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All Hail King James

Loving Royal Ivanhoe!
I have Raj and Geoff in my sights!

The weather forecast suggested wind was going to be the big factor at Royal Ivanhoe this week, plus the usual mid-winter slush. As it turns out, the slush was far more dangerous than the wind, but more on that later.

The announcement of results was delayed by Andrew and Connor breaking all world records for faffing about finalising their cards. It was no surprise that one of those cards was marked incorrectly, changing the results announced on the day and relegating previous fourth place getters to fifth, with previous fifth sliding out of the points on a day of big slides.

James and his mates have added some youthful energy to the club this year, although a few of the old guard have been heard to murmur that perhaps the handicapper has been a bit generous to James over the journey. Come to think of it, a few of the old guard have said similar things about Geoff and Raj too.

Indeed after today we have Geoff, Raj and James filling the top three places in the championship race, with Harry the Handicapper the closest challenger. James galloped home to win the day easily by three shots and grab the 8 points for first place with another stellar round. Solid pars for pluses on the 8th and 9th saw James turn 2 up. After a bit of a stumble at the 12th and 15th, he then finished birdie-par on the 17th and 18th for two finishing pluses and a +3 total.

Along the way, James managed to dispatch Peps in their Matchplay quarter final. Playing off 5, Peps had to spot James 10 shots and it was always going to be a tough ask if James played well. Peps got his nose in front with a spectacular birdie on the 2nd, but thereafter it all headed in the other direction, with James winning 4 and 3.

After the round, Brendan passed by the clubhouse contingent heading for the car park looking cross and uninterested in conversation. Stories started circulating about his multiple shanks and there was speculation we might not see Brendan again, or his card. He duly arrived smiling and plonked down a square card, good enough to share second place with Michael. Brendan confirmed at least 4 shanks, including shockers on the 8th, 14th and 16th that cost him losses. He had started the round with 3 pluses, including a long range chip in birdie at the 1st, one of 11 birdies from the field for the day.

The new Old Reliable Harry stormed home with 4 pluses in his last 7 holes to post Minus 1 and share third place with Prez Priems and Connor. Apart from knocking off Gordo for the nearest the pin on the 12th, Harry’s highlights included a long range curling putt from 10 metres on the 14th for a birdie. For reasons only he knows, SOS was heckling from an adjoining fairway, but unperturbed Harry sank the putt and raised his arms in triumph. Harry’s round was good enough for his 9th second placing of the year in the senior’s championship. Together with his 5 seniors wins, Harry is now the man to beat in that race.

Rob was struggling with his putting range early on and no less than four times sent putts a good 3 to 4 metres past the hole only to step up and make the putts on the way back. Two other long putts rounded out a great day on the greens for Rob.

Connor’s card included 5 pluses and suggests when he puts it all together we will see him higher up the leaderboard very soon. His first three outings after gaining his handicap have all resulted in third place points. Like Royal Ivanhoe’s favourite horse Mr Brightside early in his career, those in the know are predicting higher honours for Connor.

Andrew played his first game for a while and hopes to be back playing more regularly soon. The headline on his card said Minus 4 but the fine print revealed it was Minus 2 and good enough for 4th place points on his own.

Whitey managed to drag himself away from Mr Brightside’s stable and make it to the course today for 5th place points on Minus 4, along with Raj and Chris J.

Raj’s second fifth over the past two weeks has seen him sneak up to be just one point behind Geoff in the championship race. Raj’s highlights included “doing a Harry” from well outside the 5 metre mark on the 15th, sinking a big curling putt for a 2. Chris J’s highlights were birdies on the 16th and 18th, the latter a shot to about a metre or so from the hole and a clear win for nearest the pin. In between the two birdies Chris managed to hit a “for safety” 7 iron off the 17th tee into the river. Funny game golf!

Loving the Ivanhoe slush!
Gordo’s day of slides

Gordo, unlucky to miss 5th place points on Minus 5, was the story of the day. Ignoring the designated path at the front of the 15th tee, Gordo decided the slushy conditions were of no concern and stepped off down the side of the tee, immediately fell on his back and slid all the way down to the path next to the 14th green with his head, according to eyewitness reports “bumping and thumping” on the way down. With Gordo lying there looking dazed and not moving, Chris J was concerned enough to get out his phone ready to check the club’s concussion protocols and/or call an ambulance. Luckily Gordo managed to get himself up and about soon enough. Apparently more worried about the mud on his jacket than anything else, Gordo was next seen rolling about on some clean grass behind the 14th green trying to get the jacket clean. While his playing partners were clearly worried about his mental and physical health by this stage, Gordo promptly chipped his next shot to 30cm from the hole for an easy par and picked up two more pars on the 17th and 18th to finish strongly and live to tell the tale.

Best 3 wood of my life finishes here!
“I’m a good golfer out of luck”

SOS brought up the tail of the field and proved he is a better photographer than golfer on the 16th. After duffing his drive, he hit what he claimed was the best 3 wood of his career, which bounced unluckily on the left edge of the green and finished up nestled next to a tree. A left-handed shot, later followed by a duffed chip or two, and Michael had the pleasure of recording SOS’s 10th loss of the day to go with one solitary plus. SOS later claimed he played better than Brendan because he only had one shank.

Next week is the first round of one of the prestigious club majors, the Fred Howe Winter Cup. Incentives to attend include Gordo promising to do a re-enactment of his trick on the 15th (to be filmed this time) and a ProPin jackpot on the same hole. There will be a committee meeting after Round 1 and a club BBQ after Round 2. If James makes it to the first tee for the Fred Howe he will find this week’s Assistant Handicapper has taken great delight in lopping 2 strokes off his handicap.

Results for Saturday, 08 Jul 2023
1st James Hale (+3) 2nd Michael Gourlay (□) 2nd Brendon Mitchell (□) 3rd Harry Boughen (-1) 3rd Connor McIntosh (-1) 3rd Robert Priems (-1) 4th Andrew Noble (-2) 5th Chris James (-4) 5th Rajesh Mahto (-4) 5th Rodney White (-4)

Seniors Results: 1st Michael Gourlay (□) 2nd Harry Boughen (-1) 3rd Rodney White (-4)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 15th Jackpot BallPin No 1 – 12th Harry Boughen BallPin No 2 – 18th Chris James