Category Archives: Club News

Firstly a small apology to Rob, Jim and Peter for bastardising their memorable song line but I am sure they would forgive me if they too had been subject to Chrispy flashing his butt like an alpha baboon on the African savannah.  How many of the nineteen other members present were treated to the show is uncertain but, hopefully, there will be no long term psychological damage for those that were.  Fortunately, the heatwave conditions of the last couple of days had receded or passed on to other areas and conditions were just about ideal for some good golf to be played.

And there, absolutely, was some good golf to be played.  The man who made the best of it was none other than Stefan who managed to par the course on his way to taking out the day with plus six score-line.  The bottom line could have been even better with a couple of minuses on the card but a total of 5 birdies was the icing on the cake and contributed to the total of fifteen the the whole crew managed.  Simon was getting a bit of a complex as Stef drove green after green such as the 9th and the 11th and usually while Simon was in mid-stroke.  One plan is to shorten Stef’s clubs to try to bring him back to the length of the course.

On the first tee, Allan was heard to complain about the fact that he had been cut by four strokes as a result of his win last week.  The handicapper felt only the slightest pangs of remorse and the lack of sympathy proved to be well founded because Blitzkreig Davies put his head down and got his wedge working to chip in on two of the par threes for birdie on the way to finishing only a point behind Stef with +5 points.  The exhilaration must have gone to his head as he managed to drive off after the game without his manbag that contained his multitude of specs and credit cards.  Fortunately, it didn’t contain his phone and he took a call before he got too far down the road to come back to the course and pick it up.

Rod has been doing it a bit tough in recent times but he has been persuaded to trade his old driver for something just a little more up-to-date.  After a bit of a false start with the first recommendation, he tried and liked an alternate brand.  It looks to have worked some sort of magic as he presented with a very respectable plus three.  Although the driver might have helped, apparently it was his chipping and putting that made the really big difference.  Just adds to the justification for the statement that you drive for show but you chip and putt for dough (or at least points).

Si was probably a bit off balance due to his self-repaired denture which had a rather disconcerting habit of getting out of sync with his jaw.  A properly constructed replacement obviously settled him down (either that or the e-cig did) and he gathered a placing with his card of plus two.  He certainly seemed happier in himself than he did last Thursday.  After shocking half of the club before tee time Chrispy was relieved to find that his carry bag didn’t impinge on the delicate part of his anatomy.  He had spent several hours down in the park working on a solution to the ‘shanks’ which he reported had been successful.  And so it was that he was able to present with a square card at the end of the day with not a shank in sight other than those below his rather fetching shorts.  Chris was joined on the podium by John, Dale and the ‘arithmetic kid’ MattH (or maybe Rob was the culprit).

Ryan’s score today is probably better not mentioned.  But he did manage a couple of reasonable shots  After one such, which gave him the chance of an eagle, he promised his playing companions a share of the booty if he managed to sink the putt.  He didn’t manage it, but, when there were three on the 17th green from the tee, the promise was re-activated and, wouldn’t you know it, this time the putt rolled in and the Eagle’s Nest was laid bare in one fell swoop.  And so, a rather bemused, SOS was handing out balls to multiple ‘winners’.  He was also handing out largesse to multiple winners for the Double jackpot on the 15th hole ProPin after Stef (who else) put his ball to 1.24m after agreeing to a team split.  The BallPin was on the 4th and Joe was the one who shut out a couple of others to take the prize.  The 18th pin was on the top deck which seems to make the task just that little bit more difficult and so there will be a Jackpot on that hole for next week.  Nothing like some extra money to keep you interested.

The Birthday Birdie dozed off last week and forgot to send wishes to Rob and SteveK.  Hope it was a good one chaps.  This week the party boys are Keith and Jason.  Just keep thinking of it as one step closer to playing your age and keep on swinging (your clubs of course).

Things got a bit draughtie out on the course today even though there was little in the way of wind (we won’t mention John on the 1st).  Targe tried to dispute his as he reckoned that the ball was well past the red markers before it hit a tree and came back into the swamp in front of the second tee.  On the very same hole, MattN attacked the swamp from the tee side and came out of the battle the worse of it.  Rob, on the other hand, waited until the third hole before contributing to his playing groups drinking problem by not making it to the reds.

SOS was a bit worried that he might have to flash his ‘Freddie’ after a fairly warm exchange between players from adjacent fairways and the 10th tee group as to who had the right of way.  Chrispy, for one, was volunteering to exchange sexual favours over the matter.  Noodles spent a reasonable amount of time on the practice putting green before the tee time but perhaps that time would have been better spent on the driving range if the accuracy of some of his drives was any guide.  He was noticed gripping his club pretty tightly on a couple of occasions and as a result the resolution is still holding.

Joe sprayed his drive from the 5th more than somewhat and finished behind the pond by the 8th tee where he was left with little option but to chip it back into the open and further from the green.  He then proceeded to pitch it onto the green and into the hole for a birdie.  That would just about have to beat spectacular drives any day and at least the head stayed on the club.

Simon misplaced his expensive sunnies last week but, not to worry, Gordo found them, picked them up and messaged Si that he had them.  So, Si was a bit perplexed when he got a call saying that they had been found (undamaged) on the road in the entrance to the car park.  It seems Gordo put them on the roof of his trusty vehicle and promptly forget about them and they were deposited where they were re-found as he headed out of the car park.  Simon couldn’t wait to front Gordon and ask where his sunglasses were.

The AGM is coming up in March and, as is normal, all Committee positions are up for contest.  If you have a yen to contribute more to the Club, then find yourself a sponsor and a seconder and get your nomination in.  The Forms are available on the website.  In actual fact, there is lots of interesting stuff on the website if you only take the chance to explore the menus and have a read.  Not mentioning any names but a newspaper editor would be a bit upset if nobody read his little rag.

The Matchplay Championship is coming up again and the cut-off for seeding will be the 24th February with the first round starting the next week.  The Matchplay Registration Form is open and it would be appreciated that, if you do not want to be included in the draw, you indicate that wish by using the form.  Otherwise all active  and eligible members will be seeded based on their scores for their three most recent rounds played in competition.  The detailed rules are on the website but, in essence, if you and your opponent are present on any day within the period of the round, you must play.  Also, if no result is reported by the end of the last day of the round, both parties are eliminated.

Results for Saturday, 20 January 2018
1st Stefan Belevski(+6) 2nd Allan Davies(+5) 3rd Rod Grant(+3) 4th Simon Powell(+2) 5th Matt Hunt(□) 5th Chris Priems(□) 5th John Quinlan(□) 5th Dale Webb(□)

Seniors Results: 1st Allan Davies (+5) 2nd Rod Grant (+3) 3rd Simon Powell (+2)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Stefan Belevski ProPin No 2 18th Jackpot BallPin 4th Joe Wagenecht

Eagle’s nest Results: Eagle 17th Ryan Porker

A number of people were sitting around thinking that there might be some easy points to be had what with the Priems Clan fighting it out at the Frog and the school holidays and all.  The Tee Marshall was packing up his gear when a sudden flurry of members arrived causing much muttering under breath and bringing the total number on the tee to a nice round twenty.  So, maybe the points wouldn’t be so easy to get after all.  There had been a bit of rain overnight and the temperature was somewhat milder than it had been over the last couple of days.  The rain must have agreed with some of the grass on the course if the shagginess around some of the greens is any guide.  Either that or the ground staff have been giving it a miss.  But, provided that you stayed out of the long stuff, the course was very playable and conditions were very pleasant.  The clouds thickened up after the round and the rain held off for a little while longer though it probably didn’t amount to much.

The conditions obviously suited Allan who turned up last to the starters desk and so was in the last group and kept everybody in suspenders while they tried to work out how many points they were going to get as they sat around chatting and sipping their beers.  Allan was saying that things tend to happen in threes and after his last round when Thunderbird II broke down at the 18th, he drove out of the car park and got to the first round-about when the car temperature gauge went into the red and he found that he had blown a radiator making a third mishap in short order.  Not sure what the other one was.  Let’s hope that rounds scoring 42 points (or the equivalent) aren’t going to come in threes as well.  And that included a gash and a singleton as well, so, room for improvement.

Brendon was noticed wandering distractedly in the shrubbery to the right of the 13th tee.  If he was looking for his ball, he can’t have been too badly placed as he managed to par the hole.  Maybe he was just helping Noodles who was also in the area.  There were a couple of hiccups that limited the scoring to 37 points consisting of a 20 and a 17.  Ryan, who also tallied 37, did it the other way around with 17 and 20.  Perhaps Porks has managed to tweak his swing.

Gordon doesn’t seem to have been too badly affected by his recent eye problem at least as far as his golf goes.  He was able to manage to play to his handicap and finish with the neat 36 points for the day and third place on the podium.  Maybe it is close up vision that is affected because he turned up with a fairly significant stubble so maybe shaving is a problem.  Or, maybe, he just wants to make Lisa look younger.

Simon called in the coach during the week to give his carburetor a tickle as he reckoned he was running a bit rough after his stint bobbing about on the briny.  The rocking must have settled down a bit as he was able to make it to 35 points with a pretty evenly balanced round.  Si reckons he is going to teach Allan’s Gopher to swim after he heard the score that Allan produced today.  His partner in crime in fourth place was DennisW who started off a bit roughly but came home with a wet sail despite one hole going begging on the back nine.  Dennis still hasn’t washed his Club cap.

The last of the points today went to John who reportedly left a few out there but not on the 17th where he scored a four pointer for the birdie that he made.  That birdie was one of only eight for the Club which isn’t a really great total considering that there was some pretty good scoring turned in.  Maybe it was the long grass around the greens or maybe the greens weren’t as ‘nice’ as they looked.  Harry just missed a birdie on the 1st when his putt trickled a third of the way around the cup, balanced on the edge of the hole, without falling in.  Perhaps the rest of the round would have been even worse if it had fallen in.

There was confusion at the station for the word had got confused about which were the Mobile ProPin and the BallPin holes.  The situation was even more confused by the fact that one of our containers had been misplaced and a non-standard marker was out.  Anyway, the upshot was that the BallPin was on the 12th and it was fiercely contested because the container put out had the tape measure and it could have been mistaken for being a ProPin.  Mal put his close and wasn’t going to measure it because he reckoned it was outside the (ProPin) range.  At 3.83m, you would have to consider that it had a chance given the tight position of the pin on the left side of the green.  As it turned out, Brendon managed to get closer to add another ball to his growing collection.  The 15th, despite all the confusion, avoided being hit within range and so we have a Double Jackpot for next week.  Should be worth coming just for that.  The ProPin on the 18th was surprisingly well contested with three names on the slip and the closest of all was MattH with 3.35m.

Now Matt managed to put his drive on the 16th into the trees on the left and he opted to take his chances to thread the ball out and back into play.  The ball hit a tree pretty plumb in front and ricocheted back and went close to collecting him right between the eyes.  Always a risk with that sort of shot.  Some of Noodles coffin nails went missing and the shortage of a nicotine hit every hole had him on a knife edge when he got to the 18th.  Maybe he should have tried throwing a club to ease the tension.  But then he couldn’t do that to break his resolution so the tension was doubled.  No wonder he didn’t hang around.  He did go close to raiding the Eagles Nest though when he chipped out of the grass bunker by the 14th green and the ball ran across and past the hole.

The battery of SOS’s buggy died on about the second hole and he had to push it for the rest of the round.  He reckons he was pretty much had it by the end of the round which might help to explain the score as well.  There were no draughties today although Trev tried his hardest to talk himself into having one.  Dennis went close on the 18th when he only managed to pass the red markers by mere centimetres.  On the other hand, Stef really got one in the centre of the club on the 13th and the ball finished about 40m from the green, past the group in front.  It was not reported whether he called ‘fore’.

Michael managed a birdie on the 8th after executing shots that were described using words that cannot be repeated here.  Targe put his second on the 17th into the bushes by the path.  Targe couldn’t be seen even though the bushes were not that tall but he managed to explode the ball through the lot to put it within a metre of the hole.  Didn’t get the par though.  RodG decided to lash out and buy a new driver by having a professional fitting.  He took possession but was struggling a bit to adapt to the new equipment.  After about seven holes, he noticed that the fitted shaft was not the one specified and so after the 9th he returned it to the staff and played the rest of the round with an iron from the tee.  His game actually did improve.

Due to a small software glitch, the Eclectic Table is not correct and it will take a little while to fix up the problem.  I will know who hasn’t read this by the protesting emails that I receive in the meantime.

Results for Saturday, 13 January 2018
1st Allan Davies(42) 2nd Brendon Mitchell(37) 2nd Ryan Porker(37) 3rd Gordon Hill(36) 4th Simon Powell(35) 4th Dennis Ward(35) 5th John Quinlan(34)

Seniors Results: 1st Allan Davies (42) 2nd Gordon Hill (36) 3rd Dennis Ward (35) 3rd Simon Powell (35)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Jackpot ProPin No 2 18th Matt Hunt BallPin 12th Brendon Mitchell

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The golf was hot, both literally and figuratively.  The morning started out pleasantly enough with the mercury hovering at about the overnight minimum of 20C.  But, as the sun rose in the sky, the temperature began to climb and when the northerly started to kick along, the old thermometer started to work overtime.  By the time the round had finished, it was pushing up to 38C with every promise of reaching the predicted max of 42C.  And people were asking why we were teeing off so early.  Those were the usual batch of late-comers of course but they did make the numbers up to sixteen which probably wasn’t too bad, given the holiday season and the forecast which certainly kept a few away.

But the hot and, later, blustery conditions didn’t faze the cool customers who pretty much reveled in the conditions to come in with cards showing nett scores of 64.  And, who were the coolest of dudes in the club.  None other than Dale and Porks and so it came down to a count-back to determine just who would collect the first Monthly medal for the year.  Even that was a close run thing but it only required a consideration of the back nine holes which Dale won by half a stroke – 30.5 to Ryan’s 31.0.  Because of Dale’s win and consequent handicap adjustment, there was a certain amount of discussion about the setting of the handicaps for the Priems Family Challenge at Growling Frog next week.  It seems that there was some sort of agreement about handicaps when the challenge was issued that can’t be broken but altogether more energy was spent arguing about how many slabs and who bought and who waited on the winners.  Porks, on the other hand, was probably ruing the four putts that he took on the 12th after putting his drive onto the green.

At one stage MattN thought that he might have had a chance at snaring first place and he was pretty happy at the prospect of a one stroke change in his handicap by dint of playing exactly to his with a nett 68.  Apparently sixteen was his handicap before his break away from the game and he was happy to be able to say that he was back to his old form.  Maybe next week, Matt.  Matt did manage to score a birdie on the 17th and so he did contribute to the grand total of four that we managed to scrabble together.  A fairly paltry tally, really.  And while on the topic of the 17th, Brent plonked his drive onto the green with a good chance to take out the Eagles Nest with any sort of a putt.  Unfortunately (or fortunately for the Eagle) the putt did not drop.  But, then again, neither did the birdie putt and he had to settle for a simple par for the hole.  Simon sprayed his drive on the 17th a bit and it looked to be heading out onto the bike-path or even further when a friendly tree intervened and dropped the ball just back into play but with a back-swing severely limited by a low hanging branch.  Simon  plucked it out of there and put it onto the green and then just missed the birdie by the barest of margins.  Best almost OOB to almost birdie ever according to one observer.

Trevor and MattH held the Club-house lead for a while (they were in the first group) and if they had held on to it there would have had to have been a count-back which Trevor would have won comfortably.  So, who would have thought that Trev had managed not one, but two draughties during the round.  Plus he left quite a few putts hanging on the edge of the hole.  Sounds as if he could have won the event outright but for these few minor hiccups.  Matt played his third on the 9th to within ten centimetres of the hole and strode up purposefully to just ‘knock’ it in.  Wouldn’t you know it, he missed and a surefire par turned so easily into a bogie.

Michael expressed the view that he hadn’t held a club for something like eight weeks and anything was possible given that he was playing for pride alone.  So, he proceeds to keep whacking them straight down the centre of the fairway and finishes the front nine just one stroke over par and that included a double bogie.  Another couple of doubles on the back took the shine off a bit and he managed to gather 4th place with his nett 72.  Brent’s lapse in putting on the 17th brought him back to line up with Michael in the field.  And, last of all was Brendon, who declared himself more than happy to collect a single point for his 73 particularly with a triple on the 6th.

The BallPin today was on the 12th and MattH, in the first group, pretty much shut out everybody by putting it pretty close to an awkward pin position for the conditions at the time (the wind had sprung up by this).  The mobile ProPin was on the 15th and, whether it was the wind or whether everybody was flagging in the heat by then, nobody managed to put their ball within 5m so there will be a Jackpot to next week.  The permanent ProPin on the 18th was a different matter and Gordon went within the 5m at 4.42m which was just a bit too far to hope for a birdie.

Chrispy is still saying ‘Shank you very much for the rabbits’.  He is contemplating more (real) coaching and he might even join Harry for a practice session during the week though probably best to have the coaching session first.  Opinion was pretty much divided as to whether the greens were fast or slow.  Some complained of leaving them consistently short while some complained about leaving them too long.  Targe, on the other hand, couldn’t even get them from close up.

Simon is giving up the fags (about time!) and has one of those nicotine puffers to ease the pain.  Except that he reckons a lung infection prevents him from using it and he has to have a ciggy instead.  Go figure!  Noodles wasn’t too far out of the points today and he managed to stick to his new year resolution for one more round although there was a report that it was a close run thing at one stage.  Rather unusually, he was almost joined in the club abuse stakes by Pepsi who didn’t have one of his better days and he was noticed buying a round of drinks on account of a draughtie on the 3rd.  Noodles was desperately trying to work out if it was the earliest (on the course) for 2018.  He was certainly beaten on a time basis by Trev but there was some confusion about which occurred on the earliest hole on the course and it might very well have been a tie.

Gordon was back on deck after his little run in with a detached retina.  It seems that the welding job was successful though there are still a couple of minor issues that should settle down with time.

The Birthday Birdie has a small work load this week with wishes to send to DennisW who couldn’t join us today because of a family function.  perhaps it was an early birthday party.

The layout of the Championship report has been modified a little.  If you want to see your name and points in bold font you have to play in a competition.  Although it doesn’t actually exist at this stage,  Michael’s suggestion of a Vardon Trophy table has been added with players listed in order of  Strike Rate (points per competition game).  When a player ‘qualifies’ (suggested minimum 15 rounds) their name and stats will appear in bold font.  At this stage, for interest only, but, maybe, it will become a real event in future.  The Player Statistics page has been updated (usually done every MM) so have a look at how you have been going and have a look at your mates (assuming you have any) as well.

Results for Saturday, 06 January 2018
1st Ryan Porker(64) 1st Dale Webb(64) medal (c/b) 2nd Matt Nicholls(68) 3rd Matt Hunt(71) 3rd Trevor Jackson(71) 4th Michael Gourlay(72) 4th Brent Rowley(72) 5th Brendon Mitchell(73)

Seniors Results: 1st Trevor Jackson (71) 2nd Targe Mifsud (74) 3rd Gordon Hill (75) 3rd Harry Boughen (75) 3rd Simon Powell (75)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Jackpot ProPin No 2 18th Gordon Hill BallPin 12th Matt Hunt

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As the calendar year wound down to its inevitable end, the Poms looked like a chance to win a match, Noodles’ resolution looked like it got through another week and seven happy chappies took to the course to keep their hand in.  Or in some cases, to have a look at how far out it was.  Although the conditions couldn’t be construed as being much different from last week, the fairly spectacular scores of last week were noticeably absent.  Perhaps the Christmas turkey, ham and pudding were still weighing heavily on the contenders and interfered with the smoothness of the swing.

There was one person who didn’t weigh too heavily and that was Noodles who came in with the best score of +2 points.  He reckoned he could have had a +10 if he hadn’t had to play with Targe and Porks.  They were playing as a three and were being urged by the group of four to keep it moving.  In the spirit of doing so, Noodles chipped/pitched into the hole on the 7th from the middle of the 6th fairway for a birdie to add to an impressive list of plus scores (6) on the front nine.  The scoring wasn’t quite so prolific on the back and at one stage, reports suggest that he might have gone close to breaking his New Year Resolution.

DennisW had a +1 for the day and he obviously works very hard at his game as his golf cap is heavily stained with sweat and he assures that he did not wear it while he was in Swan Hill working on the harvest.  Porks was so keen to get to the game that he left his current squeeze at home in bed and hoped that she would remember to get out in time to go to function.  He over-played one shot on the 11th that finished well into the oval and that required some joggers to need to take evasive action to avoid copping one in the shins.  Despite that he managed to also get a +1.  He also took out the friendly ProPin (which had Jackpotted from last week) with a shot to just a touch under 2m.  Not a bad day’s work.

Targe was another who reckoned that he could have scored better than he did although the idea was scoffed at by his playing companions.   One shot from under a tree was interfered with by a low branch and Targe reckoned that he made a practice swing to gauge the effect.  Others reckon it was an air swing down to the fact that he made his second (successful) stroke without pausing after the first. He did manage a square card despite this little hiccup.

Keith was not able to repeat his form from last week and when asked how come he could score 42 points last week, he answered ‘Because we were playing Stableford’.  Boom, boom!  Chrispy is still suffering from the short shank and still seeks redemption.  Either he should listen to Noodles (not sure why) or he should get some more coaching and practice.  Otherwise, it might not go away and how bad would that be?

The serious business of playing for points and trophies gets under way again next week with the January Monthly Medal.  It could be a chance to get in early while some are still goofing off on holiday.

There is a Pro-Am Event to be held on King Island (Cape Wickham and Ocean Dunes)14-15 May next year and the Course management are looking for expressions of interest in taking part.  The cost is $1295 twin share (plus $100 single supplement but limited numbers) with a 10% deposit on acceptance and the balance 60 days before departure.  Drinks and, if required, motorised cart and club hire are not included.  If you are interested, in the first instance you should contact Sienna.  Places are limited and it is not clear how participants might be selected if there are surplus numbers.