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No Pork pies on 10th May 2025.

Porks with his broken driving iron
Nothing broke today!

The feathers must have been attractive this morning. Rob’s excuse was that he ‘slept in’, but CJ reckons he was on a promise. You just can’t get good Presidents these days. Nalin didn’t offer any excuses for his late cancellation, but, two outs left us with some serious re-arrangement of the groups and just twelve members to vie for the David Ford Winter Cup. The field was, however, boosted by a guest and a new member, so a big how d’ye do to Whitey’s mate Darren and to Warren, who has thrown caution to the winds and signed up to join not knowing a soul. Darren put together a fairly respectable card and, hopefully, we will be seeing more of him in the near future. Warren will be back next week to help out with the barbecue, but he might have to curb his enthusiasm for hitting the ball a country mile in exchange for a little more control over the direction. Or maybe he was just taking CJ’s advice not to put in too good a card for handicapping purposes. The course continues to struggle for the want of a good soaking, and a badger’s bum looks downright inviting compared to some patches on the course.

CJ was looking for guesstimates on what the best score for the day would be, with the majority view being ‘not mine’. However, there was one brave soul who ventured plus 3 or 4, which proved to be remarkably prescient. Because Ryan came home with plus 3 by bolting home and completing the back nine right on par for his three above the line. It could easily have been plus 4 overall (or even better) if he hadn’t racked up a draughtie on the second tee by almost missing the ball and scuttling it into the water feature between the tee boxes. He wasn’t alone in that regard, as he was joined in ignominy by Brendon, SteveG, and Whitey. The tee placed well back on the bank did present a fairly formidable prospect. SteveG put up a big cheer at the 5th green, where his square marked the first non-negative result on his card. Things settled down a bit and by the turn he was only five holes behind. The back was a completely different story, and five plusses out of the last seven holes made for a second place on the leader board. Raj obviously went through a series of ups and downs as his scores fluctuated above and below the line, but, in the end, he, too, finished in second place.

Despite now having two lenses in his glasses, Harry continued to frustrate himself by running putts over the edge of the hole. He did manage to out-Priems a Priems on the 16th when his second, possibly on its way to tiger country, deflected off a branch and carried on to be well-placed just short of the green. AndrewV went close to filling his card with square results (12 to be exact), and was able to set himself to hope for some sort of a chance alongside Harry. Whitey was just back on deck after an injury, and showed that he hasn’t lost too much form with the lay-off. A bit of a bad run on the back just rained on his parade a little. Whitey won’t be playing next week, he has a pressing engagement with a corporate box at the ‘G next week. One of the perks of being a big-time horse owner, according to reports. CJ will be hoping for a couple of turn-arounds to give himself a chance at the big one next week.

The Double Jackpot for the ProPin on the 4th hole was definitely worth winning, but only one person was able to get their name on the card. Porks reckons the pile of shrapnel that he was handed will come in handy for comp fee paying over the next couple of months. A BallPin on the 12th went to Harry, who squeezed out AndrewV by a fair margin, while SteveG got his ball onto the top deck to knock out Raj by a country mile. He didn’t make the birdie, and, as a result, we only score three birdies and one eagle for the day.

CJ and Harry played their match today, and CJ burst out of the blocks to take the first hole. The second was a bit of a dog’s breakfast for both, but the first of H’s eight strokes gave him the hole to bring it back to square. The alternating strokes stood H in good stead, and his lead edged out to two holes. He maintained the advantage of being ahead until wins by CJ on the 13th and 14th brought the match back to square. It stayed that way until the 17th, and H was on the green for two, a metre or so from the hole. CJ pitched his ball from the Lord Mayor’s Office, and it ran across the green and finished firmly in the cup to clean out the Eagle’s Nest. H’s putt for birdie, which still wouldn’t have squared the hole, caught the edge of the cup and did a complete 180 to finish millimetres away. Dormie one! CJ’s (self-admitted) rash attempt fell agonisingly short of the green, and the chip left a longish down hill putt that took two to complete. Harry’s par brought the match back to square and a chip-off ensued. Ably curated by the Club Captain, the contest went to the fourth round, before Harry completed in two while CJ was still short. Despite all of the speculation, this is not the first time (just the second) that four rounds have been required to decide a result, at least since records have been recorded in the database.

The Birthday Birdie has nothing to report this week, but CJ was murmuring that he was sure that today was somebody’s birthday. No, not just anybody’s birthday, somebody important. He was hoping against hope that it wasn’t Carolyn’s. Stan was out today, sporting a brand-new set of clubs. He didn’t feel that he was making good contact, and couldn’t put his finger on why, until Porks pointed out that he hadn’t taken the protective plastic film off the face of the clubs. Brendon claims that the highlight of his round was making par on the 18th after scuffing the ball off the tee and making the approach to make the putt.

Results for Saturday, 10 May 2025
Leaderboard Round 1: 1st Ryan Porker (+3) 2nd Steven Gervasoni (-1) 2nd Rajesh Mahto (-1) 3rd Harry Boughen (-2) 3rd Andrew Vogan (-2) 4th Rodney White (-3) 5th Chris Priems (-4)

Seniors Leaderboard: 1st Steven Gervasoni (-1) 2nd Andrew Vogan (-2) 2nd Harry Boughen (-2) 3rd Rodney White (-3)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 4th Ryan Porker BallPin No 1 – 12th Harry Boughen BallPin No 2 – 18th Steven Gervasoni

Eagle’s Nest Results: Eagle – 17th Chris Priems

Another Nalin the coffin on 3rd May 2025.

Winning and grinning
Lucky somebody was on the ball!

Despite the obvious attractions of Democracy Sausages, we were able to field sixteen members today. The thermometers were showing about five degrees at tee time, and there were a few getting around like half-open pocket-knives. There were some who cracked it hardy in shorts, but Stan was one who forsook his favourite Savers shorts. The temperature did rise eventually, and feeling returned to the fingers, although the effects had been somewhat ameliorated by the judicious application of hand warmers. The sky was effectively cloudless, and the air was generally calm, although a bit of a breeze did spring up later in the round. Nothing problematical though. The greens were in good condition, although there were numerous reports of problems with putting, ranging from fast greens to ball repellant holes. Perhaps this explains the fact that we only managed five birdies for the day. Ken didn’t score any of them, but he did improve his Eclectic enough to leap into a share of first place on the table.

At registration, Nalin made some sort of a comment that suggested he could be a little under the weather. Seems he does manage a sports bar that, coincidentally, CJ was frequenting last weekend to watch the footy. If he was dipping into the profits, it doesn’t seem to have affected his game, and he collected the Medal that was on offer. The result might have been different if he had played what he thought was his ball. He admonished Steve for lining up to hit his ball, only to have Steve point to another of the same colour in the grass nearby. Luckily, there was no real dispute as they were different brands. He was also lucky to survive Bob’s club ‘disposal’ on the second tee. Come on, guys, we know golf is frustrating, but golf clubs can do some serious damage if they get out of hand.

Craig’s second place today certainly didn’t do his standing any harm at all. He moved into third place in the Championship, jumped up to a three-way tie for first in the Seniors, and displaced Steve from the top of the Order of Merit. As an aside, there is also a three-way tie for second place in the Seniors at the moment. Ryan’s third place also moved him up in the Championship to fourth place. SOS wasn’t too much distracted by his head-to-head with Brent in the Matchplay, and picked up fourth place. He registered for the video on the 18th, and proceeded to shank the ball over into the middle of the 17th. He still managed a four for the hole and squeezed out Stan into fifth place.

The 4th, with the tees set well back, proved to be a tough nut to crack, with only one ‘nearly almost’ that was just too far out to be able to stretch the tape. Double Jackpot next week will be getting right up there in the dosh stakes, particularly with a good turn-out for the David Ford. The BallPin on the 15th was a hard-fought affair with ‘kissing cousins’ Brent and CJ elbowed out by Nalin. The 18th saw the pin on the top deck, and the back tees proved a road too far, so there will be a Jackpot BallPin on offer there next week.

The match between SOS and Brent could easily have been a real cliff-hanger. SOS took the early lead, and the pair exchanged holes on a fairly regular basis, and after the 10th, the match was square with Brent looking dangerous. SOS turned on his lights and sirens, and made a passing move to win three on the trot. Somebody rolled out the tyre spikes too early, and the burst faltered in a serious way, and the lead was just one hole with two to play. The birdie on the 17th was more than enough to drive the stake into Brent’s heart, and the match went to SOS, 2 and 1.

The Birthday Birdie has to flutter around to AndrewV’s place during the week to wish him well for his little celebration. Harry had hoped for a good showing for his 600th game with the Club, but it was not to be. Raj played three balls from the 17th tee, and all three ended in the same general area in the rough stuff along the fence line. Only the third was found, and that was unplayable. A lot to be said for the local rule for lost/OOB for a two stroke penalty. Raj would have been two balls and at least three strokes better off! Playing up to the 5th green, a group was a bit nonplussed to see a couple of members of the group in front ‘still on the green’. Turns out Ken’s drive from the 6th ricocheted off a tree and finished on the green, and Stan bounced off the exact same tree to finish just a little way off the green. Blighty was spotted in the ProShop after the round, eyeing off the range of drivers on offer. This might, or might not, have been motivated by his Airie on the 8th. SteveG put his drive on the 17th out onto the path along the river just as a walker was passing by. He was seen to pick the ball up, and it was fully expected that he would return it to ‘play’. No such luck. And Steve neglected to ask him for it!!

Results for Saturday, 03 May 2025
1st Nalin Samaranayake (67) 2nd Craig Cameron (69) 3rd Ryan Porker (71) 4th Stephen O’Sullivan (72) 5th Stan Blackshaw (73)

Seniors Results: 1st Craig Cameron (69) 2nd Stan Blackshaw (73) 3rd Andrew Blight (75)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 4th Jackpot BallPin No 1 – 15th Nalin Samaranayake BallPin No 2 – 18th Jackpot

What sort of Hunt was this? on 26 April 2025.

A stranger among us!
Who is this strange man?

Matt just about had to introduce himself to the majority of the seventeen members who turned out on a long-weekend Saturday. Stan brought along a young protégé by the name of Diesel, who, by all reports, only started playing a few months ago, but can already smack his driver a ‘measured’ 230m or more. Could be one to watch, if he decides to join us. There had probably been a good 10mm of rain to give the course a bit of a drink, and the ground staff were out giving the greens a bit of a brushing, which has to be a good thing. However, they were still remarkably fast, and there was a fair bit of teeth gnashing going on over longer than desired putts back from past the hole. This might explain why we could only manage five birdies for the day. The potential showers in the forecast did not eventuate, and the mild temperature and overcast sky made for a very pleasant day.

Matt is getting a bit of a reputation as a casual player at Ivanhoe, and he seems to spend an inordinate amount of time in Thailand playing golf and other things. This hasn’t done his game any harm, and he completed each nine just two strokes over the card for a seventy-two off the stick and a very nice thirty-eight points to take out the top spot for the day. Nalin had high hopes of collecting his first brace of eight points when he presented with thirty-six points on the card. And, he would have easily won it if he hadn’t taken about seven holes to warm up. Twenty-nine points over the last 12 holes is top scoring in anybody’s book. However, he would much rather forget his start from the first tee where the tee shot barely made it off the back teeing area, let alone reach the red markers.

We ended up with a four way tie for third place between Craig, Raj, Targe and Marc after Targe (and his marker) allowed two strokes on a hole where he was due only one. One consolation, the mistake let a few more people into the points. Not sure what is going to happen about the BallRun though! Porks delivered a blank stare when asked for any highlights, so he was probably pleased to get fourth place with his thirty-two points. And he seemed rather excited about being able to get a bright red ball for his shot for the BallPin on the 18th. Perhaps it was in anticipation of the Birthday that he has coming up. He won’t be alone celebrating, as Whitey has one coming up as well. Pepsi went out during the week to buy a tennis racket, and left the shop with a brand-new driver. It seemed to work OK as he fairly smashed one off the first tee. Maybe he should now buy some new irons, as there were reports of ‘numerous’ shanks. At least he didn’t shank it off the 12th, and he put it close enough to win the BallPin on offer there. Ken started his round in style with a par on the first, closely followed by a gash on the second. In a round punctuated by highs and lows, he also managed a good enough score to finish with a share of fifth place.

Prez was basking in the glory of the Magpie’s win yesterday and reckoned that he should have made a banner to run through to mark the occasion of his 400th game with the Club. Just imagine what the total could have been without that break! As an aside, Rob plays his driver with the face so closed that the loft is probably more like minus ten degrees (or more), but somehow he still manages to hit the ball with reasonable consistency in the intended direction. Go figure! Bob was not at all happy with his game today (he wasn’t alone on that score), and he also failed to reach the red markers from the 3rd tee (which was set well back, it must be said). Steve almost talked himself into the same result. SOS was also less than happy with his first half, but he set himself a target of doubling his points score on the back nine. After four holes, he had exceeded the halfway point, and, despite a couple of missed putts, he achieved his goal plus one more. The ProPin was on the 4th hole, and, despite the benefits of trimmed trees and so forth, there will be a Jackpot pool on offer next week. That’s if SOS can work out the new ‘accounting’ system that Craig has put in place. There was a suggestion that he might set himself up in the Cafe to work it all out, after his attempts to get people to go and order coffee, after the round, failed. Marc reckons he is in the process of filling out the papers for his adoption into the Priems family, in honour of his use of trees to keep his ball on the fairway.

Just a reminder to everybody to pay attention to the guidelines for keeping up the pace of play. There is a Daily Tip on the Home Page, and a more comprehensive list is accessed by the link to our Policy and Guidelines. Yes, it is hard for a four to keep up with a three, but it is amazing how a few seconds per player on each shot can add up to a significant time reduction over a round.

Results for Saturday, 26 Apr 2025
1st Matt Hunt (38) 2nd Nalin Samaranayake (36) 3rd Craig Cameron (33) 3rd Rajesh Mahto (33) 3rd Targe Mifsud (33) 3rd Marc Phillips (33) 4th Ryan Porker (32) 5th Andrew Petricola (31) 5th Ken Watson (31)

Seniors Results: 1st Matt Hunt (38) 2nd Craig Cameron (33) 2nd Targe Mifsud (33) 3rd Ken Watson (31)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 4th Jackpot BallPin No 1 – 12th Andrew Petricola BallPin No 2 – 18th Ryan Porker

A triple header on 19th April 2025.

Stan, Steve, and Spork.
If you play together, you stay together!

If yesterday was Good Friday, then today must be Average Saturday. At least that was the thinking as Pepsi described yesterday’s activities as we sat around the table before tee time. A surprisingly good turn out, for the midst of a week of long weekends, with thirteen members, and Pepsi’s guest, Val, beating a path to the first tee at the appointed time. Michael was recovering from some malady or another, and decided that discretion was the better part of valour, and he retired after nine holes. The small number of points on his card at the time might have assisted in the decision-making process. Seriously though, we trust that it is a passing lurgi, and not something sinister, and that we see you on the tee soon. The course is still very parched, and could do with a good drink. However, the greens were in good condition, but a little faster than they appeared, which resulted in a number of comments about the number of three (or more) putts that were needed on occasions. There were even a couple of cases of ‘putting off the green’.

Luckily, today was not a Monthly Medal. Otherwise, we would have had to plough through a lot of ‘chicken scratchings’ to determine the result of a countback. Steve and Stan took so long to finalise their cards after the round that there was a suspicion that they were making it up as they went along. Particularly when they both turned in thirty-nine points apiece, which just happened to be the same as their playing companion, Porks. Porks was apparently fairly smashing his driver out of sight, with a couple topping out at 270m straight down the middle of the fairway. Steve reckons that if he could only get his chipping into order, he could easily have had several more points on the card. Watch out Championship if he ever cracks it. Stan, on the other hand, was more worried about the fate of his favourite book, The Magician’s Way. He did lend it to various members way back, and thinks it might still be out there somewhere. If you do happen to have it, could you please let Stan know and return it so that he can concentrate on his golf.

Quite a cluster
Surely there’s a birdie in that lot!

Pepsi started out well enough, and his points took a real boost when he was part of this trio of shots together with Val and Brendon. As an aside, Prez was not too far out of frame. Both Pepsi and Brendon rattled them in for birdies (four points apiece), and helped us to a total of ten for the day. On the 7th, a veritable twig on a tree to the side of the green deflected Pepsi’s ball, and it headed for the hole and finished a mere 300mm short. Another four points! Let’s just say that the ‘luck’ did not continue, but thirty-three was good enough for second, a place that he shared with Prez. Craig might have been there as well if it had not been for a putt that virtually disappeared into the hole only to do a 360 around the rim to finish still on the surface. CJ and Harry tottered in to fill the last couple of point places for the day. The rest would prefer not to be mentioned, but JQ is blaming the fact that he had birdie on the first, and then bragged that he was ‘one under’ on the second tee.

Andrew made a bid for both BallPins today, although he didn’t have particularly high hopes of holding onto them. This feeling was well-founded because Steve took the one on the 15th while Stan sneaked in to win the one on the 18th. The Jackpot ProPin on the twelfth produced some valiant efforts, but the only member to get within cooee was Prez, who recorded a very creditable 3.34m to collect the pool. Reports suggest that he is shouting dinner tonight.

There was one match completed today between Prez and Brendon, who had to give our esteemed leader nine strokes. The match was mostly fairly even, although Rob did have a bit of a margin in the early stages. Brendon pegged him back, and took the lead mid-round to be one up after the tenth. Whether Rob took some sort of heart-starter after the ninth is not known, but something happened, and he rattled off five pars in a row. Brendon had absolutely no answer to this onslaught, and the match went to Rob, 4 and 3. Brendon reckoned it was Rob’s putting that sealed it. That view could have been coloured by the fact that Brendon putted off the green on the 16th, although the match was over by that stage. Two more weeks to finish Round 1. Stop mucking about!

Pepsi’s mate, Val, is a fair hand with the club, playing off eight. As a bit of a gauge, he went very close to driving the 9th green, which is no mean feat, and put together 35 points for the round. JQ detailed our leading group to tell the four guys in carts ahead to pick up the pace. He would have done it himself, except that they were all of Samoan appearance, and twice his size. CJ was marking Targe’s card, and was being extra careful to get the sums correct, but Targe was adamant that he was right. When CJ rechecked, Targe was right. Or was he? Or were they? In actual fact, they were both wrong!

Results for Saturday, 19 Apr 2025
1st Stan Blackshaw (39) 1st Steven Gervasoni (39) 1st Ryan Porker (39) 2nd Andrew Petricola (33) 2nd Robert Priems (33) 3rd Craig Cameron (32) 4th Chris Priems (31) 5th Harry Boughen (30)

Seniors Results: 1st Stan Blackshaw (39) 1st Steven Gervasoni (39) 2nd Robert Priems (33) 3rd Craig Cameron (32)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Robert Priems BallPin No 1 – 15th Steven Gervasoni BallPin No 2 – 18th Stan Blackshaw