double bogie.  The claim doesn’t quite hold up after a check of the card and the effect of his lack of form on his handicap seems to have caught him unawares and he obviously didn’t check the handicap sheet.  So, being as kindhearted as we are, the handicap malfunction was corrected and he moved up a spot in the ratings with a nett 72.  That put him alongside Harry and Darklands Dennis who both left a few out there.  Last to step up to the podium was none other than Mal who continues to put in some steady performances.

The BallPin today was on the 4th and Noodles was the only one to get his name on the card.  He was very keen to get his hands on the ball as he needed a replacement for losses today.  His losses were nothing on those suffered by others.  DennisW did several into the tank on the 17th on his way to a 10 for the hole.  But even he was eclipsed by Blighty who had to borrow a ball to finish the round after running out of his stock on the way to a 12 on the same, 17th, hole.  The two ProPins were on the 12th and 18th and nobody got to put their name on the card at either location so there will be Jackpots on both holes next week.

There were some matches played today and it was all a bit complicated.  After a series of withdrawals and replacements by reserves (it’s too complicated to explain in more detail), the two Rods (G and W) fought it out to a close run match which RodG looked to have a hold of at one stage when he was four up.  However, Whitey got his act together and clawed his way back to within 2 holes.  A run of losses on the last three holes saw Rod’s lead slip away and Whitey took the match 1 up.

Gordon took on Trevor and was never headed.  A run of three wins on the trot towards the end of the front nine pretty much sealed the match and although Trev managed to hold the fort he wasn’t able to break out and rush the trenches and the match went to Gordon 4 and 3.

Brendon fronted with his excuses all lined up.  He hadn’t played for a month.  He was sporting a new set of irons that he hadn’t played a round with.  And there were probably others.  But, he won the first hole and so maybe things weren’t going to be so bad after all.  Then, on the second, the new irons showed a remarkable tendency to draw the ball and at the end of the hole the match fell back to square.  Bren found it hard to lay off to allow for the draw and, if he did, the ball invariable flew straight and true and into trouble.  And so the deficit slowly ticked up and, despite a couple of lapses from Harry, the match finally went to Harry at 4 and 3.

Simon’s buggy needs to be sent to the Vet to be neutered as it was again trying to have its way with other member’s buggies today.  If Simon can’t keep it under control, the management will have to confiscate his remote.  Either that or he will have to attach the buggy to his belt with a bungy cord or an occy strap.  Allan is keen to set up a putting school to teach the art of putting with a wedge or a six iron or a rescue or a driver.  The reason is that those were the clubs that he was variously using today after he leaned nonchalantly on his putter while waiting to putt and the head parted company with the shaft.  The number of putts that he reported having after the break-down doesn’t inspire confidence in the success of his business.

Several people had problems with trees today.  If the tree on the 4th turns up its toes and dies then there is a fair chance you need look no further than Chrispy as he was threatening to poison it after a run-in with it today.  Trev had to negotiate through some trees on the 2nd with one only several metres in front.  He made very good contact with the ball which then made very good contact with the tree and it flew back over his head to finish about 50m behind where he started.  That probably accounted for at least one of the ‘go homes’.  SOS might have been ‘saved’ by the trees after he sliced his drive from the 9th so much that he shouted ‘fore’ to warn the walkers and riders on the path outside the course.  SOS didn’t quite believe it when Damo spotted his ball over by the 18th tee.

Mehm was one who opted out of the matchplay today.  It might have had something to do with his impending fatherhood or it might have had something to do with a birthday celebration.  The Birthday Birdie says have a happy one young fellah.  RodG also has a birthday celebration coming up.  He’s not quite such a young fellah but he did celebrate (or not) today by playing his age.  No, he’s not a centenarian, it was his nett score.  Happy Birthday anyway, Rod.

Results for Saturday, 07 April 2018
1st Damien Lee(67) 2nd Gordon Hill(68) 2nd Andrew Petricola(68) 3rd Ryan Porker(69) 3rd Simon Powell(69) 4th Harry Boughen(72) 4th Chris Priems(72) 4th Dennis Tiernan(72) 5th Malcolm Fleming(73)

Seniors Results: 1st Gordon Hill (68) 2nd Simon Powell (69) 3rd Dennis Tiernan (72) 3rd Harry Boughen (72)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 12th Jackpot ProPin No 2 18th Jackpot BallPin 4th Stephen Butterfield

Once in a blue moon there are two full moons in a calendar month.  So far this year there have been two and there was certainly a very full moon hanging low in the west in the pre-dawn this morning.  The bags of hot air were out in force (the balloons, not the members), a few clouds sprinkled the sky and it promised to be a great day for golf as the sun made its way above the horizon and the first group took their place on the tee box at the first.  The greens had been mowed and the early promise held good and so there was no reason why the golf from the 14 members present should not be similarly excellent.

Well, that held true for some but not so true for others and we might not dwell so much on the latter.  Now Simon has been itching to get his game in order for the trip to King Island later in the year and he has also kitted himself out with a brand new buggy after the debacle in the wet last week.  He reckons he is getting the hang of the remote control although at one stage it looked as if his buggy was trying to breed with Dennis’s buggy.  He is also looking forward to being able to issue a challenge to SOS and Ed for a race along the 16th, with the remote control buggies, that is.  Whatever the reason,  Simon was on fire today and only had one small blot on his copy-book after a wayward drive from the 2nd tee, leaving the rest of the card full of squares and pluses to finish the day with +6 and the top points in both Championship Tables.

Dennis reckons he has worked out what he was doing wrong with his swing and you would have to believe him after some of the ‘monster’ shots that he put away today.  He did have a few problems closer in and ended with five lost holes on his way to +4 overall.  It wasn’t all bad news on the short game though as he managed to chip in, not once, but twice, for birdies and in the process he contributed to the total of 15 that were carded for the day.  One of the better hauls of birdies per capita than we have seen for a while.

Ryan was hitting some big shots today as well and the group in front were pretty impressed with a drive that finished just short of the green on the 3rd.  The congratulations were a bit premature when it was revealed that, although the ball was hit from the teeing area, it was a reload after the first went OOB.  Despite that set-back, Porks was able to fashion a +2 for the round and collect the points for third place.  He also contributed significantly to the birdie count for the day and the effect was to put him into a reasonably comfortable lead in the Eclectic Table.

Pepsi seems to think that he now has a handicap that he can play to when he presented with a square card for the day which would seem to support that theory.  He wasn’t alone in playing to his handicap and he was joined on the podium for 4th spot by Bob and Keith.  SOS was only a single point behind to fill the last spot on his own and to get a point and, in the process, to double the number of points that he has accumulated so far this year.

In the Nearest the Pin competitions today, the BallPin was on the 15th and, while people were able to surround the green with ease, only one was able to get his name onto the card and that was Pepsi.  The first ProPin was on the 12th and it was taken out of play by the first group when Bob put his tee shot to 3.15m and nobody was able to make it closer.  There were rumours about that Bob was not happy that the ball finished so far from the hole.  Later advice suggests that these were completely unfounded.  The  second ProPin on the 18th was a Double Jackpot and the pin was located on the ‘difficult’ top shelf.  But this meant nothing to Simon who cracked his to 1.96m and so he cleaned up big-time and he was looking forward to getting home and showering the missus with cash, if not kisses.

As well as that, it is Simon’s birthday in a couple of days and a few days after that, out favourite Turk, Mehmet, will be celebrating as well so the Birthday Birdie has a bit of fluttering about to do this week.

Our resident ‘club fitter’, Joe, fitted Targe up with a club to try out.  Long story short, Targe reckons the handle is a bit long for him.  Maybe he could try standing a bit further from the ball, particularly after he has hit it.  Despite coming into the points tally, Keith reckons that he had his first air swing ever today.  When quizzed about the ‘ever’, Keith did resile a little and admitted that it might have been ‘as long as he could remember’.  It does seem that a tree branch did contribute to the non-contact with the ball.

During the week, RodG had yet another mechanical failure on his motorised buggy and pulled out all stops to acquire a replacement in time for today.  The new buggy did not help him as much as Simon’s or maybe it was just the heavy hit that the handicap took last week that dragged him down the field.  Not only that, but the new buggy doesn’t have any braking and he gets dragged down the hills as well.  Some of the bigger hitting members reckon that Simon must have a ball magnet attached to his back as it didn’t seem to matter how hard they tried the ball always seemed to head in his direction.  Two shots of three from the 14th landed on/near the 15th tee and the third wasn’t all that far away.

For no particular reason other than it can be done, a new column has been added to the Championship Report showing the date that you last scored points in this competition year.

Next week marks the start of Round 2 of the Matchplay Championship (and the finish of Round 1 – last two matches to be played).  The ‘present and play’ rule kicks in for Round 2 matches but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t contact your opponent to make suitable arrangements.  Reserves don’t enter the equation from now on so any forfeits must be negotiated.  No result by the deadline, both go out.

Results for Saturday, 31 March 2018
1st Simon Powell(+6) 2nd Dennis Ward(+4) 3rd Ryan Porker(+2) 4th Keith Delzoppo(□) 4th Bob McDonald(□) 4th Andrew Petricola(□) 5th Stephen O’Sullivan(-1)

Seniors Results: 1st Simon Powell (+6) 2nd Dennis Ward (+4) 3rd Bob McDonald (□) 3rd Keith Delzoppo (□)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 12th Bob McDonald ProPin No 2 18th Simon Powell BallPin 15th Andrew Petricola

‘Hasn’t rained in Melbourne for 42 days, why does it have to be this Saturday’ was a cry that went up from one of the 24 players that made it to the tee this morning.  There should have been more but there was a footy match last night, the bureau did forecast rain and maybe a bit of a lie in was just too appealing.  But the rain did arrive and everyone pressed on for a while but then the lightning and thunder started, the siren across the river sounded and most people headed more or less for the Clubhouse.  So, a few groups managed to finish the round but the majority did not and a decision was taken that the event would be decided over 27 holes as all groups had passed the halfway mark.  As a result, your reported scores for today might look a bit odd (the computer has to have numbers) but rest assured that any eclectic scores from the back nine have been taken into account.

Rod commented during the week that he was in an unaccustomed position in being a member of the last group to tee off in a Major.  He was also a bit disheartened after his round on Thursday and so he repaired to the course on Friday for a bit of practice around the green on his chipping.  The little tune up must have worked to get his confidence back as he put in another blistering start to post 22 points on the front nine.  This included a chip in for par on the second so the short game was really working.

In the lead up to the presentation  Rodger thanked the members for the turn up for Stuart and repeated his ambition to get his name on the trophy sometime soon.  Rod responded that it was indeed an honour to win the trophy, his first Major win in ten years of membership.  President John told a little story of a ‘run-in’ with Stuart in his early days but, just to prove that there were no hard feelings, he announced the Club’s decision to grant Life Membership to Stuart in recognition of his contribution to the Club.

Fairly obviously, the results last Saturday were no ‘flash in the pan’.  Keith was again in fine form and seemed to be able to do little wrong to post 21 points for the nine and, in the process, reclaimed second spot after his relegation last week.  Blighty managed 18 points and that dropped him back into 3rd place.  David was also doing well and moved up a spot from 5th last week to 4th today.  Allan, on the other hand was a bit off the mark and dropped a couple of spots.  He was joined by the big movers of the day with John and Craig jumping a couple of spots from out of the pack to share the last spot on the podium.

The BallPin today was on the 4th and there should have been no excuses, at least none based on the weather conditions at that time of the day.  Trees did influence some outcomes with Chrispy beginning to think the his ‘lucky’ relationship with trees might be coming to an end.  Long story, short, Porks was the first and only name on the ticket and he collected a ball for his trouble.  The first ProPin was on the 12th and pretty much everybody had a shot at it and so the money went to the Beast after it was decided that the lack of a distance on the card did not merit disqualification (this time).  The second ProPin on the 18th was declared a Double Jackpot as nobody that completed was within distance and the majority of the field did not have a shot.  Big bucks next week!

In the half round that was counted, we managed to make 6 birdies although there were some on the back nine that missed out.  There were two on the 17th under fairly exceptional circumstances.  The green was water-logged with the hole surrounded by water with no chance of relief.  Conventional putts were failing miserably and so Damo opted to use his wedge from about 3m and plonked the ball into the hole for birdie.  This inspired Gordo, who also took out his wedge and repeated the dose.  Must have been Gordo’s day on the wedge as he chipped in on the 5th from over the bunker.

There was one Matchplay match decided this week.  SOS and ChrisV declared ‘game on’ during the week and expectations were that there would be some ‘fireworks’ involved.  However, it seems that they were very polite and restrained and the low key nature of the contest went close to rivalling the match last week.  It looked like being an even match early taws but as the game progressed SOS got the upper hand and in the end just squaring holes was not good enough for Chris and SOS was victorious 5 and 4.  Two more matches in Round 1 and two more weeks to get them played.  Round 2 matches can be played if both parties are agreeable.

The bar-be-que was set up in the back passage and Chrispy did a great job, almost single-handedly, to both cook and clean up afterwards.  There were no reports of him being anatomically singed, as, apparently, is wont to happen with his bar-be-que at home.  There were a few snags, bread and onions left over but the catering was really pretty close and the food was enjoyed by all.

The rain played havoc with more than peoples game.  Water seems to have made its way into the controls of Simon’s electric buggy and it developed a mind of its own and ignored all attempts at operation of the controls.  It was quite a sight as Simon struggled to disconnect the battery as the buggy wheeled itself around in ever decreasing circles with Simon in hot pursuit.  Allan also had some troubles as Thunderbird II lost traction on the hills but he did manage to make it back safely.  Allan has also been making some changes to his swing and on one shot today he reckons he hit the ball 30m further with a particular club that usual.  Only trouble was, it wasn’t his ball.  And, he had been told so before he hit it.  By the person whose ball it was.

David was out monstering the ball again.  His drive on the 6th, possibly with a bit of a wind assist, came to rest just 70m short of the green.  A massive hit in anybody’s books.  Porks also made some good contact with the ball and was admonished for ‘laying up’ on the 5th when he finished about 30m short but his big hitting brought him undone on the 13th and 14th with successive OOBs.  ChrisV was using an umbrella to keep off the rain but it seems that every time there was a flash of lightning, he quickly passed it to somebody else.  Though, after the lightning has flashed, it is probably a bit late for evasive action.

Results for Saturday, 24 March 2018
1st Rod Grant(41, 22, 63) 2nd Keith Delzoppo(39, 21, 60) 3rd Andrew Blight(40, 18, 58) 4th David Mullenger(36, 21, 57) 5th Craig Cameron(33, 19, 52) 5th Allan Davies(39, 13, 52) 5th John Quinlan(33, 19, 52)

Seniors Results: 1st Rod Grant (41,22,63) 2nd Keith Delzoppo (39,21,60) 3rd Andrew Blight (40,18,58)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 12th Bill Eastoe ProPin No 2 18th Jackpot BallPin 4th Ryan Porker