There’s nothing like the prospect of winning a Medal to bring out the animal in a person.  And there were twenty-two animals competing for the August Medal today.  The rain in the previous day had only a minor effect on the course except for the 14th tee that was rather squishy underfoot and had one member muttering about ‘casual water’.  Maybe there was a particularly heavy shower went through that neck of the woods.  Our newest member Peter was inspired to bring his friend, Daniel O’Rourke, along today to introduce him to the joys of Ivanhoe and the good company that our little Club offers.  So, a big welcome to Daniel and we hope to see more of you in the near future.

Bill started off his round at a fairly leisurely pace and by the end of the first nine he had used up precisely half (or thereabouts) of his handicap strokes.  Not sure who issued the challenge but an impromptu ‘match’ was agreed with Porks for the back nine with a beer on the result.  The thought of a beer obviously inspired the Beast and he proceeded to demolish the back nine coming home one under par for the nine and busting his handicap by six with a nett score of 62.  When his tee shot from the 17th disappeared over the trees, Bill took the precaution of playing a provisional but, as it turned out, the ball was safely on the green and he two putted for the birdie.  On the 18th, his drive hit the pin and dropped to the green 1.21m from the hole for another easy birdie and a jackpot pool for the ProPin.  The two birdies were a significant contribution to the tally of seven for the day.

Joe also contributed to the tally of birdies today on the 11th hole.  Now, you might very well ask what is so special about that.  Well, as you know, Joe is capable of hitting a monster drive.  Which he did.  He then made a monster duff sending the ball not very far at all.  He then followed up with a chip into the hole for his birdie and helped himself along the way to a nett 66 which held the Clubhouse lead for some considerable time.

Gordon reckons he is ‘back’.  And just to prove it, today his card had only one blemish.  He had a three on the 15th.  Every other score was either a four or a five.  Jason was another who used up half his handicap on the front nine.  He didn’t quite emulate Bill on the back and he did get a bit cranky about some errant shots that cost dearly on the score-line.  But he did manage to come in just under his handicap to join Gordon on 67.

Noodles was a bit disappointed with his first four holes and his last four holes so he obviously played well on the other ten.  Simon can’t get over the fact that Noodles has never played the 14th from the 14th fairway (or not very often anyway).  Si also can’t get over the fact that Trev gets more than 20 more strokes that he does and beat him out of a point in the Seniors.  But, hey, that’s what handicaps are for.  Plus, you have to consider that Trev’s score included an airie on the tee at the 15th.  At least Trev won’t get any more handicap back, this week at least, with a square card of 68 nett.  Pepsi was obviously a little wrung out by his performance over the previous two weeks and could only manage a 75 off the stick for a balance of 71 for the last Championship point on offer.

The BallPin on the 12th created a bit of interest and a couple of people hurt when the green slope (and possibly the wind) helped to bring their ball almost back off the green.  In the end it was Chrispy who collected the pill which might very well have been the highlight of his day.  The ProPin on the 15th managed to avoid being challenged and so there will be a jackpot pool available for next week.

The Golf Gods were obviously having a ball on the second today with the tee back on the tank bank for the ‘black’ course.  In some ways, it might be a shorter list to name those that didn’t have one.  But, here goes.  In the front group, there were no less than three with RodG, Ben and Trev succeeding in not getting past the red markers.  Pepsi was the fourth member of the group and as he had to nick off early, the three miscreants declared all quits and no super funds were damaged as a result.  Chris is one who normally takes on the trees on the left with his ‘power fade’ and whether that brought him unstuck is a bit unclear but the scorecard told the tale and the ‘fat lady’ sang.  The words Brendon and draughtie are not often seen in close proximity but they were today, also on the second.

There was one other reported and that was down to Peter on the 12th.  And it raised a ‘technical’ question.  The first shot finished inside the hazard and was deemed to be ‘playable’  The second shot, didn’t quite come off and the ball popped out still short of the red markers.  The question was – does that count as a ‘double draughtie’.  Not something that is covered in the Rules of Golf, unfortunately, but perhaps a draughtie can only originate from a tee shot would be a reasonable interpretation.

Michael put himself among the trees on the left of the 10th and had a view of the green that afforded a glimpse of the flag and not much more.  He pulled out his trusty one iron (and everybody knows not even God, or is that Gord, can hit a one iron) and proceeded to thread it between the trees.  The gap was so narrow, he reckons the ball took bark off both trees on the way through.  And the ball finished on the green and not too far away from the pin. And, wouldn’t you know it, nobody in the group saw the shot.

Keith was back with us today after a bit of a break and he started early with the excuses claiming not to have swung a club for months.  He then proceeded to direct them long and straight down the middle (for the most part).

Simon has been carrying on all week about the new putter that he had ordered with the reactive face and the ‘special’ grip.  The new artillery arrived and he ‘blooded’ it today and was heard to say that – first five holes, one putt.  What he didn’t explain was that it was one putt per hole.  Which is still pretty impressive though he did miss out on getting any points in the Seniors.  Or has that already been said?

Targe seems to be getting along well on his road to recovery and he has been well pleased with the regular visits from Club members.  He will be going ‘home’ later in the week so if you want to catch up while he is still ‘captive’ the next few days will have to be it.  Also, give a thought to Allan, who suffered a bit of a mishap in a bunker during the week (pretty sure he wasn’t driving Thunderbird at the time) and has hurt his back and will be on crutches for a while and we won’t be seeing him and Thunderbird around the course for a little while.  And, while on the injury list, Mal had a mishap a little while back and suffered a severely lacerated hand requiring significant stitching as well as damage to his shoulder, ribs and leg.  So, a big get well and see you back soon to all on the injury list.

Oops, the Birthday Birdie almost forgot that Harry will get one step closer to playing his age this week though he is beginning to think that he will have to live a very long time to do so.

Results for Saturday, 04 August 2018
1st Bill Eastoe(62) 2nd Joe Wagenecht(66) 3rd Gordon Hill(67) 3rd Jason Hopkins(67) 4th Stephen Butterfield(68) 4th Trevor Jackson(68) 5th Andrew Petricola(71)

Seniors Results: 1st Bill Eastoe (62) 2nd Gordon Hill (67) 3rd Trevor Jackson (68)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Jackpot ProPin No 2 18th Bill Eastoe BallPin 12th Chris Priems

The eclipse of the moon didn’t keep too many people away and there were a few extras who turned up, probably attracted by the prospect of a bar-be-que lunch afterwards.  There were some who didn’t hang around for the delights of snags and burgers but those that did, hoed in with gusto and there weren’t a huge number going begging at the end of the day.  Even Brendon’s kids were persuaded to tuck in (sort of).  Twenty one players battled it out for the hope of varying degrees of glory and the weather was very kind with the temperature climbing to ‘strip off jumper’ levels by the end of the round.

The man who didn’t need a jumper at all he was running so hot was none other than Pepsi who carded another handicap breaking round of 38 points to hold off all comers and took out the Winter Cup with an unchanged margin of three strokes.  He only managed this by losing a ball on the 17th for one duck-egg which kept company with the one he scored on the 15th for unspecified reasons. Maybe he was just trying to protect his handicap.  Pepsi has certainly taken a big jump up the Championship Table and he is now jostling with Damo near the top of the Vardon ratings.

Gordon was also going pretty well today and by about half way through the back nine he was starting to form an opinion that he pretty much well had Pepsi’s measure.   Alas, it was not to be and Gordon could only equal Pepsi’s score on the day and so he had to settle for second place in the field.  Perhaps Gordon should have been smelling a rat when a somewhat errant drive on the 16th struck something on the ground and nicely diverted back onto the fairway.  On investigation, the object did indeed prove to be a very dead rat.  Lucky for some!

The other three musketeers from the leaders group all started out as if they meant business and put together scores of 20 or 21 points on the first nine and had matched Pepsi in the process.  But, like Pepsi, they all faded just a bit on the back and could only bring their scores up to 36 points for the round.  And thus it was that the final placings exactly matched the leaderboard placings for about the first time in living memory.  John, Rob and Brendon being the members in question.

However, the round of the day would have to be that put in by Ben.  As you know, Ben has just finished getting his handicap back after an extended lay-off.  There were gasps of horror at the first when it was made known what the new handicap was but Ben did not disappoint and proceeded to duff his tee shot.  The form slump did not last long and Ben was soon filling his card with three and four pointers.  Towards the end of the back nine, his conscience got to him and he offered up a couple of duck-eggs just the keep his card at a respectable 39 points.  Just think of it as an early Birthday present says the Birthday Birdie.

The BallPin was on the 12th and it was fiercely contested.  Damo had put his to four putter lengths of the hole.  Harry’s looked closer but a series of measurements by pacing and club measurements by different people were unable to come up with a clear answer.  In the end, SOS took pity and awarded two balls for the event.  The first ProPin was on the 15th and Dale blocked out (literally) all comers by leaving the ball 1055mm directly in front of the hole.  He easily made the birdie and so he helped to bring up the total to 19 for the day.  Damo claimed about five of those and helped his Eclectic total along a little in the process.  There is a bit of tightness at the head of the table but a few strategically placed birdies can make all the difference even if the leader does have two eagles on the card.  The second ProPin on the 18th went begging after Simon was not quite on the green and John forgot to measure and mark his (or so he says).

There were two draughties today and they both occurred on the 15th.  John and SOS were the perps on that particular hole and we really only have Porks word that his initial shank into the scrub on the same hole actually got past the red markers.  SOS had a lucky escape on the 9th where a near miss apparently went between his legs and hit a tree to bounce to a finish just millimetres in front of the reds.

Pepsi was putting for his par on the 12th and was just starting into his downswing when the timekeepers at the football next door blew the siren for half-time.  The startling was startling enough for the putt to miss and there were some dark looks directed across the fence.

Chrispy admitted to a little blasphemy today and said he was a bit embarrassed that he had done so in front of a couple of kids.  Some wondered whether he was referring to anybody in his playing group.  And while on the subject of kids, Sienna volunteered to take Brendon’s tribe down to take part in the children’s lesson that she was running.  It was volunteered that maybe SOS should tag along as well after a less than stellar performance today.  If you want to know, have a look at the leaderboard.

A group was teeing off on the 15th when a call of fore was made from the 14th.  A second urgent call elicited a comment from Porks, “Tell him he’s dreaming”  as Brendon’s ball whistled overhead and finished at the front edge of the tee box.  A bit lower and Porks might have been ‘dreaming’.

Even though Whitey did not play last week, he put himself forward with alacrity and did a great job of cooking the bar-be-que with nary a burnt snag or burger to be seen.  So wrapped up did he become that he forgot to put his card in until he went to his car and found it still in his bag.  There’s dedication for you!

Results for Saturday, 28 July 2018
1st Andrew Petricola(41, 38, 79) 2nd Gordon Hill(38, 38, 76) 3rd John Quinlan(37, 36, 73) 4th Robert Priems(36, 36, 72) 5th Brendon Mitchell(34, 36, 70)

Seniors Results: 1st Gordon Hill (38,38,76) 2nd Harry Boughen (33,30,63) 2nd Simon Powell (33,30,63) 3rd Dennis Ward (33,28,61)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Dale Webb ProPin No 2 18th Jackpot BallPin 12th Damien Lee

The weather was so nice today that a kangaroo (not a Shin-boner) came out to check out the delights of Old Ivanhoe.  He stopped in the middle of the 6th and coughed loudly and in the process put Chrispy off his shot.  I wonder if this will be an omen for the footy match that Chris and Brent, his North Melbourne supporting son-in-law, were rushing off to watch.  Other Collingwood supporters in the club were taking heart from the carolling that a group of magpies were making on another part of the course.  Could this be another omen.  Only one can be right.  Time will tell.  Regardless of the omens, there were 20 players out on the course with 18 competing for the Fred Howe and two guests competing for their handicaps.  Peter has put in his third card and now has his handicap, just a fraction too late to be eligible for this event.  Ken Watson, a good mate of Rob, came along and put his card in and Rob is quietly confident that he will see what a good bunch of blokes we are and that, in the fullness of time, he will complete the set and join us on some sort of regular basis.

Ten people started off their round with a par on the first.  One with a birdie.  But the bloke for whom the pars just kept coming and coming was Pepsi who made enough birdies to just about offset his bogies to bring in a card one over par for the round and a total of 41 points.  A very nice start to a major tournament although, when asked, Pepsi opined that it could have been better.  Some people are never satisfied.

Gordon wasn’t too happy with his practice round on Thursday after his short game appeared to have abandoned him.  So, he made a resolution that he was only going to use his wedge around the green today.  He largely kept to the resolve and the result showed on the scoreboard with a very commendable 38 points the result.  A little bit of work to do but he obviously doesn’t want to go head to head with Pepsi as there is some sort of excuse about needing to get away early and having to be in the first group.  But don’t the first group have to cook the barbie?

Next, we have the man who would have to be either the luckiest or the unluckiest man in the Club depending on your point of view.  His drive on the 17th carried straight and true across the trees and swamp, landed on the green and ran on up to the hole.  It crossed the boundary of the hole, contacted the pin and fell to the side only millimetres from the hole.  Very nearly the Club’s first Albatross but the easiest of tap-ins for the Eagle and a very fine dividend of 13 balls from the Nest.  SOS tried to suggest that, if it had gone in (and opinions suggest that, if the pin had not been there, it would have), he would not have been eligible to collect as it wasn’t, technically, an Eagle.  Anyway, that nice little score helped him to 37 points and a Leaderboard placing of 3rd.

The 17th certainly had its moments today.  Rob tried for the green (or did he?) and his ball disappeared into the trees and hit something.  Rob was mostly hoping to be allowed to assume that it was in the hazard when it was found on the fairway side of the trees with a narrow gap between the big tree and the pond  Rob opted for that path and skinnied the ball such that it could easily have ended in the rough beyond the green or even out on the path.  However, there was a duck strategically placed on the green and Rob’s ball went close to disappearing up the duck’s fundament and stopped dead on the green.  The 15m putt teetered on the edge of the hole and then rocked back and stayed out.  That could easily have been two holes and two birdies in two shots.  The real Birdie brought the total of that particular feathered variety to eleven.

Rounding out the five most likely was Brendon who had a really baaaaad back nine after almost taking the front nine apart.  Who said Kiwis didn’t like sheep!

The Nearest the Pin competitions today were all on the usual suspects.  The BallPin was on the 12th and Chrispy put in an early claim but he was outdone by Pepsi who collected the ball.  With his swing in fine fettle, Peps repeated the dose on the 15th take out the mobile ProPin with a shot to 3.23m.  The big money today was on the 18th and with the pin on the lower deck there was perhaps more chance for it to go off despite the pin being placed dangerously close to the front edge of the green.  In the end, Simon got closest with a shot to 3.61m.  He had to dash off and, despite the heart-felt assurances from his group-mates that he had agreed to share and they would take care of it, SOS has held over the dividend until next week.

There were quite a few draughties today and the 2nd was a particularly happy hunting ground.  Ken’s was a bit stiff as he got a gum tree dead centre and the ball bounced back into the danger zone.  Harry skulled his into the reeds and despite a detailed search he could only come up with five balls that weren’t his.  A bit tough trying to score a point hitting three still on the back tee-box.  But have pity of Porks, who had taken two shots and still had not reached the red markers.  The video will be published on the Facebook page in due course.  Not to be outdone, the 15th claimed a couple of victims as well.   Chrispy was one that had trouble getting from the high tee to the low tee.  Dennis went scrub bashing and also found about five balls, none of which was his and claimed some sort of a moral victory in that it could not be proven that he did not make it the the red markers.  Mr Trump would probably have great difficulty with that sentence!

Coming back to the 17th, it was almost a case of a double-eagle today.  Brent smashed his drive to about  a metre past the hole and was judged to be almost a sure thing from that distance.  Whether it was nerves or the fact that he would soon be off to watch the footy, he missed the hole by a margin and finished past almost as far as he started.  The birdie was achieved (thank goodness).

Allan was back with us today after an extended lay-off with illness (including pneumonia).  Welcome back Allan and glad that you are well again.  Allan was well rugged up and laid claim to wearing four layers but it seems that Gordon reckons that he had on five.  Except, of course, for his legs which were bare.  Brendon was noticed deep in conversation after the game, holding forth for several minutes and all the time stirring his coffee.  Must be about the best mixed cup of coffee ever!  Mehmet turned up at the end.  He did intend to play and even got up for a coffee and a fag but then decided that there was something much more attractive about (or was that in?) bed and so back into the feathers he went and we missed out on seeing his smiling (bearded) face out on the course.

Don’t forget, even if you didn’t play today you are welcome to come along next week and tuck into the fine fare of bar-be-que food that will be on offer.  You could also win a ball in the ball-run if you have a good round.  Just let us know (everybody) so that we can get the catering right.

Results for Saturday, 21 July 2018
Leaderboard Round 1 1st Andrew Petricola(41) 2nd Gordon Hill(38) 3rd John Quinlan(37) 4th Robert Priems(36) 5th Brendon Mitchell(34)

Seniors Leaderboard: 1st Gordon Hill (38) 2nd Harry Boughen (33) 3rd Bill Eastoe (31)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Andrew Petricola ProPin No 2 18th Simon Powell BallPin 12th Andrew Petricola

Eagle’s nest Results: Eagle 17th John Quinlan

Perhaps the ground staff had left the sprinklers on overnight was the thought on hearing reports of ‘puddles’ on the second green.  The sky was clear and the radar had been blotch free all night.  Clearing the ear-wax revealed that it was actually poodles (well only one actually) that had run onto the green sniffed at several balls and decided that it liked Simon’s the best (maybe it was the ‘busted custard’ from his puffer) and tried to run off with it.  Fortunately, this is classified as an external agency and so the ball can be replaced as near as possible to the spot where it lay and it can be played without penalty.  The other 13 players and two guests were unaffected by poodles or puddles although there may very well have been other influences on their game.

Now it is well known that Harry was barracking for the other seniors in the field today in the hope that Simon could be kept out of the Seniors points table.  Unfortunately, his ‘mulligrubs’ incantations seem to have worked on the rest of the field and Simon came home, guns blazing with two consecutive birdies on the back nine.  That brought the total of the little feathery blighters to nine for the day.  But, for about the nth week in a row, Simon didn’t cross check his card and his marker had missed a point on one hole and so, rather than tying with Gordo, Simon actually won the day outright with 37 points.  So, it is probably justice that he only got the one ball from the ball-run.

The one consolation for Gordon is that he didn’t suffer the winners penalty and he will get to play another two days on his existing handicap.  Gordon could be forgiven for wondering what might have been after having a majority of three pointers on the front nine only to fade a bit on the back.

Damo seemed to be keen to support the pink ribbon round by using a pink tee that he searched for diligently on the first tee.  Unfortunately for the pink tee, there will be no tomorrow after the top half was found and returned after nine holes.  At which stage Damo was rather disconsolate having three putted from half a metre on the 9th.  But, an even par score on the back probably compensated a little and propelled Damien into the placings.  Chrispy is back from casting goats into the volcanoes of Bali and the gods looked favourably on his sacrifice and awarded him a share of third place.  Noodles probably hasn’t cast any goats into volcanoes, or anywhere else for that matter, but the gods rewarded him equally.

Rob seems  to have taken a little while to warm to the task of playing golf today and a pretty reasonable back nine, including a birdie on the 13th, was enough to get him 4th place without having to jostle for position on the podium.  Whitey, the evenly balanced character that he is, spread his scoring equally between the nines to bring up his total of 32 points.

The BallPin was on the 12th but the volcano gods changed their mind part way through the round and gave the ball to Damo rather than to Chrispy.  The first ProPin was on the 15th and it was Simon who presented for the cash with a shot to 3.42 metres.  The second ProPin on the 18th saw the flag on the lower level and, wouldn’t you know it, a number of people finished with their ball on the upper level.  Chrispy putted from the back of the green and looked to have judged the weight perfectly as the ball reached the start of the slope with zero speed.  But, just a smidge too much of the zero speed and the ball stayed about a quarter of a turn from continuing its journey to the hole.  Long story short, the 18th ProPin went begging again and there will be a substantial slab of money up for grabs next week.

Porks could be forgiven for thinking he didn’t have a good day.  A bit of a duff off the first brought some chiacking from the groups behind.  His drive on the third was a corker but it finished in the green-keepers material for removal in the far corner so he could take a free drop as GUR.  Unfortunately his second disappeared and only a single point graced his card after three.  Then, it seemed that he had at least gained a Championship point at the end of the day, only to be relegated from that as well.

Trevor also didn’t start the day off too well having managed to leave his wallet and some other personal items back at home.  While reversing his cart along the path by the 6th tee he managed to run it up onto the tee box with a risk of capsizing the lot and almost cleaning up the ladies who were crossing on their way to the 3rd tee.  Needless to say, Trev wasn’t the happiest of campers by the end of the day.

Ben, now has his three cards in and has a nice new handicap to play with.  Fortunately, he won’t be with us for a couple of weeks and so the Fred Howe trophy, at least, is safe.  Peter has put in his second card and is looking forward to being able to play in the comp.  Rumour has it that he has taken some lessons and his card today had a scattering of pars on it so it might not be too long before we see his name up in lights.

Results for Saturday, 14 July 2018
1st Simon Powell(37) 2nd Gordon Hill(36) 3rd Stephen Butterfield(35) 3rd Damien Lee(35) 3rd Chris Priems(35) 4th Robert Priems(34) 5th Rodney White(32)

Seniors Results: 1st Simon Powell (37) 2nd Gordon Hill (36) 3rd Dennis Ward (26) 3rd Trevor Jackson (26)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Simon Powell ProPin No 2 18th Jackpot BallPin 12th Damien Lee