The question on everybody’s lips was, would the love affair last? Or, would the clubs be relegated to the cold, hard floor of the garage? Only time would tell. The weather threatened to put a bit of a dampener on the proceedings, but we did manage to get seventeen members to the starting blocks, with a few having to pass on the chance to do a Bradbury for a number of perfectly legitimate reasons. Although there was little rain during the week and overnight, there were reports of significant moisture in places, and the showers that went through were quick to create free water on a few greens. The greens were capable of a variable response to approaches, depending on the angle of attack and the amount of back-spin. Brendon and Adam both attacked the pin on the 13th, and finished about a metre and a half away with a short forward bounce. Brendon’s attack on the 18th suffered an entirely different fate when it spun viciously and rolled back off the green to finish in the grass bunker. There were the usual complaints about missed putts, but it is hard to blame the greens for that. It was possible to plug the ball in places, and Brent owned up to wandering around looking like a dork, desperately looking for his plugged ball at the front of the 10th green. He was playing the 13th, by the way.

CJ might have thought that he really only had to keep his eye on Old Reliable with JQ out of the running and a four point buffer from the rest of the field. This would have been bolstered by his 20 points on the front nine, even though that score had been matched by Geoff to keep that larger margin unchanged. Unfortunately, after the turn, the old Priemsmobile started to leak a bit of Valvoline while Geoff just seemed to go from strength to strength. With nothing less than a two pointer on the back nine, Geoff sealed the deal when he made par on the 18th for yet another four pointer to make twenty-two points and a grand total of 42 for the round and 77 for the event. This was clearly the top score, and the coveted Fred Howe Winter Cup was his. Chris had to console himself with the second placing with his, still pretty respectable, tally of 74 points. If he hadn’t three putted the 18th, and, if he hadn’t had his drive from the 11th tee finish a good 30m behind its starting point, just maybe the result could have been different. But, you know what they say about aunts and uncles. CJ’s excuse was that his playing group looked thirsty!

To rub salt into the wounds for CJ, Brent added another victory in their informal family feud when he came in to port with a tally of thirty-six points. Brent was heavily involved in his semi-final match with Whitey, so he might be forgiven for trying to crib a point on the 9th hole. As far as the match went, they went close to setting something of a record. Not in terms of the final score line, but in the fact that there was not a squared hole until the 14th. Brent had worked his way out to 5 up after seven holes before Whitey won four on the trot to bring it back to just the one hole. On the 12th, Brent finished about a metre from the hole and knocked in the birdie with ease. Despite the almost lost ball on the 13th, he managed to win that as well. However, the coup de grâce came on the 15th where the tee shot finished a mere 250mm from the pin and the birdie (one of 15 for the day) finished the match 4 and 3 to Brent.

The question was asked last week, had Craig been foxing? Well, maybe not, but he did do enough today to score himself some points, with a 4th placing keeping the scoreboard ticking over. Whitey was both pleased and devastated with his round. He had played his best golf for quite a while, but copped a beating in the match. He just had to console himself with a couple of points for 5th place.

There were a few other rounds of note for the day. Steve has been working assiduously on his game, both long and short, during the week. The benefit of that was on show today when he carded 38 points, the second-best card of the day. Pepsi finished just out of the money for the event after he played to his handicap for 36 points. Just a few scratchy holes to get rid of, and he will be right back up there. Adam also made it to match his handicap today, with enough ‘if only’ scores there to suggest that he could have been there alongside Geoff on the daily total front.

Needless to say, that Brent’s attempt at a hole-in-one on the 15th was more than enough to win him at least one ball for the day for the BallPin on that hole. The second BallPin on the 18th was quite another matter. Whitey and Pepsi probably thought that they would be in there with a chance, with their shots to within a few metres. That is, until Porks came along. The shot bisected the pin from the tee, landed about a metre short, took one bounce and rattled into the hole for his second HIO for the year, and to take out the Eagle’s Nest, and to dip into the insurance pool for another round of drinks, and to widen the margin in the Eclectic even further. Harry, who watched the whole thing from beside the green, was admonished for not being more enthusiastic and not executing something akin to the Toyota ‘Oh what a feeling’ followed by flying splits. Porks decided that he should leave the marker in the hole, just in case somebody from the following group repeated the performance. Matt gave it a very good go. His shot was also directly on line, but it landed about a metre shorter, and finished the same metre short of the hole. What would the odds have been on that, for all you punters out there. In the other Nearest-the-Pin competition, the ProPin was set on the 7th, which is a bit unusual because of the perceived difficulty for the shorter hitters in the Club. Not that it is suggested that Stan is a short hitter, but he did manage to put his drive to 4.03m to win the coin for the day. Stan will probably spend up big in Noosa as a result, but he will have to collect it when he gets back to golf in a few weeks.

Now, you could be forgiven for losing a ball plugged in the mud or out in the deep rough. However, can you be forgiven for losing a ball whilst on the green? On the 10th, SOS marked his ball and went back to his buggy to give it a clean or some such. Lo and behold, when he came to take his turn at putting, the ball was nowhere to be found despite a thorough search of his bag and buggy. Question is, is he allowed to substitute a ball or does he have to invoke the two stroke penalty rule?

Our honorary ranga, Gordon, was giving Brent heaps as he was faced with a shot over the pond and trees to the 13th green Unperturbed, Brent slotted it to half a metre past the hole and elicited some muted applause from the chastened gallery. The seventeenth saw a bit of excitement on a couple of occasions. SOS managed to put his drive onto the green, but he was faced with a longish putt for the eagle. The putt ran true, if just a little fast, and hit the pin, not quite dead centre, and finished just out. Easy-peasy for the birdie. Brendon, on the other hand, had the benefit of a ‘boulder’ to help his ball in for his birdie.

Everybody (well, almost everybody) stayed back to partake of the fine fare that Gordon put together. It was expertly cooked by a couple of honorary chefs, who managed not to drop the burgers through the gap in the grid. Not like some Club Captains we could name. The round of drinks for the hole-in-one went down a treat, but the kale salad could have done with a few more takers. Beggars can’t be choosers, given the price of lettuce these days! One lowlight, at least for Brendon, came when Pepsi disposed of a fag end, which proceeded to burn a hole in the Kiwi’s favourite sky blue golf pants. Fortunately, he was not wearing them at the time. And, no, he wasn’t standing around in his jocks either.

Results for Saturday, 23 Jul 2022
1st Geoff Lyall(35, 42, 77) 2nd Chris Priems(39, 35, 74) 3rd Brent Rowley(33, 36, 69) 4th Craig Cameron(37, 31, 68) 5th Rodney White(29, 37, 66)

Seniors Results: 1st Geoff Lyall (35,42,77) 2nd Chris Priems (39,35,74) 3rd Craig Cameron (37,31,68)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 7th Stan Blackshaw BallPin No 1 – 15th Brent Rowley BallPin No 2 – 18th Ryan Porker

Hole in One Results: Hole in One – 18th *** Ryan Porker ***

The prospect of double points is the only possible explanation. Why else would nineteen of our best turn out in virtually identical weather and course conditions to those in play last week. In no way is this a complaint, the more, the merrier. One of the attractions, of course, is the fact that the Freddie is a Stableford competition, and, for some reason, Stableford seem to be more to member’s liking than some of the other formats played. The only real downside was the briskish breeze that made the day feel rather colder than it was, although it did make for a good excuse if a shot wandered a bit off line, or pulled up short, or went past the green. Blame it on the wind! During the week, the mud on the course was fairly fluid, and, if not quite self-cleaning, it was easily removed. Today, it stuck like baby cack to a blanket, and buggy wheels and shoes were somewhat over-loaded by the end of the round. The preferred lie rule was much appreciated by all, and some even claimed that it almost offered an unfair advantage. How much advantage you could, or should, take is a whole other question.

Don’t let it be said that CJ is not passionate about his game of golf. He is also currently very passionate about his new set of clubs, to the extent of professing undying love and looking to get a larger bed (or to move somebody out) so that he can sleep with them. His ‘ageing’ body seems to prefer the lighter shafts, and he has to make much less use of the trees to stay on the fairway. Except on the 17th, where the tee shot looked to be in the Yarra for all money before a grateful tree (it is assumed) brought it back into play and neatly perched it up on the only tuft of grass for miles around. It was also reported that he had resorted to using his putter from halfway up the fairway to pull off some of the unlikely shots that paid off to bring him home with 39 of the best Stableford points and a clear lead into the second round. Can the love affair last?

Was Craig having a bad trot, or was he just foxing to lull people into thinking that he was a spent force? He certainly disproved the thought that the latter was the case as he went close to taking the front nine apart, including a four pointer for a birdie on the third, on the way to his tally of 37 points. That birdie, by the way, was just one of the ten that the team managed to card for the day. JQ took a couple of holes to get his range, but then he scored three pointers on six of the remaining seven holes on the front nine. The walk between the 9th and the 10th reset the clock and the first two holes on the back were not so impressive until the composure was reasserted, and he was able to finish the round right on his handicap at 36 points. This result was helped along a bit by a very nice chip in for birdie on the 17th.

Geoff is still getting used to the Club handicapping system, and was surprised to find that he had gained a stroke on his playing handicap from last week. He also took a few holes to get going, but, from the 4th onwards, there was no holding him back. He parred the 7th for a four pointer. There was hardly a blemish on the card from then on, and he finished with a very handy 35 points. Brent lost out to CJ again today in their little family competition when he could only manage 33 points, leaving a reasonable amount of work to do if he wants to step up to the top spot next week. He would have to give CJ a bit of a hiding to do that, but he could get one back in the family challenge if things go well.

Brent and Adam chose to play their Matchplay quarter-final today. With only four strokes to be conceded by Brent, the off-the-stick score was going to be important. Adam obviously meant business and came out swinging to land some telling early blows to be three up after four holes. A birdie putt on the 6th that stopped agonisingly short prevented the advantage extending to four holes. A Brent burst over the next five holes turned the tables, and the balance of power had tilted ever so slightly the other way. The lead changed again, but no real advantage presented itself, and the match drew to all square after the 16th. Brent took the 17th quite comfortably to make the match dormie 1. And, despite a valiant effort by Adam on the 18th, Brent won that hole to take the match 2 up. The semi-finals are due to start on 30th July, and the time to complete them is quite short, so the contenders should start planning their calendar immediately to fit them in. They should also mark in 20th August as they will be playing the finals and play-off on that day. How will the points be distributed?

The ProPin was set for the 4th hole, which was made all the more interesting by the freshly excavated slope at the front of the tee box where the markers were located. Harry and Blighty were both pin-high but off the green, so they didn’t get a chance to put their name on the card. Porks did though with a shot to 3.96m to collect the dosh. The first BallPin on the 12th was won by CJ with one of his ‘magic’ new clubs. The 18th BallPin would have taken some beating when Skip put his shot to about half a metre. It seems that the missed putt contributed to the story of his day.

Gordon played two strokes for two lost balls on the first and second holes. He was so disconsolate after the disappearance of his first ‘good’ drive that he walked the hole and then sconed his second shot into the shrubbery in front of the second tee, to add insult to injury and to score a draughtie as well. Adam also owned up to a draughtie on the 15th. He did have a bit of luck playing into the 14th green from the 16th fairway when the branches of a tree took enough pace off the ball for him to finish just off the green instead of well across.

Matt must be thinking of transferring to the flying squad. He seemed to be very interested in the aerodynamics of a golf club at one stage today. There were other suggestions of UFCs today but details were sketchy. SOS, on the other hand, was afflicted by a case of the shanks at one stage of the round. On the 12th, after a few abortive attempts at chipping, he decided that the ball needed a bath, and endeavoured to dispose of it into the penalty area. Even that didn’t work out, as the ball hit a tree and bounced right back to him. Brendon is known for setting his buggy free rather than keeping it under control down a hill. Maybe some mud accumulated on one of the wheels, but, as it careered down the 1st hill, it veered sharply off course and capsized, spreading the contents far and wide. You would think Brendon had his small change stored therein, the amount of time that he spent gathering up every last skerrick. The rest of his group were on the green by the time he finished.

Steve lashed out today and bought himself a cleaning cloth, a couple of balls and a couple of tees. On the way around, he managed to lose the cloth and both of the balls. At least he still had the couple of tees, although they did work out rather expensive at $12.50 a pop. A check at the desk for lost property could see the return of the cloth if you are lucky. Porks didn’t sound as if he was too happy about his tally for the day, but it seems that it could have been worse if two shots headed for OOB on the 8th hadn’t received their ‘lucky’ breaks.

Results for Saturday, 16 Jul 2022
Leaderboard Round 1: 1st Chris Priems (39) 2nd Craig Cameron (37) 3rd John Quinlan (36) 4th Geoff Lyall (35) 5th Brent Rowley (33)

Seniors Leaderboard: 1st Chris Priems (39) 2nd Craig Cameron (37) 3rd Geoff Lyall (35)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 4th Ryan Porker BallPin No 1 – 12th Chris Priems BallPin No 2 – 18th Mark Minney

It was a bit of a sad day today as we realised that this marked the end of an era, and we would never again see Trev’s smiling face, hear his dulcet tones ring out across the course, and his running commentary on his game and ours. A good number of members turned out for his farewell during the week, which was much appreciated by his family and friends. In actual fact, there were more members there than the twelve that made it to the tee today. Pepsi was probably still getting over his birthday celebrations, and Blighty is a well known fair weather player. In fact, the weather didn’t turn out too badly, with no wind and little more than a mist in precipitation. The course was a bit wet underfoot in places, although the greens were remarkably hard and fast. Actually, one of the wettest places on the course was the 15th tee, and some members were asking whether they were entitled to casual water relief. With so many factors coming into play, how did the actual scoring go?

Members are starting to believe that some alien life form has taken over the body of our President. Not only was no beer harmed as a result of today’s round, but also, Rob topped the podium steps once again with a very nice 38 points that had the effect of shaving yet another couple of strokes from his handicap. Just in time for the start of the Winter Cup! Nice work Rob. There might have been some dispute about the no beer harm claim, but the details were just a bit too hazy to report as a fact. On another matter relating to the red markers, Adam distinguished himself today by driving his tee past them on the second. Porks tried hard on the 14th, but the tee separation was just a little too great.

Harry was pretty happy with his 19 points on the front nine, but triples on the 10th and 13th brought things back to the pace, and he was only able to finish with 35 points for a spot in second place. Geoff was channelling CJ today. With his shortish haircut and well trimmed beard, he was almost mistaken for our MIA tee marshal (Go Collywobbles!). Out on the course the likeness continued with a number of ‘tree’ shots saving the day to bring the ball back into play. With three misses and two four pointers on the front, the handicapper is taking a good hard look at how ‘generous’ he has been. However, it is the final score that counts, and 35 points scores him yet another let-out. JQ started out with a good drive on the first, and was feeling pretty pleased with himself until he finished the hole with a seven. At this point, he contemplated calling it a day. A goodly number of ‘up and downs’, some of them with very long putts, banished any suicidal thoughts, and he pressed on to finish with 35 points also. One of the U and Ds was a particularly duffy shot on the 17th that just kept on hopping and running to go very close to going into the hole for an eagle and leaving the birdie in no doubt. That birdie was one of just five that we scored for the day, although Gordon is claiming the ‘best’ with his 5.2m putt on the 12th after he just missed out qualifying to get his name on the ProPin card.

Which could go some way to explaining how Gordo managed to rack up 34 points to fill the third spot on his Pat Malone. Three triples obviously stood in the way of a significantly better result. Whitey filled his card with fours, fives and sixes in just about equal measure on his way to a solo spot in 4th place with 33 points. Craig bisected the fairway on the first, and looked as if he was going to be his dangerous self once more. He did need a bit of luck on the 3rd, where a ‘skinny’ chip looked to be heading for the wide blue. That is until it hit the pin and stopped dead for an easy par tap in. The form faded a bit on the back, and he could only scrape together 32 points, but that was enough to get 5th place, and another point to the tally.

The first BallPin was on the 4th, and it turned into a bit of a no contest after JQ put his name on the card. The second was on the 18th, as usual, and this too was a no contest after ChrisJ put his name on that card. Chris also made some use of the trees on the course to his advantage. One particular case was on the 16th, where a well off course shot finished in the middle of the fairway thanks to a convenient tree. The trees played no part in making it to the 18th green. The ProPin was on the 12th, and after Gordo’s ‘miserable’ attempt, Prez thought he was going to clean up again this week. Unfortunately, Craig had other ideas and took out the pot with a shot to 2.45m, a good 1.43m closer than Rob’s (and not 38cm, or 380cm, or something as Rob was trying to claim during the presentations).

The Birthday Birdie was a little remiss last week in forgetting to visit Pepsi. But this week he has to say a little Hello to Steve, who has something to celebrate coming up. Steve did plan to be with us today, but a family matter came up that required his attention. We hope all is good with your daughter, Steve, and that you can celebrate your day together.

Results for Saturday, 09 Jul 2022
1st Robert Priems (38) 2nd Harry Boughen (35) 2nd Geoff Lyall (35) 2nd John Quinlan (35) 3rd Gordon Hill (34) 4th Rodney White (33) 5th Craig Cameron (32)

Seniors Results: 1st Geoff Lyall (35) 1st Harry Boughen (35) 2nd Gordon Hill (34) 3rd Rodney White (33)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Craig Cameron BallPin No 1 – 4th John Quinlan BallPin No 2 – 18th Chris James

The recent rains have been mercifully light to non-existent, and so the course has been holding its own. It actually looked downright inviting from the Clubhouse hill looking back down the ninth. There wasn’t much run on the fairways if you had any sort of a launch angle, but the greens were surprisingly fast. Just ask Steve, who managed to miss the green twice from just a few metres out on a couple of occasions. And this despite a chipping lesson with the Pro during the week. There were some dark looking clouds around first thing, and they didn’t really clear away, although they did lighten up as the day went on. Also, there was not a breath of wind the whole morning, so our 15 members who made it to the tee should have had little excuse from the conditions. Bob almost had an excuse for not turning up after his navigation system kept taking him around in ever decreasing circles, somewhere in the vicinity of ShoppingTown. In the end, he called his well honed bush skills into play and relied on his unerring sense of direction to get him to the golf course that he has been playing regularly for the last 30 years. Maybe the 900th game last week went to his head.

Now, many golf clubs have a day on their calendar that is known as President’s Day. Unfortunately, we don’t have such a day on our calendar, so Prez decided that he would exercise Presidential prerogative and declare that today was just such a day. It wasn’t all roses, as he did have to shout after his drive on the 2nd powered through one of the bushes in front of the tee, only to collect a tree that pulled the ball up well short of the red markers. However, his pitcher was working a treat and a number of approach shots finished pretty much within gimme distance of the hole. A couple of longish putts also helped to keep the wolf from the door, bringing him home with a nice round net score of 68 to minimise the damage to his handicap. If that wasn’t enough, he also managed to get his name on the two BallPin markers at the 4th and 18th to collect a couple of Precepts, which are now his favourite ball, in addition to the one for the win. SOS, please note!

ChrisJ produced a bit of a mixed bag on the front nine, but definitely lifted his game on the back to produce a swag of pars. A triple on the 13th was the only real blemish for the half, and he finished the round a couple of strokes back with a net of 70. Porks was deadly with his wedge today, and this scored him consecutive birdies early in the round, and he missed three in a row by the barest of margins. He now has a very nice lead in the Championship and a couple of strokes to play with in the Eclectic. Still room for improvement in that department, as there are three holes on the course that he has not yet birdied or eagled.

El Capitano was rather reluctant to talk about his own game, which didn’t quite come up to his usual high standard. In actual fact, he was rather more keen to take part in Dob-in-a-Bob Week, perhaps showing a yearning for his halcyon days in the Cubs and Scouts. When Akela cried Dyb, Dyb, Dyb, he was probably the very first to reply We’ll Dob, Dob, Dob. Anyhow, he did provide graphic evidence of the draughtie on the 16th tee. And, he managed to slip into third place with his net of 73. There were a remarkable number of ‘fat ladies’ on the cards today, and a rather unexpected appearance was made on Brendon’s card. Brendon was in one of his pedantic moods today, wanting to argue about what constituted and airie. He contended that the fact that he hit the ground before not hitting the ball did not constitute said felony. The fact that he had his backside up against a tree and the ball was in long grass does not provide mitigating circumstances. Despite all this, he also netted 73 and shared third place with Matt.

There were also a few scores that got into double figures on a hole, and Ben was one player who recorded that distinction. Whether that was the same hole that he scored his draughtie and/or did his back in was not declared. There was a round at Sandringham on offer for tomorrow because of the injury. Despite this, a net score of 75 left him in 4th place, with no one else to share the glory. Harry believes that the idea of putting should be changed to running the ball just to catch the edge of the hole, but not to go in. Brent reckons that he has proved once again that if you birdie the first, then the only way from there is down. As a result, they both reported nets of 76 to collect the last point for the day.

The field was faced with a couple of quandaries with the course set up today. The first was on the first, where the signage warned you to keep off, but the white markers beckoned you to come on, sailor. The second was on the 5th, where the tee markers were less than a pace from the back of the brand new tee box. So much for having two club lengths for a teeing area. There was barely enough room for a stance. There were no quandaries on the 15th, where we were competing for the Jackpot ProPin. CJ wasn’t here today to defend himself, but brother Rob was adamant that the oversight last week was definitely down to Chris. In the end, the other ChrisJ was the one who got his name on the card with a shot to 1.37m. Given that we only reported three birdies for the day, and those three have already been mentioned, the evidence would suggest that he did not make the putt.

There was one match played today in the Matchplay quarter-finals, that saw Pepsi pitted against Whitey. The word came back that the whole thing was not pretty, as both players turned out well below their potential. As a result, the match ended up being a pretty close-run thing. Nobody could really get the upper hand, and after the 12th the match stood at all square. Rod then made a bit of a break for it and made it out to a lead of two holes, and Peps started to get a bit anxious. So much so that he produced a power shank on the 15th to finish across the 16th and not too far from the fence to the car-park. He played a great recovery shot and barely missed the par, which would have won him the hole. As it was, the result was a square, not a loss as was recorded. The match was square after the 17th, and it required a win on the 18th for Whitey to take the match one up.

Today, despite the lack of wind, turned out to be pretty draughtie. As well as the ones already mentioned, additional mentions are due to Pat who had to dip into his sky-rocket for two rounds, and to Targe who did not make the best of the day. Rob got away a good drive on the 11th, although it did drift a bit to the right and into the tree line. He also made good contact with his second shot, but, unfortunately, the ball also made good contact with a tree several metres away. The rebound almost took off Prez’s head, and the ball finished some 30m behind and almost back on the 10th green. Bob reckons we should have more news about good shots, so here goes. On the 13th, Bob had a shot from behind the penalty area, with the contained forest between him and the green. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, Bob pulled out a wedge, and gave it all he was worth. He didn’t see where it went, but he was very pleased to find that it had finished on the green. A pretty mean feat, you would have to say.

Now, we must, unfortunately, bring some very sad news. During the week, our old mate and stalwart of the Club for 30 years, Trevor took a tumble in his own home and injured himself so severely that he was not able to summon help, and he died alone and probably in great pain. Our sincerest condolences go to his family and friends. As a mark of respect, we ask that everybody playing next week wear a black armband. President Rob has been in contact with Trev’s family, and he will advise details of the funeral for those members who would like to attend to pay their respects. Rest in Peace Trev, there’s bound to be plenty of carts available for that great golf course in the sky.

Results for Saturday, 02 July 2022
1st Robert Priems (68) 2nd Chris James (70) 2nd Ryan Porker (70) 3rd Matt Hunt (73) 3rd Brendon Mitchell (73) 4th Ben Akdag (75) 5th Harry Boughen (76) 5th Brent Rowley (76)

Seniors Results: 1st Harry Boughen (76) 2nd Bob McDonald (78) 3rd Andrew Blight (79)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 15th Chris James BallPin No 1 – 4th Robert Priems BallPin No 2 – 18th Robert Priems