While the cat was away, fourteen mice came out to play.  It seems that Madge’s birthday and, possibly the bit of rain over night and with a few sprinkles still around early served to keep the numbers down a bit.  But, the course management deemed the ground damp enough to warrant preferred lies.  So, that would have made those calling for that relief over the last couple of weeks happy as a result.  The big question would have to be, did the relief make for better scoring or not?

Perhaps the conclusion could be that it didn’t as, in line with recent weeks, the number of players breaking their handicap was pretty low.  In fact, only one person managed to do so and, in the process of winning the day with 37 points, Damo propelled himself to the top of the Championship Table and he also boasts a very impressive strike rate of over three points per round to head the table of all comers in the Vardon Trophy.  Now all he has to do is to turn up a few more times to join the ‘qualifiers’.  Maybe it was the warm head and ears that allowed him to maintain focus.

But obviously not focussed enough to pull of a ‘slam-dunk’ on the 7th.  A picture is worth a thousand words so that saves the agony of having to write (and read) that many on the subject.  Needless to say, Damien made the birdie and contributed to the total of 9 that were made for the day.

Captain Pugwash managed not to sink his barge in the canals of France but he did manage to sink large quantities of cheese and wine.  He claims not to have touched a club while away so French wine and cheese is obviously good for your game.  The other thing that might be good for your game is knee surgery although a boating holiday in France is probably to be preferred.  Ryan wasted no time after his return to the playing field snaring the second place alongside Gordon to put himself to the top of the Championship Table beside Damo and a couple of birdies did his position in the Eclectic no harm and he is now holding an impressive lead in that event.

JohnQ was doubly occupied today.  Not only did he have to concentrate on the day’s event, he also had to concentrate on his semi-final match with Stefan.  He played well enough to get third place on the day and also well enough to beat out Stef in the match 2 and 1.  It was a close fought match with the lead changing several times and the position being all square after 14 holes.  Consecutive wins by John made the match dormie two.  Stef needed a birdie to win the 17th but didn’t quite manage it and the squared hole gave the match to John.  And who’s been talking himself down for the last three rounds?  Anyway, back to the day’s results.  Joe also managed to get 35 points to share third place.  Joe might be a tad disappointed though having started the round like a house on fire to card 22 points on the front only to fade  on the back.  Dale, on the other hand could have been forgiven for going home after the front only to come home with all guns blazing and making twenty points on the back to bring his total for the day to 29.

Simon has been consulting with his coach again and his driver was working a treat after a couple of little tweaks.  Some dark mutterings could be heard around the greens which suggests that some more time in the back yard might be warranted.  The cats are probably safe though as the second place in the Seniors gives him back a bit of a lead over Harry.

There were a swag of members lining up for the last point of the day and, although some Michaels might quibble about getting points for a card of 32 points, Stef, Noodles, Jason and Dennis will surely not complain.

The BallPin was on the 15th and JQ squeezed out Dale for the ball although he didn’t put it close enough to get the birdie.  The first ProPin was on the 12th and Porks made a meal of it by getting to 2.26m.  Joe snared the money from the 18th with a shot to 4.12m.

The practice putting green has been closed for maintenance and staff were being very vigilant to ensure that there was no trespassing.  Perhaps the lack of pre-game practice contributed to the low scoring.  Targe in particular missed several from close range although he did compensate a little by sinking a couple of ‘monsters’.

RodW decided to by-pass his putter on the 8th and chipped from the back of the green and right into the hole.  Possibly one of the highlights of his day.  Dennis is thinking of becoming an arborist after getting up close and personal with a rather large tree on the 9th.

Other than Her Madge, the Birthday Birdie has had little to do this week.  There were no draughties reported so either everybody was very quiet or, like Si, their drivers were working well.

Results for Saturday, 09 June 2018
1st Damien Lee(37) 2nd Gordon Hill(36) 2nd Ryan Porker(36) 3rd John Quinlan(35) 3rd Joe Wagenecht(35) 4th Simon Powell(33) 5th Stefan Belevski(32) 5th Stephen Butterfield(32) 5th Jason Hopkins(32) 5th Dennis Ward(32)

Seniors Results: 1st Gordon Hill (36) 2nd Simon Powell (33) 3rd Dennis Ward (32)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 12th Ryan Porker ProPin No 2 18th Joe Wagenecht BallPin 15th John Quinlan

It was on the 7th green that Simon looked at his Dick Tracy watch and announced calmly that it had just ticked over to 4C.  The Yarra flats at Templestowe had indicated 0.5C on the way to the course but there was no actual frost on the ground though a slight indication of a ‘crunch’ underfoot was detected at one stage.  In other words it was c-c-c-c-c-c-cold and the Proshop did a roaring trade in hand warmers and there were lengthy discussions about the merits of different grades of such devices and the use or otherwise of the winter golf gloves on offer.  And, it seemed to have showed up in the score-cards with the majority of the 19 members who braved the freeze doing significantly less well on the front nine compared to the back.

Overall nobody really set the world on fire and that seems to have applied even outside our field as the DSR for the inside comp was 66 which is probably as high as it has been since the system was introduced.  So, on that basis, it is probably no embarassment that the winning score today was a handicap matching 68 nett.  There were three people who attained that heady goal in the persons of Harry, MattH and Trev and so there needed to be a count-back to determine who was to collect the June Monthly Medal.  With his ‘almost’ personal best score on the back nine of 39 off the stick, Harry took the prize (nett 30) from MattH (nett 32) and Trev (nett 34.5).  After posting two triples and two doubles on the front,  Harry could be excused for thinking his chances were gone but it just goes to show that you should never give up hope.  Trev, on the other hand was about the only one to do worse on the back than on the front and that could easily have cost him the trophy.

Two strokes back were a gaggle of players.  Noodles was pretty unhappy that he had too many three putt greens but then isn’t just one three putt green too many?  Jason just played a boring game and seemingly played with a group of similarly boring partners if his response to a request for tall tales and true was any guide.  MattN made good use of his last ‘regular’ day with us before he heads up to Sinney to hang out with the rabbits up there though there would seem to be little truth in the rumour that he has been recruited as a front row forward.  And, as for Simon, his main worry, besides trying to be not too far behind Harry in the Seniors point scoring was to get away to sell off the family jewels in the form of his mother’s home of many years.

JohnQ pleaded the effects of a cold as he lined up this morning and prepared to do battle with Damo in their Matchplay match.  Obviously setting himself up with an excuse in the event that he went down.  But more of that later.  He obviously played well enough to get himself a third placing with his 71 and he didn’t have to share the podium with anyone.  Michael seems to have acquired an addiction to coffee as he got rather excited when Dennis sprayed his drive on the second into the trees on the right and the ball fell straight to earth somewhere in the vicinity of the red markers.  Dennis had almost resigned himself to his fate but, as it turned out, Michael’s anticipation was premature and the balls was found to be far enough forward and no ’round’ was in order.

The same can’t be said for the group of players who accompanied Pepsi today.  Although he was able to score well enough to match Michael on the podium, Pepsi did manage a power shank from the 7th tee to catch a tree and a ricochet back onto the path beside the tee box.  His nearest relief can be seen in the accompanying shot.  When his mates necked their mid-strengths later there was a suggestion that they tasted  a bit salty.  Something to with what Peps said he was going to put in them it seems.  Wonder if it is like putting lemon in Coronas?

Mal and Damo rounded out the points scoring brigade but, by the time that all the point scorers had been read out, SOS was well and truly to the bottom of his page and the number of pointless players was pretty small indeed.

The BallPin was on the 15th and Harry flew his straight for the pin but the ball made a 25mm deep pitch mark on the green and pulled up in very short order so it is not surprising that he was outdone by Stef who collected the ball on offer.  The first ProPin was on the 12th and, while Michael did a pretty good job of getting it close, Pepsi pinched it away by making it to 1.58m.  Not to be outdone, Michael also put it close on the 18th to 1.95m and remained unchallenged to collect the money on this hole for the second week in a row.  He missed out on the inside cash this week though so he will have to pay his own way next week.  He also did not make the birdie although there were a couple on his card and that helped us get to a total of nine for the day.

The last of the quarter-finals in the matchplay was completed today so everybody left in at least gets some points for their trouble.  The much anticipated clash was between Damo and JQ and, as mentioned earlier, JQ seemed to be preparing his excuses by declaring that he was only playing because it was this stage of the competition.  And, you could have been forgiven for thinking that he was going to need all of his excuses as Damo appeared to be doing it easy with the scoreline at four up in his favour after seven holes.  However, it seems that John got the chip off his shoulder and put it to work on the course to bring the match back to square after another five holes.  From there on, they swapped blows until the match went dormie one and with no stroke for John on the last a repair to the chip off green looked to be a good chance.  Unfortunately for Damien he was unable to make the par on the 18th and John took the match one up.

During the week, Dennis had been skiting that he was planning to win himself another medal and that this was going to be the day.  But, it was not to be and some might suggest Karma took her revenge by inflicting the dreaded double digit score on the 5th.  He wasn’t alone in the double digits though as SOS managed one as well on the 13th.   Rob didn’t reach the heady heights of double digits but he did manage a draughtie on the 15th but there is no suggestion that his beers were tainted in any way.  Brother Chris mused on the topic of runs of good form and bemoaned the fact that his seemed to have been a run of one.

President John took the opportunity to farewell MattN as he heads off to green (and red) pastures up north.  He was thanked for his efforts with the job of Tee Marshall and a replacement will definitely be required although Chrispy did indicate that he would be able to help out as well though he won’t be around for the next couple of weeks.  As farewells were made Damo commented that he hadn’t actually played a round with Matt at which the other Matt chimed in that this was probably why MattN had taken on the job as Tee Marshall.  Who needs enemies?

Results for Saturday, 02 June 2018
1st Harry Boughen(68 MM c/b) 1st Matt Hunt(68) 1st Trevor Jackson(68) 2nd Stephen Butterfield(70) 2nd Jason Hopkins(70) 2nd Matt Nicholls(70) 2nd Simon Powell(70) 3rd John Quinlan(71) 4th Michael Gourlay(72) 4th Andrew Petricola(72) 5th Malcolm Fleming(73) 5th Damien Lee(73)

Seniors Results: 1st Harry Boughen (68) 1st Trevor Jackson (68) 2nd Simon Powell (70) 3rd Malcolm Fleming (73)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 12th Andrew Petricola ProPin No 2 18th Michael Gourlay BallPin 15th Stefan Belevski

At long last, the lows that have been pushing in the persistent cloud cover moved on and a high was able to give us a clear night sky and the temperature dropped pretty significantly over night.  But that caused the moisture in the air to condense into fog and so we teed off into the fog and hoped we hadn’t missed.  There were no reports of balls going missing though the monkeys would have been singing soprano for other reasons.  For some reason, the fog always seemed thicker when you were standing on the tee compared to when you were down the fairway.  Perhaps Jane could explain the phenomenon sometime.  However, despite all this, twenty one (actually twenty-two when we include Brendon who ‘forgot’ to put his card in) members and one guest headed out and didn’t get lost as all made it back to the Club House in good time.

Noodles has been lurking in the background for a while and, despite heading the attendance table his strike rate has not been that great and he was languishing in the nether regions of the Vardon Table.  Today, he took advantage of the GrandPar by taking a birdie on the 3rd to get the two points for the hole and to make one of the 14 birdies that we scored today.  In contrast to many others in the field Noodles fared better on the front nine and must have tired through the back.  On the day, a score of +1 was enough to win the event and to move his handicap down a notch.

Hot on his heels, and only pipped by the two pointer, were a fine group of three.  Stef was always going to be dangerous, particularly when he was firing into the fog early in the round.  He was a bit astray from the 14th and as he waited to play from the 16th fairway, Simon thought he might get a bit of his own back as he teed off from the 16th.  Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your point of view) the ball went wide of the mark.  Simon’s mate Greg, who was the guest for the day, had no particular axe to grind but he bombed one up and went close to taking out JQ et al.  Stef was joined by Blighty, who was described as ‘dancing about his ball like a ballerina’ as he tried to gauge the break of his putts and Rob who was probably more like the Incredible Hulk at the same task.

There were fears that Michael had made his return too early as there were rumours that his back was back.  He turned up bright and shiny but, like a lot of others, he did not handle the front nine too well.  However he completed the back one under the card off the stick and finished on -1.  The shape of the card was similar for Targe who fared rather better than he did in the previous two weeks.  MattN also played the game of two halves to join in the share of third place.  Jason, on the other hand played a balanced round though he did have more than a little luck with the trees doing him a favour and returning his ball to playable positions.

Harry was another one who struggled a bit with the front nine.  The 10th shaped to be the start of a repeat performance with a minus but from then on, things looked up and H was even able to crack a smile on a couple of occasions.  Brent played a very even hand to join Harry on -2.  The Beast is back from his, seemingly, never-ending jaunt overseas to hone his golfing skills on the fair greens of Scotland, Ireland, England and Wales as well as other places east and west too numerous to mention.  To MattH, went the privilege of the first GrandPar of the day when he made a double on the first.  Two up after one hole, too easy!  Unfortunately, soon to be followed by three scratches in a row.  Oh well, easy come, easy go.

The first ProPin was on the 4th, which some people reckon was too early in the day.  But, it’s the same for everyone so what’s the obs?  In the event, it was Brendon who had his name on the card, but!!!  There was no measurement recorded.  He was in the last group and he reckons that his playing companions said it wasn’t necessary.  Hmmmm!  The BallPin was on the 15th and, possibly because Michael was on a roll by this stage, he had no problems in taking that one out unchallenged.  The same situation prevailed for the ProPin on the 18th and a shot to 1.66m was more than enough to garner the cash for Michael.

The next to last of the matches in the Matchplay quarter-finals was played today between the Beast and Mal.  And, it turned out to be a game of fluctuating fortunes.  Bill would have liked a little more time to adjust his game for the Ivanhoe course after his training run OS but, as both contenders were present, it was game on.  Things went pretty evenly in the foggy conditions early on but, as the fog started to clear, Bill found his range and managed to open up a bit of a lead.  Not to be deterred, Mal fought back with a series of winners including a chip in for birdie on the 14th to make the match dormie two after the 16th.  Perhaps, Mal needed the Butter Menthols but Bill won the next two to finish the match all square.  In the chip-off, Mal made the better chip but Bill made it down with two putts.  Mal was a little enthusiastic with his putt, and, although he rarely misses a second putt, he did this time to bow out of the competition gracefully and in no way disgraced.

Greg was hitting the ball so well today that he is thinking of trying to buy a set of the Hi-Re clubs that he was using today.  Keith reckoned Harry was a jinx for him today as twice when he was teeing off while H was on an adjacent green he shanked the ball into a hazard.  JohnQ had a doozer on the 3rd where the ball took off at nearly 90 degrees, almost took out Noodles and could easily have finished OOB, which would have really rubbed salt into the wounds.

Dennis owned up to having a draughtie today on the 7th.  In his defense, he argued that it was at least 100m between the blue and the red markers but it is doubtful that any of the tee boxes are actually that long.  ChrisV didn’t actually have one, but he was noticed playing his second on the 10th from the slope at the back of the 13th green.  DennisW is recently back from Japan and, in the spirit of conserving resources, he didn’t use his putter on three consecutive holes.  Not because he chipped in, but because he was out of strokes before he got onto the green.  Must have been all that sushi and sashimi.  Some did liken it to a performance by the Bulldogs after half time.  Nudge, nudge, wink, wink!

The story of the day, however would have to relate to SOS.  He was apparently feeling like he needed a bit of a rest and decided to sit himself on the seat attached to his buggy.  Now, as you all know, his buggy is one of those electric ones with a remote control which, as most people do when it is not being used, SOS was carrying in his pocket.  As he went to sit down, the remote activated, the buggy took off and SOS ended up sitting on his dignity (or lack thereof).  Good one, SOS!

MattN let it be known today that he will be decamping to Sydney the week after next and next Saturday will be his last regular game with us.  He does plan to continue to join us if and when he is in Melbourne on a Saturday and he still plans to come to the Annual Challenge.  What it does mean is that we will need a replacement Tee Marshall to corral us up in the mornings.  A number of people have said they were prepared to fill in so, if one of those could step up to the plate and take over the reins, that would be good.  Or even someone from left field.  We would prefer to let Chrispy have his well earned break.

Results for Saturday, 26 May 2018
1st Stephen Butterfield(+1) 2nd Stefan Belevski(□) 2nd Andrew Blight(□) 2nd Robert Priems(□) 3rd Michael Gourlay(-1) 3rd Jason Hopkins(-1) 3rd Targe Mifsud(-1) 3rd Matt Nicholls(-1) 4th Harry Boughen(-2) 4th Brent Rowley(-2) 5th Bill Eastoe(-3) 5th Matt Hunt(-3)

Seniors Results: 1st Andrew Blight (□) 2nd Targe Mifsud (-1) 3rd Harry Boughen (-2)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 4th Brendon Mitchell ProPin No 2 18th Michael Gourlay BallPin 15th Michael Gourlay

Chrispy said last week that he would cater for 20 players for the bar-be-que.  As it turned out, twenty two turned up although Joe departed early for some reason and did not finish the round.  The sky was overcast (mostly) and the air was humid and the rain that we have had has softened some patches of the course and has taken a lot of run off the fairways.  But, it was a nice day for golf even if the greens were a bit gritty from their recent sanding.  Trevor, at least, seemed to have had a lot of putts taken off course by unseen pebbles and lumps on the green.

For those with their game in order, the conditions of the weather or of the course were as of naught and the scoring flowed freely for some.  None so freely as for SOS who came in with a very impressive +4 to take out the David Ford after being among the leaders with his square card last week.  His round included an impressive shot on the 18th that put his ball within 76 cm of the hole, taking the ProPin and making for an easy birdie which contributed to the total of 12 that the team made for the day.  On the daily performance, SOS was joined by Dale who also had a +4 which helped to propel him from down among the ‘also rans’ up into a points position of fifth with a total of -3 for the event and the greatest positional change in the field.

Rob was next on the podium in second place after carding +3 for the day and the event.  Rob faltered a bit on the last few holes and there was a suggestion that a pack of Butter Menthols might have been in order.  Particularly when he missed a very short putt on the 17th that would have tied the scores though SOS would still have carried the day on a countback.

Now, Blighty seems to have suffered a Blighty moment today when he submitted a card to the club with his GA Daily Handicap on it.  A check with the ProShop showed that he had submitted a card there with his GA Daily Handicap as well so not a case of ‘wrong’ card.  As a result Stef was left on the 3rd podium level on his ownsome with a score of -1 overall.  There were no reports of the performance of Stef’s new driver.

Then came a very ‘andy group on -2 for 4th spot with Pepsi, Blighty and Whitey sharing the somewhat faint glory.  Pepsi might have done better if it hadn’t been for a couple of serious shanks on the way around.  Harry thought he had hit a pretty fair drive on the 13th but was rather disturbed when he saw what appeared to be his ball, after landing, running sideways at best or even back toward the tee at worst.  As it turned out, it was Whitey’s ball coming from the other direction as he played the 10th that created the illusion that so disturbed Harry.

The BallPin was set on the 12th and, as a bit of a consolation prize for Rob, it was his ball that got closest to the pin today.  The first ProPin was on the 15th and Jake went close to a slam dunk and his ball finished 1.8m from the hole.  The excitement must have gotten to him though because he missed the birdie putt.

Another actual birdie of note was down to Simon who over-cooked his chip to the 3rd a bit but the line was so accurate that the ball hit the pin about half way up and fell dead into the hole.  At that stage Si was going all right and was +3 at the 9th where he spotted his coach and had a little brag about how well he was going even though he did miss his lesson on Friday.  From there, it was all down-hill and Simon ended up having a draughtie on the 15th and -5 on the back nine.  MattN also managed a draughtie on the 15th.

Trev tried his best to talk himself into having one on the 2nd by enumerating the number that he had had there so far this year.  In the event, he cracked one right down the hi-diddle-diddle.  Targe was feeling in an experimental mood and ‘tried’ something from the tee on the 16th.  The fact that the ball bounced off one of the OOB barrier posts just in front of the red tee markers suggests that the experiment did not work.  If he tried to repeat the experiment on the 17th, then it seems to be very reproducible, because the ball finished in the shrubbery just past the red tee markers.  It doesn’t bear repeating what they say about people who repeat the same experiment and expect a different result.

The Birthday Birdie has a bit of travelling to do this week if he is going to catch up with Gordon who will undoubtedly be celebrating with a burgundy or two as he motors down the canals of France.  Not quite so far to catch up with Targe but it is duck season and Targe might be a bit trigger happy so he could be advised to wear his kevlar vest.  Anyway, have great days, guys.

Results for Saturday, 19 May 2018
1st Stephen O’Sullivan(□, +4, +4) 2nd Robert Priems(□, +3, +3) 3rd Stefan Belevski(□, -1, -1) 4th Andrew Petricola(-2, □, -2) 4th Rodney White(-2, □, -2) 4th Andrew Blight(-2, □, -2) 5th Dale Webb(-7, +4, -3)

Seniors Results: 1st Andrew Blight (□) 2nd Simon Powell (-2,-3,-5) 3rd Bob McDonald (-9,-4,-13)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Jake Priems ProPin No 2 18th Stephen O’Sullivan BallPin 12th Robert Priems