There were drop-outs, there were shows and there were no-shows, there were rans and also-rans and in the end twenty members sweated it out on a pretty warm and muggy Saturday to find out who would take home Vin’s cup.  There was also a modicum of interest in the outcome of the Stroke Play Championship so there was plenty to play for even if it was only self-satisfaction.  Some trees around the course have taken a beating in the recent heat and northerly winds and the greens were a bit littered with leaves and gum-nuts that some found could have a very adverse effect on the run and direction of a putt.

Brendon was ‘working from home’ on Thursday but he was able to take a bit of time out to come to the Club-house for a meeting about the Jarrod Lyle Charity Day organisation.  And, it just happened that he also brought along a selection of clubs, just in case he got a chance to get in a little practice.  He obviously meant business (and not the working from home type of business) and the practice seems to have paid off as he was able to better his score from last week to come in a clear winner with a net score of 132. Nobody was happier about the result than the Beast who just happened to have bid up big for Shaky Isles in the Calcutta.  The jockey was pretty happy too as he had taken up the half share option.  Watch out at the Roo Bar next week!

It could easily have gone belly up on the first where Brendon was put off his shot and barely made it to the red markers after being interrupted by SOS returning from having his ball ‘stolen’ from the 10th fairway.  Does anybody else get the feeling that SOS has his ball stolen more often than anybody else in the Club?

Ryan wasn’t quite able to match his first week score but he was steady enough to take out second place with his total of 137.  Ryan is looking for a set of clubs for a friend to go to the driving range so maybe Ryan has also been sneaking in a bit of sly practice.  On the driving range, that is!

How do you solve a problem like Noodles? to steal a line from Sound of Music.  Walked in, tossed his card down and declared he had left five out there.  If so, a net 60 would have gone close to winning the event which would have been a remarkable turn-around from his spot at 8th in the original field.  Still and all, his 65 was more than enough to get him into third place.

Now, we all know that Trev doesn’t always enjoy the best of health and he had another visit to the doc this week.  But, he just couldn’t stay away and he did suffer more than a little in the heat and humidity.  He soldiered on and took more than a little support from his clubs and the flag-stick to bring in a total of 141 and the fourth spot in the main game.  He also opened his account in the Seniors by topping the pops in that field.  And, last in the point scoring fraternity was Brent who came home with a pair to make his total 142.

Another commendable round today was put together by Peter who netted 67 and justified the President’s view that he will not be long on his current handicap.  And that score was made with a draughtie on the 15th when he chunked his drive big time.  The chunk that he took out of the tee box was massive.  But the really impressive (non)shot of the day was put together by Bob on the 12th where he executed a perfect groundie.  The club hit the ground so far behind the ball that it bounced clear over the ball and the ball did not move.  The divot he took, however, also cleared the ball and went close to reaching the red markers.

The first ProPin was on the 4th and, as so often seems to be the case on this hole, nobody made it close enough and so there will be a Jackpot to next week  Christmas bonus perhaps.  The BallPin was on the 15th and Michael put it so close that the ball was reported, by the group in front, to have rimmed the cup.  Michael landed the birdie and contributed to the total of 15 that we scored for the day.  The ProPin on the 18th was knocked down to Stef who didn’t see fit to measure the distance so we will have to take his word for the fact that it was within the required limit.

As well as Michael’s effort there were several other Eagle possibilities today.  Stef drove the 9th and the 14th but did not make the necessary putt.  SOS put his to 2m on the 17th but could only manage the birdie.  Also on the 17th Harry pitched in, dead on line only to come up a couple of hundred millimetres short of the hole.  And, while on the topic of Stef driving the 9th,  Dennis was about to putt, knew Stef was on the tee, tensed when he heard the urgent ‘fore’ call and missed the putt.  That’s his excuse anyway.

This round also saw the completion of the Strokeplay Championship for 2018.  In the Gross Score Championship, the winner by quite a margin was Pepsi with a total of 225 strokes.  The score could have been even better if he had not put his drive on the 1st into the water storage dam and if he hadn’t left so many putts hanging on the edge of the hole.  A fair way (as distinct from a fairway) back was none other than Brendon with an aggregate of 237 strokes.

In the all important, Handicap Championship, it was hard to go past Mr Consistency over the three weeks and the gong goes to Brendon with a nett total of 204 and a three round average of 68.  Can’t get much better than that for playing to your handicap though he will have to work a little harder to do that from now on.  Runner-up in the event and only a couple of strokes behind was Porks with a nett score of 206.

Despite SOS’s problems with ball tampering and mistaken identity on the 1st, he was pretty happy that his round did not include any shanks.  He was obviously in a chirpy mood when he tried to put Brendon off by trundling his remote controlled buggy past the group in front from some distance back.  WTF! exclaimed Brendon.  And while on the topic of buggies, Bob has been out and about scouring the Op Shops and markets and has acquired himself a bargain basement electric buggy.  No remote though and time will tell whether it was money well spent.

Blighty was obviously keen to try for the money on the 4th and managed to put his drive out of bounds in the process.  His second followed suit and he was forced to hit a third and narrowly avoided managing to rack up double figures on a par 3.  The Beast also had a bit of strife on the 6th and just managed to avoid the dreaded double figures after he managed to hit the same tree three times and even losing ground on at least one occasion.

Next week is the Stuart Clarke Champion of Champions and the associated Chump of Chumps.  The groups will be ‘seeded’ except where numbers dictate.  The result of the Stuart Clarke will be determined by nett stroke scores.  However, the Chump of Chumps and the daily Championship Points (and handicapping) will be determined by Stableford points.  So, the CoC field will have to play their ball out and calculate their Stableford points.  The rest can take it easy, score their Stableford points, and pick up if they have a mind to.

On another matter, everybody will be aware that Targe suffered a significant injury recently and the committee has decided, under the Club Rules relating to Re-handicapping of Existing Members, to adjust Targe’s handicap to be more in line with his form since returning.  If the little fella puts in a blinder next week, there might very well be questions asked in the House.

And, don’t forget that, after the game next week, we have our breakup and presentations.  We like to get a group photo for the web-page each year so if you can all wear your Club shirts (or something similar if you don’t have one), that would be good.  Good food, a few drinks and good fellowship is pretty much guaranteed.

And, finally, although the calendar shows the two following Saturdays as Social, the rule is that if there are more than six players on the course then the event will attract points and handicapping.  They are correctly shown as Club Events on next year’s calendar.  Apologies for any confusion that might have been caused.

Results for Saturday, 08 December 2018
1st Brendon Mitchell(67, 65, 132) 2nd Ryan Porker(68, 69, 137) 3rd Stephen Butterfield(74, 65, 139) 4th Trevor Jackson(71, 70, 141) 5th Brent Rowley(71, 71, 142)

Seniors Results: 1st Trevor Jackson (71,70,141) 2nd Michael Gourlay (70,73,143) 3rd Bill Eastoe (74,71,145)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 4th Jackpot ProPin No 2 18th Stefan Belevski BallPin 15th Michael Gourlay

At least one round of the Vin O’Meara has been completed on schedule this year as Melbourne turned on a beautiful day and gave us just a little taste of what a northerly is capable of doing to the temperature as the mercury soared into the early thirties for the first time in a while.  The attractions of a clean sheet as far as Championship points and Eclectic are concerned, as well as checking on the condition of their expensive horses and the mindset of the jockey on board, were enough to bring 23 players out for at least the first round of this year’s opening Major.  A few have to flit off to here, there and everywhere to take care of familial duties, to recharge their batteries and maybe even have to work for their living.  Hopefully, some members who couldn’t make it today will be able to fill the ranks next week in place of Simon, JQ and Jason.

Heading the leaderboard is none other than our charitable Kiwi, Brendon, who managed to grin and bear it to put together a card of 78 off the stick for a very respectable 67 nett.  A very steady round with no fewer than nine fours on the card within ten holes.  Pretty boring for the handicapper to enter.

Pepsi was going gangbusters on the front nine with only a single bogie to finish one under par.  But, his concentration seems to have slipped a little on the back as he finished the round the neat four over to play exactly to his handicap.  Also on 68 was Ryan who also had a pretty flashy front nine only to slip after Harry mentioned that he had 20 points on his inside card.  It seems that Ryan likes stroke because you don’t know how well you are going based on points scored.  Perhaps he’s never heard of subtraction.

Chrispy was wearing a yellow bucket hat today although it was not one of the new Leuk numbers.  At one stage during the round he took it off and almost blinded Gordon, so brightly did the sun shine off his highly polished pate.  The warming of the brain did not affect his game however as he put together a card to give himself a handy, come from behind, total of 69.

Simon shot himself in the foot by mis-reading the calendar and booking a holiday cruise that will keep him off the course for the next couple of weeks and so his card of 70 will serve only as a place-keeper in the history of golf at Ivanhoe.  On the other hand, Bill, Trevor and Brent will consider themselves to have something of a chance with only four strokes between them and the leader.

With eight horses within five strokes and a couple more only a point or two further off the pace, as Sherlock would say, The game is afoot!  Lots of loot from the Calcutta could very well swing on a missed putt or a fluffed chip.  And, as for the rest, they will probably have to take consolation in the fact that not everybody can win and, hopefully, their buyers will forgive them.

The BallPin was on the 12th and ‘Butter Menthol’ Hill took some pleasure in taking out Brendon in the contest for the ball.  The first ProPin was on the 12th and the marker did not move after the first group went through and Peter placed his ball a very handy 3.15m from the pin.  There was  a Jackpot on the ProPin on the 18th and, maybe to console himself for the outcome in Northcote last weekend, Michael got his to 3.83m to take the money.  The shine did come off a bit when it was revealed that he took three putts to put it away.

There were 17 birdies on the card today which is a fair average number for the size of the field.  However, what was remarkable was that five of those birdies were recorded on the 14th.  It wasn’t that the pin was in a particularly favourable position (if there is such a thing on the 14th) so the stars and planets must have aligned for a number of people, including Harry, who considered it something of a highlight for the year and this is only the first round.  There was another birdie that couldn’t really appear on the card.  Blighty was apparently suffering an attack of the power shanks and speared one into a tree out of which fell, as dead as a maggot, a rainbow lorikeet.  If we keep this up, there’ll be precious little bird-life left on the course.

SOS was spotted buying a round of drinks thanks to a draughtie on the 15th after going close to having a groundie and managing to nudge the ball something less than a metre from the tee.  Blighty’s shanks caused him to go close several times but he escaped the ignominy of having to buy the drinks.  Brent ended up in the leaves under the tree behind the 8th and when he made his shot, his ball travelled hardly any distance at all.  The ball that was hidden in the leaves beneath his travelled somewhat further.  Harry, on the other hand, can’t wait until January 1 next year when his double hit will count as only one stroke and not two as it did today.

Chrispy was seen with a babe in his arms (no, the girls were not down from Echuca) and he was busy coochy-cooing to his new(ish) grandchild.  However, he will have to be careful not to be accused of cruelty to children when he was overheard singing (and the term is used loosely) Collingwood songs.  Talk about trying to get them young!

Congratulations also to Michael who has been doubly blessed by becoming a grandfather in the last week and has now been elevated to the exalted ranks of the Club Seniors.  Some chance of points on his first outing.

Also a big shout out to RodG who has had his second round of cataract surgery.  Watch out when he gets back and can see the ball with both eyes.  And another one to Mal who has had a pacemaker installed and is looking forward to being able to run up the hills when he gets back.  Get well soon and see you back at the Break-up, if not before.

Results for Saturday, 01 December 2018
Leaderboard Round 1 1st Brendon Mitchell(67) 2nd Andrew Petricola(68) 2nd Ryan Porker(68) 3rd Chris Priems(69) 4th Simon Powell(70) 5th Bill Eastoe(71) 5th Trevor Jackson(71) 5th Brent Rowley(71)

Seniors Leaderboard: 1st Simon Powell (70) 2nd Bill Eastoe (71) 2nd Trevor Jackson (71) 3rd Michael Gourlay (73)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Peter Damou ProPin No 2 18th Michael Gourlay BallPin 12th Gordon Hill

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The whole field was on tenterhooks.  There had been some good rain during the week.  Would the course be wet?  Would the rain stay away today?  Would the wind blow a dog off a chain?  Would there be an upset in the top placings on the Championship Table?  Would the sausages get cooked?  Would there be any money around for the Auction?  So many questions!

But, the question that really mattered was, who would win the final Monthly Medal for the year?  Chrispy desperately wanted to so that he could get himself a place in the Champion of Champions field.  Noodles desperately wanted to so that he had a chance to oust JQ.  Simon desperately wanted to so that he could oust Noodles and Gordon desperately wanted to so that he could oust Simon.  As it turned out, there was precious little ousting done.

The man who managed to beat the field with a very impressive 71 off the stick and a nett score of 66 was none other than Pepsi who managed to do it with only three birdies on his card and in that small way he contributed to the 15 birdies that the 19 members who turned up could score for the day.  The win boosted him up the table in the Vardon Trophy and he went close to pipping JQ at the post in this new event.  The damage to the handicap will require him to keep his head down just that little bit more over the next two weeks.

Blighty was second on the day after being Club House leader for some little while with his nett 67 scorecard.  And for that he should be thankful to his playing companions who pointed out that he was teeing up in front of the markers rather than letting him play for the penalty.  And this from a guy who is usually so pedantic about lining things up.

Now, several weeks ago this particular member was contemplating giving the game away it had gone so bad (or so he said).  However, the last few weeks have shown that talent, if not good looks, will win the day and he went reasonably close to getting his Champion of Champions qualification.  Obviously the man in question is none other than Chrispy who presented to the judges with a nett 68.

Porks managed to spray a few off the tee today but then pulled off some impressive recovery shots including one on the 5th that finished on the green close enough for the birdie result.  With a slightly more measured approach off the tee the placing could very well have been much better.  Next, came a swag of players in fifth spot with Trevor, Simon and JQ sharing that honour and a point each.

That means that the placings at the top of the Championship and the Seniors Championship are unchanged and congratulations must go to JQ and Simon for a great year of golf.  To the runners-up and the also-rans, take consolation in the fact that there is a whole new year about to start and this could very well be your turn to shine.

The BallPin today was on the 7th and with the course set up for the black course (white markers) there was a fairly long hit though the ground staff did have a little pity and set the whites in front of the blues (go figure).  Daniel looked as if he might have the ball within his grasp but then along came Simon who managed to get his ball closer.  Not close enough to make the birdie though.  The Jackpot ProPin on the 15th went to JQ who made it to 1.95 m and he eventually got his money when he realised how much he was spending at the Auction and needed to raise more funds.  The ProPin on the 18th managed to keep everybody more than 5m from the pin and so there will be a Jackpot to be had next week.

As well as the 15 birdies, there was another Eagle today on the 10th hole which would have to be a fairly rare occurrence.  The man who managed a Hole-in-One from about 112m a couple of weeks ago for just the one ball, today managed to put one into the hole from about 130m out to collect 2 balls.  The poor old Eagle is starting to cry tears of blood.  Just in case you didn’t realise, today’s Eagle man was the Beast.  And, just before tee time, somebody commented that Bill’s body had been invaded by an alien.  Maybe they were right!

Porks only had the 13th to complete his set of birdies for the year and it would have really consolidated his position at the head of the Eclectic.  Unfortunately, he could only manage the par and so he was reduced to running back and forth to check on whether Brendon had made any valuable birdies.  No such luck for Brendon and so Porks held onto his reasonably comfortable margin to take the Eclectic.

Peter reckons there is a hex on him on the 1st tee as he managed not even to get past the white tee markers with his first shot.  It wasn’t a good day off the tee for Peter as he sconed them time after time.  On the 3rd, the ball looked to be heading out of bounds when it hit a tree and came back in but did not reach the red markers.  Next off the tee, Harry went close to missing the ball altogether and barely made it to the second tee box let alone the one carrying the red markers.

Gordon decided he needed more room to set up his bag and buggy so he ensconced himself in the Golf Academy coaching room and sorted everything out to his satisfaction.  Then, when he made to leave the room, he found that the buggy wheels were too wide for the door so he had to unpack it all again to get out.  And that probably set the tone for his golf for the day.  And, speaking of buggies, Rob has repaired his again and so far it has lasted three rounds but it hasn’t improved his game at all.

A few times during the round, the weather tried to intervene.  There were a couple of showers that warranted an umbrella but nothing needing the wet weather gear.  And a few times the breeze did get up just a little.  While Bill was searching for a place to set up the bar-be-que that might be a bit sheltered and would allow the burners to stay alight, he managed to get this snap that suggested that there was more than a zephyr involved.  Either that or Harry always stands like that.

Daniel did a great job of cooking the snags and onions so it is not often that we can claim that we had a chef-cooked lunch and that on his day off.  And he wasn’t getting paid for it.  Now that is what you would have to call dedication to the cause.

After the bar-be-que, the usual shenanigans happened at the Auction and the usual suspects dug deep to buy their fancied steeds.  And maybe some that they didn’t necessarily fancy.  Gordon will collate all of the sales and will advise purchasers of any monies still owing.  Buyer’s should ensure that they pay all monies to Gordon at their first opportunity, offer the half share option to the jockeys and collect any such half-share monies.  They are also responsible for distributing any winnings after the event.

Results for Saturday, 24 November 2018
1st Andrew Petricola(66) 2nd Andrew Blight(67) 3rd Chris Priems(68) 4th Ryan Porker(69) 5th Trevor Jackson(70) 5th Simon Powell(70) 5th John Quinlan(70)

Seniors Results: 1st Andrew Blight (67) 2nd Simon Powell (70) 2nd Trevor Jackson (70) 3rd Gordon Hill (74)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th John Quinlan ProPin No 2 18th Jackpot BallPin 7th Simon Powell

Eagle’s nest Results: Eagle 10th Bill Eastoe

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What an absolutely brilliant Spring day in Melbourne.  The sun was shining, the sulphur-cresteds were shrieking, the fairways were green and the greens were fairways (I mean smooth).  So, there was absolutely no reason why the 20 members who fronted up for the last, long awaited, Stableford Competition of this Year shouldn’t have scored their pants off.

As it turned out, you almost needed to play to your handicap even to score a point (well three anyway).  The Beast was still reeling from the effects of his big win in the Fed (sic) Kitson and took a stroke on the 18th when he didn’t actually have one.  Daniel was still reeling from his big win last week and he took two strokes on a couple of holes when he actually only had one.  But, he also missed one where he actually had two for a nett loss of a point.  As a result, the pair of them finished on the same score and still in the lead so no having to give balls back or other embarrassments.  Thirty eight points is not quite the same a thirty nine but at least there is slightly less harm to the handicap.  Just goes to prove that JQ is not the only one who can win two weeks in a row.

Damo collected the five points for second place with his score of 37 points and, in the process he edged just a little bit closer to catching JQ in the race for Vardon Trophy.  Damien is probably regretting the gash that he took on the 3rd and even the three one pointers that could have made all the difference to the final result.

Dennis managed to find a break in the work load down at the Darklands and came to play.  Unfortunately, it took him about eight holes to warm up.  When he did warm up, it was to the tune of twenty nine points in ten holes.  Pretty flash scoring in anybody’s books and just one over the par for the back nine.  Watch out if he gets the engine revving earlier in the round.

Matt was the sole representative from The Basin today and, despite looking a bit downcast as he walked back to the Clubhouse, he put together a pretty good round to get 4th place with 35 points.  Craig hasn’t been with us for a little while but he did own up to playing four rounds of golf last weekend up around the gold-fields.  The practice obviously stood him in good stead as he came in 5th spot with his card of 34 points.

Interestingly, none of the three Championship leaders featured in the points table today but the opera ain’t over ’til the fat lady sings.  It is possible that Noodles can overtake JQ.  Simon can overtake Noodles.  Gordon can overtake Simon.  Although Brendon and Dale can overtake, and Chrispy can catch, Gordon such an eventuality would not put them into the trophy list.  Probably as close a result as we have had for some time.  In the Seniors, the only interest is whether Harry can catch or overtake Dennis for third place.  It is possible that the Eclectic could see Porks overtaken by Blighty, Brendon or Noodles and there was a suggestion that, today, Ryan was playing for handicap to increase his lead.  Let the (mind) games begin!

The Beast and Porks decided on a little matchplay wager over the last nine holes.  Bill just about broke Ryan’s heart when a sank a 20m putt on the 11th for a birdie when Ryan had pretty much a gimme for his par.  That birdie was just one of the 14 that we were able to score for the day.  The BallPin on the 12th fell to Peter with a good result considering the pin position tight in the right hand corner of the green.  The first ProPin on the 15th proved much more elusive despite the fact that there was plenty of green to play with and there will be a jackpot up for grabs next week.  The ProPin on the 18th created a bit of excitement, so much so that Jason neglected to measure the distance but the general consensus was that it was less than a metre from the hole and pin high.  No birdie though.  You’ll have to work on your accuracy, Jason!  On the green as well as from the tee.

Jason’s stardom on the 18th followed closely on a chip-in on the 17th although that was only for a par as well.  Ben likes to make sure that his playing companions don’t go thirsty.  Yet again, he volunteered to buy a round of drinks by having an airie on the 16th.  Not wanting to have Ben feeling left out, Peter obliged by having one on exactly the same hole.

After waiting for the green to clear on the 14th, the Beast put his ball not too far from one of the parked buggies.  Not to be out-done, Porks laid into his and put his ball well through the green.  Only trouble was, it was left of the green and on the way through the ball grazed Dennis’s leg as he departed for the 15th tee.  No harm done but Dennis was threatening to sue.  In a jesting sort of way.

JQ has been gallivanting around Asia again and flew back into town at some ridiculous hour.  Not wanting to miss a chance to consolidate his spot at the top, he dragged himself along and blamed tiredness for losing a ball on the 17th that he was sure had finished on the green.  Some thought that is could have been the effect of the bubbles that they serve up the pointy end of the plane rather than jet-lag.  Harry had no such excuses for a fairly sorry day with the putter and after missing one from about 300mm, Bill was moved to comment “You keep finding new ways to miss ’em, H!”

Only one more week for points for this year.  There will be a bar-be-que after the round next week and that will be followed by the Calcutta Auction.  If anybody will not be playing both days or, if they will be playing both days but do not wish to be auctioned, could they please let Harry know asap so that the Form Guide can be finalised and we do not sell horses unnecessarily.  Monies must be paid in before the start of play in the Vin O’Meara. There is also the, optional, all in buy yourself ($25) for which the money will be collected at the same time.  Also, the next three weeks of stroke competition constitute the Club Stroke Play Championship.

Results for Saturday, 17 November 2018
1st Bill Eastoe(38) 1st Daniel O’Rourke(38) 2nd Damien Lee(37) 3rd Dennis Tiernan(36) 4th Matt Hunt(35) 5th Craig Cameron(34)

Seniors Results: 1st Bill Eastoe (38) 2nd Dennis Tiernan (36) 3rd Craig Cameron (34)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Jackpot ProPin No 2 18th Jason Hopkins BallPin 12th Peter Damou