Is the course open?  Yes, but there will be no inside comp.  It’s going to rain all day.  It’s about to clear any time.  We’ve got a quorum, we can have a comp.  Could be some easy points.  A lot of people will miss out if we play.  This is just a sample of the palaver that was going on at the Club at about 0700.  In the event, the radar carried the day and it was decided that the round would go ahead as the numbers were surprisingly high for what the outlook was early on.  As the groups, half sloshed their way down the fairways, thoughts turned to what might be the score to have at the end of the day.  Somewhere about square or a bit either way seemed to be the popular guesstimate.

Just goes to show that the conditions are not necessarily an indication of the potential for people to score.  This was certainly the case for our clear Club-house Leader, none other than Whitey who also seems to be trying to prove that he can grow a beard.  A fantastic effort, after going OOB on the 3rd and eventually turning with -1, he absolutely demolished the back nine to equal par for the nine and return +7 points.  That must be going close to being a record, making the round a PB by quite a number of strokes.  And, as an aside, it will cost him at least 2 strokes regardless of the final outcome next week.

Just a little further back than first thought is the redoubtable pigeon fancier, Ed, who seems to have a bit of trouble distinguishing his elevens from his tens having claimed a stroke on the 6th two weeks in a row.  Still, +3 has him well within striking distance but if he does manage to snare this one his Championship Points tally would really be putting the pressure on somebody to catch him.

Another week and Damo proves that the lowering of his handicap is no obstacle to being right up there.  The break was a bit smaller this week but still a break and with luck and some well placed sledging he could easily upset the apple-cart of the two leaders.

The next group have a bit of work to do with a shared score of -1 and a turn-around of more than seven points required to collect the silver-ware.  However, Par is the sort of competition that can bring big swings so ChrisV, Oliver, Harry and Bob shouldn’t give up the ghost just yet.  As for the rest, perhaps they should hope for a major out-break of flu or gastro-enteritis amongst the leaders.

But, it will be worth coming next week, even if you didn’t play today.  Because of the confusion around the start, the bonus trophy event was post-poned for another week so even if the silverware is out of reach or you didn’t play today it will still be worth turning up for your chance to enter and win the round of golf for four with carts and a beer afterwards.  Only $5 will get you a place in the contest.  There will also be a bar-b-q afterwards so an even greater reason to turn up.  To help with the catering, please go to the web-site and register (coming or not) so that we can warn the caterers if we are going to be inundated (by people – not rain – we hope).

We had a prospective new member along today in the person of Andrew Hall who just happens to be Dick’s brother.  Welcome Andrew and we look forward to seeing on a regular basis, which is more than we have been able to say for Dick in recent times.  There was quite some discussion as to whether Andrew was younger/older/better looking but in the end there was no firm decision though it was opined that from a distance (possibly a fairly large one) he could be mistaken for Blighty.  And wouldn’t you know it, as a guest, Andrew entered the ProPin and managed to get within the distance (not by much it must be admitted) and scooped up the Double jackpot on offer.  He wasn’t persuaded by the announcement of “Club Rules” that visitors had to share the pot with the Captain/President.  The Nearest the Pin on the 4th for a ball was well contested but in the end it was Damo who got the nod and picked up the ball.  And, after last weeks dearth, there were 12 birdies this week while the Eagles Nest went unmolested and builds slowly towards a reasonable number.

Chrispy kept his playing partners entertained while showing off his skills as a ventriloquist – at least it sounded as if he was saying something even though his lips weren’t moving – or maybe it wasn’t his vocal chords that were vibrating.  Anyway, he managed to pull a shot from somewhere in that region of the anatomy when he played a shot from the practice fairway over the trees by the 16th green and went close to landing the ball on top of Harry’s.  The plug mark suggested that you would have been hard pressed to fit a cigarette paper between the two balls.  The near vertical landing meant that Chrispy’s ball finished only a few hundred mm away.

Ed managed to lose one of his hats (while he was wearing it) and Ed doesn’t even come from Tasmania.  Perhaps that was what distracted him from his scoring on the 6th.  Maybe some kind soul will hand it in at Lost Property though it is obviously very valuable if the plaintive cries that were still rising as everybody was heading for the car-park were any guide.

Zimmer had a close call on the recent weekend away and showed up with a slight re-arrangement to his forehead after a practice swing by one of his playing companions went more than a little too close the Akdag visage.  Luckily the damage was not too severe and Zim will have another war story to add to his collection.  There was another close call today on the 10th tee when Bob’s cart started to roll off down the hill.  Despite cries to ‘leave it’, Bob took off like Usain Bolt and crash tackled the cart halfway down the hill leaving his companions more than a little concerned for his well-being.  Bob picked himself up and fortunately seems to be little the worse for wear though it is understood that the Match Review Panel is investigating the legality of said tackle.

Brendon announced that he would have get on home as he was ‘on a promise’ however it seems that it was another sort of promise after a late night and an assurance that we were unlikely to play and he would be home early.

The Birthday Birdie has had a quiet time of it over the last couple of weeks and once again, no celebrations in the coming week.  There have been some hints from certain members that there might be something in the wind (and not referring to Chrispy).

Condolences also to the O’Sullivan family for the recent passing of Stephen’s mother.  The Club’s thoughts are with you at this difficult time which must be tempered only slightly by the recent news of impending parenthood.

Results for Saturday, 10 May 2014
1st Rodney White(+6) 2nd Ed Kloprogge(+3) 3rd Damien Lee(+1) 4th Chris Vinecombe(-1) 4th Oliver Gross(-1) 4th Harry Boughen(-1) 4th Bob McDonald(-1) 5th Mehmet Akdag(-3) 5th Chris Priems(-3) 6th Tony Mifsud(-4) 7th Brendon Mitchell(-5) 7th Stephen Butterfield(-5) 7th Gordon Hill(-5) 7th Targe Mifsud(-5) 8th Kazim Akdag(-6)

Winter is coming on and the prospect of staying under the doona when the Bureau is forecasting showers and possible sleet can be very tempting.  One person who did succumb this morning was none other than Hon Treas, Brendon, who apparently surfaced at or about tee time and rang in to see what the state of play was.  When told that the second of four groups was about to tee off he decided to cancel but somehow the message got garbled and the last group waited patiently, for a while at least, in the expectation of seeing Brendon arrive in his jimjams if not with a towel wrapped around.

As a result only twelve members lined up for the fray though the numbers were swelled a little by the presence of Ben’s mate Ozkan (call me Oz) and Bob whose playing partners also chickened out for what turned out to be a pretty nice day with the showers holding off (as predicted by the Bureau) until after lunch.

How often does it happen?  New kid on the block comes in and starts stealing trophies off the old-timers.  Well ChrisV did it today.  Talking about what a tricky little course it was and how he had played it five times and was still trying to work out its secrets.  Hate to think what sort of scores will come in when he does work them all out.  Seriously though, a great round, and welcome to your new , lower handicap after turning in a nett 61 from a 75 off the stick.

Damo continues to be undismayed by his ever decreasing handicap to come under again today and score yet another cut.  If he keeps this up, he’ll be challenging Pepsi for the low handicap crown.  He couldn’t hang around for the presentations as he had to rush off to the Corporate Boxes at some football game or other.  Wonder how his team went?

Ed announced before tee-off that he wouldn’t be putting in a card for his GolfLink handicap, a sure sign that he was feeling confident about his chances.  In the event he managed to play to his handicap and come in in third spot to collect some points and keep the Championship points ticking over.  Not sure if the pigeon season is going to interfere with his form but he didn’t seem to appreciate the questions about suitable recipes.

A little group of good players out of luck came in next in the persons of Gordon, Ryan and Chrispy.  Chris had a good old whinge about having to sit around for so long for the second group to come in but a group of three quickfire players is bound to travel faster than a deliberate four.  Ryan  was making a fair fist of his round until ChrisV put the mockers on him at about the 13th after a four pointer.  Not a big enough slump to come under suspicion though.

Last but not least in the points table was old reliable Oliver who stumped up with a nice round 70 nett to get the last point of the day.

The preferred lie through the green did not seem to help with the birdie count as there was a paltry total of only three though there was some action on the eclectic front for those that did manage to score well.  Preferred lies were (mostly) no help on the par 3s with nobody getting within the required distance on the 18th for the ProPin so it will be a Double Jackpot for next week so that really should encourage people to get themselves out of bed.  The nearest the Pin on the 12th went to Oliver who overclubbed it a little to finish about 500mm past the hole right on line.  Close but no cigar on the Eagle/HIO front.

A big welcome to Oz who seems keen to come back again.  He can certainly hit the ball and a couple of aberrations were all that was between him and a very good round.  ChrisV played some great golf but he also had his share of luck.  His drive on the 11th looked for all money the be somewhere out on the 6th but turned up out in the middle of the home fairway with an easy shot into the green.  Trees can be helpful.  Damo’s 72 off the beater could easily have been sub-70 except for a mini choke on the home run with a couple of bogies.

Harry managed to run up a Great-Grand Pa(r) on one hole, a par 3 fortunately, though the toll could have been greater if one of the ricochets had hit his bag.  Also good to see that the Treasurer has a succession plan in place.  Brought his daughter along after the game to help take the money off the men.  That’s what is called training them young!

Next week is the first week of the David Ford Autumn Cup one of our Major events for the year.  Two weeks of Par, Oh how we love it!  The cart bonus trophy was postponed from this week and will be run next week instead for a mere $5 entry fee.  Other details on the next week details page.  Also be prepared to come and play in June with another Bonus Trophy on offer with the details also on the said page.

Just a reminder, we do play according to the Rules of Golf and there can be no agreement under any circumstances to relax or waive those Rules.  This applies for both those playing in our competition and in the inside competition.  If anybody detects an infringement of this sort, it should be raised immediately with the offending parties so that the situation can be rectified or the appropriate disqualification can be enforced.  If the question can’t be decided on the spot, the situation should be referred to a Rules official at the earliest opportunity for a ruling.  This would most likely be one of the Course Professionals.

Results for Saturday, 03 May 2014
1st Chris Vinecombe(61) 2nd Damien Lee(66) 3rd Ed Kloprogge(68) 4th Gordon Hill(69) 4th Ryan Porker(69) 4th Chris Priems(69) 5th Oliver Gross(70)

It seems as if there is a curse on the Orange Ball Team event or maybe the pressure is too much for some people.  Once again the majority of groups did not finish with their ball, some opting out as early as the eighth and one group nearly losing it at the fourth.  Fortunately, it avoided the long stuff in the (dry) billabong and could be played and carried on for a few more holes before straying into the creeper jungle along-side the 9th.  The eventual team winners were Damo, Mostyn, Keith and Zimmer with a score of -1 though it was a bit hard to work out who had played the ball on which hole and the stewards were hard pressed to find evidence that the ball that they returned had actually been hit.  Somebody suggested that maybe they didn’t take their club covers off when they were using the coloured ball.  MalA needed to play a provisional ball a couple of times and just to keep everyone in the group on their toes he teed up with (you guessed it) a yellow ball!

Perhaps it wasn’t entirely surprising then that the main competition winner was none other than Damo who, despite whingeing about getting cut a couple of weeks back managed to break that handicap to be able to have a whinge about being cut again.  Still, even though the greens were still a bit on the sandy side and remarkably fast (just ask Craig – no don’t do that unless you’ve got plenty of time to spare), +2 was enough to win and not hurt the handicap too much.  Damo is also putting in a burst to scale the Championship ladder but he reckons he will just get himself to the top or there-abouts when the cricket coaching duties come about again.

Second cab off the rank was Blighty who prefixed his round with an exposition on how long it was since he had played, hadn’t held a club etc etc and then proceeded to cream it down the first and demoralised Noodles in their Matchplay match to be three up after three holes.  Noodles managed to hold him for the remaining six holes on the front but he failed to convert some chances early in the back and eventually went down 5 and 4 on the 14th.  Blighty’s +1 overall held the Clubhouse leadership for quite a time but brought him both Championship and Senior Championship Points without too much harm to his handicap.

Ryan played his first round in competition today and just as ChrisV did last week he wasn’t slow to open his points tally with a square card and third place.  He certainly makes good contact with the ball and if he can stay on the straight and narrow he could be one to watch as the year progresses.  And all of this while playing with Ed.  One point further back was Mehmet who put together a steady enough round but might have been distracted by his concern for how Noodles was going in his match.  It doesn’t bear repeating how Mehm suggested the match result should be reported when he heard the final outcome.

Ed, Kazim, Brendon and Oliver all earned themselves a point by coming in fifth place with -2.  Who’d have thought a couple of stragglers on -4 would have been just outside the points.  So, was the course that hard today or was it the succession of days off work that resulted in a fair number of cards pushing out towards, and in some cases reaching, negative double figures.

Presumably in line with the relatively uninspiring scoring there was something of a dearth of birdies today with a total of 7 all up.  A couple of people made it onto the 4th for the Ball Nearest the Pin and Moist’n’Wet picked up the pill after quite a time out to pasture.  Seems he’s only just managed to negotiate himself a leave pass for Saturday mornings.  The ProPin on the 15th went begging  and so there will be a nice little Jackpot in the kitty for next week.  That should bring some of the denizens out of their caves.  Pity there isn’t a qualification like there is for the Medal.

There was another matchplay match today and it was a case of youth outdoing experience with Zimmer coming home victorious 5 and 3 over Keith.  With the next three weeks taken up with Medal and Autumn Cup, those left in the event after today’s deadline will have to get their ducks lined up quick smart after that.

One of the Clubs former members, Tony Balcombe, came along today to try out his hand on the old stomping grounds and to catch up and talk about old times.  I don’t think Tony had the best of it as he was heard to comment that it made him realise why he doesn’t play so much any more.  But then again, the rest of us didn’t set the world on fire either.

When MalA sprayed one into the hazard on the 12th he asked the (rhetorical) question ‘What am I doing wrong?’ Reply 1: ‘Where do we start?’ Reply 2: ‘We can’t hold the game up that long!’  Talk about using the knife and then twisting it!

Somehow, Craig’s inside and outside cards got into the Club mix and when he was handed his inside card, Craig marched off to hand it in at the office.  Obviously spent some time riffling through the comp box looking for the other one before coming back looking more bewildered than usual wondering where it was.  Somebody else who might be looking bewildered in the future is Constable SOS who is apparently going to become a father.  Must be something out there on the course with all this fertility going around.  Grandpop Gordo was busily flashing pics of the new-born around as well.

Whilst on the subject of births, the Birthday Birdie has whispered that Ryan and Whitey will be celebrating an anniversary of just such an event in the next week.

Don’t forget to mark it on your calendar and get those leave passes signed off with the Autumn Cup coming up in the two weeks following the May Medal next week.  The holiday weekends are done and dusted for the time being so there should be no excuses.

It almost seems that the only passion of relevance to the bulk of our members is their passion for golf.  Despite the allure of extended breaks due to the virtual coincidence of Easter and Anzac Day we ended up with a fair average attendance.  A bit of a downpour on the road to the course did little to dampen the enthusiasm and a few threatening clouds during the round did not add to any discomfort that anybody might have been feeling.  A couple of umbrellas were unfurled but this was more than sufficient to deter the rain gods though the sand from the freshly sanded greens was noticeably stickier with a few extra drops of water about.  Despite the coring and sanding, the greens were remarkably fast and more than one putt ended up well past until over-compensation started to leave them short.  At one stage, Harry was heard to lament that he couldn’t sink a South Korean ferry.

Despite all this the scoring was obviously a bit easier than it was last week when a square card was all that was required to take the prize and the DSR for the course came in at 68.  The scores didn’t break any records but there were three people who came home feeling pretty pleased with themselves.  Given that Gordo and Targe have featured in the gallery fairly recently it seemed only fair that the other member to come in with 38 points to share the glory should get a guernsey.

New kid on the block, ChrisV certainly didn’t waste any time opening his account in the Points Table with a very handy second placing and with a score that did nothing to harm and a little to enhance his brand new handicap.  A very creditable 35 points.

Despite being seen crashing about in the garden bed by the 9th tee and carrying an elephant gun at the ready,  Zimmer held it together to stitch up a pair of 17’s for a total pointage of 34 and third place on his Pat Malone.  Ken managed to tear himself away from his other club to join us and showed that he hasn’t forgotten how to play at Old Ivanhoe to get his mitts on fourth spot.  He also got his mitts on a few other things as well.  A ball for Nearest the Pin on the 12th and the money for the ProPin on the 18th.  We might have to take a swab if he keeps this up.

To round out the point scorers there was a nice little group of four players sneaking in with just 32 points in the persons of Harry, Mehm, Pepsi, and Damo.  Damo was desperate for a birdie and went for the green on the 14th and went close to knocking somebody off the 15th tee.  Whilst on the topic of birdies, we racked up a pretty respectable total of 16 which works out at one apiece.  Wonder who got mine?

Although Whitey did share the top ranking, there is a feeling about that he could have done better.  First off, he used his putter for his second shot on the 6th and still managed to advance the ball by about 100m.  Second off, he managed the dreaded air-shot on the 9th though the ball did move by a millimetre or so, so great was the club head speed.  Never one to hold back our Whitey.

Another one who did alright despite some tough breaks was Ken who was faced with this shot and he didn’t bring his chain-saw.  It seems that he was in a similar predicament on the next hole as well.  Damo also put himself in odd spots.  Two new ProV1s into the billabong on the 3rd had him negotiating discount prices on boxes of balls and when another disappeared into the pond on the 17th, he went bush bashing for what was thought to be his.  When he saw that it wasn’t his beloved ProV1 he backed out and left it where it lay.

Pepsi hasn’t played much since he has been ensconced in Sydney but he showed that he is as accurate as ever by rolling one across the green from the tee on the 14th.

On the 8th, Ed’s cart looked as if it had been abandoned over by the billabong fence when the group all appeared to have progressed to the next tee.  Though the mean machine has been known to break down before, it seems that Ed was just admiring the progress of the conservation works around the billabong.

Gordon is a proud new grandfather with a new male heir, Joshua, being safely delivered during the week.

Bob brought his own caddie this week in the person of son Mick for some of that old-fashioned father-son bonding.  Watch out for Mehm next week, he was noticed nursing a suspiciously new shoe box after the round so it will be interesting to see what his taste in golf shoes runs to.

Don’t forget we need to get on with the Matchplay rounds.  With the smaller numbers involved, it should be easier to get them organised and completed and to catch up with the schedule.  Next week is also a Orange Ball team event.

Results for Saturday, 19 April 2014
1st Gordon Hill(38) 1st Targe Mifsud(38) 1st Rodney White(38) 2nd Chris Vinecombe(35) 3rd Kazim Akdag(34) 4th Ken Grist(33) 5th Mehmet Akdag(32) 5th Harry Boughen(32) 5th Damien Lee(32) 5th Andrew Petricola(32)