Club News

It was a Chill wind on 13 July 2019

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What have I done to deserve this?

And it blew nobody good! But, thirteen foolhardy souls braved the significant chill factor and hit off into the gloom with a bit of a shower threatening to make the day even more miserable. Then the sun came out. Then it clouded over. Then the wind sprang up. Then it rained a bit. Then the sun came out. All in all, a fairly typical winter’s day in Melbourne. Mostly the field was pretty well rugged up for the conditions although there were a few of the usual suspects out there in their bare legs and trying to put a brave face on it. Simon had his wet weather gear on and had a bit of trouble with his pockets and things kept falling out of the leg of his trousers. And, no, it wasn’t balls (golf balls that is), it was the controller for his cart. Heading down the hill on the 17th, the controller hit the bitumen and spilled its proverbial guts. Meantime, the cart just kept on rolling as Si chased on after it, trying to get the batteries back in while trying to keep within range so that he could stop the thing from damaging somebody or itself, or throwing itself into the Yarra. Who said the robots were going to take over?

Gordon reckons he is still trapped in Gotham City and The Tjoker is wild as he failed to capitalise on a pretty speccy front nine of 21 points. The extra fourteen on the back was just enough to bring him in at 35 points for a share of first place. JQ turned in a remarkably similar card as far as totals went but he managed to get around without a miss on the card. He also landed three birdies on fresh holes for the Eclectic and scored a fair proportion of the eight that we managed for the day. His birdie on the 12th was the result of rattling in a 7m putt just moments after putting heaps on Dave who had rattled in a 9m putt for his birdie as well.

Once again the second place podium was pretty well crowded as Dave, Porks, SOS and Dennis jostled to get a toe-hold on the step. Ryan’s placing was thanks, in no little part, to the last three holes that were completed in just nine strokes for a tally of 10 points. His birdie on the 16th was thanks to a brilliant eight iron from amongst and over the trees to within millimetres of the pin. Dave might have played better except that he managed to lose his range-finder. Fortunately, SOS, honest cop that he is, found it and returned it safely to Dave’s hands, There was a rumour that Porks argued vigourously in favour of posting it on eBay. The handicapper was obviously too lenient on Dennis after his win last week.

On the other hand, Targe obviously hasn’t caught up with where he gets two strokes but, even so, he still came into third place. A couple of fat ladies did not help the cause on the scoring front. Harry struggled with the putting today and a number of triple headers caused more than a little heart-break. Even more heart-breaking was the result of the drive to the 15th green.

Why didn’t I play that shot when the hole was there?

That would have to be what you call a Claytons! Maybe next time.

The Beast must also be unused to his handicap as he neglected to recall that he had a stroke on the 18th and his marker was asleep as well. So, Bill was able to claim fifth spot by himself as the correction put him just in front of Simon. Sorry Si. But at least you got your birdie on the 7th with what you yourself described as a pair of brilliant golf shots.

There is almost enough room to publish the list of players who didn’t collect points but that would be a bit harsh. Chrispy is not sure whether he is happy with his new handicap as he thought it would allow him to be more competitive. It is suspected that he wasn’t being serious when he said he wanted to go back to his old handicap. Dale was seen buying a round of drinks and the immediate thought was that he had scored a draughtie. However, it seems that his misdemeanour was that he had taken a putt on the first and over-cooked it so much that the ball finished off the green. Bill did have a worried look on the second after he absolutely smashed the ball off the tee, high into the trees on the right from which it did its level best to get back to the red markers but didn’t quite make it. Peter was keen to get away after the game, just as soon as he had finished his sandwich – and helping the young lady wash down her buggy at the hose station.

Next week is the first round of the Fred Howe Winter event. Another two weeks of Stableford so you can’t blame the competition for not turning up. The tee marshalls are planning to do a random draw to fill the groups so they would like a nice early roll-up so that it can be done in good time for the first tee. The sun is starting to rise earlier and so should you.

Results for Saturday, 13 July 2019
1st Gordon Hill(35) 1st John Quinlan(35) 2nd David Mullenger(34) 2nd Ryan Porker(34) 2nd Stephen O’Sullivan(34) 2nd Dennis Ward(34) 3rd Targe Mifsud(33) 4th Harry Boughen(28) 5th Bill Eastoe(27)

Seniors Results: 1st Gordon Hill (35) 2nd Dennis Ward (34) 3rd Targe Mifsud (33)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin12th Jackpot BallPin No 1 4th John Quinlan BallPin No 2 18th David Mullenger

There were Medals and Matches on 06 July 2019

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I thought I had blown my chances on Thursday!

The days are getting longer but nobody seems to have told the sun about getting up any earlier. The game was about three or four holes before any rays started to make their presence felt around the course. It took even longer for the chill to come off the air but, by the thirteenth or fourteenth, it was getting downright tropical and some of the layers had to be stripped off. All in all, a beautiful day for golf and it was perhaps a little disappointing that only 18 and a half players turned out to contest for the July Monthly Medal. Why only eighteen and a half, you might ask. Well there were actually nineteen started but Trev had to depart after nine. The course looks quite green but, when you look around for your ‘place’ when taking preferred lie, it is sometimes a but hard to fins an actual grassy spot within range. The third green is still looking pretty average but the curators have relocated the temporary green a bit. Probably because the original position was taking too much wear and was thought to be unfair. There is a fair chance that the old green will not be back in service before spring, provided, of course, that the hoons stay away.

As Dennis finished his ‘practice’ round on Thursday he opined that he had probably blown his chances for the week-end by having had a good one. But, as always, the cream rises to the top of the milk jar and Dennis backed up again today to take out the medal that was on offer. He did say that he was a bit disappointed that he had taken one more stroke today than he did on Thursday. Regardless, an 85 off the beater for a nett 66 is pretty good in anybody’s terms and fitted in precisely with SOS’s prediction during the round that two under would win the day.

Peter was hanging around the 18th green watching the groups come in. It turns out there were a couple of reasons for this. First, he had his name on the marker for the BallPin and he was very keen to see if anyone could knock him off. Second, at that stage, he was the Club House Leader and he was anxiously sussing out scores to see whether he would get beaten. He was really ruing a couple of missed putts and, particularly, the ‘fat lady’ on the 14th. Still and all, his final tally of 67 was still pretty good.

It’s been a while since the Beast has graced us with his presence but he would not divulge whether he had been off to China or Mexico or where ever he goes to practice his golf. He certainly showed few signs that he had forgotten how to hit a golf ball and the power draw was in evidence on a number of occasions. Almost a mirror image of Chrispy’s power fade as the ball powered over trees (and fences) to turn back in and finish in the centre of the fairway. Bill was a bit concerned about ‘winning’ as his absences put him out of the running for the medal itself. Gordon, on the other hand, would have loved to have won and he started out in fine form and tallied 38 off the beater on the front. Then he ran into the lesser known Batman villain known as The Tjoker and could only play to his handicap overall and join Bill on the podium.

Then there was quite a gap to 4th place and a veritable herd of players came in with 73. These four Musketeers were Noodles, Targe, Rob and JQ. Noodles and JQ played off for third place in the Matchplay final and it was a pretty close run thing all day. John did garner a bit of an advantage mid round after sinking a 10m putt on the 11th and almost broke Stephen’s heart. Noodles had gotten his nose in front by the 17th and looked like hammering the last nail in the coffin by chipping close. Unfazed, JQ went not quite as close but both made the birdies to halve the hole and the match went dormie for the last. As an aside, those two birdies made up a fair proportion of the five that were carded for the day. A square on the last gave the match and third place to Noodles.

SOS and Chris teamed up on 74 to take out the final set of points for the day. SOS had, probably, one of the best results of the day on the third hole. His drive caught ‘the tree’ and finished in the penalty area with not much open space to deal with. The exit wasn’t great but in the right general direction. His chip never looked like missing except that it was going a ‘million miles an hour’ and, if it hadn’t hit the pin dead centre and dropped into the hole, it could easily have been out of bounds. That’s one way to get a par.

The big match of the day was between Dave and Porks. Now, Ryan made a bit of a mistake and had a big win a few weeks back which meant that he only got four strokes from Dave. And, unfortunately, Ryan was not able to reproduce that winning form today. Despite that he did manage to hold on reasonably well until after the turn when four losses in a row handed the match and the Matchplay Championship trophy to Dave, 5 and 4. Dave’s view was that it was a good match but pretty ordinary golf. And the points did no harm to his potential standing in the Vardon Trophy Table. Now he just has to turn up the requisite number of times.

The ProPin today was on the 12th and, with the pin placed to the right front, the lie of the land took its toll on quite a number of aspirants. For one aspirant, though, it was no problem and Rob was able to get his to 4.255m. The extra precision was obviously in case it was a close run thing. The second BallPin was on the 15th and Pepsi was the only one to get his name on the card if not the only one to get his ball on the green. And, as somebody, probably unkindly, put it, it was the only shot he made for the day.

There were rumours that Pepsi was playing with a Wilson ball but it is a fact that Harry found one on the third. It is also a fact that Dennis played his full round with one, and the same one at that, and he will have none of it that Wilson are not worth playing with or for. At the other end of the scale, Brendon reckons he was losing balls right, left and centre. Now the course is cut pretty short, so the centre thing is a bit hard to believe.

There were a few draughties today. Ken and Rob were overheard saying that theirs cancelled out after Rob didn’t make the reds on the 2nd and Ken missed out on the 15th. Dave had a bit of a shocker on the 3rd when his first went over the fence and out and then his replay did not make it to the reds although it did hit a tree and come back. And the group in front were concerned that he might drive the green! The Beast and Chris both had moments when drives caught trees dead centre and came dangerously close back to the reds. Ken, on the other hand, managed to get one shot to finish lodged up in a bush about a metre off the ground. A baseball bat might have been the appropriate club to use.

Results for Saturday, 06 July 2019
1st Dennis Ward(66) 2nd Peter Damou(67) 3rd Bill Eastoe(68) 3rd Gordon Hill(68) 4th Stephen Butterfield(73) 4th Targe Mifsud(73) 4th Robert Priems(73) 4th John Quinlan(73) 5th Stephen O’Sullivan(74) 5th Chris Vinecombe(74)

Seniors Results: 1st Dennis Ward (66) 2nd Bill Eastoe (68) 2nd Gordon Hill (68) 3rd Targe Mifsud (73)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin12th Robert Priems BallPin No 1 15th Andrew Petricola BallPin No 2 18th Peter Damou

Who said it was going to rain on 29 June 2019?

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I could actually have scored more!

The Bureau had predicted significant rain, and, as the sparrows started ruffling their feathers and doing the other thing that sparrows are supposed to do, it looked as if that prediction might be on the mark. But those that turned up were either confident that the Bureau was wrong or they were afraid to miss their chance at scoring some points. There were a couple of false starts. Dennis, the GOATee marshall turned up and did service and then scarpered off to his warm little hidey-hole. Bob arrived and just as suddenly disappeared with nary an explanation forthcoming. As a result we had a fairly meagre field of thirteen players to struggle with the added complication of scoring the Grandpar event of the day.

The umbrellas and the wet weather gear did make an appearance for the first few holes but the precipitation was pretty minimal and, eventually, the brollies were folded and the layers were stripped off as, in typical Melbourne style, the clouds broke and the sun shone through. Even if it was only for five minutes. The rest of the round was completed in good conditions and the last group finished just as the clouds started to look threatening again.

The vagaries of the weather had little effect on Noodles who went close to causing RSI in the handicappers index finger by scoring four on a total of 12 of the eighteen holes. This gave him a 74 off the stick and a points tally of +6. One of the highlights of the round was a chip-in on the 16th for a birdie and a two-plusser. That birdie was one of only five scored for the day. The ‘low’ lights were the bogies on the 12th and 17th that made the only minuses on the card. When asked what had turned his game around, the short answer was – sinking putts. Simple, isn’t it!

Another man with a birdie and a 2-plusser was JQ on the 13th. Not a bad feat in anybody’s book. John, on the other hand complained about not being able to sink putts so, what his score would have been above the +5 that he did get is anybody’s guess. Interestingly, he seemed rather pleased to be beaten by Noodles because of the lower handicap effect and he does have a Matchplay final coming up against, you guessed it, Noodles. Some in the group did report a burning smell around John but they were unable to determine whether it came from the clutch or the brakes.

Yet another two birdies and two two-plussers appeared on the next card submitted by that retired associate of the MFB, Gordon. One report did suggest that he was on fire today but a smattering of bogies and the associated minus score lines turned the blaze into a bit of a smoulder. His birdie on the 18th was a sight to behold as he rapped it in from off the edge of the green. This sort of suggests that his claim that the putts would not sink today might have been a bit of an exaggeration.

It almost seems that a requirement for getting a place today was to have a two-plusser on your card, and Peter was no exception with another one scored at the 13th but with a par this time and the added benefit of two strokes on the hole. And just to prove that this was not the case, Harry came home 5th without having bagged one, though he did go close on the 12th where his drive was good enough to bag the BallPin on that hole.

The second BallPin on the 18th was hardly a contest after Simon put his to 12.6 metres and the rest of the field was unable to come closer. There were hopes that the ProPin on the 15th would go begging so the the Jackpot would be more worthwhile next week. But, along came Porks in the last group and rained upon the parade by leaving his ball just 3.24m short of the hole and collected the pile of shrapnel on offer.

There were no draughties reported today although Blighty did suffer a nervous moment on the 17th when the drive did not quite go to plan. The rest of the hole must have been a bit of a blur for Andrew as he walked up to take his fourth shot on the hole and enquired plaintively, ‘Has anybody seen my ball?’ The response was, ‘Andrew, you’re just about standing on it!’

Just for information, there has been a ruling by the R&A that, if it is certain that your ball has entered a no-play zone (say garden beds behind 9th green) and cannot be found, you are entitled to free relief using the point where the ball entered the no-play zone as the reference point and you must have complete relief (stance, lie and swing) from the no-play zone under Rule 16.1b

Results for Saturday, 29 June 2019
1st Stephen Butterfield(+6) 2nd John Quinlan(+5) 3rd Gordon Hill(+3) 4th Peter Damou(+1) 5th Harry Boughen(□)

Seniors Results: 1st Gordon Hill (+3) 2nd Harry Boughen (□) 3rd Andrew Blight (-1)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin15th Ryan Porker BallPin No 1 12th Harry Boughen BallPin No 2 18th Simon Powell

Every twelve seconds counts on 22 June 2019.

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Some people will do anything…..

Admittedly it was the longest night of the year and there might have been some members wishing to take advantage of the extra time in the feathers with their current squeeze. However, there were twelve members who either don’t have a current squeeze or they have given up on squeezing and turned up at the course. The weather was cold but calm and the couple of little showers that made their way through were hardly enough to notice let alone reach for the umbrellas or the wet weather gear. The recent precipitation is beginning to have its effect on the course with some fairly squishy spots developing in places and a lofted ball is perfectly capable of burying itself.

Brendon’s main problem today was arguing with SOS as to who was most at fault for stuffing up the card marking. It seems that the problem started when SOS forgot to pick up score-cards when he registered and the situation just deteriorated from there. It is a bit unclear exactly how many sets of cards were required to sort it out in the end. But, in the end, the agreed score on Brendon’s card of 78 strokes for 36 points was enough to take the day and the first place points. This puts Brendon well ahead of the pack among those who have qualified for the Vardon Trophy so far this year.

There was a bit of friendly rivalry between Noodles and Porks after Porks decided that his driver could do with a little adjustment despite it having helped him to a PB round last week. The screwdriver was out and the weights were adjusted and everybody waited for the result. There’s an old saying – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. At the end of the day, Noodles came out best, both off the stick and points as he slotted into second place, just a point behind Brendon. And, he did leave a few out there.

Next, came Blighty who managed to come in third despite a bit of a horror front nine with a smattering of triples and quadruples marring what really should have been a good card. At one stage, he was faced with the prospect of playing a ball half way up a pine tree. In the interests of safety and the speed of the game, Blighty decided to give it a miss. Just a point behind Andrew was Harry who also took a few holes to get going and also gave himself a severe talking to for missing a putt from about 100mm on the 15th.

Trevor was pretty chuffed to have scored his first par for quite a while on the 15th and that helped him into fifth place with a card of 32 points. The round could have ended badly when he decided to try his hand a skiing on the slope at the back of the 17th tee. Fortunately, nothing was injured other than his dignity. A reminder to everybody that the steps up to the tee boxes are provided for a reason.

Our masochistic Tee Marshall (Grand Pooh Bah) decided that the first BallPin should be on the 7th and, once again, the ground staff saw fit to place the tees back about as far as they could go. That didn’t stop Porks from getting on only to be knocked off by Brendon in the next group. The ProPin was on the 15th, and Ryan’s ball carried well past the pin but spun back quite considerably to finish 3.75m from the hole. Brendon reckons his should have been closer but it also spun back to finish further away. Adam managed to sneak his onto the putting surface for the BallPin on the 18th but he was foiled in his attempt to win himself a ball by Ryan getting is just a little bit closer. It was probably too much to hope that Ryan would get the birdie as the whole group only managed four for the day.

There were no draughties that anybody owned up to although Targe did go close on the 15th where the red markers were only a couple of metres in front of the blues. All in all, it was not a good day at the office for the little fellah but he did come good at the death-knock and scored more points on the last three holes than he did on the previous ten. Chrispy took the bit between his teeth and walked the round today and did not seem to need any significant assistance as he walked up the 18th. He did reckon that his ankle broke again just as he executed an air shot on the 17th.

Results for Saturday, 22 June 2019
1st Brendon Mitchell(36) 2nd Stephen Butterfield(35) 3rd Andrew Blight(34) 4th Harry Boughen(33) 5th Trevor Jackson(32)

Seniors Results: 1st Andrew Blight (34) 2nd Harry Boughen (33) 3rd Trevor Jackson (32)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin15th Ryan Porker BallPin No 1 7th Brendon Mitchell BallPin No 2 18th Ryan Porker