The weather bureau keeps forecasting rain but it hasn’t come to much for a long time though there appears to have been a very localised down-pour at the back of the second tee.  Or maybe the level control on the dam pumps just failed and over-filled the pond.  Whatever, it needed a bit of a detour unless you wanted to get your socks wet.

A fairly moderate turn-out of fifteen players on what was a good day weather-wise.  Mostly over-cast but with little wind for most of the round and even then it could only be classified as a breeze when it did spring to life.  The course was in good condition and got the thumbs up from Rodger who compared it more than favourably with his home turf at Yarrambat.  Even the hard tees aren’t as hard and he didn’t have to use his screw-driver once.  A strange thing to carry in your golf kit but apparently a necessity at home.

Whether it was Jupiter aligning with Mars or the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, something aligned for Harry today and he put together a pretty respectable round to gather 40 points and lead the field at the half way mark.  And Rodger can vouch for the fact that he left a few out there with putts that just pulled up short or just slid by.

Only a shot behind and fire-hose at the ready is Gordon who absolutely destroyed the front nine to rack up 24 points.  The rush of blood to his head must have unbalanced him when he added them up as he was pretty shaky for the next six holes before settling to come in with 39 of the best.  Gordo managed to chip in twice during the round to upstage Harry who only managed it once but Rodger took the cake holing a monster putt from off the green to snaffle a birdie on the 15th.

Speaking of birdies, there were 13 carded today and one eagle by Mehmet on the 9th.  Not sure whether there have been too many of those on that hole and he wouldn’t have even had the pleasure of seeing it go in.  And all for only one ball. At least the big bird isn’t too upset given that the clutch wasn’t off the ground yet.  Bill had a go for another on the 17th but didn’t quite manage it.  Not at all sure how we would have divided the spoils if there had been a double though a quick referral to the Club Rules would have sorted it out.

Next cabs off the rank on the scoring front and by no means out of it are Oliver and Laurie with 37 points apiece.  They should have the privilege of fighting it out with Harry and Gordo in the last group next week but Laurie will probably drop back to group second last to share transport with Rodger.  Laurie played steadily with just a couple of wobbles mid-round that kept him from a higher placing but he really had his ginger up around the back nine.  Oliver seems to have gone into the second-hand golf equipment business with money changing hands between him and SOS for a very fine looking driver.  It seems also that SOS is only an inter-mediary and there was no indication of what his mark-up is going to be.  Caveat emptor.

Mehmet and Bill came in next on 36 points and managed to rack up three 4 pointers between them.  No harm in the medium term to their handicap and still within striking distance of the big trophy and without the pressure of being in the first group though we might have to toss up to see who gets promoted if Laurie drops back.  Noodles and Rodger produced 34 points apiece to round out the Claytons Point-scorers for the week.

The third last group will comprise Craig, SOS, RodW, and RodG.  And the lead out group and Chef’s hat brigade will include Brendon, MalF and Targe.

Obviously, any new-comers will fill this group and lead out before if extra groups are required.

If you didn’t play this week can you please go on line and indicate your intentions one way or another so that we can hope to get the catering right if nothing else.

The Nearest the Pin for a ball eventually went to Noodles after a certain amount of discussion as to whether anybody was present who had witnessed the event or whether the group had even been aware that the NTP was on the 4th.  The ProPin on the 15th was taken home by none other than Mehmet who only just managed to sneak in under the 5m limit.  Once again, there were calls for witnesses to the measurement.

Targe owned up the having had a windie on the 13th which probably didn’t cap off a fairly forgettable round for the little fellah.  At least it wasn’t a draughtie.

Sharpie was somewhat distracted with the need to dash off at the earliest opportunity and was having no luck with the putter.  So much so that he threatened to throw it in the river, if he had been close enough to the river to reach it.  Another player who had moments with a club was Whitey who managed to break one on the 11th when it mysteriously came into contact with a tree.  Remember Rod, they aren’t as robust as a cricket bat.

Placings after Saturday, 22 March 2014
1st Harry Boughen(40) 2nd Gordon Hill(39) 3rd Oliver Gross(37) 3rd Laurie Mannix(37) 4th Mehmet Akdag(36) 4th Bill Eastoe(36) 5th Stephen Butterfield(34) 5th Rodger Clarke(34)

Autumn is just around the corner, the elms are starting to drop their leaves, there was even a suggestion that it could rain sometime and the ground staff must have used up their river entitlement as the course was the driest and the greens the fastest that we have seen for some time.  The conditions certainly seemed to suit at least some of our members as once again there were some mighty fine scores put in and you had to break your handicap to even get a point and the number of point getters was as low as it has been for some time.  It looked as if it was only going to be one person per place until MalF piped up and his card was found secreted at the bottom of the deck.

Well, if last week RodG was coming out of the woods, this week he was right out in open country and trumped the field with 42 points and that included a gash that was more than offset by consecutive birdies.  One of these was on the 12th that just happened to be the ProPin which had jackpotted from last week so a very nice little earner for Rod.

Of course four pointers pale into insignificance against a 5 pointer that Noodles scored inside (only 4 with us) with his Eagle on the 6th.  So much for the exhortations to get on with attacking the 17th last week though the Beast was obviously trying to give it a go but managed to put his drive OOB and had to do the long walk back to the tee to re-load.  Other than that, he could easily have knocked Rod off for top spot as he was only one point behind with 41.  Believe it or not, he even improved on his eclectic.  How low can he go?

A stint at cricket coaching hasn’t done any harm to Damo’s ball striking skills and he came within a whisker of posting a PB with 71 off the stick and a total of 40 points.  A couple of birdies along the way, out of the 14 that were tallied today, also helped his eclectic but he is still a long way behind the Beast.

Standing on the 7th green, Chrispy asked whether he could hear a steam-train in the distance.  Harry suggested that it was probably coming out of Craig’s ears after he had duffed a chip from off the green.  Despite that and another small lapse in the middle of the back, Craig put together a pair of 19’s to take out the fourth podium position.  Noodles and MalF rounded out the point-scorers for the day.

There were two matchplay matches contested today and Damo used his good round to quite demoralise Brendon to come out on top by 5 and 4.  The other match between Mehm and Gordo started out looking as if it could finish in a similar mold with Mehmet up by three after the front nine.  However Gordo made something of a comeback and looked as if he could take it away but he managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory and finished  losing it on the last with Mehmet coming home 1 up.  There are still three matches not decided in round 1 and it was agreed that, as a dispensation had been given to Dick, the other two would be given a chance to get the match played next week so if Stefan and Bill and Dennis and David can work out what is going to happen and let the committee know the result of their deliberations that would be good.  Getting the second round matches under way would be good as well.  You know who you are.

The nearest the pin for a ball on the 15th was not claimed which has to be saying something even if it is not clear what.

It seem that an apology is due to Pepsi as the reason that he didn’t play last week was that he was injured.  Just goes to show that you can’t always believe what the mafiosi say.  Craig was absolutely creaming his five (ladies) wood and also had a nice little draw working for him as well.  The two combined to put him OOB on the 16th.  He then took out his driver and absolutely belted the cover off the ball to be effectively a chip and a putt away from a potential bogey.  Didn’t happen!  Noodles also looked to be heading OOB on the 14th but the ball must have hit a tree and finished only 50mm or so in bounds.  He then proceeded to finish with his par while his playing partners had to settle for gob-smacked bogies.

The next event is a two week Stableford  event for the Stuart Clarke Memorial Trophy.  Club shirts are de rigeur for the first round and something loud or ugly for the second round.  And that doesn’t mean that you wear your Club shirt for the second round no matter what some member’s wives might think.  Brendon was pretty chuffed that he got some positive feed-back at last.  There were fears that SOS had absconded with the Treasurer’s bag of goodies but true to his word he rocked in when the proceedings were about half over so it was possible to deal with such minor formalities as the ball run and so forth.

Our first official AGM as an incorporated organisation was also held after the round and approved the Annual Accounts and the updated Rules of Association.  The main other message was that the Club is in a reasonable position but could do with some new blood to get the numbers up and to rebuild the core.  A bit like a football team really though we don’t have the luxury of draft-picks – and as for salary caps and performance enhancing substances – don’t ask.  There have been some responses to recent publicity but no firm takers just yet.  A couple of members will act as a sub-committee to up the drive but members should trawl through their list of friends (and enemies if appropriate) and try to persuade them to come along.  You never know they just might like it.

Results for Saturday, 15 March 2014
1st Rod Grant(42) 2nd Bill Eastoe(41) 3rd Damien Lee(40) 4th Craig Sharp(38) 5th Stephen Butterfield(37) 5th Malcolm Fleming(37)

Must be that the cricket season is over.  Or was it just the beautiful weather and the finely manicured turfs of Ivanhoe that brought out a total of 26 players (or was that 22?).  No wonder the money was in short supply after a liberal application of Chrispematics.  The upshot was that we probably ended up with somebody paying double (or not).  And what about all the accusations about people not paying or nicking off with the loose change.  SOS was all fired up to bring out his pencil and notebook and start taking statements from all and sundry – or does that only happen in Midsomer.

Regardless of the confusion caused by the ‘missing money’ and the fact that this was an Orange Ball Teams day, there were some mighty fine scores brought in and you had to break your handicap to even get a point.  He hasn’t been back in the fold on a regular basis for long but Laurie is certainly making his mark and put in a blinder today to absolutely destroy Oliver in their matchplay round six and five and take out the competition as well with plus 5.  Oliver was gob-smacked that, on the front nine, they were both plus one in the main event but he was three down in the match.  Unfortunately, the hole indices on the front nine do tend to favour the long handicapper.  Maybe we should reconsider whether to use a matchplay index for this event.

RodG, who has been in the woods for a while, came out with a vengeance today and except for a couple of touches of the nervous nellies could easily have taken the top spot.  His +4 was matched by Eddie who has made a stellar start to the year and the handicapper obviously hasn’t been severe enough on him.  His lead in the Championship Table, while not unassailable is getting close to being out of reach for some members.

Keith is another returnee who seems to be going from strength to strength and getting his eye back into the game.  After the debacle with the player count, the handicapper double checked Chrispy’s card but it seems that his maths improved as the day went on, or was it his marker that saved the day.  The break away having a smack at the larger red ball hasn’t harmed RodW’s game and he matched Chris for fourth place.

A veritable swag of players rounded out the podium places with Zimmer, Bill and those two hard workers Dennis and Ben collecting the last of the points on offer today.  Ben also collected himself a ball for the Nearest the Pin on the 15th while the ProPin on the 12th went begging and will jackpot with a healthy ante of $22, though it was almost $26.

There was a reasonable number of birdies today with thirteen all up.  The big bird has been laying well and there are now five eggs in the nest so it is about time some of the big hitters started attacking the 17th again.  A couple of people improved their eclectic on a total of eighteen holes – their first game this year.  And, believe it or not, the Beast improved on three holes as well.  Still, the year has still got nine months to run, so don’t despair just yet.

Oh yes.  Today was an Orange Ball teams event and there were a couple of drop-outs through lost balls and OOB’s.  Yes guys, if you hit off with the Orange Ball you have to finish the hole with it in the cup, not in your pocket.  Anyway, with Laurie on fire and the others doing not too badly, the easy winners with +3 were Oliver, Laurie, RodW and MalA.  Well done chaps!

In other Matchplay results, Ben overcame Will 5 and 3 and RodW downed MalA 4 and 3.  There are still five matches outstanding and they have to be finalised next week one way or another.  Maybe Richard and his opponent have another week depending on the cricket.

Will was noticed rushing madly up the 10th fairway after his shot ricocheted off a tree and smacked Damo, who had bent down to tee up his ball in the 11th, on the forehead.  Damo ended up on his you-know-where as much from surprise as anything else though there might just be a little bruising and a new Titleist tattoo on his forehead.  Damo didn’t have the greatest day of it but he did manage to par the 17th with a drive and three chips.  The one off the path put a few gouges in his wedge as well.  Not happy, Jan!

Ben was admiring Mehm’s shirt because he has one just like it but was wondering whether Mehm had raided his wardrobe or was just using him as a role model.  Rumour has it that living in Sydney has gone to Pepsi’s head as he was in town for the weekend but chose to go to the races instead of playing with us.

Targe must be getting soft in his old age as he was saying today that he doesn’t shoot (duck season is coming up) wood ducks because they mate for life and besides they are a bit tough to eat.  Maybe that comes from mating for life.

Results for Saturday, 08 March 2014
1st Laurie Mannix(+5) 2nd Rod Grant(+4) 2nd Ed Kloprogge(+4) 3rd Keith Delzoppo(+3) 4th Chris Priems(+2) 4th Rodney White(+2) 5th Ben Akdag(+1) 5th Kazim Akdag(+1) 5th Bill Eastoe(+1) 5th Dennis Tiernan(+1)

According to the newspapers, today was the first day of autumn.  Some would argue that there are another three weeks of summer to go.  Regardless, it was a lovely day out there though a few were commenting on how much darker it is in the morning.  A small relief next week as our times have started moving out as we head towards the cooler weather.

The change in seasons did not faze David (aka Morwell) as he was really on fire today and despite a slightly shaky start managed to come in with a nett 59.  All to no avail as far as the medal was concerned but he does rack up the eight points for finishing in front and he improved his eclectic score on no less than nine holes.  Chrispy was heard to say before tee time that he felt that he would line up for back-to-back Medals, which he duly did with his nett 63.  A very fine effort but it does suggest that the handicapping system is not severe enough.  Maybe we need an extra penalty for back-to-backs.  Just joking.

Mehmet thought he was in with a bit of a chance with his nett 64 but it was another turn as bridesmaid again.  MalA also put together one of his better rounds for a while and but for a couple of aberrations he would have been well in contention for the top spot but finished two strokes behind Chrispy.  Laurie played a round of two halves and if he hadn’t taken nine holes to get his act together to finish the back nine in 14 strokes less than he took on the front, two halves like that would have been unbeatable.

The birdies seemed to flow fairly freely today with a total of 15.  Chrispy managed to make the ball bounce at right angles on the ProPin hole (12th) after almost missing the green to take out the money.  MalA got his name on the flag to collect the trophy for the ball hole on the 15th.

There was one official Matchplay match today between Keith and Trevor.  Things were pretty even but Trevor’s gammy leg got the better of him and he conceded when he retired after nine holes.  There was also a Clayton’s second round match between Gordo and Mehm and Gordo was rather pleased that it was make-believe and not for real as Mehm was the notional winner 4 and 3.

Targe was striding confidently forward to recover his ball from the hole when it spun round the lip for a 360 and finished teetering on the lip.  Probably best to wait for the tinkle of the ball in the bottom of the cup, eh, Targe.  One small step for a slug, one giant step for slugkind.  Apparently the worlds first slugstronaut hitched a ride on Stefan’s ball and was last seen heading moonwards a la Minuscule for those that watch ABC TV.

There was a very close call on the 18th tee when a shot from the 17th whistled past one players ear and close to another before striking a parked buggy.  Except for that, there is a fair chance that the ball would have been OOB.  Yes, the bell had been rung but that does not necessarily mean that the players are out of danger.

One of the groups seemed to be having trouble with their counting as all four of them were heard to be shouting ‘four’ over and over.  Brendon, must have had something against the cyclists and walkers on the path by the 3rd as he had a couple of goes at knocking them over with wayward balls.

There was a Committee gathering after the presentations to consider the official end of year accounts and some minor changes to the Club Rules of Association.  In order to ratify the accounts and the Rules changes, there will have to be a Club meeting on 15th March.  This will have the status of an Annual General Meeting and in future years the AGM will be held in March rather than in December at the break-up and presentation day.

The Club also has some donated trophies from the course management.  It has been decided that these will be used for special competitions.  The first two are rounds of golf for 4 people (two must be non-Ivanhoe members) including carts and beers (value approx $150).  These will be contested on the next two monthly medal days (April and May).  The entry fee will be $5 and the results will be determined on Stableford points.  The other trophy is a golf bag valued at about $400.  This will be competed over the month of June which has five rounds in the month.  The entry fee will be $15 and the result will be determined by the best three rounds submitted during the month.  The more rounds you play, the more chance you have of getting three good ones.  The scores will be converted to Stableford for the purposes of the competition.

The Club really would like to get in some new members and we can’t rely on somebody else to do our promotions for us so cast your minds around suitable friends and acquaintances to bring along and join our merry band of burglars.

Results for Saturday, 01 March 2014
1st David Howard(59) 2nd Chris Priems(63) MM 3rd Mehmet Akdag(64) 4th Malcolm Adey(65) 5th Laurie Mannix(67)