Category Archives: Club News

The weather forecast suggested wind was going to be the big factor at Royal Ivanhoe this week, plus the usual mid-winter slush. As it turns out, the slush was far more dangerous than the wind, but more on that later.

The announcement of results was delayed by Andrew and Connor breaking all world records for faffing about finalising their cards. It was no surprise that one of those cards was marked incorrectly, changing the results announced on the day and relegating previous fourth place getters to fifth, with previous fifth sliding out of the points on a day of big slides.

James and his mates have added some youthful energy to the club this year, although a few of the old guard have been heard to murmur that perhaps the handicapper has been a bit generous to James over the journey. Come to think of it, a few of the old guard have said similar things about Geoff and Raj too.

Indeed after today we have Geoff, Raj and James filling the top three places in the championship race, with Harry the Handicapper the closest challenger. James galloped home to win the day easily by three shots and grab the 8 points for first place with another stellar round. Solid pars for pluses on the 8th and 9th saw James turn 2 up. After a bit of a stumble at the 12th and 15th, he then finished birdie-par on the 17th and 18th for two finishing pluses and a +3 total.

Along the way, James managed to dispatch Peps in their Matchplay quarter final. Playing off 5, Peps had to spot James 10 shots and it was always going to be a tough ask if James played well. Peps got his nose in front with a spectacular birdie on the 2nd, but thereafter it all headed in the other direction, with James winning 4 and 3.

After the round, Brendan passed by the clubhouse contingent heading for the car park looking cross and uninterested in conversation. Stories started circulating about his multiple shanks and there was speculation we might not see Brendan again, or his card. He duly arrived smiling and plonked down a square card, good enough to share second place with Michael. Brendan confirmed at least 4 shanks, including shockers on the 8th, 14th and 16th that cost him losses. He had started the round with 3 pluses, including a long range chip in birdie at the 1st, one of 11 birdies from the field for the day.

The new Old Reliable Harry stormed home with 4 pluses in his last 7 holes to post Minus 1 and share third place with Prez Priems and Connor. Apart from knocking off Gordo for the nearest the pin on the 12th, Harry’s highlights included a long range curling putt from 10 metres on the 14th for a birdie. For reasons only he knows, SOS was heckling from an adjoining fairway, but unperturbed Harry sank the putt and raised his arms in triumph. Harry’s round was good enough for his 9th second placing of the year in the senior’s championship. Together with his 5 seniors wins, Harry is now the man to beat in that race.

Rob was struggling with his putting range early on and no less than four times sent putts a good 3 to 4 metres past the hole only to step up and make the putts on the way back. Two other long putts rounded out a great day on the greens for Rob.

Connor’s card included 5 pluses and suggests when he puts it all together we will see him higher up the leaderboard very soon. His first three outings after gaining his handicap have all resulted in third place points. Like Royal Ivanhoe’s favourite horse Mr Brightside early in his career, those in the know are predicting higher honours for Connor.

Andrew played his first game for a while and hopes to be back playing more regularly soon. The headline on his card said Minus 4 but the fine print revealed it was Minus 2 and good enough for 4th place points on his own.

Whitey managed to drag himself away from Mr Brightside’s stable and make it to the course today for 5th place points on Minus 4, along with Raj and Chris J.

Raj’s second fifth over the past two weeks has seen him sneak up to be just one point behind Geoff in the championship race. Raj’s highlights included “doing a Harry” from well outside the 5 metre mark on the 15th, sinking a big curling putt for a 2. Chris J’s highlights were birdies on the 16th and 18th, the latter a shot to about a metre or so from the hole and a clear win for nearest the pin. In between the two birdies Chris managed to hit a “for safety” 7 iron off the 17th tee into the river. Funny game golf!

Gordo, unlucky to miss 5th place points on Minus 5, was the story of the day. Ignoring the designated path at the front of the 15th tee, Gordo decided the slushy conditions were of no concern and stepped off down the side of the tee, immediately fell on his back and slid all the way down to the path next to the 14th green with his head, according to eyewitness reports “bumping and thumping” on the way down. With Gordo lying there looking dazed and not moving, Chris J was concerned enough to get out his phone ready to check the club’s concussion protocols and/or call an ambulance. Luckily Gordo managed to get himself up and about soon enough. Apparently more worried about the mud on his jacket than anything else, Gordo was next seen rolling about on some clean grass behind the 14th green trying to get the jacket clean. While his playing partners were clearly worried about his mental and physical health by this stage, Gordo promptly chipped his next shot to 30cm from the hole for an easy par and picked up two more pars on the 17th and 18th to finish strongly and live to tell the tale.

SOS brought up the tail of the field and proved he is a better photographer than golfer on the 16th. After duffing his drive, he hit what he claimed was the best 3 wood of his career, which bounced unluckily on the left edge of the green and finished up nestled next to a tree. A left-handed shot, later followed by a duffed chip or two, and Michael had the pleasure of recording SOS’s 10th loss of the day to go with one solitary plus. SOS later claimed he played better than Brendan because he only had one shank.

Next week is the first round of one of the prestigious club majors, the Fred Howe Winter Cup. Incentives to attend include Gordo promising to do a re-enactment of his trick on the 15th (to be filmed this time) and a ProPin jackpot on the same hole. There will be a committee meeting after Round 1 and a club BBQ after Round 2. If James makes it to the first tee for the Fred Howe he will find this week’s Assistant Handicapper has taken great delight in lopping 2 strokes off his handicap.

Results for Saturday, 08 Jul 2023
1st James Hale (+3) 2nd Michael Gourlay (□) 2nd Brendon Mitchell (□) 3rd Harry Boughen (-1) 3rd Connor McIntosh (-1) 3rd Robert Priems (-1) 4th Andrew Noble (-2) 5th Chris James (-4) 5th Rajesh Mahto (-4) 5th Rodney White (-4)

Seniors Results: 1st Michael Gourlay (□) 2nd Harry Boughen (-1) 3rd Rodney White (-4)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 15th Jackpot BallPin No 1 – 12th Harry Boughen BallPin No 2 – 18th Chris James

Birrarung isn’t quite in danger of breaking the banks, but parts of the course were pretty soggy with the regular doses of rain recently, with not much in the way of drying weather in between. Today, the showers threatened a couple of times, but it only looked to be a bit serious just as the barbecue was being packed away. Even then, it only lasted for a few minutes before the sun was trying to break through again. It is Melbourne, after all. In the end, after a couple of late withdrawals, we had twelve members turn out for our day to mark the anniversary of Trev’s untimely departure. Bob turned up to help demolish the snags and burgers with the news that his back is still a bit crook and under investigation, but he is hopeful that he will be fit enough to rejoin the fray in the near future. President Rob said a few words about Trev and his role in the Club, and SOS also shared a memory of his sense of humour. Harry marked the occasion by passing around a packet of Mars Bars as another memento of Trev’s time with us, and they were appreciated by all.

Of course, the main reason for the day was to contest the July Monthly Medal, and it is probably not often that the first group is asked by the course management to ‘put out’ the white markers. It seems the staff member detailed to do the job left them beside the tee box, but didn’t put them out to mark the teeing area. As far as can be determined, the members of the first group did not take advantage of the situation, nor did they correct situations where the white markers were in front of the blue. Then again, they didn’t rush in to get the barbecue started either. Despite all the shenanigans and the wet patches on the course, Pepsi was the man of the day, putting together a round of 73 off the stick for a net score of 67, which was exactly the right number to win the Monthly Medal for July. His situation was helped just a little by a magnificent chip in for an eagle on the 6th hole. So, the poor old Eagle is back to square one, and has threatened to put a hex on the 6th to avenge the three raids on her nest from that quarter this year. Of course, this was just after Peps was heard having a Pups about his putting on the 5th green.

Brent turned out today all fired up to take on Stef in their third round match, only to get a message that Stef couldn’t make it either today or before the deadline, and so was forfeiting the round. But, it was also Brent’s 100th game with the Club, and he was a game behind in his ‘challenge’ with CJ, so he was here to play. However, he wasn’t here to break his handicap, so he very carefully arranged to finish with a net 68 to come in second and to collect the five points. His second placing and with no sign of CJ in front, it seems that the family grudge is now all square.

Brendon was copping heaps today as a member of the first group, and he claimed that he had no experience at cooking barbecue because he has never been in the first group on barbecue days before. That is what you call subtle bragging! Despite his best efforts at segregating the ‘hot sausage’ from the regular sausage, there were some tastes that didn’t exactly agree with his classification. The cooking can’t have been too bad, as there were relatively few snags left at the end of the day. As far as the golf went, that ended up reasonably satisfactory as well, and a net 70 was good enough to score the points for third place. The big B was not alone on that score, though, because Prez Rob put in a great burst on the back nine to card just 39 strokes to finish the round with 70 net as well. The front nine did not play quite so well, although he went close to getting a par on the 8th through playing his ball from the centre of the fairway each time. The first time thanks to a tree. The second time thanks to a post in the OOB fence. As the old saying goes – you don’t have to post pictures on Instagram!

Michael might have been a little distracted today after receiving news that his Mum was in hospital, but his net 73 was enough for 4th place, together with top spot in the Seniors. Porks might also have been a little distracted, as he was deeply involved in his match with Gordon. Despite that, he was also able to card a net 73 to share the fourth podium spot with Michael. Raj was hovering around at the barbecue as the cards were being sorted, desperate to find out whether he had won himself a point or not. As it turned out, his net 74 was exactly the amount he needed to get just the one point for the fifth place for the day.

The match between Porks and Gordo was described as one of attrition. For a while there, it looked as if it could end up being a close run thing. Although Gordo couldn’t quite get on the right side of the ledger, he was just one hole down after the 12th. A couple of ‘disasters’ on the 13th and 14th turned the tide in Porks favour, and after a square on the 15th, the match went dormie 3. Squaring the 16th was not an option for Gordo, but he did, and the match went to Porks, 3 and 2.

The Tee Marshal (emeritus) took pity today and put the ProPin on the 12th. When it became obvious that there was already a name on it, Harry (in the second group) opined that we should stop sending the markers out with the first group if they keep ‘winning’. However, he need not have worried because Prez was able to measure his shot at 1.65m, to beat out Raj at 2.4m. And the rest of the field as well. There was an even bigger smile on his face when he rattled the putt in to bring our total for the day to six. The first ProPin was on the 15th, and, once more, Raj put out the marker, but, having a premonition, he did not put his name on it. His premonition proved to be accurate because Harry was able to get his shot closer in to take the ball. And, no – he did not use a hand span relief to get the ball onto the green! The BallPin on the 18th was looking to be heading for Jackpot territory until along came Porks who was able to lay claim to the ball as a result.

Pepsi turned up today with a box of balls from his Dad’s garage that were estimated to be about 20 years old. They were all CROSS_OUTS and included B51s, Pinnacles and assorted other brands. In a fit of nostalgia, CJ grabbed one of the B51s, and managed to get away a pretty good drive on the 1st hole. Then he decided that maybe it was a bit ‘dead’. When he sank the putt for his par, it felt good off the club, and he thought maybe it was worth another hole. The double bogie on the second saw the unfortunate ball despatched to the wilderness. However, on the 3rd, with his second shot heading through the tree towards the green until an insignificant twig stopped it in its tracks, CJ wondered why the tree gods were not on his side today. Maybe it had something to do with his flirting with the coconut trees in Fiji! Not at all sure why Pepsi features so much today, but according to SOS, he must have super sensitive hearing after he blamed a duck quacking for a missed putt. Everybody knows that a duck quack does not echo (allegedly) and SOS reckons the offending duck was ‘miles’ away in any case.

Results for Saturday, 01 Jul 2023
1st Andrew Petricola (67) 2nd Brent Rowley (68) 3rd Brendon Mitchell (70) 3rd Robert Priems (70) 4th Michael Gourlay (73) 4th Ryan Porker (73) 5th Rajesh Mahto (74)

Seniors Results: 1st Michael Gourlay (73) 2nd Harry Boughen (75) 3rd Chris Priems (79)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Robert Priems BallPin No 1 – 15th Harry Boughen BallPin No 2 – 18th Ryan Porker

Eagle’s Nest Results: Eagle – 6th Andrew Petricola

Well the weather wasn’t quite as warm as Fiji where Chrispy was recently reported to have been bouncing balls off coconut trees onto greens (what’s new!), but with no rain and not much wind until near the end of the round, conditions were not too bad despite a few slushy fairways. There was a bit of concern early in the week about numbers putting their hand up, but a combination of school holidays, temporary bachelorhood, and miscellaneous aches, pains and ailments all seem to have contributed to some hesitancy to put the name down. In the end, we managed to get ten members to the tee on time, and they were joined by a guest of James. Mitch acquitted himself reasonably well after he shook off the Nervous Nellies early in the round, so the handicapper will be keeping an eye on him, although CJ was keen to reintroduce ‘handicapping on potential’ in a throw-back to the dim distant past of the Club.

Michael began his round appreciating playing partner Stan’s positivity on the second. Having duffed his third short, just onto the front of the green with the pin at the back about 20 metres away, Stan suggested Michael put it in the hole. This Michael did with the ball hitting the pin and dropping at the kind of speed that otherwise would have seen it off the back of the green. Despite a flat patch in the middle of the round with a string of one-pointers, Michael managed to regroup and with the aid of another long hole out, this time a chip in on the 15th, he secured the win with 37 points.

Playing in the last group, Raj had a smile on his face post round following a good finish with a couple of three pointers late in the round. He kept everybody guessing with his score. Sixteen points on the front and 17 on the back, for 33 in all, proved to be good enough for second place. If it wasn’t for a couple of gashes, he might have given Michael more of a scare for first place. The 5 championship points for second sees Raj closer to challenging Geoff for the lead in the Club Championship race.

Despite starting his day with three one pointers and only 14 points on the front 9, Harry rallied on the back 9 for 18 points and a total of 32 and a share of third place. A feature of Harry’s card was no gashes, and he is making a claim for being the new Old Reliable. Harry’s second place in today’s Senior’s results also extends his lead in the hotly contested Senior’s Championship. Post round, Connor was lumped in with the fourth place getters, but a score check revealed he deserved an extra point and joined Harry in equal third with 32 points. Three gashes cruelled his chances of being higher up the leaderboard.

The gaggle of gentlemen on 31 points included SOS, Gordo and James. Having finished well before the last group, they were thinking 31 might be enough for equal second, but had to settle for equal fourth. Both SOS and Gordo got off to flyers with 20 and 19 points on the front nine respectively. SOS had 12 points on the board after 4 holes, including birdies on the 1st and 4th. These two birdies, plus two from Michael, were all the field could muster. The roar when SOS’s long putt went in on the 1st was reported to be louder than anything heard at last week’s US Open. It also sneaks him a bit closer to the Eclectic leader, President Rob, who is going to take some catching.

Fifth place points went to Stan with 29 points. After a disappointing front nine of 10 points, Stan got on a roll on the back nine with a treble of three pointers in a row and 19 points. Having recently turned 83, Stan’s form suggests that when summer comes around he will be a good chance to add to the list of players shooting their age or better. As for those who missed out, less said the better say CJ and Steve.

There was a Jackpot BallPin on the 4th hole, and pretty much everybody liked their chances of scoring the double. Unfortunately, Michael went out in the first group and put his name on it close enough to shut everybody else out. He repeated the performance for the Double Jackpot ProPin on the 7th with his shot to 1.845m, which is a pretty good effort by anybody’s measure. CJ and Connor had a bit of a contest to see who could qualify for the nearest in two, which Connor ended up winning easily. On the 18th, Michael tried hard to shut out the field for the BallPin on the 18th to make a clean sweep for Goulash for the day. Unfortunately, James had other ideas and pipped him at the post.

The most interesting shot of the day came from Mitch on the 10th, where he narrowly squeaked past the red markers, and finished on the serious down slope in front of the tee box. The estimated 45 degree slope made for a difficult shot, but Mitch was confident that he would get it away and well down the fairway. He took his shot, but nobody saw where it went. It certainly went down, but not the middle of the fairway. It went down about 30mm into the ground, pretty much where it lay. Connor was not quite so lucky with respect to the red markers on the 15th hole, and had to reach deep into his Scottish pockets. Harry’s score on the front nine could have been a little better, because his chip onto the 8th green virtually disappeared into the hole, only to pop right out and come to rest about 25mm from the edge. Despite being able to use the only coconut tree on the course in Fiji to advantage, the greenery was not so helpful to CJ today, and he owned up to losing two balls as a result. Steve proudly announced that he had driven onto the green from the 16th tee, which raised more than a few eye-brows. Turns out it was the 14th green, not the 16th green.

Don’t forget that we have the July Monthly Medal next week, and there will be a barbecue, and a round of drinks for everyone, as we remember the anniversary of our old mate Trevor teeing off on that big golf course up there. Registrations would be good so that we can get the catering right.

Results for Saturday, 24 Jun 2023
1st Michael Gourlay (37) 2nd Rajesh Mahto (33) 3rd Harry Boughen (32) 3rd Connor McIntosh (32) 4th James Hale (31) 4th Gordon Hill (31) 4th Stephen O’Sullivan (31) 5th Stan Blackshaw (29)

Seniors Results: 1st Michael Gourlay (37) 2nd Harry Boughen (32) 3rd Gordon Hill (31)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 7th Michael Gourlay BallPin No 1 – 4th Michael Gourlay BallPin No 2 – 18th James Hale

There’s an old adage – if you’re not in it, you can’t win it, and you definitely won’t get any points. The field was on the low side today, with eight members and two guests making it to the tee as dawn broke over the green fields of Ivanhoe. Jack came along again today and put in his second card, so another round and some other formalities will see him able to enter the fray in the battle for the glory that is the IMSGC Championship. Connor also brought along his mate, Ty, who seemed to handle himself pretty well, though it is undecided whether he will pursue the membership crown. Sore shoulders, overseas trips, work, and other unspecified causes that could include weather forecasts or more attractions under the blankets might have contributed to the low turnout. However, the plus side of low numbers is that there is a higher probability of being able to collect a point or two, depending on how the scores roll in. The course was a bit muddy, so the preferred lies were welcome, and some of the high hitters reported instances of plugged balls in places. The wind was fairly gusty and swirled around a fair bit so that it was difficult to make the correct choice of club from time to time. This might go some way to explaining why we only managed to score two birdies for the day, one each to James and Connor.

Adam started out with some uncharacteristically erratic drives that made it hard for him to beat the course on the first couple of holes. However, by the third, the swing started to realign, and the bleeding was staunched. A couple of handy pars where it counted, restored the balance, and the corner was reached square with the card. Another par in the 11th brought the pointer into positive territory, and there was a hint of a smile peeking out from behind the beard. With no assistance from the handicap on the 14th and 15th, the situation took a turn for the worse, and negative territory was being stared in the face. On the 18th, the pin was located in a diabolical spot, right on the crest of the slope between the levels. With his name on the inside ProPin at 11.5m, Adam putted up, and across, the slope, only to see the ball curve around and pick up speed down the hill to finish about 13m from the pin. A good solid crack up the slope ran truly, and the ball plopped into the hole for the par, a plus, and a square card for the round, which turned out to be enough to take the day.

James had a round that was never too far away, but the minus scores kept turning up just a little more frequently than the pluses. A pair of nines, just one point on the wrong side of the ledger, was good enough to get him second place on his own with minus two, and another swag of points for his rapidly growing tally. Raj did not really set the world on fire today, as he struggled to get to his total of minus five for the round. He might have done rather better if he had not fallen victim to the hole location on the 18th. Reports vary, but it seems that he failed to make it from the bottom level to the top several times on his way to six strokes and a minus for the hole. Connor managed to play a very similar hand to Raj to finish on minus five as well, although he was not so unfortunate with his putting on the 18th.

Stan was doing pretty well for the day for the first six holes to be square with the card. Then, something of a rot set in, and he managed to score on the nether side on nine of the next ten holes. This extended lapse resulted in a final tally of -8, but that was enough to slot into the fourth podium level for the day. Blighty was very much down in the dumps on the front nine as the negative scores kept piling on, although he did manage to reach the turn only five behind the pace. The back nine looked like taking a similar turn until, at the 11th, Blighty was appraised of the fact that his theory of putting had been upside down all these years. He then spent the rest of the round trying to justify why his theory had to be the right one, and all the rest of the golf world has got it wrong. Still, he did do a bit better from then on and finished up on minus eight to be in a tie for fourth. Gordon isn’t quite ready to cut his own throat just yet, and he was hopeful of a reasonable result when he turned the corner on minus two. However, he might have caught something from Stan as he put together six consecutive losses on the back nine and also finished in fourth place. The talk in the clubhouse was what sort of scoring combinations were required for Harry to get a point, and, as the cards came in, it was evident that a three-way tie for fourth was required. And, that is exactly what transpired, so a big thank you to Stan, Blighty and Gordo for allowing everybody to score points for the day. Given that all three were Seniors, it also meant that Harry gathered the points for second place in that event after what was a pretty miserable day for the young fella.

The first BallPin was on the 4th, and there was a pretty strong and gusty headwind blowing at the time. So, it is perhaps not surprising that there will be a Jackpot to play for on that hole next week. Conditions were similarly difficult on the 7th for the Jackpot ProPin, and the extra dosh will accumulate to next week to make a Double Jackpot. Adam had his name on the card for the BallPin on the 18th, but Connor was able to get his shot onto the top shelf, and it was his name to counted to collect the ball. There was more than a little confusion associated with the NTP competition on the 18th, thanks largely to Prez Rob, who was on deck to pick up the Honour Board for storage while the Clubhouse renovation is under way. Connor brought in the box, but, being a newbie on the block, he didn’t realise that there was the associated ball marker. Rob ‘explained’ the situation and despatched Conner back to retrieve the marker, but he returned with the ProShop marker, at which point Rob got confused by the tee and ball the Connor happened to be holding and was insisting that it had to go into the box. Anyway, it was all sorted out eventually, and everything ended up in its rightful place.

Gordon is a dyed in the wool Cats supporter, and for many years has proudly sported an appropriate wood cover to show his love. But, time has taken its toll, and the old faithful was replaced by the original cover for the club. Unfortunately, it did not even last for nine holes before it made a bid for freedom. Fortunately, a following group of ladies picked it up and dropped it at the ProShop where it was recovered by Gordo after the round. Harry was a bit offline with his drive on the 9th, and it got caught up in the deciduous tree on the left, and it fell, he knew not where. Fortunately, eagle-eye Adam managed to spot it in the piles of fallen leaves under the tree, but the shot could only be played surrounded by a multitude of thin branches. Playing the 10th, Harry reached up to adjust his hat to shade his eyes from the sun, only to find that his hat was no longer there. Deductive reasoning suggested that perhaps it had been dislodged unawares in the tree on the 9th. A ‘quick sprint’ from the 17th green proved that the deduction had been correct, and Harry was reunited with his hat.

The Clubhouse renovation is planned to start on Monday. This means that most of the area will be out of use for some time. Part of the ProShop will be turned over to seating and tables (obviously limited), and there will be coffee available in take-away cups only. Food will be sandwiches, pies and pasties (maybe muffins) so make sure you have your breakfast unless you fancy that sort of thing. There will be a temporary toilet block (plumbed, not port-a-loo) adjacent to the clubhouse. Parking will also be affected at some stage. Also, the lovely Kate has decided that she will not be returning to the café when it reopens, and today was her last day on the job. Harry and Gordon took the opportunity to thank her on behalf of the Club for her assistance with catering over the years. She did say that she will be calling in as a customer from time to time, so we may get to see her on some occasions.

Results for Saturday, 17 Jun 2023
1st Adam King (□) 2nd James Hale (-2) 3rd Rajesh Mahto (-5) 3rd Connor McIntosh (-5) 4th Stan Blackshaw (-8) 4th Andrew Blight (-8) 4th Gordon Hill (-8) 5th Harry Boughen (-10)

Seniors Results: 1st Andrew Blight (-8) 1st Gordon Hill (-8) 1st Stan Blackshaw (-8) 2nd Harry Boughen (-10)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 7th Jackpot BallPin No 1 – 4th Jackpot BallPin No 2 – 18th Connor McIntosh