Of the twenty one members who turned up today, you would reckon that the one that you could trust would be a copper. But no, when entrusted with putting out the Nearest the Pin markers, Matt wasn’t able to get just about anything right although not all of it might have been his fault. The Grand Pooh Bah swears that he labelled the containers according to his selection but that did not reflect what was delivered to Matt’s ‘safe’ hands. So, there was no BallPin on the 7th, as many expected, and the ProPin was forgotten at the 15th. But more of that later. The day was overcast and calm, the course had softened a little as a result of the recent rain and there was little reason why scoring should not have been good, if not easy.

As it turned out, the goodest that anybody could do was to play to their handicap and the man that was able to do that, despite taking a few cuts in recent weeks was our Pepsi who managed to do the round in three over the course par, exactly matching his handicap to take out the June Monthly Medal. Pepsi has been steadily working his way up the Championship Table and if he can keep up this run of form he could be right in the thick of it by the end of the year.

The next cab off the rank was filled by Mehmet who made a big thing of the fact that he has not played much in recent times and that talent will show through despite the lack of practice. Dale joined Mehm on the podium and could be forgiven for being a bit crooked on Chrispy for potentially costing him the medal. It seems that Dale was putting for an almost certain birdie on the 4th when Chris dropped his ball, that finished near to the hole, at a critical stage of the back-swing. The missed putt avoided the need for a count-back, which, as it turned out, Dale would have lost anyway but the extra points would have been nice. Thanks Chrispy – not.

JQ came in next after a very steady round with nothing great but nothing disastrous either. This probably stood him in good stead as he was locked in serious battle with Ben in their quarter final match. The match was close to being an off-the-stick affair with only three strokes to be given. A very even start was followed by a bit of a surge from Ben and he gained a fairly handy lead of two up after five holes. Something of a slump in the middle third swung the match into JQ’s favour but Ben managed to sink some 10m putts to win the ‘unwinnable’ holes and at the 16th he had a slight advantage on the card.

Then came the 17th. Faced with a side-hill pitch across the penalty area to the green, Ben put the first into the water. Then the second. Then the third. After seven balls in the water, he hit out sideways and carded a 19 for the hole. This leaves intact, for the time being, Mehmet’s record of 22 strokes on the same hole. Needless to say, Ben lost the hole and the match went to the 18th all square. Both were on the green but Ben needed three putts while JQ needed only two and so the match went JQ’s way, 1 up.

Noodles and ‘Forgetful’ both scored 73 to take home fourth place. Noodles didn’t seem too happy about his lot after nearly being taken out by incoming as he trudged up the 13th while playing the 10th. Would have put him out of his misery he reckoned. A broken club, for unspecified reasons, would probably not have helped either. Harry, Adam and Bob managed to get a point apiece for their 74s. Bob put his second into the penalty area on the left of the 13th and had a blind shot over the trees for his trouble. No trouble for Bobbie though as he put it onto the green not far from the pin for an easy putt and a very respectable five.

Now, back to the Nearest the Pin competitions. The BallPin on the 12th, which might or might not have been in the right place, was a hard fought battle that was eventually taken out by Ken. He made the birdie, and in doing so he scored 20% of the total for the day. The BallPin on the 18th was in its correct place but it ended up being controversial because of a decision to ‘separate’ this event from the deferred ProPin. Long story, short version, Bob collected the ball. The ProPin went to Ben with a shot to about 4m and that probably went some way to compensating for the cost of balls on the 17th (and the loss of the match).

David wasn’t present today so the Birthday Birdie will have to flutter off to wish him one of the best for today.

The Priems boys sure know how to look after one another. Chrispy managed to score himself a draughtie on the second despite the white markers being not too far back on the dam(n) wall. Just so that he didn’t feel too bad about having to shout, Rob lined up on the third and returned the favour. Peter had a fair bit of strife with the trees today. And it started early. Approaching the 1st green from just through the tree line on the 10th, Peter got the spotted gum square and almost took his own head off as the ball whizzed back further out into the middle of the 10th. The next shot caught the same tree, though not quite as flush this time. The miscellaneous other stymies and ball between roots don’t bear mentioning.

Allan and Thunderbird were spotted a bit off track and in the depression to the right of the 9th tee rather than on the path provided. Allan’s story was that there are sometimes frogs in there and he thought he might find some. It would probably help if there was actually water in the ‘pond’. Chrispy still reckons that we should consider cutting the round back to eleven holes. However, this week, he wants it to be the last eleven holes. Maybe we should just settle on the eleven best and be done with it.

Blighty was back on deck today looking pretty hale and hearty after the little scare of a few weeks back. Michael has reported that his knee is giving him curry and it is likely to be a few weeks yet before he starts his tilt at toppling the Seniors leaderboard.

Results for Saturday, 01 June 2019
1st Andrew Petricola(68) 2nd Mehmet Akdag(69) 2nd Dale Webb(69) 3rd John Quinlan(71) 4th Stephen Butterfield(73) 4th Matt Hunt(73) 5th Harry Boughen(74) 5th Adam King(74) 5th Bob McDonald(74)

Seniors Results: 1st Bob McDonald (74) 1st Harry Boughen (74) 2nd Allan Davies (76) 2nd Andrew Blight (76) 3rd Targe Mifsud (82)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin18th Ben Akdag BallPin No 1 12th Ken Watson BallPin No 2 18th Bob McDonald

The weather bureau is predicting a week of rain, of which we are sore in need. Fortunately, the suggestion was for later in the day today and that has proved to be correct. And so, the seventeen members and one guest were blessed with fine conditions and quite balmy temperatures once the morning chill had been banished by the sun. With lots of extra points in the offing from the GrandPar format the field was hopeful of some decent scores.

As it turned out, the winner for the day was not in need of double or triple points, instead relying on the good old fashioned singletons to come in with a score line of +5. After the front nine, Harry was ruing some squandered chances but from the turn, it all fell into place and a personal best equalling tally of 37 off the stick and +6 points would put a smile on anybody’s face. Harry has a feeling that back-to-back Monthly Medals might be off the agenda but you always live in hope.

Noodles was in the same group as Harry and, as the back nine progressed he seemed to be getting more and more anxious about his own position. This might or might not have contributed to a tapering of the scoring in the second half. He did have the benefit of one of the two pointers and it went awfully close to being a three pointer. The hole in question was the 3rd and, after a very nice drive, the chip stopped, agonisingly, a few centimetres short of the hole. The birdie was almost a foregone conclusion and that contributed to the rather small total of six for the day. The two pointers only tallied four so the birdies must have mostly been on the easier holes. Still, Noodles was happy with the points and more than happy to leave the winners penalty to Harry.

Then, there was the rest of the field. Matt would have been reasonably happy with his front nine but, after the turn the pluses struggled to eventuate and the round ended up being pretty balanced with an overall square result. Chrispy is still struggling a bit with load carrying capacity of his ankle and he reckons that we should shorten our competitions to eleven holes at which point the soreness starts to really hit. Things didn’t look too good on the 17th as it appeared that Chris was going to drive his cart into the penalty area, perhaps to commit some bizarre form of hara-kiri. But, he did manage to bring in a square card and share the honours on the third place podium with Matt.

It was Targe’s birthday today and he was in receipt of a few slaps on the back when he finally arrived. Apparently Targe always has a drink with a mate on his birthday and the tradition continued on the way to golf today. Targe did say that it was a bit spooky among the tombstones in the dark. The nip of whatever he had didn’t seem to affect his game too much and he collected a couple of points for his -1. Whitey was able to match that, despite having loaned a driver, that Noodles had given him, back to Noodles. As an aside, Noods reckons he loves it and doesn’t know why he gave it away.

The last podium step was just a little crowded with Allan, Ryan and Brent trying to maintain a toehold without having to get too close and personal with the rest.

The Nearest the Pin competition today was a repeat of last week as the Grand Pooh Bah Tee Marshall couldn’t be bothered changing the labels. The first BallPin on the 4th was, seemingly, a tough call and the chit had to wait for Whitey to come along and put his name on it. The second BallPin on the 18th had a couple of contenders pacing it out to determine who was closest. In the end it was Harry who got the nod. The inside ProPin was so far unclaimed and so out came the tape-measure for an official record. The distance reached the end of the tape and Harry marked the spot with his finger. Peter let the end of the tape go and the auto retract kicked in and the edge of the tape went close to amputating the tip of the carefully placed finger. The ProShop will probably be wondering about the bloodstains on the card. Simon was anxiously asking everybody if they had managed to knock him off for our ProPin on the 12th and he was suitably deflated when Brent came in with a measurement of 3.95m.

Matt Nicholls managed to drag himself away from the sunny climes of Cairns and joined us for a round today and he freely admitted that he had not played golf since last he was here. And it showed. He might have had a draughtie on the 3rd though there was some question about exactly how far into the long stuff the ball might have penetrated. The second shot could easily have suffered a similar fate were it not for a tree that returned the ball to the fairway. A fair dinkum airie on the 5th and another miss from a stymie later in the round did not help the cause. Targe also had a near miss on a hole where the blue and red markers were effectively co-incident. It was a bit of a struggle but the ball did get past the red markers.

Ken also had some problems with trees today with one well struck shot, that happened to catch a tree dead centre, finishing some 20 metres behind where he started. On the other hand, the GOATee reckons he has been showing his admiration for the Grand Pooh Bah by using the trees to good effect to keep his ball in play. Michael was back on the tee this morning and was enquiring as to how many points he has to accumulate to catch the leaders in the Seniors. Unfortunately, he developed a knee problem severe enough to stop him playing the last two holes so his lunge for the leadership will have to wait at least another week.

Results for Saturday, 25 May 2019
1st Harry Boughen(+5) 2nd Stephen Butterfield(+4) 3rd Matt Hunt(□) 3rd Chris Priems(□) 4th Targe Mifsud(-1) 4th Rodney White(-1) 5th Allan Davies(-2) 5th Ryan Porker(-2) 5th Brent Rowley(-2)

Seniors Results: 1st Harry Boughen (+5) 2nd Targe Mifsud (-1) 3rd Allan Davies (-2)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin12th Brent Rowley BallPin No 1 4th Rodney White BallPin No 2 18th Harry Boughen

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Trust ScoMo to call an election on the date of the final round of the David Ford Autumn Cup. You would reckon that he should have checked with us first. But, he did pick a good day for it but the sales of democracy sausages will be down. Both because of the number of people who pre-polled and because we twenty three were well and truly well stuffed by the repast turned out to perfection by the next contender for the title of MasterChef. None other than out own Chief Pooh Bah Tee Marshall, Chrispy. And that is not a reflection on the doneness of the snags and burgers.

During the week as the GOATee Marshall was marshalling the troops, the drop-outs were flowing like disgraced political candidates and the hopes of members further down the Leaderboard began to rise and there was a hope that Dave might give it a miss and really open up the field. But David did turn up and with a lead of four points over the next contender it seemed that the event was his to lose. But there was no accounting for Pepsi who fairly blitzed the course, scoring five of the 12 birdies for the day, to card a one over the card 69 for +4 points. Dave’s usual pin-point accuracy seemed to have abandoned him today and some errant shots cost him dearly and his -1 for the day brought him into a tied score for the event with Pepsi at +3 overall. For the first time is some time, we had to resort to a countback and as a result the trophy went to Pepsi +1 to -1 on the back nine.

Harry started the day level pegging with Pepsi but he was unable to put together such a stellar performance although there were quite a few potential points left out there as a number of chips left longer than desired putts and putts that narrowly missed the mark. An overall square card scored a second in the main event and a win in the Seniors.

Peter continues his very steady games and produced a square card today to grab third place on his own with an event total of -3. Targe had a lot of trouble with trees today, particularly on the front nine although the 10th was also rather eventful for him as he played his fourth shot adjacent to the road on the left of the 13th. His resultant -4 for the day brought him into a tie with Porks for 4th place. Ryan was very consistent from week to week but he was also otherwise occupied this week because he was concentrating on giving a right royal shellacking to Rob in their Matchplay match. As a result Noodles is not feeling quite so bad as Rob went down with a new high margin of 7 and 5.

A swag of people were not too embarrassed to take a Championship point with their event total of -5 points. Simon, Whitey, Bob and Gordo filled that list. Gordon was probably thinking more of his forthcoming holiday in the US of A which is going to keep him out of circulation for the next three weeks. This also might have explained why Gordo walked back looking for his misplaced scorecard holder. He couldn’t find it until Ryan pointed to something at Gordon’s feet and asked ‘Is that it? It may be that this trip is intended as a celebration as Gordo has a birthday coming up in the coming week. The Birthday Birdie says have a good one mate. The Birthday Birdie also says to make sure you give Targe a slap on the back next week to wish him well as well.

We welcomed a new member to our Club today as Adam King joined us for the first time. The consensus of opinion of the group that played with him was that his current handicap does not truly reflect his ability. His +2 for the day today has gone some little way to correcting that situation. We look forward to a long and enjoyable association with Adam.

In the Nearest the Pin competitions, the first BallPin was on the 4th hole and there was certainly a bit of competition for the little white pill on offer. But, in the end, it was Harry who steered his drive to within a couple of metres to collect. The second BallPin was not quite so popular and ChrisV, who we haven’t seen a great deal of in recent times, was good enough to fight off all potential contenders including Targe who missed out by the narrowest of margins. The ProPin was on the 12th and Pepsi scored the dosh by getting to 1.91m inside Joe, the only other contender. And that was not one of the birdies.

Whitey was not particularly happy on the 10th when his ball went ‘walk-about’. It was fairly obvious what had happened as there was another ball left ‘begging’ on the fairway. Damo is purported to be a mate of Pepsi’s but at one stage as his buggy rolled in Andrew’s direction he was heard to shout ‘get him’. It seems unlikely that he was trying to purposely nobble Pepsi’s chances in the event.

Noodles didn’t have a great round and some of his tee shots were less than spectacular. When he missed a putt on the 7th, there was a suggestion that his putter traveled further than some of his drives. You can draw your own conclusions from that. Chrispy was in a bit of a dejected mood and was speculating as to what was a club record for the worst total for the two rounds of the David Ford. In the fullness of time, Chrispy might just be informed as to whether he has anything to worry about in that regard.

Trees have a bit to answer for and we saw a situation where Enzo reckoned a tree that interfered with his shot needed a stake. Well, Dale managed an almost identical result today on the 6th with his ball hard against the trunk and between two exposed roots. Which reminds me, Dale is part of a newly proud parent group with a son, Nicholas, born a week and a bit ago.

Results for Saturday, 18 May 2019
1st Andrew Petricola(-1, +4, +3) (c/b) 1st David Mullenger(+4, -1, +3) 2nd Harry Boughen(-1, +1, □) 3rd Peter Damou(-3, □, -3) 4th Ryan Porker(-2, -2, -4) 4th Targe Mifsud(□, -4, -4) 5th Simon Powell(-3, -2, -5) 5th Rodney White(-2, -3, -5) 5th Bob McDonald(-5, □, -5) 5th Gordon Hill(-5, □, -5)

Seniors Results: 1st Harry Boughen (-1,1,0) 2nd Targe Mifsud (-4,0,-4) 3rd Bob McDonald (□) 3rd Gordon Hill (-5,0,-5) 3rd Simon Powell (-3,-2,-5)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin12th Andrew Petricola BallPin No 1 4th Harry Boughen BallPin No 2 18th Chris Vinecombe

Well, what do you know? There has actually been a bit of rain and the fairways are already looking the better for it. Some were asking whether we were playing preferred lie and Porks had some trouble finding a mud encased ball in the drain to the left of the 6th green. The ducks seem to have a couple of favourite greens that are designated toilet facilities. And some hoon(s) took it upon themselves to do burn-outs on the 3rd green. Constable SOS took very close note of the track marks and applied his considerable forensic skills to make several guesses at the type of vehicle involved. The temporary green left a little to be desired although eight people of the twenty who played still managed to score in positive territory.

Nobody was more surprised than SOS with the way that he was playing. He was hitting fairways with great regularity and sinking putts like it was going out of style. At one stage he warned Harry to keep back for fear of one of his dreaded chip-shanks and proceeded to put it straight at the pin and about a metre away. He did wish that he knew what he did to make the shot. He also did admit to have taken a Sudafed before the game so a report to the appropriate authorities might be in order to dispute his event leading round of +5.

David managed to complete the round in 2 over par and, along the way, made four birdies which was a fair proportion of the 10 that the whole Club managed for the day. In the process, Dave managed to ‘rape’ Noodles in their matchplay and Noods reckons it should be an indictable offence. Noodles did not win a single hole until the match finally concluded at 6 and 4, the largest margin in the event to date.

Maybe the matchplay is bringing out the best in people because Ben managed to put himself in a prime position in the Leaderboard with his +3 while dealing with Dale in the match to take it out 2 and 1. After being +5 at the turn, Ben did admit to getting the shakes and it wasn’t down to last night’s excesses. Probably more for the concern as to what would happen to his handicap if he kept it up. A couple of points behind the leader is a good position to strike from, just enough to lull them into a false sense of security but not so far that it is a difficult catch.

Ken went out today and put together the best round of his short career with 98 off the stick and a miscalculated score of +2 rather than the square that was on the card. The difference was down to a missed two stroke hole and last week’s handicap. It always pays to check the Handicap Sheet, in a tougher school the incorrect handicap would have to stand (or be disqualified if the other direction). Last in the ‘potential’ point scorers was Mr Reliable, Targie.

The first BallPin today was on the 7th and Harry was quietly confident that his shot might hang out for the rest of the field. Unfortunately, Whitey came along and rained on the parade and collected the ball. The second BallPin was on the 18th top deck that can be a tough one to get but, not to be outdone, Whitey snared that one as well. The ProPin was on the 15th and there were a few that managed to get one onto the green but only one made it close enough to get their name on the card and that was Damien who seemed quite pleased with the dividend.

Whitey was spotted trudging back and forth along the 10th ‘looking for his phone’. SOS volunteered to ring it to see if it had been found and it turned out it had been – in Whitey’s golf bag! Go figure. Dennis has been complaining of late about his tendency to fade the ball but today he seems to have developed something of a ‘draw’. His drive from the 17th was last seen ricocheting off the wire canopy over the walking/bike trail and is probably now well on its way to Dight’s Falls. To try to salvage his par, he went for the green but, unfortunately, it seems that the ball did not quite make it that far.

Despite Ken putting in a PB card, he did have one serious ‘mishap’ along the way. His tee shot from the 5th ‘sounded good’. Ken was peering down the fairway. Pepsi, who had his back turned dealing with some important equipment, was moved to say ‘Good shot’ sight unseen and couldn’t understand the laughter from the rest of the group. That’s enough of the words, a picture is worth a thousand! And that was the only draughtie for the day.

Chrispy was harping on again to the handicapper about a handicap review but Peps reckons he talked himself into it by having a feeling that ‘the wheels were about to fall off’ as they started off on the back nine. And fall off they did, with seven consecutive scores below the line. One of Damo’s shots was reported as heading into the ‘next course’ (not a bad trick as it is the other side of the river) when it did a ‘Priemsy’ and hit a tree to come back onto the correct fairway.

Bob reckons he was lucky to make it today as the alarm didn’t go off and if the dog hadn’t jumped onto the bed he wouldn’t have woken up in time. But his score wasn’t as bad as he thought as there seems to have been some pretty ordinary arithmetic-ing on the scorecard. Enzo did it pretty tough today and the picture at the top of the post pretty much says it all. However, the tree is a bit large to need a stake and he did manage to play a left handed putter shot to finish not too badly placed considering the location on the 11th. Porks spotted a crow raiding his golf bag after the game and flung whatever he had in his hand at the offending bird. Fortunately, Porks is left handed as he was holding his phone in his right hand. Ryan doesn’t remember the KitKat wrapper being in his bag but did admit that it could have been there for years.

Results for Saturday, 11 May 2019
Leaderboard Round 1: 1st Stephen O’Sullivan(+5) 2nd David Mullenger(+4) 3rd Ben Akdag(+3) 4th Ken Watson(+2) 5th Targe Mifsud(□)

Seniors Leaderboard: 1st Targe Mifsud (□) 2nd Harry Boughen (-1) 3rd Simon Powell (-3)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin15th Damien Lee BallPin No 1 7th Rodney White BallPin No 2 18th Rodney White