Whinging and moping and whining and crying, Sledging and swearing each day on the course, That won’t get you into its arms…..

It turned out to be anything but a ‘Dusty’ weekend away in Numurkah.  The drive up from Melbourne, for most at least, was through continuous rain and the course manager reported that they had 15mm so, although the whole course was open, things were a little damp (make that wet) underfoot.  Some, unkindly, likened it to playing in a swamp.  Now, Numurkah is known as a course that favours those that can hit it straight and that was never truer this weekend as the rough was long and wet and watery and many who strayed off the fairway paid a pretty heavy penalty both in strokes and frustration.  Saturday was cold and there was a bit of wind but the weather stayed fine, at least until most of the field were home and hosed (or at least hot showered).  Sunday was much warmer and mostly sunny though a few clouds did come along and threaten with a few drops of water but barely more than was noticeable or could have been shaken from the trees as remnants of the previous day’s falls.

One person, though, was obviously unfazed by the tricky conditions and, if he did stray from the fairway, he was good enough to recover without undue problems.  A very commendable 36 points on Saturday really set up the weekend for Matthew and left it for the rest of the field to improve and catch him on Sunday.  A slight hesitation on the second day with only 31 points promised for a bit of a contest but, in the event, nobody could catch him and so it was that Rob, ever so reluctantly, handed over the mustard jacket to Matthew.  Now, the venerable old jacket showed quite a close fit on Rob at the Saturday night dinner causing some to overly (and overtly) admire certain parts of his anatomy in the upper body area.  However, let the record show that the jacket looks as if it could have been tailor-made for Matthew and he will surely be striving to maintain his grip on it at next year’s Challenge.

Noodles also had not too bad a day of it on Saturday and he managed to put together 34 points on his first outing.  So, he went out on the second day with great expectation that he would be able to wear Matthew down despite the need to outscore him by at least four points.  After nine holes the points tally for Sunday was all equal and it was going to require a dash to the post to settle the contest and Noodles reached for the whip.  By the 15th, Noodles had a five point advantage on the day and a one point lead in the total.  All he needed to do was to match Matthew on the last three.  Maybe he whipped out the whip too early and, like a lot of race-horses the previous afternoon, he faded in the straight and threw away all of the hard gotten gains to finish exactly where he started, two points behind.

After three holes on Saturday (really probably after one, but who’s counting) Bob was declaring that he wasn’t going to enjoy this and maybe he should just go home.  But, he did stick to it, even if only to mark SOS’s card, and, as the day wore on, his game improved and at the end of the day he had managed to put together a slightly better than middle of the field result of 28 points.  On Sunday, Bob turned around and served up the best card of the day with 34 points and in the process, leap-frogged himself into third place.  Just goes to show, you should never give up the ghost, especially early in the round.

Ryan started off like a house on fire and managed to get his name on the first two of the markers on the par 3 ProPins.  Maybe it was the excitement of having done that, but, whatever the cause, he went through a bit of a slump for about five holes before finding his mojo again to romp home with a total of 33 points for the day.  Sunday was a day of ups and downs with four three pointers being more than offset by five blanks but his total of 59 for the weekend was just enough to garner 4th place in the field.  Although Rob had high hopes of seeing his name embroidered once more on the ‘Auld Jacket’, it was not to be but he should probably be reasonably happy with his 5th spot.  Damo shared the podium with Rob which isn’t too bad a result considering his lack of training in recent times due to the son’s footy committments.  Of course, the cricket season is coming up so we might still miss Damo’s smiling face around the Club in the future.

There were a swag of Nearest the Pin competitions over the weekend.  The Big Kohuna ($5/head/day) was on the 18th but the largesse was not shared around a great deal as ‘Dead-eye’ Hunt managed to get his name on the marker both days.  He didn’t have it all to himself as he had to squeeze out Team SOS on Sunday.  Well done Matthew and you should be able to afford to come again next year to defend your title.  The regular ProPins went to Ryan (2), Damo (2) and Matthew (2).  There were a couple that did not go off and the funds will be added to Club funds.  The ProPin in two on a par 4 didn’t go off on Saturday and jackpotted to Sunday.  And, on Sunday, it did go off.  Gordon hit a great drive and left himself in a great spot with a shot to the green from about 100m.  He took out his trusty 8-iron and proceeded to skinny the shot that never got more than 300mm off the ground and just kept running and running (despite the wet and soggy conditions), dribbled onto the green and rolled down the slope to finish a mere 75mm short of the hole.  So, a shot that started as a contender for the worst shot of the weekend finished up being one of the ‘great’ shots of the weekend.  Needless to say, he got the birdie and added his name to the rather short list of birdie getters for the weekend.  There was a total of five amongst four players which is probably indicative of the difficulty of the conditions and the trickiness of managing the greens at Numurkah.

There were a fair swag of draughties over the course of the weekend and this is probably not a complete list but some who did make it were Gordon (multiple and two on one hole), Chrispy, Ryan, Blighty and Harry.  Now, you might very well ask, how come so many.  There were probably a couple of factors.  One was that, on a few holes, the red markers were quite a distance in front of the white markers.  Not that the distance was necessarily so great as to be out of range even for the shorter hitters.  It’s just that they happened to fall on holes that were well populated with trees and with a narrow entrance to the fairway and any shot that tangled with the trees was a fair chance to come up short of the red markers.

There used to be a trophy for the Annual Challenge weekend, known as the Cocks Plate, reserved for the member who pulled off the ‘worst’ shot of the weekend.  The plate itself has been ‘missing in action’ although there are rumours that we know where it is but just have to get around to collecting it.  Long story short(ish).  Gordon acquired a new trophy for the Cocks and the award this year went to SOS.  It wasn’t that the shot was particularly worse in execution that many other potential contenders but for the fact that SOS ‘searched’ for his ball behind the red markers and when it couldn’t be found there he declared that it must have gone past and therefore didn’t qualify as a draughtie.

A weekend such as this wouldn’t be complete without the award of a trophy for the NARGA.  Now, while some might cavil at making such an award it really is not meant to be denigrating, just a bit of fun.  Whilst there was only one trophy to be awarded, there were two contenders and so it was that JohnQ received that accolade by a count-back from Gordon.

Now we all know that SOS is a gentle hearted soul who’d let a Pokemon playing driver off because he wouldn’t want to spoil their enjoyment.  He must have also been taking in the principles of Buddhism and he showed this in spades when a bee settled near his ball on one of the greens.  After several attempts at shoo-ing it away, he marked and lifted his ball and eventually herded the  hapless creature away to what he deemed a safe distance.  He replaced his ball and turned to take his stance for the putt and promptly stepped on the poor creature.  Perhaps Karma explains why SOS didn’t do so well on Sunday.

Chrispy was rather taken by some balls, in the clubhouse, decorated to look like soccer balls (as you do).  I’ll have one of those says Chris and hands over his hard earned $7.50.  Walks out to the tee and whacks the ball to who knows where never to be seen again.  Should have stayed with the coloured ones Chris.

Now, you heard about Gordon and his shot to take the nearest in two.  He left it 75 mm from the hole.  Mehm was 130m out in the rough and he put it to 10mm of the hole.  Anything Gordo can do, Mehm can do better! Not sure whether that shot was with his 8-iron but Mehm so much likes that club that he played the last three holes with only that club. Apparently it was some sort of bet with one of his playing companions.  He didn’t do too badly, at least on a couple of those holes and he managed to par the 18th though he did look a treat, putting with the club gripped down almost to the shank.

And, while speaking of shanks, Damo was guilty of one such shot and in the process hit the golf-cart that was parked only metres away.  Harry also managed to hit a cart on one of his three attempts to chip onto a green (told you they were difficult to manage).  Blighty managed to play two (or three?) holes with a ball that belonged to Targe.  The exact sequence of events is a bit vague and whether Targe was guilty of the complementary sin is not clear.  Still, it was preferred lie throughout the course so there was no real excuse for not being able to check properly.

So, another great weekend away.  A good time was had by all even if some of the golf wasn’t all that great in standard.  There was some discussion during the weekend about whether to retain Numurkah as the venue or whether to try another course.  Lots of suggestions were put forward and the Social Secretary would appreciate your input to discussion over the coming months so that a recommendation can be made to the Committee in good time to arrange next year’s event.

Results for Weekend, 20-21 August 2016
1st Matthew Hunt (36,31,67) 2nd Stephen Butterfield (34,31,65) 3rd Bob McDonald (28,34,62) 4th Ryan Porker (33,26,59) 5th Damien Lee (31,27,58) 5th Robert Priems (27,31,58)

Nearest the Pin Results:  BIG KOHUNA ProPin 18th Matthew Hunt(2) Ordinary ProPin Ryan Porker (2), Matthew Hunt (2),  Damien Lee (2),  Gordon Hill (1 fluke)

Never before in the annals of golf at Ivanhoe did so much blood, sweat and tears go into deciding which clubs to put in the bag for the Three Club Challenge.  Planning and running six-figure projects paled into insignificance compared to the decision between driver and three wood, six iron and wedge or rescue and putter.  But fifteen souls finally bit the bullet, slipped their selection into the bag and came prepared to live with the consequences of their choices.  And, despite the difficulties of chipping with a nine iron (who has a problem with that) or putting with a three wood (who’d even think of doing that) the prognostication from last week that it was possible to break your handicap without a bag full of iron-mongery was borne out by the result today.  So much so, that a couple of people are seriously considering only taking three clubs up to Numurkah next week for the Annual Challenge.

One of those thinking of this option is none other than Rob who bounced back after handing over his Dad’s trophy to brother Chris a few weeks back and took the first spot easily by a five point margin with 37 of the best Stableford points you could imagine.  And, it could have been better but it seems that something went astray at the 4th for a zero and there were a couple of singletons as well.  He did crack a birdie to be part of the ten that were carded today and he improved his gross score on the Eclectic card but that was off-set to some degree by his handicap adjustment so he is still a stroke behind Brendon in that event.

Another man who is considering taking only three clubs to Numurkah is Mehmet who continues his run of non-winning by coming in second with 32 points.  Whether this was due to him keeping his feet on the ground or that he wasn’t confused by all the numbers on the bottom of the clubs matters for little.  If you want to find out how long it is since Mehm has had a first placing you can look it up in the records or you can just ask Mehm.  He’s going to have to score quite a few seconds between now and the end of the year if he wants to challenge for the Championship.  Right alongside Mehm was the Beast who just about broke Simon’s heart by coming in at the head of the Seniors (again) and in the process increasing his lead in that event.  If it is any consolation to the rest of the Seniors, Bill will be away during September (and so will Harry) so there is a big chance to make a move and stake a claim to the top spot.

JohnQ did little but complain the whole way round about how much he hated this event and how he was going to take over the Presidency next year and get it dropped from the program.  Just to keep him in his place, Chrispresident kept dropping bits and pieces of his gear (putter cover, glove, towel etc etc) and used him as his chief picker-upper.  So driven to distraction was John that at one stage he only had one club left in his bag.  He hadn’t broken them, they had just gone walk-about.  Anyway, believe it or not, after all that, John scored 29 points and collected a third placing for them.  Just goes to prove that you should never ever lose heart.

Michael was persuaded by Chrispy that he should try out the Volvik brand that has become a bit of a favourite with Chris because/despite it being one of the top balls on the Ladies Tour.  Michael was also in possession of a new putter with a nice fat grip that was meant to turn his game around.  The ball lasted two holes before it was retired and replaced by a Bridgestone but there was little option available to retire the putter.  Still, it did have its moments and Michael managed to birdie the 11th which is one that he wanted for his Eclectic card.  Twenty seven points was enough on the day to score a couple of Championship points with 4th place.  Harry struggled a bit for distance with his club selection but he did manage a few chip/putt-ins to scrabble together 26 points and another 5th place to his tally.

What are we supposed to do?  The first group included the Social Secretary and the Club Captain who were charged with putting out the Nearest the Pin paraphernalia.  The BallPin was slated for the 4th but when the second group came through there was nothing to be seen.  Eventually, the ball marker showed up on the 15th but there was no container with the name cards to be found.  It seems that Gordon was so excited to put his name on the slip that he put the container back in his bag instead of by the green.  Fortunately, somebody put it closer than he had and we weren’t left wondering who in the heck had made it to the green.  The lucky camper was none other than our comp winner, Rob.  The ProPin was on the 12th (where it was supposed to be).  Simon got very excited and assured everybody the he had heard the ball hit the pin and it could easily have gone in.  Not that it was Simon who had hit the ball.  In the event, the ball finished 0.89m past the hole and the man that was able to have his name put onto the card was Michael who is now thinking of retiring and living on the proceeds after taking our Double Divvie and the inside ProPin last week.  However, Michael did inaugurate a new twist to the ‘draughtie’ by shouting his playing companions after leaving his putt further from the hole than his ProPin marker (plus he missed the up-hill back).

While on the subject of draughties, one group reported that they could have had three in two holes from one player.  No names, no pack-drill.  Trevor opted to try to putt with his three wood and mostly it didn’t really come off.  Trev reckons he had at least fifty putts in his round.  Bob opted for his hybrid as a putter and for starters it gave him all sorts of trouble but then he seemed to develop a bit of a knack for it before he eventually got a bit knackered and lost it again.

Brendon was reported to have lost interest part way around and helped to keep his companions amused by doing Ray Warren impersonations while commentating on the progress of play.  Chrispy was up to his usual tricks and using the trees to advantage to put his ball back into play.  Somewhere on the 11th he managed to skull one and collect a tree pretty much dead centre but if the tree hadn’t been there he would have killed Rob for sure the ball was travelling so fast.  Luckily Rob was behind the tree and not in front of it.  While on the subject of killing things, there was a magpie on the ground in front of the 18th green and the Beast nominated that he was going to have a go at hitting it as it might be the one that has been stealing dim-sims etc from people’s mouths.  He didn’t, but it was apparently a close run thing.

ChrisV wasn’t here today so no slaps on the back and shouts for him.  However, the Birthday Birdie does have a bit to do this week with JohnQ and Zimmer in the frame for a bit of a celebration.

The Annual Challenge is on at Numurkah next week-end and we have sixteen or seventeen going up and the competition looks like being fierce.  Chrispy swears he is going to behave himself and the garden beds are quite safe.  The handicaps for the weekend will be posted on the website under the Competitions sub-menu.  Players without a GA handicap will be given one based on their Ivanhoe cards, suitably adjusted for the slope difference between the two courses.

For those not going to Numurkah, there are some slots reserved at our usual time and you are more than welcome to play a social round.  Please advise if you are going to play so that we can give the Course management an idea and also so that you can be credited with an attendance for a Social round.

Simon is looking for interest in extra shirts with a long-sleeve option and if he can get a few more orders for caps, that will help to keep the costs down.  Reply to Simon’s e-mail to show your interest.

Results for Saturday, 13 August 2016
1st Robert Priems(37) 2nd Mehmet Akdag(32) 2nd Bill Eastoe(32) 3rd John Quinlan(30) 4th Michael Gourlay(27) 5th Harry Boughen(26)

Seniors Results: 1st Bill Eastoe (32) 2nd Harry Boughen (26) 3rd Bob McDonald (23) 3rd Gordon Hill (23) 3rd Simon Powell (23)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin 12th Michael Gourlay BallPin 15th Robert Priems

For some the conditions were challenging.  Brendon reckoned that it was the coldest day we’ve had yet. Targe reckoned that the greens were the complete opposite of last week (whatever that means).  Gordon reckoned that the condition of the course is better than it used to be.  Whatever the truth of the matter is, there were nineteen of us out there today fighting off whatever demons were infesting our brains while trying to play some reasonable golf.  For a while there it looked as if reasonable would do but then along came SOS.

It seems that Stephen was veritably on fire, at least for the first nine holes which he managed to negotiate in just three over the card.  Things got a bit slippery on the back and he took a couple more off the stick to end up with 10 over the card overall for a nett score of 65.  This was more than enough to eliminate the rest of the hopefuls and the grasp the medal very firmly indeed.  It has to be said that SOS must have been taking some lessons from Chrispy because, on at least three occasions, his ball headed comprehensively into the trees only to be flung back out onto the fairway by a fortuitous ricochet.  The shot on the 17th was heading out of bounds for all money and though he could only manage a five on the hole there had been potential for a much higher score.

There is no evidence of collusion, but Stef and SOS played together and marked each others cards and, lo and behold, Stef came into second place with a nett score of 69, which is apparently Chrispy’s favourite number.  Both Stef and SOS went close to slam-dunking for eagles on an unspecified hole with one pitch mark very close and the other extremely close.  The return shots couldn’t have been that easy though as there was no hole where they both got birdie. The Beast is making a quiet run up the inside straight in the Championship race and gathered himself a swag of points in both the Open and the Seniors table with his tie for second today.  He could have been a lot better placed if not for the seven on the 4th.

Snags joined us for the first time in a while today and he reckons he only came in third because he wasn’t eligible to win the Medal.  His other stated reason for coming along was so that he could show Chrispy how to play and he certainly beat Chris by a fair margin.  He also picked up his new Club shirt and proceeded to wear it over the top of his old one.  As a result of the extra layers, people could not decide whether Snags had conditioned up or not.  Still, he reckons if he lost weight he wouldn’t know where to swing the club.

Everybody knows that Mehm has a unique approach to making a golf shot though it has to be said that it can be remarkably effective even if he hasn’t won any sort of event since who knows when.  Mehm actually does know when but he doesn’t want it made public just yet.  Mehm was so keen to get onto the green at the 15th for the ProPin that he threw himself almost off his feet and went very close to landing flat on his back(side), much to Pepsi’s amusement.  Michael and Targe joined Mehm on the fourth place podium and gracefully accepted the cheers of the crowd.  Of course we are all aware of the competition between Chrispy and Brendon at the top of the table and today it was Brendon’s turn to win back a point on Chris.  However, they had both better watch their backs if the Beast keeps up his smooth swinging ways.  Bill is swinging so smoothly that Mehm reckons that when he grows up he wants to swing just like Bill.  That’ll be a long time coming (Mehm growing up that is).

The BallPin today was set on the 12th and Harry cracked on to about 2.5m to hold out all comers (only just, it seems) to collect a ball.  The putt was good enough to fall for the birdie which contributed to the total for the day of ten.  Not a great number but maybe it says something about the conditions.  There is a thing amongst some members known as a PBSU (or to give its full title – Post Birdie Stuff Up).  And on the very next hole Harry managed to take four putts from less than 1m from the hole.  Reports do suggest however that he might not have been alone in this regard.  The ProPin was set for the 15th and with the tee well back and the pin reasonably well back it was not the easiest of targets.  So much so, in fact, that it came down to the last player in the last group before somebody put the ball inside the circle.  So, the man who collected the DoubleDivvie was Michael who finished 3.63m out.  Michael did not add to the birdie total on this particular hole.

CraigC had a bit of strife on the 3rd and managed to place two balls outside the boundary fence which didn’t help his score a great deal.  He did make up for it a bit on the 6th when he played some text-book golf to bring home a birdie.  This didn’t help his Eclectic card and other moves were a bit thin on the ground.  Brendon still holds the lead and has actually increased his margin slightly by dint of his handicap moving out.

CraigS shared a cart with Trev today and at one stage as they were coming up the hill from the 13th green, Chrispy decided to hitch a ride by standing on the back.  Steering was a little difficult as the front wheels were off the ground but the path did get graded by the rear end scraping on the ground.  Trev was a bit at sixes and sevens today.  So much so that he had six sevens in a row on his card.  He retrieved his card after he had submitted it to correct an error in addition of the half round totals which was fair enough but it did not fix the error in the summation of the hole scores.

Simon has been away on a road-show for three weeks and he just couldn’t wait to get his hands back on a club.  It wasn’t Simon’s best day so maybe he shouldn’t have been so keen and he also had a bit of difficulty in totalling his scores across the halves.  Snags seems to be a bit of a fan of Lydia Koh, but particularly the way she grips the club.  When he took up a suggestion that he should try that technique, the result wasn’t pretty but, then, what can you expect from Snags.  Noodles wasn’t too happy with the result of his drive on the 6th and sent his club after the ball to ‘fetch’.  The fact that the club didn’t get as far as the red markers caused Michael to ask whether this fitted the definition of a draughtie.  Probably not, and there were no other reports of enforced shouts either.

The Birthday Birdie has a bit to do this week.  Harry will have to be sure not to get his whiskers burned and Pepsi will be able to share some cake with the kids.  If ChrisV plays next week, be sure to give him a slap on the back and/or buy him a beer.

Next week is the Three Club Challenge and in case you don’t know or have forgotten, you are only allowed three clubs in your bag.  Your choice – putt with your driver, drive with your putter or any combination in between.  It’s not as tough as it seems and people have been known to break their handicap in this event.  It pays to try as you will be playing for points (and handicap adjustment).

The week after will be a Social Day at Ivanhoe so those who play here can organise their own event.  It would be nice to know who will be at IPGC so that we can do the management the courtesy of letting them know the likely numbers.  The rest of us will be at Numurkah playing for the Annual Challenge Trophy.  Gordon is organising a swag of associated events with Nearest the Pin on every par 3 and a nearest in two on one of the par 4’s.  There will be a secret nine and who knows what else.  Maybe Gordon will set it all out and advise beforehand.  There seems to be a push for some people to get there early enough to play Shepparton on Friday.

Results for Saturday, 06 August 2016
1st Stephen O’Sullivan(65) 2nd Stefan Belevski(69) 2nd Bill Eastoe(69) 3rd Craig Sharp(70) 4th Mehmet Akdag(71) 4th Michael Gourlay(71) 4th Targe Mifsud(71) 5th Brendon Mitchell(73)

Seniors Results: 1st Bill Eastoe (69) 2nd Targe Mifsud (71) 3rd Harry Boughen (74)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin 15th Michael Gourlay BallPin 12th Harry Boughen

Whether it was the Friday night footy or the Champions League or just a night out on the ran-tan but it seems that there must have been a few sleep-ins today.  As late as 0715, the field was still looking pretty darned skinny and it was only a last minute rush that managed to get the numbers up to a half-respectable 15.  Apparently there were supposed to have been 16 but one of the sleepy-heads didn’t surface until 0830, by which time it was a bit late to even make the effort to get to the course.  You’ll never win the Championship that way, Mehm!  Even without a win on the cards again.  There was a bit of mist in the air early on and the air was a little chilly though there were a couple of reports of a warm patch down by the river.  There wasn’t a politician or a balloon in sight so if it was real it must have been a natural effect and we are assured that it had nothing to do with Chrispy’s favourite French Impressionist.

There was a bit of wild-life out on the course other than the usual avian denizens that crap all over the greens or that steal your hard earned nibbles from your hand.  The course is apparently alive with Poke-Mon and one avid hunter seemed blissfully unaware of the hazards of wandering around a golf-course with his face stuck firmly into his i-Phone.  SOS classified him as a sus-loiter, which is police-speak in case you were wondering.  There was also a fox spotted and Noodles got rather excited by the prospect until he realised that it was the furry four-legged variety rather than the other sort.  But, apparently, it looked rather well fed, perhaps feasting on some of the aforesaid avian denizens and it seemed quite unconcerned as it wandered across the green and held up play briefly as the group waited for the green to be cleared.

Now, ChrisV hasn’t been able to play a lot lately what with his concerns about Hayley and the prospective bub.  Chris reports that all is still in place and the prospects for a favourable outcome are improving day by day.  The whole Club hopes that the situation continues to improve and that the happy event is indeed a happy one.  Hang in there Hayley from all of us!  So, today, Chris did hang in there as well.  His playing companions reckon that he put on a master-class in all aspects of the game but particularly for putting on the front nine in which he garnered most of his points and matched the par for that part of the course.  Not that the back nine was that bad but there were a couple of minuses that brought unkind suggestions that he had either a need for the Butter Menthols or that he was protecting his handicap.  The +6 from a round of three over par is still a great result in anybody’s language

The Beast was another one that played a round of two halves and if he had kept up the pace that he set on the front he could easily have challenged for the top spot.  In the process, Bill managed a couple of birdies and so contributed to the total of seven carded for the day.  One or two very near misses could easily have added to that total.  There were only a couple of improvements on the Eclectic table today and Brendon still has a small margin over second place while the rest of the field have a bit of work to do.

Now, Chrispy has a bit of a lead on the Championship Table and he is very keen to keep his eye on Brendon and to keep the Kiwi honest.  So it was today that as tee-marshall, Chris arranged for Brendon to be in his group and also connived to mark Brendon’s card.  All seems to have been fair and above-board even though Chris did manage to place in front of Brendon for third place with a score of -1.  He didn’t have that spot to himself, however, and he had to share the adulation of the crowd with SOS and Targe.  There weren’t any official draughties today but there is a strong suspicion that SOS could have had one on the 15th.  His playing companions were so convinced (or so thirsty) that they spent (SOS estimates) ten minutes searching behind the red markers and found no less that seven balls but not one that could be ascribed to having been owned by SOS.  The Magistrates Court would throw the case out for lack of evidence, according to SOS.

Chrispy’s bid to keep Brendon out of the points was only marginally successful and Brendon and Gordo managed to secure 4th place with a tally of -3 points.  They were closely followed by Noodles, Harry, JohnQ and Whitey with -4 points apiece.  And, despite the admonitions that they should be ashamed to collect points with that sort of score, they have no qualms at all about accepting whatever is on offer.  John did offer that he was surprised, both by his score and the fact that he got a point, after playing so badly.  For those of you with an arithmetic bent, you should be able to discern that, of the fifteen players contesting, only four were not included in the points table.  It’s been a while since we have had that sort of percentage on the podium.

The Nearest the Pin competition today saw the ball up for grabs on the 4th and a lot of the shots seemed to be pretty well astray.  A couple of people did manage to get onto the green from the tee and Whitey was victorious with what he claimed was his best shot of the day.  The ProPin was on the 18th and it ended up being a bit of a non-event after CraigC put it to 2.32 metres and in so doing closed out all players in the following groups.  Not a great divvie but a welcome relief from an otherwise ordinary day.

Harry managed to find himself in a similar position on the 17th to that of last week (hopefully it’s not a trend) and, after last week’s successful extrication, a similar shot was in order.  This one didn’t come off and the ball finished in an even more difficult spot.  The next and several subsequent shots produced similar results and a well earned gash for the hole.  Lo and behold, Dennis put himself into a spot at the back of the green with his second and virtually repeated the performance.  Perhaps stupidity is contagious.

Gordon put his second just onto the green on the 9th and decided that it was too far from the hole to putt so he opted to chip the ball.  Fortunately no green-keepers were watching and he didn’t take a divot but, unfortunately, he left the ball quite a bit short of the mark.  Unperturbed, Gordo slotted the putt for his par.  Oh, what a player!  Gordo also saw fit to congratulate Blighty for a great shot to the green on the 7th.  The only problem was, it wasn’t Andrew’s ball.  It belonged to the Beast.  Oh well, one golf ball does look rather like another from a distance.

Not wanting to seem to be picking on Gordon but after the game he settled down at the table with his drink and potato cake when he remembered that it would be polite to retrieve the Treasurer’s bag from the office.  So, he ordered his ‘twin brother’, Targe, to go and get it.  Targe responded, ‘So, I’m the youngest, so I have to wear my legs out first?’  And everybody thought his legs were already worn down to the stumps.  Targe might be putting some surplus baby capsules on the market in the near future.  He reckons that they are unused except for transporting grog home safely from the bottle-shop and he assures that they well suited for that purpose.

Blighty ‘dropped’ his putter on the 14th and, despite the wet condition of the ground around, when it was recovered there was only a bit of mud and a couple of drips on it.  Except, of course, for the big drip on the grip end of the shaft.

This report is hard to believe but there is a suggestion that Ryan is ‘lying down’ (and the quote taken from his own mouth) to get his handicap out for Numurkah.  Now, why would anybody do that?  The committee can always handicap ‘on suspicion’.  Chrispy doesn’t have a problem with his new handicap.  Though he did have a bit of a whinge early on about how hard he had been dealt with after last week’s result.  But, after nine holes on the new mark, Chris was busily imagining how it would be to play on a plus handicap, things were going so well.  As somebody once said, Pride cometh before the fall, and things went awry fairly smartly after the turn.  Still, he did beat Brendon!

The Birthday Birdie tells that one of our ex-members will be celebrating this week so, if the Turkish community can send a big birthday wish to Ben, the BB would really appreciate it.

The numbers have been rolling in for the Annual Challenge in Numurkah and Gordon assures that there are still places available.  He’ll probably put out a program of events sometime soon but please don’t hold back just because you don’t know what loot is up for grabs.

Next week is the August Monthly Medal and, for the hungry ones, there will be the double divvie on the ProPin.  Still only $5 comp fee though.

Results for Saturday, 30 July 2016
1st Chris Vinecombe(+6) 2nd Bill Eastoe(+1) 3rd Targe Mifsud(-1) 3rd Chris Priems(-1) 3rd Stephen O’Sullivan(-1) 4th Gordon Hill(-3) 4th Brendon Mitchell(-3) 5th Harry Boughen(-4) 5th Stephen Butterfield(-4) 5th John Quinlan(-4) 5th Rodney White(-4)

Seniors Results: 1st Bill Eastoe (+1) 2nd Targe Mifsud (-1) 3rd Gordon Hill (-3)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin 18th Craig Cameron BallPin 4th Rodney White